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I Am In Total Submission to My Husband

Wives, be in submission to your husbands. So say the scriptures.

The wife's body is not her own but her husband's. So say the scriptures.

There is much wisdom here.

It is not just scripture but it is the natural order of things. It is consistent with what is.

I believe it is a Man's world and women should show deference to men, treat them with respect, shower them with admiration, honor them for being men.

But above all is a woman's husband. He is her Lord and her Master. She belongs to him, body and soul. She gives herself to him completely. She is his to own and to enjoy.

I do everything possible to please my husband. I crave his approval, and spare no effort to satisfy him completely. I cater to his every whim. In all that I do, I adopt his preferences, and I bow to his desires. In pleasing him, I please myself.

If ever he is displeased with me, I beg for his forgiveness, and I cannot rest until I have repented fully and regained his approval. If he chooses to punish me, I accept his discipline with delight, knowing that I deserve it, and eager to be cleansed of my wrong doing, and to be once again fully acceptable to him. If he would ever withhold his discipline, it would torture me and I would be in a panic, frantic to put my error behind me, and become once more his beloved and cherished pet.

I must obey my husband, for it is essential to my happiness. Only in this manner do I find peace of mind, and only in this way do I find fulfillment and achive my highest purpose in life.

I am his adoring, worshipful wife, and I exist only to please him. I love him with every fiber of my being, and the mere thought of losing him is utterly painful to me. My odedience is the natural outcome of my love.

I bathe in the comforting warmth of his love, secure and safe. I would never refuse him anything.

outofbiz outofbiz 36-40, F 134 Responses Nov 25, 2008

Your Response


The last time my husband spanked me was when I got a ticket for going through a stop sign. Made me think twice when seeing a stop sign again. That was two weeks ago and he has threatened to spank me ever since when I start to act up. Husbands should spank their wives to show that he is the superior and to show his natural power over her.

Spanking can be such fun. Sometimes I will ask a man to spank me, just for the erotic pleasure. But yes, every wife should eagerly and willingly submit to her husband's discipline, grateful that she is married to a man who pays such attention to her. Think how utterly out of control we women can become when we are neglected. Some ill behavior among wives is a cry for attention, and it is the wise husband who gives it.

My Husband showed me this article of yours because He knew I would love reading it. I can completely relate to you and wanted to thank you for writing it. We are a newly married couple who believe whole-heartily in our Dominant/submissive relationship. We have both been married before and could never quite be content and fulfilled (in all aspects). We now have each other and decided very shortly after we met that we wanted to explore these types of roles. I am naturally submissive and He is naturally Dominant.

Before Him, I thought of myself as an independent career woman. I lived for work. I always thought my love life was a passionate one, but it never led to anything completely satisfying or even close long term fulfillment...and after the first time of making love to my Owner, I realized was it coooompletely vanilla. I always wanted a life long partner so bad, but I couldn't figure out what I needed to be happy forever with someone. When I met Him, it all happened naturally. I submitted completely. He is it. He is the one. He is my purpose.

He is training me. He organized me and balanced me. He helped me lose weight and shape my body. He opened me up sexually to express things I always held inside for fear of judgement. He is constantly teaching me things and is literally making me smarter.

I love the comment you wrote on May 12th. I agree with you when you say that not all men are worth a woman's submission. I am one of the lucky ones like yourself that have found someone worthy. It is impossible for me to not live to please my Husband. Life without pleasing Him is no longer life to me anymore.

I have found a dream-like state of happiness in being His submissive wife. As we begin this new chapter together, do you have any tips for us on how to make sure we get to many years as you and your husband have? I'm sure there will be challenges ahead. What advice can you give me to make sure I still feel this exact way ten years from now? Thank you!

All most all long-term relationships are based upon common character, shared virtues, values and beliefs. But my advice is as follows:

First, he must pay relentless unending attention to every detail of your lives together leaving nothing to chance. He can never neglect you but must shower you with attention and affection. There must never be any doubt in your mind that you are pleasing him in all your actions and that you are becoming as he wishes you to be. This can be an exhausting task for a lesser man and not every man has the ability or desire to accomplish it. It takes incredible focus.

Second, for your part, you must worship and adore him as your Lord and Master, surrendering yourself to him body and soul, his most prized and cherished possession. He must be above all else in your life. You must spare no effort to please him, never refusing anything he asks of you, catering to his every wish, fulfilling his every fantasy, satisfying his every desire. You must nurture an incredibly powerful hunger and desire for him, a craving if you will, an intense need to be with him.

Third, he must provide for all your needs leaving you wanting for nothing. For this reason, in choosing a man for their submission, women must pay careful attention to his proven success, accomplishments and ability to meet their needs. It is expensive to take complete control of a woman, providing for her shelter, sustenance, protection, clothing, medical, education, transportation, retirement, insurance, etc., etc. and that of her children as well. No woman can be expected to remain in submission if she is lacking for care and basic needs. And while a submissive wife can work if her husband so desires, she should never feel any risk of lack.

