I Have No Idea!
i started using heroin about 3 years ago when i experimented with valium, and the environment i was in there was heroin there aswell so i thought whats the harm. i know that it was entirely my fault for trying it nobody made me do it. So anyway a month later i started going out with a guy who was 16 years older than me and he was a drug dealer so it was so easy to get. i loved everything about it, the person i thought i was, the way it made me feel and i didn't have a care in the world. i went out to work(in an office) and then gave most of my cash to my boyfriend. at the time it seemed like such a perfect life but then when we didnt have it i realised it wasnt worth it. plus i OD'd and that wasnt enough to make me stop and then i OD'd again and that still wasn't enough to make me stop. it got to the stage i was going round to my boyfriends friends house to score to lie to him cause i didn't have enough cash for the both of us. and as u know heroin makes u a selfish person.
my mum eventually chucked me out and then i went to stay with my friend in a different town. i got clean. surprisingly i wasnt addicted so i didnt need help coming off. i was allowed to move back into my mums after 3 months. made the stupid mistake of using again a couple of times and then realised that that was definitely not the life for me so stopped seeing my boyfriend and got on with my life. my ex died in october last year. i couldt believe how much it hurt, no matter what he was like to me we were still close at one point.
so about a week ago one of my friends offered me some valium and i accepted. once i took them that was it i wanted heroin. so since then i've scored 3 times and i find myself fantazing about it. i know i dint need it but id forgotten what it was like. plus taken the valium has turned me into an emotional wreck, just can't stop crying. probably because i've realsed that i hadn't taken heroin for so long and then to do it again is just so so stupid!!! going on holiday tomorrow but im not excited because i just feel so low and miserable. i feel like i just want to smoke as much heroin as possible and pass out - how sad is that? i cant help it though. i'm going out with a great guy but heroin has a hold over you, i dont care how many times you do it...it always has you wanting more. i know it's the devils drug, but i just want to have some right now. it's wrong and i feel so guilty i thought i was over this. i just cant handle my emotions - i dont know what to do.x