I Really Do Miss Him...

Six months ago, I met someone else.

I wasn't interested in any kind of relationship.

He was not going to be my "rebound" replacement guy.

I only wanted someone to spend time with.

I was just so lonely and missed my husband so much.

I never expected to have any real feelings.

Despite my best efforts, I have come to care very deeply about this guy. In fact, I'm pretty sure I love him.

Tonight, I feel so guilty.

He has been so understanding of my feelings for my late husband. He is so kind and caring and loving.

The problem is that tomorrow would be my late husband's birthday. It has been a difficult day for me right from the start, but I honestly thought, now that I have this really great guy, it would be easier this year.

It isn't.

I have spent my whole day just this close to tears, and, in fact, tonight, I visited the tribute page I made for him and listened to all the songs there until the tears started flowing.

Now I still feel just as sad, but I also feel guilty because this very sweet man loves me so much, and I am sitting here grieving for the man I loved so much for so many years.

He thinks it's all due to other events and stresses from the day that I have been so moody and down, and he feels bad that he can't make things better for me, and I think he also feels a bit guilty that he may have done something to make me feel this way.

My husband is gone. I need to move on. I have another special man in my life, and I never thought I would have that.

I should be happy.

Why am I missing him so very much tonight?
teagranny teagranny
56-60, F
Feb 18, 2011