We both thank for the detailed response. It was very lovely to read :)

What a lovely comment. You and your husband are both very lucky.

You think it's ok if the husband is submissive to his wife?

I would never, ever pretend to tell any man what is OK for him to do. That is not my place.

A wife that begs for discipline when she has done wrong, is a good wife to her husband as she is aware of her place and of her obligations toward her husband and leader of the houshold. Do you have kids? If you have, I hope both of you let them learn from your example. Boys need tolearn how to be firm but loving husbands and girls how to behave towards their husband to live a fullfilled life. It is something quite difficult to learn these days.

We have no children. He has a grown daughter whom I love as if she were my own. I was her Nanny when she was small. I do agree with you about a man's duty and obligation to discipline his wife. If you love your wife, then you will discipline your wife. To neglect her discipline is selfish and fails your wife. Women who are allowed to misbehave without repercussions are being taught to misbehave. And it is in the nature of a woman to demand her husband's attention. Left to their own devices, women will lash out, tear down, belittle and berate their husbands, like a child crying out for attention. Any man who abandons his duty and responsibility deserves an unhappy wife.

Thanks for sharing. I was hust wondering: If you need him to punish you so you can feel safe and completely acceptable again, doesn't this mean that you outsource something on him, that you should be able to do yourself: love yourself?

Whatever cleanses me of wrong and once again restores me into his approval, that is what I desperately crave, and cannot rest until I am forgiven and back in his loving embrace. To feel I have disappointed him or broken one of his commands, that is a feeling that is awful and can bring me to tears. Yes, I admit I need it.

How might you advise a young wife on submitting to her husband in situations where he is incorrect? Or perhaps an area of life in which the wife has, unequivocally, the greater expertise?

I think that submission of the wife to the husband is a worthy goal for some, but certainly the husband cannot be the expert in all domains of life. What advice would you have for a young wife when her husband disregards her advice and instead chooses a course of action that is clearly incorrect? For instance, if the husband holds a certain view on something (eg. a scientific theory), but disregards his wife (who is a scientist) who tells him that his view is not empirically supported? Surely in this case the husband would be a fool not to submit to the expertise of his wife?

There is something to be said for accepting another person and supporting them even when they're wrong, but if the husband in this instance persisted with his own incorrect opinion, I cannot help but to think that perhaps unquestioned submission is not effective. Maybe the mark of a truly loving, respectful relationship is mutual submission? Is that not what God teaches?

Not every man is worthy of a woman's submission. As with most things in life, it is a matter of character. A man with high character, nobility of spirit, honorable and ethical, who is both intelligent and wise, this is the nature of one who is worthy of a woman's submission. And such a man is unlikely to ignore knowledge that his wife possesses. A good wife should never give her husband advice or ever tell him what to do, but if he asks her opinion or seeks her knowledge, then she should give it eagerly and honestly, flattered that he has asked. It is my experience that a worthy man is careful and cautious, and leaves careless and foolish behaviors to women and children. No wife knows her husband's thinking, and in my experience wise men keep their own counsel and rarely reveal their plans and strategies except to a their most trusted inner circle of advisors. For a wife to assume she knows what is best reveals a flaw in her thinking. For a wife to judge her husband so harshly as you suggest is to be disloyal and to betray the trust that he has bestowed upon her. Even if a good wife had concerns about her husband, she would never ever share them with anyone but would keep them to herself since to do otherwise would be to cast dispersions upon her husband.

I totally agree. I ask my wife about her opinion if she posesses knowledge on a matter. But I would never follow her lead. She feels honored and thankful when I ask her but she would never expect me to rely on her opinion only. Nor would she expect me to explain the matter in all compexity. She knows that I only asked her about the but she seems to be fit in and don't want her commenting on the whole matter.

"the bit"

I need your help is there an email?

No just send me a private message

I'm a young (ish...turned 25 a couple weeks ago) wife, and have been married about a year and a half. We recently moved seven hours away from where we were both born and raised, and it's been unexpectedly hard on me. Consequently, I've found it harder to submit to my husband completely and have been losing my temper more. It's definitely not that I don't respect him, and he's definitely the head of our household, but do you have any advice on how to help me submit to him better? I know it'd help our marriage (not that it's in jeopardy). He unfortunately won't take me in hand to fix things, even though I think that would help out a lot.

It is no small task for a man to accept total control of a woman, and requires great attention to detail. Not every an is up to the task and not every man is suited to the task. A woman neglected, far from home and family, is very prone to feeling lonely and alone, which increases the need for a man to shower her with attention and affection, reassuring her that she is his most prized possession. In such situations, many women will display rebellious behavior, and it is a cry for help, a sign that she desperately needs for her husband to be the man, and to focus on her, and never to leave her feeling that she is without his guidance and constant attention. She has a need for direction, guidance, teaching and training, and feels that it is not being provided. I believe that any woman left with those feelings will inevitably lash out, belittle, tear down, and disrespect her husband, not because she does not love her husband, but rather because she desperately loves him and needs him to focus on her. Perhaps if you let your husband read this, he will better understand?

