I Am Just So Sad

I just went through a divorce after 25 years of marriage. I met Dan when i was set up by a fmutual friend who knew I was ready to date and she had several friends to choose from. She was like a facebook yenta telling me little mini- descriptions of each and when she showed me Dan and said "salt of the earth, just lost his job" i said i like that one. I didn't care about the job, he just looked really nice in his photo. 2 days later, Dan sent me a cute introductory message on FB. We bantered back and forth for a few days and then set a date.

Our first date was in early February. We met at a very local beautiful place for happy hour. He gave me a big hug hello which was just the sweetest greeting possible. I was nervous since i had not been on a date with someone new in 30 years. He didn't know he was my first first date so it became kind of a joke for us...him showing me the ropes on how the first date goes. We shared a lot that first meeting. It may have been a TMI few hours for both of us but we clicked and felt comfortable sharing details about our failed marriages, crazy families, insecurities, etc. At the end of the date Dan said he'd like to see me again and i agreed. He gave me a big hug good bye and then we each drove home. It was perfect.

Our second date was a pub crawl during a huge rainstorm. We shared our first kiss by a fire in one of the bars and I just melted away at the touch of his lips. We kissed really well together. Again, talking and really getting to know one another.

One date followed another and soon we were on a regular schedule of seeing each other senveral times a week. Every time i knew i'd see him i was filled with excitement all day. I absolutely loved being with him....and he with me.

After about 3 weeks he told me he had some heart problems which unfortunately is not totally uncommon for a man in his early 50's. He was having an angiogram in 3 weeks and i told him I would drive him to that. He had the procedure and was told he had the heart of a 30 year old and arteries like a horse. Why was he experiencing breathlessness when he would exert himself?

He next went to a lung specialist. Asthma? COPD? No.

Back to his primary care doctor for more tests. They discovered a high amount of protein in his urine. This can mean kidney disease so he was scheduled for a biopsy. By now we were both obsessed with his worsening symptoms and wondering what could be really going on. Lupus or some other autoimmune problem?

The last weekend of April, I spent Sat. Night with him and he awoke in the middle of the night. He couldn't sleep he was so worried and also said he could not live like this and was depressed. I just held him while he cried.

On Monday, April 30th he texted me that he was going to see the kidney specialist early if he could get in. The kidney specialist sent him directly to the ER to be checked out. They did a chest x-ray and the drained 1.5 gallons of fluid from his lungs. Next they did an electrcardiogram. His heart had systolic pressure but not diastolic. With all of these symptoms they determined he had amyloidosis which is a very rare, difficult to diagnose disease. About 8 in one million people will get it.

I spent 3 hours with him on Monday night just talking, laughing and spending time together.

Tuesday, i went to see him in the early afternoon as he was to have another angiogram that day. The angiogram was delayed until 3:30, thank God. He told me was hungry and wanted some A&W rootbeer and an ice cream sundae. I said i would get them for him after his procedure. He gave me a kiss, kissed his daughter and then they wheeled him away as i left to take a conference call for woek.

His daughter, ex wife and i waited in the waiting room for word from the doctor. The procedure is supposed to take one hou and it had been 1.5 hours. We heard an announcement "code blue in the cath lab". Are we in the cath lab area? What does code blue mean? Yes we are there and code blue means cardiac arrest.

Some time later the doctor came out to tell us he had died, despite an earlier progress report that they had revived him.. We were stunned and shocked. We were all crying. By then his best friend and wife had come as well as his former in laws. I felt like the outsider since i really only knew his daughter and had met his ex wife just once. I texted the friend who had introduced us and she raced over. She was devastated. They had known each other for 35 years.

Here i am one week later and i am still numb. We were falling in love. I was taking care of him. He was funny, loved to laugh and we could laugh together. We laughed in that last few hours we were together. I found him to be irresistable and we had such strong chemistry. Would we have had a future? I really don't know for sure....itvwas just too soon but there was potential and promise. i do know he was a wonderful gift to my life and i believe i was to his as well at just a time when he needed someone like me.
Shoshe110 Shoshe110
46-50, F
5 Responses May 7, 2012

I am reading this with tears in my eyes. My story is simlar. I had met Nino on July 8th, that following Monday we sat in a part and talked for 5 hours. He told me everything about his life, failed marriage, the fact he almost died 3 times and his desire to marry again. We spent just about every single day together for 2 months. He was a vegetarian for over 25 years. Was recently told he was diabetic and would have to go on insulin. We put an agressive plan together for him to go vegan, and continue to exercise. I took him a green drink that morning. He picked me up at 6:30 and we went to the gym as we always had. We finished our work out I went to go do some crunches and he to wait on me. When I came back around he was on the ground with someone doing CPR, - the staff just stood around I was in hysterics. EMT took 20 minutes to get there and was not able to revive him. It was at hospital that he was pronounced dead. We loved each other and spoke of it the day before and planed our weekend get away like time was on our side. Nino died September 1st and I am trying to plan my life with out him.

peace- may you grieve well and learn to move on

much love to you!

My boyfriend died from a heart attack after almost 5 years of us being together. I am almost 50 and I don't have the will power to try dating again. I am totally devastated. My kids and grand kids really liked him too. Hang in there....I know how bad it hurts.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray that God gives you peace of mind that surpasses all understanding.