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Molested

 My sister was hardly four when I started molesting her. I knew it was weird and wrong but I continued for approx. 4-6 years. I'm not here to be judged. Believe me, personal wrath is almost worse than having ppl taunting you.

My sister told on me after a few years, to which my mum said I was a "dirty person".  But I still continued  (with my sis's consent) until the year I completely stopped. Everything was confusing till now. I always thought I was a drama  queen for making myself look like the victim. I had done such terrible to my own younger sister, who looked up to me. 

My parents are great though. They've been with us through all. They've been everything you'd possibly want in parents. But this "******" was kind of known but hidden. They almost refused to acknowledge what was happening in the house. My dad asked me if what my mum says(abt my molestation) is true, I lied. I said it's not. After that, I don't remember the topic ever being discussed.

I know by now, I must have attracted common contempt from the readers, I don't  blame you, but you've  got to hear my story as well.

Just before I started molesting my sibling, I was molested by my mat. grandfather. I don't remember how many times. I think it happened on more than once occasion. It wasn't forced. It was just "telling" on his part and "doing" on mine. I think it was only after these incidents that I started molesting my sister. She din't know anything. My parents didn't either. And I never told. Always the talkative yet somehow shy girl I was, I didn't rat him out. Was I scared? No. I thought maybe somehow "I" had initiated these acts. "I" felt guilty for what happened.

Somehow, I didn't remember all of this until before I turned 19 last year. It just HIT me that I was molested, But it scared me to actually acknowledge it. I remember shower-times where I would cry accusing myself of probably seducing him.

But I knew what happened and it somehow relieved yet scared me. I was relieved to know that I wasn't BORN evil or a birth-*****. I was scared to know that somehow "I" was responsible for my sister's past. I still wonder if it would all be different, if "I" would be different if all this never happened. I crave for that NORMAL sibling relationship. I confronted my sister about all of this and it was painful and yet but very much needed. She said she had already forgiven me but I still don't trust her about this.How can she? She says she takes it as a test from god. But I still can;t believe how anyone can just forgive like that.She says  she had  also "liked" it whe it happened and shes equally responsible but I know she isn't. She was a kid. She'd jump if told to. 

Sometimes, I wish she would punch me so hard that I'd bleed and it would somehow make me feel less guilty. 

I told my parents and they were devastated. They've been very supportive. I love them very much. Unfortunately I've to live with my Grandad and sister in the same house. Not only am I reminded of what HE did, I'm also continuously reminded of what "I" did and sometimes i feel like  . . . I don't know.

I guess this pretty much sums it up.

MoriMo MoriMo 18-21, F 11 Responses Jan 14, 2010

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You were a child responding normally to molestation. I think talking to a professional would probably help. Being in the same house with your grandfather who molested you sounds like a recipe for continued molestation. If your sister has forgiven you, maybe it's time for you to forgive yourself. Your behavior sounds to me just like all the accounts I've heard of molested girls. It's very, very, very difficult to give up guilt feelings. Believe me, I know. But feeling your guilt, dwelling on it even briefly, saps your energy, forestalls taking action, uses up your time -- always in short supply for us mortals -- and does not help anybody. I think some professional person could help you come up with an understanding of your feelings, especially as it relates to your life experience, and come up with a way of not feeling so bad about yourself. Thanks for sharing.

First of all as a child YOU were not guilty of anything your Grandfather did to you. He was the adult & it's his fault he got you interested in sex at a time when you were not imotionally mature enough to handle it. This led to you doing things with your sister which under normal circumstances is still not that uncommon. No one admits to a lot of things we have done as children even though a lot of things that happen were not our fault. You know what's right from wrong now that you are an adult. Go on with your life & believe your sister has forgiven you. Leave the past behind and believe you have been & still are a good person. It's ok . You are ok. Move forward & live your life. :)

I have been sexually active with about four or five boys wen i was younger 7 or 8( i am a male)going on through to teen, we did try everything i look back on it now as regretting but still questioning it all, this is the first acknowledgement i have ever made towards it I feel like in a way I initiated it but I feel like i was molested by all of them I feel like my want to do this to someone else is fueled by my regret of these experiences I just feel glad that I can get this off my chest somewhere and thats good enough for me.

I have been sexually active with about four or five boys wen i was younger 7 or 8( i am a male)going on through to teen, we did try everything i look back on it now as regretting but still questioning it all, this is the first acknowledgement i have ever made towards it I feel like in a way I initiated it but I feel like i was molested by all of them I feel like my want to do this to someone else is fueled by my regret of these experiences I just feel glad that I can get this off my chest somewhere and thats good enough for me.