I was in a similar situation some years ago. My wife came up to me and asked for a weekly maintenance spanking. I agreed but told her that in addition she had to bow every morning after we got up, kiss my feet and repeat her vow of obidience. It helped her a lot. Try it, it will help you to get focused again on your husband's needs and forget your grief.

this is truly the relationship I now want with my perfect man. I cant wait to be married and be his forever

You are a wise woman. In surrender of total control a woman finds blissful freedom and happiness.

Not all men are worthy... but when the are then it is a beautifull relationship.

So very wise. To be in submission to an unworthy man would be hellish misery. Unless a man is first and foremost in control of himself, how can he ever accept control of a woman? As with all things in life, Character matters.

You are a good wife.

To be a good wife is the highest aspiration any woman can have.

Thats probably because women have stop obeying there husband that theres so much divorces... Happy husband happy life

I think that a man may tolerate a disobedient, rebellious wife for as long as it please him to do so, but eventually her stiff necked resistance to his authority will exhaust his patience and yes, he will divorce her and seek a more pleasing wife.

It is so sad how some women destroy their chances for a blissful marriage with their stubborn, willful refusal to accept the authority of their husband. For the life of me, I can never understand why any woman would ever marry a man that she does not respect and admire enough to be in submission to him.

Sounds like you have a happy home

Gloriously, blissfully happy, thank you. Warm Kisses.

I think you both are very lucky.

Thank you Kimberly Ann. I feel blessed indeed. Warm Kisses.

Thank you, I read this twice and learned so much.

I am thrilled to get feedback such as yours. I always hope that my experiences can help others find their proper path to fulfillment and blissful harmony in their marriages. I write what I know to be true in my own life and what I believe will be helpful. Thank you so much for your kind praise. I tried to add you but could not.

Have you ever wanted your hubby ever brought a massage therapist to give you a treatment in your bedroom? If you want to explore the details with Me, send Me a private message My dear.

I have an oriental maid, whom I nicknamed Ori, who has such delightful sensual touch and is wonderful about giving massage to both myself and my husband. So when it comes to massage I am covered, but thank you for your very kind offer.

Thats exactly how i feel i cant wait for him to marry me so i can b his forever and truly

How very exciting it is when you find that magnificent man who is worthy of your submission, and what glorious freedom is found in total submission. Making a gift of yourself to such a man, surrendering control of yourself to him, becoming his most prized possession, basking in that comforting knowledge that you belong to him body and soul, it is the path to fullfillment for a woman, and the path to blissful harmony in a marriage.

Very well stated and I wish more women held your beliefs!

See my response below to your question about menopause.

Thank you for your inspiring message.

I am in submission to my husband but I am searching. I noted your words about if he were to withhold his discipline. I think I am feeling perhaps a little unsure because he seems to have lessened his control and discipline.

I wonder if he is disatisfied with me because I do not get aroused by his discipline the way it seems many wives do from what I read.

I wonder what is wrong with me.

I submit to him and I accept him. He tests my submission and it is so so painful. He ties me to our bed and he whips me and I do not resist. I lie there as he ties me down without resistance. While he hits me I struggle to live through the pain and it is so unbearable. Afterwards I am so thankful he tied me down because I would have just run away. Through my tears I thank him when he has finished.

Yet I do not get aroused. I just want to live under his protection. I give myself fully to him. My body is fully his. When he wants me I respond. I dress as he requires and I used to feel very selfconcious but it is with great releaf that I can say to anyone who comments that I dress as instructed by my husband. he wants me skinny and so to please him I comply with his requirements to restrict the food I eat and so I am almost always hungry. I would not be able to do any of this without his support and watchful eye and knowing I must confess any transgression and to be punished.

Is that so wrong?

There is nothing wrong with not getting aroused from a punishment. Some women are wired to get pleasure from pain. You seem not to be like that and it's ok. I would prefer to be like you, because I really don't enjoy going through pain to get aroused, but it's the only thing that works so I have come to embrace it.

I recently decided that I want to be a submissive wife to my husband. I am a very head strong woman and we have basically spent the entire 8 years of our married life arguing, both trying to win the argument and get things our own way. I think that we both want to be the dominant partner in our marriage. But this clearly does not work - has not worked - will not work.
I stumbled across the subject of being submissive to your husband and have been intrigued ever since. It was as if I had suddenly, after all this time ' seen the light ' !
My husband works abroad during the week, working very hard and provides totally for myself and the children. He has never asked me to go out to work and he gets annoyed by men that don't and won't go out to work. I also know that if I want to go out to work then he would not have a problem with that either.
After reading about being a submissive wife, it became clear to me that this is the answer to marital bliss. I agree that women have been brainwashed over the decades to believe that we should be totally equal to men in everything, but this often doesn't work in a marriage.there can only be one head of the household. As my husband is the sole provider for his family then I think I have been terribly wrong and misled all these years by listening to others and following their lead, and as a result trying to demascullate my husband.
It is hard to put into words but I honestly feel really passionately about this and so much happier with my life by having made the decision to submitt to my husband. By the way, my husband really doesn't know anything about this other than me telling him that I think that I have been a bad wife to him all these years and now I am not going to nag him, not turn him away when he wants to make love and I told him I totally respect him and all the hard work he does for us.Also told him that I want to make him happy and if he is happy then so am I.

