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I Want You Back, But I Can't Have You Back

I can't get over my ex of two years. We were together, on and off, for more than a year. We were never really a steady couple for long, but we always found each other again. Until I finally ended things, thinking it was for the best. The whole year after we broke up, I was fine, but the past year, I haven't been able to stop moping over him, what we could have been. There’s still this emptiness in my chest every time I remember him. There’s this pain, this ache that I can’t stand. I wish the world was easy and we could just be together. I wish I could have you back. It would be easier if he was a complete jerk, an *******, but I know he's not. I know how much he can care. I know the goodness in him. I know him. And remembering him just cuts me so deeply. The impossibility of us just drives me crazy. He's tried to get back together with me, but it's never been an option for me. Too much has happened. My family and friends would disapprove. I just don't see it happening, I don't see how it could work out. But I want it to. I just wish someone could completely understand how I feel, tell me what to do, because I don’t know what to do. I wonder if things would be different if someone actually understood. If someone knew of the tears I’ve been shedding and the tightness in my chest, how this all just makes me want to explode, would my family and friends ever be able to understand how much I want to get back together with him? I know that I’m young and stupid, I know I’ll meet other people, maybe one day I’ll find someone else and get over him, but right now, it doesn’t feel that way, it it’s been like this for too long. I’ve tried so hard to get over him. For quite a while, I really thought I was. But here I am again. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless. I wish it was easy. Shouldn’t it be? If you love someone and they love you back, shouldn’t you two be together? It would be easy it would be to close the distance between us. Not really how easy, but how possible. Nothing is really stopping me. But then that’s not really right. It also reminds me of how much I do want to reach out, how tempting the closeness is. But it’s not that easy. It’s hard and complicated and things just can’t seem to be right.
exlover27 exlover27 18-21 May 23, 2012

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