I Miss My Boyfriend, My Love, My Other Half

my boyfriend died march 27 2012 from an overdose . The night before he died we got into this big fight and i dint get to say that i loved him. usually we would make up the next day. and that didnt happen . i got a phone call from his sister telling me he was found dead ...i thought my world was gooing to end when i heard those words. We have 4 beautiful kids and each resemble him espessially our son. he looks just like him.. We have been threw so much together and no matter what we were still together at the end of any bad situation and we also had so many good times ..he was my soulmate. he told me we were going to grow old together and the other day i got mad at him saying he lied about that. Then i told him i was sorry i was mad at him...we had so many plans together and with our kids....i think about us holding eachother laughing together watching movies together i think about so much and then i realize those moments are never going to happen again. i miss him so much
gismo8896 gismo8896
31-35
5 Responses May 15, 2012

Hey gismo. it happened to me too - the unthinkable happened to my boyfriend and I on March 29th 2015, almost one month ago now. I woke up right next to him at 8AM just knew that second that something was seriously wrong, turned over to his side of the bed and he was not there. They tried for 30 minutes but could not bring him back. He left this world peacefully. From what I've researched it doesn't sound like there is any pain while overdosing, you simply fall asleep. And I was right next to him and unfortunately did not hear a damn thing. I feel as though if I had heard any noise he could have made then like a cough or SOMETHING ******* ANYTHING then I would have gotten the chance to call the ambulance right then they would have been successful in bringing him back. God I ******* MISS MY JACOB SO MUCH MY BABY. I feel so guilty for not showing him enough affection like the prideful lion in him needed to be shown. He showed me so much love. He always told me I was beautiful. I was just so fed up and so ******* angry at the addiction but I stayed with him because I love him more than everything. I knew who he truly was when he wasn't on any pills. SO INTELLIGENT. Like he knew almost all species on the planet by heart, and US history, like damn he knew his ****. He taught me so much. But he taught me more about mental abilities like the "secret": how positive mindset and pure positive thinking can only attract positive reactions outside of the mind on the earth. (which the same is unfortunately true for pure negative thoughts leading to negative reactions). Most importantly he taught me what it meant to truly be in love with a human: to want to share every single thing in your life with them, to care about that person more than you care about yourself. I'd plan my daily schedule around him because I wanted to see him any and all chances I could get. God I loved that boy so ******* much it hurts so bad. I hope he knows. I hope he knows that everything so painfully mean & hurtful I ever said to him was only out of love and desperation. I was at work the night before, he picked me up around midnight, then he said (for the first time in the three years we had been dating and with each other for at least some portion if not all of every single one of those days) that he was too ****** up to drive and needed me to. I should have ******* known man. Jake never wanted to ride in the car with anyone - he ALWAYS had to drive. (Which was great by me because I prefer riding anyways). So he picked me up and said he had taken a bunch of methadone. Days later I find out he was also on heroin, and possibly xanax. I don't know. But we hung out together for a couple hours before we went to sleep, unfortunately I was the only one who woke up from the slumber. after we got back to his place I realized how insanely ****** up he was. he was the most ****** up I had probably ever seen him, but I've seen him SO ****** up so maybe not. I was so angry. I took two videos and a picture of him that night so that I could show him what he looked like the next day in hopes that ANYTHING could get him to realize the magnitude of this addiction and what he was putting me and his family through. I ******* HATED seeing him that way: drooling with one eye open with such slow reaction times, but at least he was breathing. I never got the chance to show him the picture. We never got the chance to get married. We never got the chance to have kids. We never got the chance to retire and grow old together like we had planned. Its so hard to see any type of a silver lining to this tragedy "every silver linings got a touch of grey" I'm much more supportive of other people because you can never judge a book by the cover. There are so much more to people, we are ALL going through our own **** so whats the point in not trying to achieve this common goal called life together? Exactly 3 weeks later, our friend (relatively new friend of mine, Jakes long time friend) Gram dies, same way. Heading to his funeral in one hour from right now. There was a small memorial down by the James River where we wrote messages on balloons and sent them up in the sky for Jake, and sent sunflowers down the river for Jake one week after he died - as Jake lost touch with a lot of his old friends, Gram was one plus maybe 5 other people there I had actually met before and I was happy to see him. We made plans to lobby together because it's ****** up that if someone overdoses and gets brought back a lot of times in Virginia that person will have to go to jail for a year for possessing/consuming the drugs. Um HELLO? Jail doesn't help too many people. How about REHAB? Something actually productive? Productive in both helping get the person off the drugs while also helping lower the amount of drugs on the streets. Like what the **** is going on man? This is an epidemic and some doctors just writing perscriptions to pills out like they're ******* skittles. Clearly there's an issue here. Are we as a society so disgustingly consumed with money to buy more overly advertised bull **** that we DON'T NEED that we are literally willing to do anything for just a teensy bit more cash? Even if it means jeopardizing kids lives? LETS FIX IT. Gram was real adamant about wanting to do this so I'm going to figure out how to lobby this **** for Jake and Gram because it makes me angry. Any feeling/emotion other than numbness and disassociation is okay in my book for now. You all are probably on this thread because you've experienced something along these lines, so I wish you all the best of luck in your journey through life and i hope the pain subsides for us all. There's good days and bad days - one day the good days will out number the bad. Just one day. And I hope that is soon for all of you. Peace & love <3

