Bye Bye, Bud

I LOVED smoking pot, and some of my best teenage memories include the fun I had with my friends, laughing our ***** off, going to the movies or just hanging out and having "deep" conversations.  Getting the munchies and pigging out, getting the giggles and acting stupid.  I don't know, smoking pot just made everything seem magical and fun - the world looked cinematic, music sounded profoundly beautiful, everything was more interesting and meaningful ...  I even used to read books stoned, I loved discovering layers of meaning that I would never otherwise find.  (So far, I'm the only person I know who liked to read books stoned - maybe I should start an EP thread!)

When I went away to college (I always got good grades, even with a heavy pot habit), I met lots of other stoners.  Again, I would say that I have many fond memories about smoking with my friends.  We had our collection of pipes, bongs, hookahs, and we even grew our own pot one summer.  We made pot brownies, cookies, "bud butter"  -- you name it, it was great.   It was such and interesting (and rewarding) hobby, and added a lot of color to life.  I was sure that I'd be smoking pot for the rest of my life.  I didn't see any reason why I would want to stop.

As I got older and grew into my late-20's, I noticed something strange:  smoking pot stopped being so fun and interesting.  I wasn't laughing as much anymore.  I couldn't really focus on anything at all when I was high - being stoned started to feel like being stuck in a gray fog.  I couldn't really talk to anyone, and I had no desire to be out in public or to even have other people in the same room with me.  I no longer had the attention to read books or listen to music.  Basically, I would smoke pot and just sit and feel confused until I fell asleep.  It made me feel like a zombie.

One day, I got high and walked to my local supermarket to buy some groceries.  I was feeling a little uneasy, but figured it was no big deal.  As I walked down the aisles of the store, I started feeling overwhelmed by something.  Was it the environment?  The bright humming lights, the music and noises, the huge variety of products, the people milling around?  I started feeling very strange and uncomfortable, and my chest started feeling very tight.

I left the supermarket and stepped outside for some fresh air, but the feeling stayed with me.  Outside the store, I was sensitive to light and noise - there was the wind, the cars driving around, the trash blowing by my feet - it was all just too much for me to take in, and I started panicking.  I found a bench to sit down on and I closed my eyes, lowered my head between my knees and started breathing slowly and deeply to calm myself down.  When I looked up, some people were staring at me.   I got up, held my **** together, and walked home as fast as I could.

When I got home I became upset and started crying because I was really worried about myself.  I held my phone in my hand, but knew I couldn't talk to anyone or explain what was happening. Was I turning into a nut-cake?  I really did feel like I was going crazy.  I managed to calm myself down after a while.  I took a shot of Nyquil and fell into a deep sleep that lasted all day until the next morning.  When I woke up I felt much better, and much clearer.  I decided I needed a long break from marijuana.

I told a couple of friends what happened to me, and they tried to get me to smoke different varieties of pot.  (By this time, medical marijuana was legal in California, and growers were producing special breeds  that were supposedly paranoia-free.)   But after that "episode," it was never the same.  Every once in a while,  I'd try to take a hit from someone's joint, but I'd just start to feel that same creeping  sensation.  I finally just stopped smoking pot altogether.    

It's been 15 years since I've smoked pot, and I'm happy without it.  I do miss the fun I used to have getting stoned as a teen, before things got weird.  It's almost like Mother Nature would only let me to have so much marijuana, and once I hit my limit, that was it.   When people ask me why I don't get stoned anymore, I just say I outgrew it.  But the truth is really a little more complicated than that. 





bingobastard bingobastard
7 Responses Feb 21, 2010

I have the same experience and it all happened around the same time. I have read some comments of similar experiences happening around the same time too. 1990s. this was a time when hydroponic weed spread into the market. the classic outdoor weed which had zero narcotic feelings, but a natural sensation of laughter and pure fun is gone. today the weed makes you feel unnaturally medicated and zone out like how you would describe heroin or morphine or something type A. I guess hydro has a lot of chemical, mold, and the THC itself seems different. all this will cause some to have an allergic reaction which is terrifying when you are on a narcotic like high. especially when you had no intention of being high on a class A level. nothing wrong with you. just indoor scientifically grown weed is not for you. travel to Jamaica get the real stuff. this new hydroponic terminator cyborg weed is strong as hell but a shity high to those that experienced real naturally grown weed. also, many growers cure their buds. what this does is introduces bacteria to grow which enhances flavor and high. so I am not sure if the high is from the bacteria or THC these days. it could be that we are just asphyxiating by bacteria inhalation. which could explain the various panic attacks which was unheard of in the past.