Comments like this one truly make me feel amazingly wonderful. That I have in some small way helped you to see the light and shrug off the brainwashing of left-wing, radical, liberal feminism, and to embrace the true path marital bliss and harmony, is just so rewarding and so satisfying. Thank you so much for sharing this. That you have come to see that what you were doing did not work and that it did not, could not, produce peace of mind or happiness, shows how wise you are. You are exactly right. Women have been terribly misled by wrong headed, befuddled feminists who lash out at, belittle, tear down and diminish men, and who teach women to hate that very thing that is so key to women's happiness. They would force women out of their traditional roles as wives and mothers, and instead turn women into economic comodities, forced to complete with men. And in the process they would cost women their truest path to fulfillment and blissful harmony. I am so very proud of you for having the intelligence, wisdom, and confidence to choose the right path, in the face of the onslaught of male bashing and women's liberation, and I know from experience the blissful happiness that submission to a worthy man brings to a woman. Warm Kisses

Thanks for your lovely reply outofbiz. As I am very new to being submissive, maybe you or others out there could help me a little and any advice on being a good submissive wife would be greatly appreciated. I have started by trying my best not to argue back, although last weekend I forgot myself (already) and started nagging and complaining at my husband in front of his sister. I feel terrible about it ever since and really embarrassed .... Something that would not have bothered me just a few weeks earlier ! I sort of feel that I let myself down. I wish that he would ' take me in hand ' when I get out of hand but he is not that type, he just gets irritable and argues back at me.
I have also started to be a lot more attentive and do his ironing for him, make him lunch if he is home, be totally available to him etc. Am I on the right path ? Is there anything more I could do ?

Oh and I would just like to say that I have already noticed the positive change in the way my husband is towards me. He seems a lot more loving. I honestly think that going back to the old fashioned way of marriage works.

I have a question for you two ladies. What do I need to do, how do I need to treat my wife so she might have this mindset? She has lost most all interest in sex since her hysterectomy. We do have a husband led marriage. We do discuss things financially but in case of a tie or unable to come to an agreement, I do get to make the decision and she is great with that. Biggest problem is that sex has become about a once a month thing and it is always the same: no kissing and virtually no response other than to let me do her doggy style. She says she loves me but there is no passion. How do I get it back? Thanks in advance for your help!

It is very common for aging wives who go through menopause to suffer a severe loss of libido and much decreased sex drive. I do not think that there is honestly much that a man can do to restore what nature has taken away. Not only is there the physiological changes brought on by menopause but also the psychological impact of having a hysterectomy which can be so severe as to require medication and even mental therapy. I think rather than searching for what is likely an irreversible loss of passion and enthusiasm for sex in your wife, you should probably simply turn elsewhere for sexual satisfaction. Most likely she is being completely honest when she says she loves you, and every good wife wants her husband to be happy, so just explain to her what you need and want in a sex partner, and that you sympathize with her condition, and rather than trying to force her to endure sex long after her sexual impulses have vanished, you instead want to enjoy sex with other women. I am sure that she might even be a bit relieved that her beloved husband can find sexual satisfaction elsewhere and that she will no longer have to be responsible for that aspect of your relationship. There are certainly no shortage of eager, willing women who would be only too happy to be your sex partner without any other commitment or any romantic relationship except sex.

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. Have to think about how to approach the subject with her. I have thought of taking a lover but my biggest fear has been that I was devastated when my ex cheated on me with several different men. I do not want to cause the same kind of hurt that I experienced.

Hi olemeandawg. I can't really give a qualified answer to your question about your wife because I have not reached menopause yet and I have not had a hysterectomy either so these are not things that I have personally experienced. Sounds like your wife has been going through hell.
My husband reckons that he only got sex about once a month with me too until recently, and as that is not down to any of the things affecting your wife then just maybe it may not be wholly down to the menopause etc that your wife is not feeling very sexy .

There could be a whole range of reasons as to why she just doesn't fancy ' it '. As you know, we women are rather complicated beings ! Half the time we couldn't tell you ourselves why we feel like we do. But it is most probably an accumulation of many things combined.

I don't know why I went off sex myself. All I know is that the more my husband pestered me ( and I use that word because at the time that is what it felt like to me ) the more I didn't want ' it ' . I even very cruelly told him to go and get someone else if he wasn't happy with his lot, if he dared complain. BUT my god, I would have been broken hearted if he acted upon that. Luckily for me, as far as I know, he didn't act upon what I said. He just told me that it is me that he wants and he was not interested in anyone else for sex or anything.

With respect, have you had a good look at yourself lately? I don't know you or what you look like but I am aware that lots of men tend to let themselves go once they reach a certain age or think that they don't need to worry as they have got their woman. I know that my hubby has pissed me off by not grooming, not bothering to shave on weekends, not getting his hair cut often enough, wearing grubby clothes and of course the inevitable big round Santa Claus tummy ! Maybe you sport a well honed 6 pack and this doesn't imply to you, but maybe not. Just saying, that we women do care if our hubby's let themselves go, just as men notice when their women do the same .

