I left an emotionally abusive relationship over a year ago. It was really tough getting out of it and getting over it.
I recently met someone else. I started getting red flags as to the things he was saying/doing. I put them aside but kept note. Should have probably ended things sooner and followed my intuition before getting more deeply involved.
What I find strange is? I met him through a dating site so he didn't prey on me. I dunno but I feel so frustrated that he was like this. I guess the odds are still high that I might meet an emotional abuser on the internet dating site. I just want a normal guy. Now I'm in my thirties it is hard to meet men too.
Are there really that many out there?
Also I feel like my family are majorly abusive and that is why I have low self esteem. I'll settle for anything just to feel loved. My Mum was abusive and I'm beginning to wonder about my father. Sometimes I wonder how much more crap I can deal with.
I'm sure there are nice men out there. I've seen them and have worked with them. I can tell they are wholesome, genuine, loving guys from better families. Yet I never get them.
I think after Christmas I'm going to seek counselling. The only words that go through my brain just now are blame blame BLAME! and it is detroying me!!!! I blame myself for my ex's moods. I'm feeling real bad self hatred. I want to punish myself. I did something wrong to cause them apparently. He's witholding affection, blanking me as punishment...........yet I still want his love! Still put my arm around him. There must be something wrong with me. Coupled with the actions of my previous ex, it's just another blow to get over. More mental assessing and turmoil to get over.
Coupled with the words of my family. I'm a horrible person, no-one likes me............the list goes on.
I wish I could run as far away from here as possible!