I Do & I Don't...

I smoked Mary Jane for a good 3 years with a few dry spells in between.

When I first started smoking regularly it was because I quit alcohol and used weed to replace it. I really enjoyed it then. I would smoke at college parties, instead of drinking. I lived at my parents then. I would come home from work, hide in my bedroom, smoke a joint, watch half a season of Roseanne, eat tuna and donuts. ****...I got reeeal fat, real quick. 

I really liked how it made me feel. Unlike my friends, I had never had a bad experience with weed. I received all the benefits from smoking like laughing, feeling relaxed, calm and happy and none of the down-sides. 

When Mum got cancer and I was her caretaker, I turned to weed most nights for escapism. I would come home from mum's, light up, get high, escape from reality, fall asleep, wake up and replay the cycle. 

When Mum died, I started smoking all day, every day. I still had a job. I was using a vape at the time so my head wasn't as cloudy. But I would wake and bake, go to work high, come home, get high, play video games, cry, get high, watch TV, laugh, get high, go to sleep. Do it again. 

I eventually quit work and quit the weed soon after. I quit the weed because I ran out and was going back to uni and I wanted to get in the right head space for going back to fulltime study. 

Quitting the weed was fine. I did it easily. I didn't really miss it. It was nice to feel sobriety for the first time in years. 

3 months later, I was cleaning up and found a nug. So I chopped her up, put her in the bong and I think I smoked that cone like I had been doing as a seasoned stoner. ******* hell. It hit me so hard and fast I almost fell to my feet. 

I had the WORST greening out experience of my life. Then, I had a massive pot-induced panic attack. I tried to make my partner take me to ER...I thought I was dying. He helped try to calm me down but even the next day I was struggling to breathe properly. 

That is probably the last time I will ever smoke again. The experience was so bad and so frightening that I don't ever wanna risk experiencing it again. 

I laugh about it in hindsight but it was horrible. I was throwing up, felt like I couldn't breathe, dizzy, couldn't think straight for hours. Don't ever wanna feel like that again. 

So goodbye Mary Jane, you were good to me for a while. You helped me go through a very painful time. You helped me laugh when I was so depressed and sad. You got me fat though, *****. It will take me years at the gym to get this weed fat off my body. I miss you because you were good to me when I needed you. But I don't need you anymore. 
BettyValentine BettyValentine
22-25, F
2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

I see that 77 people have read your account. Washington is going to go down the tube for their putting it on the ballot and voting it in. During the hippie movement, I had two bad experiences in one day. A glassy eyed guy knocked on my door and asked me to hide him because the people up the road were going to harm him. I told him to hide in the woods, but he stood there like a dummy and didn't respond for his own safety. He fell off my porch when they pulled in. Stoned is a good description.

The MJ you speak of was legalized in my State but it's still an illegal drug. I told my doctor that I was considering trying it. Then I came upon a young college-aged man and his heart was racing, and he was also having the worst anxiety attack of his life. He was telling this to an on-line physician. Boy, I knew right then and there, "Nope that is not something I would want to try" And thanks to your description, I think it's dangerous. You never know what kind you'll get.

And the things is, every individual seems to react differently to it. I had friends from highschool try it once, freak out and never want it again...And I couldn't understand because my own experiences were so good. And seriously, until I had my own panic attack...

The chances of having a really bad psychological reaction to weed are probably pretty slim, but after experiencing it...it's not a risk I'm willing to take. I'd rather relax with a warm bath and some jazz tunes or something instead of a cone, haha.