So if you think you may be guilty of the above then maybe it's time to take a bit of interest in looking after yourself again just as you would if you found yourself single again, and going out on dates. I'm sure that your wife will notice and appreciate it.

One other thing is don't pressure her at all for sex and as hard as it may be do not say anything that makes her feel guilty. It won't help the situation for sure . She will just resent you. Maybe you could try ' woowing ' her again, just like you did when you first got together . Be romantic, we girls just love romance as you guys know. Do things she enjoys but maybe you don't. For example my husband hates shopping, I love it of course, but I have gone shopping on my own for years rather than force him and have him all miserable and grumpy .But my last birthday he took me away for the night, not far but to a lovely hotel, in the afternoon I went out shopping whilst he had a nap. We agreed he would meet me in the shops later. To my amazement he did this with no fuss or complaining, he walked around clothes shops with me hand in hand without moaning and even bought himself some new clothes and shoes ( and that is a huge deal believe me ). We then went to a jewellers to get my present and he got me what I wanted without any problems.
Let me just say that one small thing he gave me which was shopping with me hand in hand without any sulking was the day that everything changed for me. He probably got the best night of passion from me he had had in a long time, and the next morning too !!! He said that he will have to buy me diamonds more often if that is the result lol. But my change towards him was not the diamonds .... It was him doing something with me that I never thought would happen in our relationship and he did it without a fuss or argument. That little small insignificant thing is the thing that changed me towards him for the better,

So, I know that I have gone on a bit here and I may not write very eloquently, but in a nut shell

1. Dont give up and think ' that's it ' she's menopaused out ' no more sex with her for ever.

2. Take a good look at yourself, is there anything you have let slip over the years, can you spruce up ?

3. It's the little things that mean a lot. Is there anything that you can do that will shock and amaze her ( in a good way" ) ? like my man and our little shopping trip.

4. Be romantic to her

5. Don't make her feel bad or guilty for not having sex.

And finally, I personally do not think that you approaching your wife seriously about getting another sexual partner is the answer. I think that is horrible and mean. I know we all have needs but she is your wife and you love her so how can you even think of being intimate with another? Unless she doesn't care for you any more then I can't begin to imagine how painful and hurtful that would feel for her.
Even if she turns around and suggests it to you, ( as I did to my hubby ) she may not really mean it deep down.

I don't know if I have helped at all but don't give up hope, look at me and my hubby, I was ready to walk away from our marraige then unexpectedly one small thing changed everything and now we are like love sick teenagers !!

4 More Responses

every woman in the world struggles with submission and most of all with how God created marriage relationship. women dont want to submit and they find it humiliating and demeaning that they have to do it

That is the worst attitude I ever heard. So you are saying that for a good wife to be in submission to her husband is humilating and demeaning???? Oh my, how centuries of male bashing and the assault of women's liberation have so corrupted modern thinking. Being in submission to a worthy, ethical, honorable, noble man who lives a balanced, disciplined life, who is in control of himself, and who provides for all of a woman's needs and those of her children, is the truest and purest path to blissful happiness in a marriage, and is a woman's way to achieve her highest fullfillment in life. I can never, ever for the life of me understand how people get so confused and misguided in their thinking as the message you send. A gratefully obedient wife makes a willing and eager gift of herself, becoming her husband's most prized and valued possession, surrendering control of herself to her masterful husband and basking in the warmth of his love and affection. There is nothing humiliating or degrading about it. It amazes me that women shove away happiness with both hands, in favor of some perverted left-wing liberal dogma that would force women out of their roles as wives and mothers, and render them little more than economic commodities forced to compete with men. The assault of women's liberation has been a horrific attack on the happiness and peace of mind of women, and has turned young girls into sex objects who give blow jobs like handshakes and who will never be suitable for a wife. Those women go through strings of short lived unsatisfying relationships and suffer horribly because they have rejected the true path to fulfillment and blissful happiness.

You are a good wife

To me, that is the highest praise any woman can ever receive. Thank you much. I am very flattered. Warm Kisses.

A woman can't submit to a man who doesn't submit to God

Whether or not there is a God, in this life Character is what matters the most. Character is what makes a man worthy of a woman's submission. To be worthy of controlling a woman, a man must first be in control of himself. He must live the balanced life, exercising moderation in all things, neither excess nor lack of virtue. He must have demonstrated ability and resources to provide a woman's needs and those of her children. The problem I have with so many God fearing people, is that they count their Faith as the be all and end all, but otherwise negelect their Character. Faith is one virtue out of hundreds of virtues. How many believers are otherwise scum? They have failed to live the disciplined life and have not developed those virtues that render a man worthy of a woman's submission. As with everything in life, Character matters and in choosing a husband, a woman should choose a man who is honorable and ethical with nobility of spirit, accomplished, successful, capable, with proven ability to provide for her and her children, well able to meet all of their needs, with demonstrated leadership skills and who is the master of his world. Rather than just a man with Faith. There is much more to it than simply one virtue.

