Shot Through the Heart...again!

i must have a sign on my forehead that says "men who like to mess with my head and heart line up here"..... well i seem to be in another relationship that has emotional and mental abuse written all over it.

My boyfriend i believe,,is having an emotional breakdown of some sorts....i'm trying to stay calm, but he's accusing me of things that don't even make sense, so i end up in a puddle of tears on the floor, hysterically crying, because .....i don't know why....i can't believe i'm in this place again.   He was pure, fun, happy go lucky.

he's been working 14 hour days, trying to defy human odds, he's been once to a phsycologist, who picked up on the fact that he was abused as a child.  the mother of his children cheated on him. Yet somehow, i have to take the brunt of his ABUSE and it is abuse!!!

I need to stage an intervention, but his mother won't return my calls, i'm soooo lost, i can't eat, sleep, i don't know how i'm going to go to work tomorrow.

I've also come to the conclusion that he's very cruel, because he convinced me to rent out this house that i can't afford on my own because he said he would give me work through his business and he would help a little with rent.

Now what am i going to do?????? move my kids again????, sell my bed, go back to sleeping on the couch, go back to going to the laundromat?????  i'd rather be dead right now........................................................................................................................

prettyinpink prettyinpink
46-50, F
5 Responses Nov 15, 2007

That abuse me sign, I know what that feels like. I know it's crazy but i feel like once I got involved with an abuser all the bad luck just won't go away. It's like all the bad karma attracts itself to me now and I can't shake it off. I wish I could.<br />
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I'm sure some of the innocent boyfriends at school weren't like this. They were in the teens but I never felt anything sinister apart from maybe one. You knew which ones to steer away from.<br />
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I'm quiet too and shy so that doesn't help............

thank you for you kind words..things have improved greatly!! , there have been many changes, and you're right, it's not my fault, and i would never inflict emotional pain on another human being.

I hope that your situation has eased and you can see that none of this is down to you..<br />
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One thing that i will say is there are 2 kinds of ppl in this world, those who respect others and those that do not, our past does depict who we are but its how we use our experiances to either better ourselves and not cause pain to others that we have gone through as we did not like it, or to become the abuser...<br />
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I have also been abused in one way or another since i was a child, but i will not be an abuser, in fact, i say the same as you do in your opening statement "what to i have tattooed on my forehead" as i always land up with those who abuse...<br />
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take strength in the knowledge that it isnt you, the responcibility for his actions are his and his alone, past is not the excuse and those that use it as such know what they are doing is wrong and hide behind "i was abused as a child" <br />
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sorry if i sould rather harsh, but if you have been abused you know how it feels and also know that you would not want to place someone that you love into that situation and hurt... you break the cycle not continue it...<br />
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i do hope that things are better for you.... remember what you have said, you always land up with those kind of ppl, you have not turned out to be one, even tho you have been through hard times yourself, you are a better person than that and you deserve to be treated as such

Its such a shock when he person you think you know and love turns into a stranger, you know my story. Take care because it has a way of snowballing and unless you can find a way to make it better it only seems to get worse, rarely does it stay the same and even if it does, false accusations are so hurtful and intolerable.<br />
My ex also had a lot of old issues which might be a reason but its no excuse. We've all got issues but to inflict pain on those close to you is inexcusable.<br />
These things are always so much harder when you have kids to think of arent they.

I know you are in a bad position, you need to really think what about your mental health as well as your children. My sister was abused physically and verbally for 15 years and then the piece of **** murdered her leaving 3 sons ages 15-18. Move out, sleep on the couch. Be safe, seek out support groups, i am in therapy for adult children of alcoholics, had a severe breakdown in 05. I am learning about healthy boundaries, and toxic relationships. I hope you ger help and remember your children are observing your life, and what YOU accept YOU teach by example. If you need to bend an ear i am here.