When Does The Pain Go Away?

I met Tony Dec. 9th, 2011 and he passed away April 14th, 2012. Accidental drowning the coroner ruled it but I in my heart I don't believe there was anything "accidental" about it. I met Tony during a very rough time in my life. Recently divorced, single mom, working twojobs, and scared as hell of being hurt again. He brought light and life back into my world. We worked in the same building and I remember the first time I saw his beautiful face. He made me blush, I had butterflies in my stomach, I knew he was the one. Tony was a quiet man, a humble man, with a smile that could melt and iceberg. Four months was all I got with him, but in that short period of time I learned what real love is supposed to feel like. I had been married for years and NEVER felt like this. It took 2 weeks and I fell in love with him. Despite my firm resoultion to never give my heart to anyone again, I couldn't help but love him. He was too wonderful not to love. I would tell him I'm scared, please be patient with me. His response "I just wanna be in your corner. There's no rush on my end." How could I not love that? We would text everyday from 600am till bedtime. We saw each other 6 days a week. We always called each other before bed just to say "I love you" even though we would see each other the next day at work. I fell like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I'm trying to stay positive and remember the good times we shared but not seeing him anymore kills me. I can't talk to him anymore, I go into work and he's not there. I'm devastated. I miss his kiss, his touch, the sweet things he would say that made me feel like the most beautiful woman alive. I miss my friend.
Lauren0526 Lauren0526
26-30, F
9 Responses May 13, 2012

I can undestand your grief my sister cause I myself am suffering the love of my love is more... And it always hurts

I thought i was the only one.. i dated devin for 5 years. We broke up we still kept in touch he was talking to me 2-3 months ago about getting back together but I couldn't make my mind up. I finally figured out what i wanted but it was to late... he got shot in a car this august. He knew i still loved him i was with him almost everyday. I cant figure out how to move on yet, i wanted to tell him so many things but we were both busy we couldnt meet up and talk. But now its to late. Im only in my depression an denial stage. I know he would want me to move on and be happy but i feel like i been completely destroyed i dont even feel my pulse half the time. Ever since i lost him i have been drinking and shaking like crazy. The only way I can actually sleep at night is when i been drinking that night or i would be up all day. I can barely hold food down nor get any sleep. All i can think about when me an him got in a huge fight when i was dating him in 2009-2014 he said to me in 2011 he hopes an prays that i miss him when hes gone. I cant get it out of my head. How much he loved his nephew an little sister but i cant seem to make it to his house anymore just to check on them cause all of the memories in the backyard and in the house. Everyone thinks im crazy or doesn't get why im still depressed dont eat ans drink so much. I have started to write a journal but doesnt seem like its helping. I just want to talk to him about the future an everything else for the last time. We always talked about getting married having kids when we got older( I was in 7th grade he was in 8th grade at the time) we always talked about our future. He was my first with everything. I dont know what else to do to start moving forward... i talk to my friends about it sometimes but it seems like it just gets worse...

I am so happy to find this forum. Just a few weeks ago on June 6th, I lost my love/ the man I've been dating for the past 6 months. He lost his life in the Ocean, while vacationing at Jaco beach in Costa Rica. Richard and I met while on vacation in the Caribbean last Christmas. It was the second day of each of our trips. He was there with his family and I was there with my Daughter. From the moment we began talking, we were inseparable. He quickly introduced me to his family and invited my Daughter and I to dine with them and spend time on the beach. His family welcomed me with open arms as if they had known me forever. My Daughter instantly liked him and could immediately tell that he was a great match for me. It caught me off guard, but I was ready and accepting of the possibilities to come. Before vacation was over, Richard expressed to me that he wanted us to keep in touch and build on our new connection. We continued to keep in touch and dated long distance (Him in Rhode Island, Me in Pennsylvania).
The distance made it tough, but we were determined to do everything to make it work. We talked about so much! We planned for one of us to relocate after a year if all continued to go well. We talked about marriage, having babies together, career moves. His family continued to embrace me. We had even planned to take a Christmas vacation all together, in Jamaica this coming December. He was truly the most gorgeous person inside and out. I truly feel God sent him to me to show me what unconditional love and true manhood is. i miss him more than I can say.
The reason your post struck me so much is that, like Richard and I, you and your boyfriend did not have very much time together. I sometimes wonder if my feelings are valid. Do I have the right to love and miss him the way I do? Is it valid to hurt so deeply? The more I read, the more I see that love has no time limit. I'm so happy to have found others who can help to be supportive in the healing process.