Your writing is very, very elaborate. Very descriptive.. and oh so revealing.

I would have made a longer comment, but I'm dreadfully tired right now so I'll just skip ahead to my point: To a boy on his way to becoming the master of his universe, this kind of perspective, from no less than a seemingly very intelligent and warm woman, it's.. insightful.

Though you could (and if I'm getting it, probably would) argue that it's not your place to teach, I find myself learning a lot from your views. So regardless of whether or not you'll accept it, you have my gratitude. I wish I would have been more involved with people such as yourself growing up. Because getting into the postion of actually *leading* a life, from the hellhole I was born in.. it's no easy feat. Being a woman's true man, in every sense of the word, is something that I strive to become. Truth is, it's ******* scaring the hell out of me.

Realising that, I hold even more respect for the people out there who do not succumb to their fears and inabilities. Pushing through is what makes one stronger.

Actually, one of the comments below kind of reflects on my own situation. But then, more from the perspective of the guy utterly losing his mind. I hope I'll be able to win back the respect of my girl, even though I could understand it never happening.

Yeah, uh, so much for 'skipping to the point', bahahaha.

Nice story. :-)


Michelle is exactly right. Focus on yourself. Control what is within your control. And all that any of us can control is our actions. As we act so we become. Choose those actions that are as you wish to seem, and you will become the way you act.

I know exactly how very hard it is for someone who grew up in a hell hole like you describe. It is hard to go where you have never been. It is hard to reject what you know in favor of what you never knew. It is hard to realize that life holds so much more and has so much more promise. People will sometimes say to a young man "Why don't you act right?" but what they do not understand is that he is acting exactly like everyone he knows, Every example he has grown up around. He does not understand and has not witnessed what "acting right" even means.

One book that has been so very helpful to me was written by Aristotle 300 years before Christ. It is called "Nichomachean Ethics" and for 15 centuries it was considered the definitive treatise on how to achive high character. It was taught to every nobleman's son in Europe as the road map to achiveing the "Good Life" which had nothing to do with God or Religion but rather had everything to do with successful living. Every young man should read it and study it.

I absolutely love your post. I wish I could live like you. I do believe that somehow, this is the natural order of things. But I have seen so many of my mother's friends and some of my cousins getting married and trying to maintain the same mentality and having it all ruined. Because when their husbands were stumbling through the door at 3am, totally drunk and with their shirts dirty of lipstick, HOW COULD THEY RESPECT THEM ??? I saw my cousin's husband going from being normal to being a drunk and a gambling addict and stealing her money, leaving the children starving. I have seen husbands hitting their wives when they came home after having been with their mistresses. My question for you is, what do you do when your husband becomes unworthy of your respect and submission ? What do you do when you realize you are so much better than him ?
I genuinely looked up to my ex husband. He was older than me, accomplished, awesome. I started my marriage in the same mindframe: looking for his approval, pleasing him, being very happy when he praised me. After about a year he started drinking ... more and more and more neglecting his job, duties, everything. I spent 3 years trying cu cure him, together with his siblings and parents. In the end, I had their blessing to leave him. He couldn't be saved. Can you imagine how disappointed I was that the man I looked up to and respected became unworthy of it ?!
13 years later I remarried. My current husband is slightly older than me, highly accomplished professionally, bold and dominant, a manly man. I adored and respected him and it was always my understanding that he knew more than I did and he could make the best decisions. Therefore, I did not try to stop him from taking certain financial decisions for us.
Big mistake ! He had been "gambling" in business his high earnings all his life, disregarding any concept of safety and what was even more painful, not caring about the fact that now he had a family to think about the safety of. He had brought us from almost 500,000 $ in savings to not being able to pay our rent. Before he lost all the money, putting them in various unsuccessful businesses, I tried to tell him we should buy a house. Or at least an apartment. It is the most logic thing a couple does when they want a family. Secure a safe place. He didn't even want to hear about it, and told me he was more experienced and knew better. I listened to him and trusted him. I helped him, working for no salary, with those various business, even though I could see they were meant for failure. When I tried to offer my opinion, I was silenced with the same " you have no experience, I do".
I obviously lost my respect for him. I don't look for his approval anymore. I am smarter and better than him. I made better decisions and finally got us a home. He is still trying to "make it big" playing financially outside his reach, but I don't care. I follow my way. It's almost like I'm single, I have to secure my future.
And yes, when I read your post I wish you wouldn't get disappointed like me or my cousin. And I wish I could find the man to respect and look up to and follow and not get disappointed by him. Tough luck, I genuinely lost any hope to find him.

