Regret

I was 14 years old when I met my boyfriend. little did I know that he was 23 when everyone told me that he was 18, but it was a funny story and i forgave him. I gave him everything that I could. I didnt realize how much one person who change my life till now. He became my life and world. He was my best friend. Within the first year of us dating, he was put into the hospital. He always had heart problems all throughout his life. When he finally told me that he was like a ticking bomb, I made a choice that I would always stay with him. I loved him so much. We were together 8 years. Seven months before he past we seperated. He was in this party mode, and choose his using friends over me. We have 2 beautiful girls together and I just wanted us to be a family and  start settling down. My friend text me a photo of him and a girl kissing. I decided i would never get back with him. I was hurt. Plenty of times he tried to call and ask me back. But I didnt listen. I was so hurt. But i still loved him. I got a phone call from him a couple days before he past. He was telling me he was sorry and wanted to start over. I told him I would think about it. March 14, 2011, i get a phone call from his dad telling me he had past away, that his heart gave out. he had gotten an infection that entered his blood and cause veggitation(however you spell it) on his heart, but his heart couldnt heal. I feel so bad because I told him i would always be there for him, and i wasnt in the end. I always told him i loved him, i felt like something was going to happen cause he kept getting sick within his last months. im left with nothing now. almost all my memories were with him, and i have no one to share with. his family blames me and are mad at me. i confessed everything to him in the hospital but it was too late. i just layed next to him and told him i was sorry. i keeps having dreams about him, but its not the same. my girls are only 2 and 3 years old. he wasnt able to see our youngests 2 birthday.  they always look for him and ask where he is. I feel lost and so much regret. i dont know what to do anymore.    again sorry for this story. i just cant accept he's gone. i really did love him.