My boyfriend died of an overdose 2 months ago and the hardest part is knowing that the plans we made can never come true

me and my boyfriend went thru the same situation..except i was the one tht overdosed..i survived..i feel your pain though

dear “gismo” I lost my boyfriend of 11 years. I feel in my heart I am a widow, and guilty because he wanted to marry me but when I became disabled due to an accident that left me with chronic pain and other health issues, I was needing some space to heal and he stay deovoted to me til the day he passed.He died in his sleep APRIL 16, 2012. I saw him the night before he went to sleep and never woke up.<br />
I feel so guilty like I could of loved and appreciated him more and like if I had married him he may have lived longer, and angry because he left me and upset and confused and hurt and lonely and shocked and still so numb.<br />
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AND YOU said “those memories and things done together will never happen again” exactly how I feel! I cannot bear the thought that Barry and I won’t go out to AppleBee’s or to a movie, or for a walk. We texted daily and I keep waiting for that text that will never come..<br />
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it’s DEVESATING TO LOSE A BOYFRIEND I LEARNED, You feel like a widow, you are a widow and no on seems to recognize the depth of YOUR loss. <br />
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We’re human and you feel sad that you and your boyfriend had disagreements or unresolved issues, as ALL DO, I now believe all of our deaths will leave these unsaid things but we have to try to hold on to the LOVE we shared and how that love NEVER DIES!<br />
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THE BIBLE SAYS THAT THE LOVE IN LIFE IS NEVER GONE! IT EVEN OUTLIVES OUR BODIES. Look at how you love your BF even now! See that is proof! that your love is alive<br />
Your story really touched my heart.....<br />
I lost my BFF/companion/BF and more....he was my everything! and will ALWAYS BE! I WILL NEVER LOSE THAT LOVE FOR AND FROM HIM<br />
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I pray your memories are good and you find ways to honor his memory. I know I sound so strong (trust me, I a am a basket case who lays around due to grief and depression) but I know that I can find support here at this site.<br />
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My Barry was a fan of me finding support for my Chronic Pain so I know he would want me to be here getting suppport and giving support.<br />
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LOVE IS A GIFT that is forever.<br />
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blessings, Vee, Colorado

my boyfriend died on the 13th of march 2012 it was the day after my 18th birthday we dont know the cause still and i think the time will come back that it was my birthdat as he didnt get found till the next day, he went into prison on remand and was found dead in his cell the next day, we did everything together we had a flat and a dog and he got remanded cuz he was fighting protecting me that was just the guy he was he was soo special. i think the jail overdosed him on his meds but there trying to cover it up, we were soo happy together we had only been together a year but we never argued and we talked about having a baby next year when i was abit older and he was going to propose his mum gave me the ring last month. we had the bestest relationship ever he was 25 just turned 26 when it happend but he had a mind off kid n i loved it he was so special my heart is ripped in 2 now he has gone. i've never had any one die before so i'm completelt clueless i had to give the dog back and moved out the flat back to my mums where i was before i was with him so it feels like that year hasnt happend. i've found that keeping myself busy stops me from crying all day but then i feel like im not giving him all the time i should, i still speak to him all the time but when i go to the grave i dont as i dont feel that he is there, well and he is always with me so knows what im doing. i feel so sorry that you have been left with his kids but i also envy you as i would of loved to off had mickey's, be happy you have that reminder off him and a part off him will live on threw them and you. thats what im doing is trying to keep him alive everything i do i feel that it would be soo much better if mickey was here, its horrible this pain and all people say is 'time is healer' i feel like punching the bastards just find what works for you, i hit the bottle but it made things worse so stopped that so try and not turn to something. any advise you can give me?? no one understands i'm from the isle of man so not many people die here n if they have its never anyones boyfriend, i loved mine soo much and i know he treasured the ground i walked on i will never meet anyone like him, i miss him soo much.

im so sorry about your boyfriend... and i always thought when my boyfriend went to jail he was better off cause he was safe...i guess thats not always true i hope you find out the truth on what happened..my boyfriends death is still under investigation ..even though it was an overdose i still think there is more to it and trying to figure it out kills me..the things that keep me going in life are of course our kids and when i feel he is here with me..i love it when he gives sighns he is here..or atleast i hope its him...and i also tell myself i no he would want me to live a long healthy happy life with our kids and want me to take care of them the best that i can..and when its my time when god wants me my boyfriend will be there to greet me with his arm open and take me with him to that perfect place where he has been..i dont know your boyfriend but im sure he would want the same for you just to live your life long and happy..and happy when he is with you and to be strong