I'm happy there's a group for this. I doubt there's any way to make sense of the various feelings I have so hey, let's do bullet points.
• I want to reach out to him again.
• I want him to trust me again.
• I hate him for what he did to others, people I don't know and will never know.
• ...and I feel bad for breaking his trust with that hate.
• I feel we had a special connection
• I felt like I could never trust him
• ...except when he was confiding in me
• ...and then I didn't feel connected to him, I just felt powerful, because he didn't confide in others (apparently)
• If I saw him in the game we used to play together, I would want to defeat him and drive him back out, wouldn't I?
• But I'm sure he already "knows" I'm better and won't come back.
• To be honest I think he doesn't care and has already moved on, 'cause he's not clinging to the past
• And I could never maintain a friendship with him anyway because I get tired of him so easily
• I get tired of how demanding and controlling he is (for a friend anyway) and the feeling that I have to measure up to keep him from leaving
• The only way that could feel good was when I was measuring up particularly well and felt that I had the upper hand somehow
• ...but how long would that last, anyway.
• Did he trust me?
• Did he miss me?
• Do I care about him?
• Or do I just miss having something exciting going on?
• Do I just miss feeling important and necessary to someone?
• Do I miss having a relationship where it's really obvious whether I matter or not?
• Do I miss the games we used to play...
consistentshift consistentshift
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 20, 2014

U miss him and evry thing about him ...