I Shouldn't Miss You... But I Do & I Hate It.

I'll never forget the day i first saw you. I said out loud accidentally "whoa, he's hot." and my friends just shook their heads at me and laughed at me. I flushed bright red because they heard me. The next time i saw you i was walking out to lunch and you walked past me. I watched you walk down the corridor like the creep i am and my friends once again laughed at me. I soon forgot about it as school holidays came up but as soon a i knew it, we were back at school. Our old science teacher fell sick so we were all excited to meet our new teacher and to my biggest surprise; it was you. All my friends smiled at me and i gave them a stern look and told them not try anything. It was all going well until one of my friends thought it'd be super hilarious to tell the whole class i thought the new science teacher was hot. The boys, being boys, told him the next science class. I was so embarrassed but i could see his cheeks turn red. I giggled a little in my head but then i sat quietly for the rest of the class. The girl sitting in front of me was sticking up for me most of the class. We became best friends. (Unfortunately due to some complications; we are no longer friends anymore. We broke off our friendship 2 nights ago. We were friends for nearly 3 years with no complications until the very end but i guess some things aren't meant to be.) From then on i knew class was never going to be the same and i honestly thought it'd be even worse but i was wrong. I became teachers pet. While everyone had sitting plans, i didn't. I got to sit up the back of the class and i got to take all my friends with me. He used to write so much stuff on the board and i would just sit there yapping away until he would yell at me to do my work but it soon turned into a conversation with him. I would always go into class with a big smile on my face when i got to see him and he would have the same smile. We'd always talk to each other. In and out of class. I could be doing something totally wrong and i wouldn't get yelled out but if another person would do something wrong they'd get kicked out. Then i found out he was leaving. It had only been 3 months since he arrived and i was saddened when he told me he was leaving. Last say of class i made a card for him. Telling him he was the best teacher ever and i'm going to miss him so much. I wrote all over the whiteboard with everyone else but he wiped it off and i got upset and called him a bully and walked away from the classroom. It was the last thing i ever said to him. I thought my life would just go on normally but by the time school holidays was over, i found myself missing him. A lot. I was no longer able to get away with everything and i no longer i had a teacher to talk to. My new science teacher hated me and i don't know why. I'm surprised i didn't fail science that semester. One day when i was back to my locker, i seen him again. I couldn't believe my eyes and i just stared. He smiled at me as he walked past me and i didn't look back. My friends went crazy when they seen him smile at me and i was excited to see him. I thought he was coming back and i could not contain my excitement. Again, it was school holidays and i was still so excited after seeing him. I literally wanted to go back to school and hug him and i had missed him that much but much to my disappointment i was wrong. He wasn't coming back. Nearly everyday for 2 months, i would sit in front of the office waiting to see him. I'd get excited if i seen someone tall but then my smile would fade when it wasn't him. I missed him so much and it broke my heart. Summer holidays he was all i ever thought about. I was so angry that he just left me without saying anything this time. I was angry at him for getting my hopes up and then knocking me back down. Then it hit me. I have fallen in love with my teacher. I thought no; that this can't be happening! I can't fall in love with my teacher! I'm only 14! But it became more true everyday as i sat in my room cuddling my knees and crying my eyes out because of how i was so angry at him and how much i missed him. During year 9, i was diagnosed with depression. I would shut everyone out and not talk to anyone. I gained so much weight because i would over eat. I even cried so much in the shower once that i fell asleep and flooded the bathroom and the hallway because i was laying on the sink. (My dad went psycho.) I thought because i was so lonely that i needed someone i can talk to or just to love so i got a puppy. I love him so much and he is my everything. I don't know what i could do without him. Today, i still think about him a lot. It's been 2 and half years since i last saw him and it still hurts deep down. I feel silly for being in love with my teacher even when it was only just a friendship but i can't control who i fall for. No matter what, i'll always love him and i have to accept that. He was my first love. I'm not as much depressed anymore as i was then. My friends no back me up and understand that what i went through was real and i can't thank them enough for supporting me through all of this. People say that 14 year olds can't fall in love. They can. Yes, most people that age do throw the word love around a lot but there is people out there that do mean it and take it serious.Thank-you for taking your time out to read my story.