It Doesn't Get Easier.

Everyone told me that saying goodbye to my son would get easier as the months pass. Every week I take him back to his mothers and every week it hurts more. Having his company is everything, it takes away the pain of what has happened, only to have it come back and hit me in the face when I say goodbye. Its like losing him over and over again. My father has a friend who told me he saw his son for 3 months after his marriage broke down, but the pain of saying goodbye was to hard for him and his son, therefor he didn't see him again untill he grew up.

I can understand what he means, but what's the point continuing on with life when without them. This is not an option, and I will continue to see my boy. Just try and stop me. But my god " It Hurts".

Franksnightmare Franksnightmare
31-35, M
3 Responses Feb 21, 2010

You sound like a wonderful father. Just hang in there and keep believing in yourself. Time will change things just keep doing the best you can noone can ask for more and be patient. I am so sorry for your pain, but you are a good father and and good human being don't lose sight of this.

Thankyou suzie2010 for your responce. I have endevoured to be the father that he needs. He's to important to let any circumstance break that. I do, do all the things that is required of a father, and I enjoy doing it very much, to which only makes our bond even stronger, therefor makes it so hard for him and I to say goodbye. He's only 2 nearly 3 and gets so upset when I have to take him back. That is getting worse as time goes on. He has a life with me, not so with his mother, as getting out of bed is like just so painfull if you get what I mean. That is what broke us up, I couldnt stand seeing her not looking after the kids, house or anything. She chose to run in the middle of the night whilst I was at work, than become what she agreed to do. That to me was not trying to change someone, it was suppose to be assuming some responcibility. Now its the kids that pay the price.

Please - continue to be strong and do the right thing for your son, regardless of your pain. I can't imagine why anyone would say it gets easier to leave your son when your visit is over, perhaps they meant you will simply become accustomed to the routine. I'm a single mom. My Ex is not the type of father i wish for my son, and i run damage control after every visit and most phone calls. I've taught my son that even though his dad doesn't do things the way we do, his dad loves him. It has been an experience in learning tolerance, that even though someone doesn't love us the way we want them to doesn't mean they don't love us the best way they can, that everyone is different, that you can't choose your family, that sometimes people let you down, hurt your feelings and break promises. My son -who is 10 years old - has also learned who is there for him when plans fall apart, when promises are broken, when his feelings are hurt, when he is held to unrealistic expectations. He knows who understands his sense of humor, who encourages him to be his best, who sets goals with him, who lets him vent, who cooks instead of getting takeout, who makes him do the right thing even when it's the hard thing, who is there when the chips fall but helps pick up the pieces afterwards. And after all of this, i still would rather my son know a father who teaches these things, many of these lessons he learned far too young (we left when he was 3 years old) than to think his father didn't care enough to call, to visit, to spend time with him. It breaks my heart whne i think of a family i know whose father found it too painful to see them and leave them - so he bailed on them completely. They wait, they hope, they call, and they never hear from him. Still, they just want their Daddy to show them love. It isn't your son's fault you and his Mom can't stay together, please don't make him pay a price for that. He is and always will be your son - as his father it is your responsibility to remain in his life. Be honest with him about your feelings, tell him you miss him when he's gone, but that you so look forward to seeing him. Call him, ask him about his day, his dog, his friends. Go to his school events, email his teacher, coach his baseball team. Take him to the beach, watch his tv shows with him even when you've seen the same episode a thousand times, take him to the library or Borders. Do all you can to be a part of his life. Believe me, he will figure everything out on his own, no matter what people may tell him, your actions speak volumes. Do your best by him always. Remember he needs a father not another friend. Be the kind of man you want him to be and let him see you be that man. <br />
I hope i've inspired you a little - keep your chin up ...i wish you the best