My Mil Thinks She Talks to God

I'm embarassed to admit it, but I was with this woman's son for nearly 18 years. During that time, my MIL proved herself, time and again, to be a two-faced B****. When in the company of others, she appears to be sweet, friendly and kind. Scratch the surface a little and you'll find a truly evil, mentally ill indivudual whose primary goal was to break us up. She was a terrible parent to him as a child, and still refused to "raise" him even as an adult. She backed him, against me, no matter what the situation was. She always found a reason to blame me. Yet, often said that I should get out of the relationship, because she knew her son was not good to me. He was chronically un or underemployed and I worked way too hard to keep us afloat. She criticized me for doing this, but never approached him about his ethics. He cheated on my while I was away weekends taking care of my dying mother, and she found a way to blame me for that too. She said I left him alone too often. I asked him time and again to come and spend time with my while I was at my mother's and he always had some excuse. Ya! the neighborhood ****! The **** also introduced him to hard drugs, and he was arrested and is now a felon. That was somehow my fault too. She called me regularly when my mother was sick, but after she died, I never heard from my MIL again. - not even a sympathy card! She condoned her son's cheating and drugging, tho I don't know how she could ever have justified this. I will admit, I'm not sure why I hung in there as long as I did. She and her husband left our home state in 2000 and we bought the house from them. I was hoping being in his childhood home would help him be more motivated about a job or chores around the house. Wrong! We had only owned the house 7 months when he missed the first house payment. Of course, I covered it. During the time when my mother was dying, he missed 4 house payments and the house was in foreclosure before he informed me. He had hidden all the mail that had been sent to me, even court orders. She called her local friends and complained that he wasn't working and I had 2 jobs. Think she might have called me sometimes? NO cuz "blood is thicker than water" (I heard that second hand) and she couldn't go against her son. Finally, about a year ago, she conned him into moving to her (new) state, telling him that she falls and can't get up and lays on the floor for hours before anyone rescues her. Her daughter and family live 4 houses away. WTF? As you can see, the relationship was pretty much on the rocks, so he left. He lives with her now, and this summer met a woman. He is being married soon, and despite what you have read here, he didn't have the courtesy to tell me. I heard it from his son. My Mother in law now has a handyman and since the new woman has moved in with her, the Queen MIL now has a house maid. Pretty cool gig, huh? Of course, he isn't employed LOL!!!  This woman claims she is a Christian but is one of the most unkind, hypocritical, selfish women I have ever known. I believe in Karma...and I know she'll get hers. Well, you know what? she's stuck with her sociopath son now, so maybe she's getting hers already. Thanks for listening.

 

Christmascactus Christmascactus
56-60, F
2 Responses Mar 15, 2009

Interesting. You hung in there for 18 years which should have shown her your strength and resolve and the fact that you didn't leave him over the affairs and drug use and arrest further attest to your fortitude as a wife. Maybe the woman was a tad jealous. She must have been in a crummy situation and didn't want to have a woman show her up. Resentment is a bitter pill and a lot of good people have to live with it. I on the other hand am a good mother in law. My son in law positively hates me. Not because of MY actions but because my daughter has "shared" with him her version of events when she hit teen hood. The drama trauma of what SHE had to go through. My being too strict and over protective and not what she considered as fair, that kind of thing. Her verbal poison made him my enemy before I even met him and it's a sad thing. Although he is that way with me I do not resent or dislike him. She's told me things about him too that are bad. He's an addict for instance and got a bad conduct discharge but I don't hold that against him. I like him as a person and treat him as I'd like to be treated. I didn't know that he disliked me until my daughter told me after I'd traveled to see her have her first baby and wanted to move to her city in order to help them out because they were both full time employed people and needed a baby sitter they could trust especially with a newborn. She discussed it with him and he was not having it. So she told me. If she'd kept her one sided mama did me wrong lies/stories to herself my son in law and I would be on friendly terms right no. It doesn't phase me that he doesn't like me. I'm not the one with the problem he is and I don't hold it against him. It's childish to hate someone just because they hate you. Life's exprience has taught me what a wate being hateful is. It accomplilshes nothing and defeats you. At least your situation is done and you don't have to deal with either one of them again. You should really put some effort into putting all that's happened behind you or you will continue to give them power over you and based on what you wrote they are still strong in your life.

My son is engaged and I am so scared to be a mother-in-law. I want a good relationship with her, but it seems so hard to get to know her. I keep reminding myself to stay out of their business and just give them love, but as a mom it is hard to watch them making mistakes and doing things that are not good financial decisions. It is also hard to see them treat each other badly. No couple is always nice to each other, all couples argue, but it seems to me that for an engaged couple, they have a lot of disagreements. What will they be like in 10 years? Oh well, I am glad to stay out of those things,,,,,,then they can't blame me!