Is This Understanding Or Stupidity?

Well, my grandchildren are back.  They are living with my daughter.  The mystery of their living condition has been solved because she finally told my sister who had been keeping the oldest child where she's living with them babies.  They are in an efficiency apartment.  It is a one room, one bed, microwave/refrigerator rental unit that is usually for SINGLE people only. I imagine that's all she could get on short notice and after she screwed me over again and knew that she couldn't use me to get into a house after all because I'd been able to get into a place of my own.  I didn't think she would let me see the kids but oh boy she did.  It wasn't about my being a grandmother either. Like I said she let the oldest child come because she wanted to influence me to be her babysitter!  Her plan didn't work though so it was on to plan B.  The other two children were returned to her this past Saturday and my sweet, loving grand daughter called me and she was SO excited at being back here and the first thing she asked is if they could come over and of course I said yes. The next thing I know my daughter is on the phone saying hello.  I've been through some stuff with her and the wounds are still quite raw and I didn't want to speak to her so I handed the phone to my son and he said hello and then got this shocked expression on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said my daughter had told him if she has to go through him to tell me something F me and she hung up.  Follow me now.  SHE had spit in my face for years and used me and I let it all go and kept helping her out of the messes that she'd gotten into time and time again.  The horrid events of the last three months should have had me hating her not still trying to help her but I did.  I got her that job, bought her shoes for it, paid for her ID card, gave her MY bus fare so that she could get to and from work.  Things mothers do for children in trouble even though they are grown.  Then the thing where I asked her for a loan for groceries as I had just moved which took all the money that I had and I hadn't eaten in two days and she dogged me out and left me hungry without a second thought.  This person is telling her MOTHER... F--   you?  She acts as if I am the one who has caused HER trouble, who made HER homeless, who put HER in a house where she was a slave and suffered physical demands and damages, who caused HER to lose money on top of money.  It's unbelievable!  But, I say, she doesn't mean what she said.  I know that she has those 3 children and no home for them.  She has to work and has no sitter and no money to pay one. She has no money to provide them with things they need and they are all living in one room.  It's frustration that made her say F you about me.  It doesn't bother me that much but my son took it hard because he KNOWS what's it's been like for me and she used that profanity with him and hung up on him.  I told him to let it go.  It's like water on a ducks back for me.  My daughter will have one of the children call me again I know because she needs my help again.  I will tell them babies to come on over of course. As for their mother I am not speaking to her and do not want to see her.  My forgiving nature went out of bounds when she left me to starve or not starve based on what I did and not on her having the means to help me.  It was a cruel and heartless thing to have me go all that distance just to find out that she'd left work and had no intention of going through with her promise.  If she'd said something before I caught that bus and spent that fare I wouldn't have been upset or angry. It would have been accepted and I would have found another means of feeding myself as I did when she hurt me.  It's ironic that my son and I had JUST been talking about me, him, and my daughter getting into a 4 bedroom house together and sharing the expenses.  I'd be the primary house body as I am disabled and they would work.  I suppose that it's still a feasible plan but there is animosity now between my son and his sister.  She needs to apologize to him for what she said and to me for saying it.  BUT---she won't.  Do drug addicts ever apologize for hurting those that love them?  She NEVER has!!  So I will wait and see what happens with this situation and maybe my daughter will realize her mistake and let the babies see me.   
Comprehensive2 Comprehensive2
1 Response Jun 3, 2007

I pray that you and your grand babies get to see each other, they OBVIOUSLY want to see you. I am also so saddened at your nightmare with your daughter. I have my own nightmare with my family. All i can say is she has OBVIOUSLY hurt you over and over again, and that is truly sad, maybe (this is not an excuse and probably will not make you feel any better) but is there anyway, since she has an addictive disease, that you can maybe seperate her into your loving daughter vs. a person you really don't know while she is using drugs? I only ask if that is possible for you as it might lessen some of the hurt she continually throws your way, and maybe realize it's the drugs talking and not the loveable baby you gave birth too. I have been told i have many reasons to hate and use profanity with my parents, but that just isn't my style and also i am not addicted to anything, well except cigarettes which i have told my children i will try to quit AGAIN at the end of this weekend) Cigarettes are hard to quit, i can't imagine how hard it would be to quit drugs. Can you almost play a little game with her, that in the end benefits you her and most of all the grandchildren. Would you be physically well enough to babysit the grandkids say for four hours each week if she even goes to ONE NA meeting per week? One it is a good trade off for all, You see your grandbabies, and in the process the incentive is for her to get HELP. IF she goes for it, GREAT (if you physically can handle babysitting them for a few hours.) ALSO if she agrees insist that maybe your son (Lord knows if he would want to do this) goes with her, for 2 reasons 1. to ASSURE she goes and 2. recently with my readings on this site i have learned that there are often dealers at the NA meeting waiting to pounce on the weak at break time or at the end of the meeting to sell their drugs, i was surprised and shocked at this, but i guess for the dealers they know where to go to GET the people who are simply trying to get help. NONE of what i have written may be of any help, but it was just a thought, to seperate the hurtful drug addicted daughter from the UNaddicted daughter that hopefully was not mean or cruel and 2 a sneaky way for you to see your grandkids while enticing your addictive child to get some help. I hope in some small way this might help. God Bless!!