You were my best friend.

Without you I wouldn't know my self worth, I wouldn't be independent, I wouldn't have the "I don't need a man" mindset like I do today.

You taught me how to care for myself. How if anyone ever called me fat to say "I might be fat, but you're ugly, and at least I can lose weight". You showed me how to stretch every morning after I got out of bed and that doing so would "do my body good". You made me brush my tangled hair every day, because apparently my ratted out hair wasn't acceptable. You made me go on long walks, and try diet drinks, and brush my teeth a million times a day, and taught me how to be an appropriate presentable lady.

You helped me be content with myself. Without you I would be a mess today. I would be ashamed of my weird personality. I would be disgusted with my openness of mysexuality. I would straighten my hair everyday and tone down the color in my wardrobe to dry to "fit in" and what not.

But honestly, I'm happy you left. You taught me that no matter how close to someone you are, no matter how much they love you and make you feel so special and important, that they could still leave you. They could just be gone the next day and never look back.

You taught me what it was like to be there for yourself. Because after you left, my mom and I were never on good terms. We would constantly fight. She would call me a bitchand I hated the mere sight of her.

You taught me what it was like to wait. Because I stood up so many nights crying and wondering why no one would love me the way you did. Why no one thought I was beautiful. Why no one accepted me for who I really was. But I waited and waited and waited until I found myself and started loving myself.

You were my best friend. And I know you left because no one in my family would let you explain yourself but I love you. I love your ambition, I love your laughter, I love the way you could make anyone feel special. But I also hate you, because of the way you can make anyone feel abandoned.

5 years later and I'm still thinking about you. Thinking about what it would be like, how it would be different to have another aunt. How much further I could've gone with you in my life.

But I'm okay, and I hope you are too.
Gorgeoushobo Gorgeoushobo
18-21, F
Mar 12, 2016