Wow !!!! I have believed that stuff does happen !

I was a sexully active child. I remember ************ at a very very early age 3 or 4. Then I was molested by our next door neighbors son when I was 7. Since I was already enjoying the sexual feeling it didn't scare me or bother me. I do remember him sucking on me and the great feeling it gave me. However when he had me suck him it was a different story. He smelled bad to me and he tasted bad too. He was 17 ten years my senior. <br />
I never said any thing about it and life went on. At age 9 my brother who is 3 years older then I experimented with each other. He taught me how to ********** with my hand he also experimented with oral sex. this only lasted a week or two. I wanted to continue but he stopped for what ever reason. Knowing this and having been sexual for so long it didn't affect me in a damed nation way it was part of growing up. <br />
I never considered it molestion what the neighbor did to me but it was. I never told any one about it until I was 41. My wife and I were adopting and it came out in the questionaires that we had to fill out for the state. I lived with that for 41 years and with the fact that my brother had experimented with me. None of it effected me in a bad way as far as I know. I have had 2 marriages one that has been 31 years in the making and a family of 4 kids plus my wonderful wife. We talked about these things and we both agree that they were events that happened as kids. <br />
We did a lot of things as kids that were wrong and against what we were taught. We played spin the bottle. we smoked tobacco and grass and drank even drove with out a licence. We had friends that we explored our sexuality with and 95 % of us grew up just fine. There is that 5% in everything that goes against the flow but that is reality.<br />
If your sister says she forgives you then she has. Most likely she looks at it as a learning experience and nothing more. there is a lot more ****** in the world then you think and it is mostly brother/ sister, sister/sister,brother/brother this is normal exploration and sexual curiousity. Yes even it is just once or show me games it is still ******.When parents and grandparents become in-volved then that is unusal but not unheard of. <br />
So those of you that point fingers and pound the bible go f...... yourselves cause truth be known you did the same things as kids. Remember this sex is fun and if it isn't hurting any one then why worry. It appears that your sister wasn't hurt and enjoyed the experience so she forgives you now you forgive yourself and get on with life.

I was kinda wondering if her ***** got wet at that young age.

I am sorry that you have been beating yourself up over something that wasn't your fault. Too many people, especially kids, think that whenever something goes wrong, it is somehow their fault.<br />
<br />
Remember too, most kids experiment, especially at the age you were. It is so completely normal. The important thing is, it is all in the past. Each new day is an adventure and you must learn to leave the past where it is, ancient history and move forward and enjoy the new adventures that life has in store for you. Hope this helps.

I am sorry that you have been beating yourself up over something that wasn't your fault. Too many people, especially kids, think that whenever something goes wrong, it is somehow their fault.<br />
<br />
Remember too, most kids experiment, especially at the age you were. It is so completely normal. The important thing is, it is all in the past. Each new day is an adventure and you must learn to leave the past where it is, ancient history and move forward and enjoy the new adventures that life has in store for you. Hope this helps.

So you were just 9 when you 'molested' your sister. No, you were one little girl, bewildered by what her grandfather had done, experimenting with your sister. <br />
As said above that sort of thing has gone on in families since the year dot. You didn't know then what it (sex) was, let alone know if it was right or wrong.<br />
On the Richter scale of sexual abuse, two sisters touching each other does not disturb the needle.<br />
Yes, say sorry to your sister in the light of what you know now, but accept her forgiveness and move on with your life. One day you'll have children and you will be a better Mum to them for what you have experienced.

You were just passing along what you knew. It's not evil, or horrible. You can probably put some of the blame on your grandfather, but what if he was also molested at some point...then it has to go back to someone else. Activities like this have gone on probably since the dawn of time. And not everyone is traumatized by it. So if your sister harbors no ill will, you should probably believe her. And as for grandpa...well, people seem willing to look at alcoholics and say "they suffer from a disease", or "the poor guy can't help it and keeps going back to the booze". But if someone is drawn to youngsters, and feels that compulsion, there are no popular 12-step programs, there is no public compassion. You can't say "I like kids" (in a sexual way) and NOT be an outcast in society. So, as long as you're not continuing this behavior, it's time to forgive yourself. I know it's harder to do than to say, but you have to put the past in the past, and move on.