I wish I could do college over again. My whole life I played sports. I went to a good catholic high school met a wonderful girl my junior year and received a scholarship to play sports in college. The only problem; college was now 3 hours away from home. I decided to go while my girlfriend stayed home for college. While I know now that you should really enter college with a clean slate as it really is a time to learn and grow for yourself, I didn't. I spent the first 2 years together with my girlfriend and it was a horrible experience. We would fight, I would get upset, cry, call my parents, and tell them how much I hated this school. The main reason we would fight was so petty; basically every time I would go out she would see it as me not spending time talking to her and she would get mad and we would fight. I really had no idea how college worked and how big a part "going out" played, so rather than fighting with her, many times I passed up opportunities to go out and have fun with my teammates. I stayed in my room most weekend nights on Skype with her or went home to see her. I was always out of the loop with stories the following Monday about the weekend and now I realize that I never gave the school a chance. I don't want to blame my girlfriend because we were both young and stupid, but I feel like I definitely held myself back by listening to her so much. I thought I really didn't like the school but ultimately now I realize it's because I didn't even give the school a try. I started unintentionally making up reasons why I hated the school: these weren't my type of people; it was too preppy for my taste; I didn't like the city I was in. Really just reasons that I look back at now and realize how silly those things sound. I stayed in my room a lot making myself miserable all because my girlfriend was holding me back. I couldn't focus on my academics and my grades suffered. I went in there freshman year with the worst attitude, already with a feeling that I didn't want to be there. I felt so lonely mainly because I didn't give myself the chance to go out and meet new people. So I eventually chose to transfer to a school closer to home where I knew many more kids. Worst decision of my life. What I didn't consider was the high quality of the academics at my former school, the high level of athletic prominence, and the level of discipline and responsibility the school put on each individual. So I enjoyed the school I transferred to better because I decided I was going to go out. I was now with my friends that I knew from HS and I wasn't going to stay cooped up in my room while they went out and had fun. So now I realize that if I gave that a shot at my first school, I definitely would've been happier. Me and my girlfriend still fought about it a lot but eventually she joined a sorority, started going out on her own, and realized that it's just part of the college experience. I guess because she commuted to school she didn't really understand the college life but I always encouraged her to go out, party, and meet new people, and I just wish she had that same attitude with me. She still had very jealous tendencies like getting mad at me for talking and being in pictures with other girls. So essentially even though I went out more at my second school I still felt reserved and held back from just meeting new people, girls or boys, without any worries. I really just stayed in that circle with my HS friends rather than branching out and meeting new people and now I graduated and feel that I really didn't make "college friends." Now she has all her sorority friends and all I have is two friends from my little social group in college that I still hang out with. So I stayed with her all of college and still found ways to have fun with a girlfriend but I just graduated and feel like I'm a failure. I went to a school that was a severe downgrade athletically to my former school and ended up going no where with sports. I received no real guidance academically so I graduated with no internships or work experience and now am struggling to find a job. I have no skills and actually feel like I'm dumber now than I was when I entered college. I'm 22 and I still feel like I don't know who I am or who I want to be. My sense of hope and ambition is now replaced with anger and sadness. And now all I can think about was how better my life could have been if I stayed at my previous school. With the resources I had there, they would have never let me cruise through classes like a joke and end up graduating like this. I didn't realize that being held back by my girlfriend was the real reason I hated the school and now I wish I had just broken up with her rather than transfer. I'm still with her now and we're still in love and happy together but I hate myself for making that decision. I feel like I went to my first school with a purpose, to be a professional athlete or to just be successful, and I let that opportunity go to waste. The worst part is that I had my parents and coaches calling me nonstop convincing me to stay and I still decided to leave. I refused to listen to people that wanted the best for me, people that are older and more experienced, and I made the dumbest decision of my life. Now I can't help but look up my previous teammates from my first school and see how well they're doing with jobs and established careers. I can't help but feel if I stayed there I would be on that bandwagon as well and have my life in order. I realize now that the kids at my first school weren't really my type because they were already at a mature stage that I hadn't reached yet. Instead when I transferred I was around immature clowns and really just losers that I now can't help but notice. I don't resent her because I know a lot of couples have these problems in college but I resent myself for not being stronger and realizing I needed to live my life. I'm still with my girlfriend for over 6 years now but now I'm worried that maybe we missed out on an opportunity to be independent and experience other people. Maybe it's important to be single at least for some time in your 20's and know what it's like to be with other people; idk. Also it doesn't help that she's exceptional; graduated top of her class, is pursuing her masters, and has a job lined up for her in a year at an amazing company. I feel like I'm holding her back from meeting successful young men as she's in the business field and already is meeting tons of people. Meanwhile I'm here looking for a job and even if I do find one the salary is going to be crappy. I keep dwelling on the past; I feel so stupid and would do anything to go back and change my decision. On top of that I am so uncertain about the future; I don't really know what I want out of life and don't know if I should let my girlfriend go. After making such a big decision and regretting it like this, I feel like I'm afraid to make any other big decision in my life.
LifeChanges123 LifeChanges123
22-25, M
Aug 21, 2014