Someone, in fact a few people, told me, that if I named my baby it would help get some kind of closure behind the whole thing. It made it worse. It gave them a life, made them a person. And each time I think about it/her (somehow I always thought it would be a girl), it's like I've missed out on this little person's life, which I have, but it never really existed until I named her.

I named her Lilly. I didn't share it with anyone, I talked to Leo about it briefly but he's been able to move on and wasn't that into the whole thing. She'd be four next month, if I had gone through the whole pregnancy thing. In September she'd be starting school. I've missed out a whole life with someone I never got to meet and by making her into a person, by naming her.... I wish I never had.

MrsLalaninjacakes MrsLalaninjacakes
26-30, F
5 Responses Feb 15, 2010

Thank you

Thank you x

You must learn to forgive yourself. It was painful, and will always be a part of your life, and it is not to be denied, but learn to forgive yourself. God did loooong ago.

It's only the last two years I've been able to accept what happened. Before then I was just drunk, that was how I dealt with it. I know it'll get easier to deal with, or I'll learn to cope more. But somedays it's bad.<br />
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Thank you x

I'm sorry Lay....very sorry. I hope you have come to some understanding about it all; some semblance of normality...hard to do, I know, but....anything I say will seem trite, so I offer up a huge warm lingering hug baby girl.