Cut Off To Save Myself

I have a girlfriend, i have a girl who was my friend. To make things less confusing lets use initials. Girlfriend hk friend who is a girl rh. So yeah me and rh have been friends before i even met hk. Weve been friends for roughly 2 years? But ive only been with hk for 10 months. And i used to be like rh before i even met hk and shes never let this go. So recently we were at a party, and my girlfriend was kinda drunk, but rh wasnt. My girlfriend was staying over at the hosts house because she wanted to help look after herdrunk friends. But rh didnt want to stay so shecame home with me and my friend and his girlfriend to stay over. It was fine, everyone just slept then in the morning she went home, there was no intimacy , just me trying to make my friend feel better cause she wasnt comfortable with staying over with drunk people. Hk was fine with this at the time , then i went to her house two days later to see her and she was so angry, she was telling me that if i was gonna leave her for rh then i should just do it because i apparently will never stop liking her more than friends, which i dont. And how she has been keeping this all inside for 10 months, how all herfriends could see it. By now we are both crying, and im trying to convince her to trust me and make it up to her. So in the end i finally had to get her to give a second chance. Ive cut rh out of my life completely, and my only friend is now my girlfriend. I had to do it for my girlfriend, and i would do anything for her. But i miss rh. She was a good friend, she was always there for me and we always had a laugh. But i dont speak to her anymore. Last night at another party, i spoke to her for the first time in a month. We only spoke out the back of the house for a few minutes about something that both annoyed us at the party. But that was it. I apologized for not talking to her but i could tell she was angry. I havent spoke to her since. Or my girfriend really. As much as i love my girlfriend, ive lost a good friend, and it hurts. Scrolling through the photos on my phone and i see the pictures of us just being stupid and making stupid faces together, and knowing that it will never be the same again. It hurts, and i miss her, but if i show any sign of emotion to her then m girlfriend will hate me. Im completely lost, but theres not much i can do about it. Such a fragile little life i live.
Sexydeath Sexydeath
18-21, M
Sep 16, 2012