My sister was hardly four when I started molesting her. I knew it was weird and wrong but I continued for approx. 4-6 years. I'm not here to be judged. Believe me, personal wrath is almost worse than having ppl taunting you.
My sister told on me after a few years, to which my mum said I was a "dirty person". But I still continued (with my sis's consent) until the year I completely stopped. Everything was confusing till now. I always thought I was a drama queen for making myself look like the victim. I had done such terrible to my own younger sister, who looked up to me.
My parents are great though. They've been with us through all. They've been everything you'd possibly want in parents. But this "******" was kind of known but hidden. They almost refused to acknowledge what was happening in the house. My dad asked me if what my mum says(abt my molestation) is true, I lied. I said it's not. After that, I don't remember the topic ever being discussed.
I know by now, I must have attracted common contempt from the readers, I don't blame you, but you've got to hear my story as well.
Just before I started molesting my sibling, I was molested by my mat. grandfather. I don't remember how many times. I think it happened on more than once occasion. It wasn't forced. It was just "telling" on his part and "doing" on mine. I think it was only after these incidents that I started molesting my sister. She din't know anything. My parents didn't either. And I never told. Always the talkative yet somehow shy girl I was, I didn't rat him out. Was I scared? No. I thought maybe somehow "I" had initiated these acts. "I" felt guilty for what happened.
Somehow, I didn't remember all of this until before I turned 19 last year. It just HIT me that I was molested, But it scared me to actually acknowledge it. I remember shower-times where I would cry accusing myself of probably seducing him.
But I knew what happened and it somehow relieved yet scared me. I was relieved to know that I wasn't BORN evil or a birth-*****. I was scared to know that somehow "I" was responsible for my sister's past. I still wonder if it would all be different, if "I" would be different if all this never happened. I crave for that NORMAL sibling relationship. I confronted my sister about all of this and it was painful and yet but very much needed. She said she had already forgiven me but I still don't trust her about this.How can she? She says she takes it as a test from god. But I still can;t believe how anyone can just forgive like that.She says she had also "liked" it whe it happened and shes equally responsible but I know she isn't. She was a kid. She'd jump if told to.
Sometimes, I wish she would punch me so hard that I'd bleed and it would somehow make me feel less guilty.
I told my parents and they were devastated. They've been very supportive. I love them very much. Unfortunately I've to live with my Grandad and sister in the same house. Not only am I reminded of what HE did, I'm also continuously reminded of what "I" did and sometimes i feel like . . . I don't know.
I guess this pretty much sums it up.