Weed has always been a part of my life. Started smoking at 13 years of age. Never did I have a bad experience. I joined the military. I did 25 years of active duty. Never smoked one day of those 25 years. I did miss it though. I always told myself I would go back to smoking once I retired. It took me a whole year after I retired to smoke again. This was my introduction to hydro. It was awesome. I started weekly. Then it became an every day thing. Like my friends would say, "time to medicate". My tolerance was increasing. I knew this would happen. It was not a high anymore. It was a "zone". I realized it was consuming me. What happened to me is hard to re-tell. I went too far thinking I could handle it. I was not hurt nor did anyone around me get hurt or suffer. No one knew what was going on in my head but me. I quit cold turkey and it was hard. Slowly I came back to where I could feel it was me again. I say this...I miss the enjoyable states of mind and the things I could do on weed. But I know in my heart I can't go back. I peaked and will never be able to enjoy myself like I used to. I really miss it though. Life goes on. Life goes on better if I'm in it. Not locked in my brain. I will never demonize weed. It was an important part of who I am today. Life is good.

This happened to me, you may be experiencing the beginnings of Bipolar 1 or another psychotic disorder. The problem with marijuana is that it is a hallucinogen. As a hallucinogen, it screws with your perception of the world.

When that happens, the world can get really weird feeling really fast. I ended up wasting vaguely 4 years of my life to marijuana whilst dealing with the mental damage it was causing me.

Ignore idiots that say it's harmless, trust yourself.

I'm in my mid-twenties, and I think I'm just getting to the point where I'm naturally outgrowing getting stoned. I also have tons of memories of getting high with my friends and having the time of my life.
Now that I'm done school, live with my partner who doesn't smoke at all, and have no stoner friends near by, I've just been getting stoned by myself.
I used to enjoy getting high by myself, it was so relaxing and rewarding, but now it's just boring. I would LOVE to be 18 again, living with stoner roomates, and enjoying life without responsibilities, but adulthood has creeped around the corner, and that type of lifestyle will never come back.
I miss it, but it makes no sense to not try to accomplish a great career and family life to get high with friends everyday.
Sometimes I think about moving out and breaking up with my partner and falling in love with another stoner and just taking life for what it is. But it's just not the same anymore.
I think you just get to a point where your responsibilities overide your ability to enjoy your high anymore. It makes me sad.
I used to be able to do anything while I was high. Now I feel I need to hide it, which just makes me paranoid and withdraw from society.
Maybe one day, when my career is established and I'm financially secure, I will meet some grown up friends (mid 30s) who enjoy smoking weed and we will hang out on weekends and smoke and chill.

I miss weed, I have been smoking it for 6 years and now I can't anymore because of my job.. I was becoming very isolated but still, I enjoyed it, everynight I looked forward to my joint, I use to feel sad for other people that didin't have it and wondering what would they do that night, just sitting in front of the tv being normal? It was the perfect end to a good dinner, a good lunch, the perfect thing to do when watching a movie or playing PS3, it just made things a little more beautiful, a little more fun. I am 24 now and I always wondered when my natural time for stopping would come, maybe having to stop it because of an external factor has made it a little harder. I sometimes dream of still being on my sofa spitting out the smoke in an extremely calm afternoon.. Of course I idealize it now, when I did it constantly it was just routine, not a big deal.. I can't understand why I can drink 8 hours before going to my job but I can't smoke.. never!! Hopefully my life will be better now but I will always miss those calm and quite days..

Yeah man. I can't smoke weed because I'm on probation, and I know the moment it ends I'm going to start again, although probably not as much. I used to smoke every day for almost four years. Towards the end before my conviction it started getting mundane. I started to "wig out" like it seems you did. I think you're right though. It's just a maturity process man. <br />
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Eventually you start searching for something new. That new feeling that used to be given to you by weed, but now all you notice are the apparent symptoms of weed. You're confused, high all the time, and can't focus. It's because you've grown dependent on weed for personal growth, but eventually the time comes when all things must pass. <br />
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Granted, you may never smoke weed again. I know I will. I enjoyed it a lot. Having learned what I've learned though, I won't use it as frequent.