No man can take control of a woman if he cannot take control of himself. No achoholic or drug addict or gambling addict, is worthy of a woman's submission. Choosing a husband is (as are most things in life) entirely about Character. No couple can long endure that are of unequal character. They are like a team of oxen that do not pull together and the wagon veers off the road and into the ditch. Run, do not walk, to escape a relationship with such a man. Seek a legal seperation, and a restraining order to protect yourself and your children from his addictive (and often abusive) behaviors. Do not expose yourself or your children for one second longer to the control of a man who has such low character. Make it clear to him that he is no longer welcome around you or your children unless and until he gets control of his own life.

Women often make mistakes when choosing a husband, but those mistakes are only temporary and need not be a lifelong burden that one cannot recover from. Shake the dust off your feet and move on. Put the past behind you and mend your broken heart. Life is too short to put up with a man who lacks the strength of character to be responsible for his own behavior.

That is my best counsel, It is my belief that unless and until an addict hits rock bottom, like the prodigal son sleeping in the mud with the pigs, he will never have the motivation to change. Chacter is formed by repeated actions that turn into habits and sometimes turn into addictions. It takes something traumatic to cause an alteration of Character. Unless something radical happens that shocks a man to his core, and is very traumatic to him, he is very unlikely to ever change. By leaving him and locking him out of your life, you do all you can do to create a moment of trauma for him, If he chooses his low life over you and his children then he is simply too far down that slippery slope to ever recover and you can commend his soul to the devil. He is dead to you and to any hope of ever living the good life.

It takes real courage and real strength of character for a woman to turn from a man she loves, and I know that it may be the hardest thing you ever do, and the pain may seem unbearable almost even unto death. But unless you find it somewhere inside yourself to do this, you have doomed yourself and your children to a life of misery.

I understand this very well. I could not bear not to be punished if I displeased my man. We are marrying in December (we changed exact date) and I will live in total submission.

To those of us who understand, it is the path to marital bliss. It frees a woman to realize her ultimate fulfilliment. I have great hopes for your marriage. Warm Kisses.

Thank you so much! Recently I was searching for answers to my life. While successful in business, I leave behind 2 failed marriages. I was extremely unhappy. I tried other relationships with men, and, honestly, some with women, but they all failed.

I began to read the Bible and the Quran, searching and searching for direction. I prayed every night for God to touch me with His grace and give me the answers I so desperately sought.

Then, I read your article. I had a true "epiphany". I have been living my life so wrong. I had been wasting years trying to create the happiness I never found. I was a modern feminist, "equal partner" (or sometimes the more equal partner) steeped in the tea of intractable independence.

You are totally right! All the years I spent being a "modern" woman, when I should have been living by His word directed by His grace.

I am on a new path now. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from me. I am so happy I'm giddy. I have put behind me my "sinful" past. That, by the way, did not include any kind of substance abuse.

God has truly touched my heart. Your words were as if you were in my head. I am, in truth, a submissive wife.

I am intelligent, well educated, wise in the ways of the world. Yet in one wonderful moment, by His grace, everything became clear.

As did the admonition not to judge. I believe a marriage is a sacred thing. Regardless if it is a same sex marriage or a hetero marriage.

Contrary to what many now "believe" the Bible does not say that same sex marriage is any kind of sin. In fact, St Paul, who wrote 12 books of the New Testament, said nobody should marry. He preached marriage to God and lifelong chastity.

It's all in the Bible. I pray that all people should read several versions of the Bible to understand the Word and that they read all the words, not just the words that make them feel "safe". The Bible is not a bunker to hide your prejudices behind.

The life of Our Lord Jesus Christ was all about acceptance. And the truth is those who believe as He believed will be welcome in Heaven. May the Word guide you.

God "don't make no junk" regardless of your gender, your gender identity, your sexual preference, your lifestyle, everyone is a child of God and, whether they know it or not, is by His grace defined.

So, filled with His love, and reading the truth of scripture and your article, I am committed to serving my man just as you said, as my lord and master.

Now I will pray that He will guide a good husband to me.

May God bless you.


Search and you will find, ask and it will be given to you. Every submissive is in search of their dominant master, even if they don't realize it. Just be as you wish to seem and he will be drawn to you.

You see outofbiz, the women that have so much utter contempt for you are the same women who are unable to find happiness, that try to age gracefully with their cats. They can see no reason for you to EVER respect a man. much less your husband. Make you wonder about their choice in men to be honest. Weak easily dominated men who are incapable of demanding respect, realizing that the women that they are indentured to will never show it to them.The reality of the situation is that there is nothing beautiful to be found in the abject abuse of those weaker than yourself, but to voluntarily submit to the will of another as an action of your own free choosing can definitely be. Why is 50 Shades of Grey so popular with women? Simply because it is soft core ****? No not at all. It is only for oneself to be able to determine one's true happiness, I can only assume that you are. The problem is that that happiness is a burr in the saddle of those who don't agree and THAT is the most curious thing of all. You see these women everywhere with their miserable existences, with their miserable lives and families. Full of self loathing, they try to fool themselves into believing they are happy, anesthetizing themselves with diet cokes and fast food, all the while trying to accept some politically correct enforced feeling of unearned equality. Knowing all the while that if they had to hunt or to farm or to simply survive on their own they could not. Suck down another Diet Coke ladies, do all you can to convince yourselves that YOU are the ones that ought to be repected. I applaud you outofbiz for your choice as well as your outlook in general. you sound like a fantastic woman who I am quite sure has an incredible relationship with your man, something your detractors will never truly know. Cat? Maybe. Man? NEVER!! ; )