Hiya Lauren, it's been some time since this tragic story was posted but it moved me so much I am compelled to say my deepest sympathies,

I know what exactly you mean, I lost someone truly precious to me, my beloved boyfriend Niall, in a tragic car accident, he was only 19, like myself. He wasn't just a boyfriend but a best friend and he passed away on 2nd August 2014, its still early days.
Even though your experience was approx two years ago I just want to say even now people are thinking of you and i hope you found the strength to live life. :)

Dearest Lauren<br />
<br />
I am sorry for your deep deep loss. I too lost my bf on April of this year, your last lines really rang home for me, <br />
"I can't talk to him anymore, I go into work and he's not there. I'm devastated. I miss his kiss, his touch, the sweet things he would say that made me feel like the most beautiful woman alive. I miss my friend”<br />
I too cannot accept nor believe I cannot text Barry, nor call him nor see him walk through my front door again. He was my professor in college, then my mentor, then we dated and then friends when I was injured and needes space, yet he remained devoted as ever.<br />
he died in his sleep sunday night/monday morning, April 15 or 16th, 2012.<br />
<br />
I miss my beloved Barry. I feel like a widow. No man has ever compared to him. I am numb from grief. I keep looking for him. I feel abandoned by him. I feel lost. I am loney. Nothing helps. Our time was too short, his time was too short. <br />
<br />
No one understands and no one knows how much i hurt inside. Every thing is a reminder of "Barry and me”<br />
<br />
my prayers and gentle hugs, <br />
vee, colrado

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my boyfriend to a pulmonary embolism on April 30th. He was just 26 years old (I'm 21). Just days before he died he told me I was the one and that he loved me. His funeral was on our five month 'anniversary'. I feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest. I'm bitter, angry and so lonely without him. He was my perfect man. Our relationship was still so fresh, we were so smitten and couldn't keep our hands off each other. After he told me he loved me, I know it would have blossomed into something even more beautiful. I would have married that man. Right now, it feels like I will never get over what has happened, his death was very traumatic...it was just the two of us. I will never get over him, I feel like no one compares or will measure up to him (literally, he was 6'8). I just can't stop thinking about what could have been, how happy and perfect we were together and how much we loved each other.

I feel your pain and I'm so sorry for your loss. We will get through this, I don't know how or when but we will. If ever you need a cyber shoulder, don't hesitate to contact me.

I feel for you too, I lost my love of my life this last April, he died in his sleep. He was the world to me. He was and is the most extraordinary man and person I have ever known. My world is loney and lost and sad and I am a numb mess.
this site helps us cope and feel not as lonely
blessings, Vee

Lauren, I am so very sorry for the loss of your love. It does not matter that it was only 4-months. Love is love regardless of any thing else, be it age, distance, time. I can't say a lot in this comment, but I want you to know that this happened to me also. A long time ago now, but it was the most devastating event in my life, and we had only been together for 8-months. You asked, "when does the pain go away?" Everyone is different, so it is hard to say. Mine took 7-years, but I had no one...and I mean....no one...to support me, or comfort me. I had no family and no friends at the time, for the first 2-years, so if you have loving people around you, to understand, and give you comfort and love, then I think it will be a shorter time for you...but who can really say. My heart goes out to you. Huggggggsssssssssssssss

I too am sorry for your loss and I'm so saddened that you had no one to comfort you. At least now we have each other :)

Yes, we are, and thank you. I don't feel the pain anymore. I haven't for a long time, but I will never forget him.

I can honestly say I understand what it feels like to lose your heart. Yours is tragic as he didn't leave you on purpose though. My sister died in an accident and I hope she gathers up all of those who recently have come to join her and they all look down and watch over us together. We are in such pain but I'm sure they wouldn't want us to be. I also am here if you'd like to chat. I most definitely would love to vent with someone who also is a divorcee but yet met someone who stole their heart more than any one else ever in their life.

Thanks for your support. Vent away, it does feel good to have people at your disposal who can empathize.

i am so sorry for your lose...my boyfriend died march 27 2012 and it is still unreal...sometimes i think he is gonna come home and i have to keep telling myself hes not...this is the worst feeling....how are you doing?

I'm trying my best to cope with this but its very difficult. I sleep with his pillow, I smell his cologne, I call his name in hopes he may hear me. I'm sorry for your loss as well. Our loved ones passed away within weeks of each other. How do you cope with your loss?

i try my best also...it is so hard...my kids help me by just being around...i talk to him and when i get a sign he is around i get so happy...i look at his pictues sometimes that helps sometimes it doesnt...i have to keep telling myself that he is not coming back when i think he is calling or coming home..i miss him so very much its like a nighmare but im not waking up... do u get any sighns he is there.....i hope everything works out for you try to stay strong and know he is in a wonderful place with god

At night when all is quite and I smell his pillow I do feel him with me and it helps me sleep. He is in a better place and for that I'm ever so grateful.

**** you.

I smell my bf’s shirts and they smell like him. I look at his pictures and linger there. I listen to an old song “I Cant stop Loving YOU” by ROGER WHITAKER, it helps define my ache and loss and LOVE
hugs, and blessings,

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