Cameo Love

I miss you..

How are you?
How have you been?
Are things better?
What's new?

I've been okay, I guess. Always "I guess." Better than I have been at least. But that's only sorta. Present life is looking up, but plans for the future are still in hiatus. I still don't know what I want, what I want to do, anything like that. Life in general is still boring.
I have a job. I don't know how it'll work out, but I guess I'll make it work, it needs to. Down to my last 20-40 dollars. Money..
I'm not so lonely as I was. Well, maybe I'm more lonely than before.. How long will it stay this way? I can see the possibilities, but I don't know which I want. Choosing to be with her would be logical in many ways, but would it end like it did before? I don't feel like I could ever be a good boyfriend anyway. Well,, not a true one.. I could be it and do a great job, but it'd just feel like acting. Pretending.
I miss you. I could die satisfied if I could just have you in front of me, to hold your face.. to physically realize that you are you, having never touched you since we met so long ago. But I think you're figuring out how much better you are without me. I don't know what the future holds or if I'll even be in it, but I greatly doubt we'll ever meet. You'll meet someone who interests you, someone There, who can see you anytime you desire, who will hold you just because he can. I'm doubtful, but if there's ever a time we come to meet, you can be sure I would not let you go for a moment, for fear you would disappear and be just words on a screen again, forever more..
Speaking of touch, you are the only one I would have made love to. I simply cannot imagine myself with anyone else, it just doesn't happen. I don't really expect myself to ever be in that situation, but if it happens it will not have any desire to happen on my part. I'll just be going with the flow of things.

I want you, only you, always you. It's illogical to want someone, something, this much. I feel crazy to want you this much without having ever even seen you in person. Maybe I'm obsessed. But I've felt this way since we met, a strange feeling that I need you in my life, that I haven't felt with anyone else. You've had me feel so many strange things that no one else has, and probably ever will.
I am lonely without you. But I have no desire to find someone else, strange though I've lost that desire since that day I lost you. Although I didn't lose you, you're still there, just without attachment..
I suppose I was just trying to find someone tangible that I could possibly feel with something similar as I do, or did, with you. But now I wouldn't call it replacing you, settling for someone else, or whatever like that, it just wouldn't feel like it should.

Life is fine(I guess), but I miss you..
Turbulence Turbulence
18-21, M
May 10, 2012