It could be just that people are all different and their requirements aren't the same

Yes, yes and yes. But it is men who have allowed this confusion by abdicating their natural and rightful role. I do not blame women for this present chaos. Women will always lash out at men, try to diminish them, belittle them and discredit them. Male bashing is the favorite sport of women when they are left without proper guidance, supervision, direction and training. It is a man's duty to teach, train and develop women properly. For centuries now, men have permitted this barrage of male bashing to continue unchecked, and have allowed women to take advantage of the goodwill and tolerance of the men around them. Now it has gotten to the point where men are actually ashamed of being men and apologetic for their natural dominant natures. They have allowed women to pervert society to the point where it is now nearly impossible for a man to dominate a woman without running afoul of the law and the courts. You cannot blame women since they are merely exercising the freedom given to them by the men in society. Everyone knows that men can put a stop to this foolishness anytime they decide to do so. This tissue thin veneer of women's equality is merely an illusion permitted to exist by men. It is only possible because men allow it. It only ever exists in very polite society where men have been whipped by centuries of male bashing and by the assault of left wing radical feminism. Women cannot be held responsible for the failure of men to assume their rightful role, What is most strange about this turn of events is that women would never, ever allow it if they were men.

I cannot believe there are women who actually live like this!<br />
If you want to go from a biblical standpoint; "god says wives submit to your husbands, husbands love your wife as god loves the church"<br />
This is saying that women yes, submit, but not in this archaic, tyrannic fashion! Men are appointed leaders of the house, but are also called upon to answer to god, and love, respect, care for, and protect his wife, as god did so for the church. <br />
Thus beliefe that women are less than men, and should prostrate themselves before their husbands is horribly saddening. A man who thinks like this has not submitted himself fully to god. And to be punished for wrongdoings!?? You are not chattel, nor property! Women are the other half to a cohesive unit that makes a household, and should be respected and cherished! Not lorded over! Alas many people have taken this sc<x>ripture out of context! It doesnt mean women are less, or more, god has placed the job of house leader on man, and as such, he will be judged fir his wife's actions, and be answerable to god.<br />
I truly pitty those of you who think this is right. Im sorry to say that you are living a veiled glorified abusive marriage. And your "husbands" have trained you well in the ways of self degradation, and lack of self worth. We as adult women should never be "punished" by men, it is not his right to treat you as such! You are his wife, his partner, not his dog!!! And as such he will be judged fir abusing god's laws, and fitting them to his own wants.<br />
Again, I hope all of the women who live in this manner will realize that this is a twisted and perverted way to conduct a marriage. Pray, have your husbands pray, and when he submits to the will of god, and becomes his faithful and loving servant, you in turn can submit as his supportive and loving wife, to be protected, cherished, and respected by him

You make so many false statements in your comment that I honestly don't know where to start. The overall tone of your comment is insulting. I think I will just pass any attempt to correct you since you seem so far beyond any symblance of respect for the truth

Silverwolf, excellent comment and you are so right.


I can see that you have not progressed much. I was so hopeful that you would resurface with a new experience. I truly feel for you and wish I could somehow help you. You must admit, I have tried but you just don't seem open to the truth. You continue to shove away happiness with both hands.

Silverwolf86 I disagree with you and I am a Christian. The modern Church has the role of the wife so screwed up. I mean look the allow women to be leaders in churches as preachers. I have done a little bit of study on the role of women in a marriage and the church. They are Identical. A woman is to serve and love only her husband and the church is to serve and only love God. A woman is to submit to her husband 100% and the Church is to submit 100% to God. This is what I call the reality of duality. God is spirit and man is physical. Women are the physical picture of the spiritual body of Christ. The husband is the physical picture of the Spiritual God. This does not make the Husband a God though. A man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church his wife. The church is the bride of Christ. God disciplines his children and the church as a whole and a man is to discipline his wife and children. We need to regain the Biblical order God himself put in place. 1. God 2. Husband 3. Wife 4. Children. Husbands and wives are not equal. This is why in many marriages there is a struggle for power. Women need to yield them selves to a loving, protecting , and providing man to bring balance to there relation ship.

I don't agree with how some people conduct there marriages in here but thats there business not mine. I'm not going to judge them for what they do.

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ref. men/women roles in culture, there's an interesting youtube clip here of Baganda culture in Uganda; women kneel down to older men in everyday life, to give respect. <br />
I guess many men feel 'built up' by this; more likely to go out and make a kill to feed the family etc.. <br />
(This is an extended version of the clip seen recently in the film "Life In A Day") -<x>yer

I show deference to men and treat men with respect and admiration as is their due as men. But above all men is my beloved husband. I bow down to him with adoration and I worship him.

Gumshoe: Yes you would. Because no real man would ever tolerate you. Why would you want to be so alone?