My Love, My World

My boyfriend Scott died on June 3, 2012.

He was the love of my life. At 32 years old, I met my soulmate. We both fell madly in love in such a short time. It's cliche, but we were truly two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. He was only 28 but very mature for his age. His father had died suddenly a couple years prior which forced him to grow up quickly when he had to take over the family business. His father was his hero. Before I met Scott he was overweight, smoked cigarettes and didn't take very good care of himself. After his father passed away of a heart attack, he changed his entire life. He got healthy, got in shape and had a whole new outlook on life. When I met him, he was in incredible shape. My nickname for him was "muscles." I was so amazed at his strength. He took the darkest event in his life and used it to create light. It was one of the many reasons I loved him so much. He was funny too. I was always laughing with him. He spoiled me, adored me. Scott would send me text messages all day long telling me how much he loved me. He would call me just to say "you're my world, my love, my green bean." That was his nickname for me. He held my hand, always opened the car door for me, made me breakfast, even put my towel in the dryer so it would be warm when I got out of the shower. He was truly one of a kind. He understood how precious and short this life can be. He made sure I knew just how very much he loved me.

Scott loved cars. He built a Cobra with his dad. A week before Scott passed away we went on the yearly memorial ride in honor of his father. With the sun beaming down on us, it was the perfect day. Scott looked at me as he held my hand and said "Babe, let's do this always. Will you be with me forever?" "I will my love, I will."

On June 2, I was on my way to his house. We always spent the weekends together. I had my own apartment on the other side of LA because it was near my school. I always joked that "I weekended in the Valley." It was strange that he wasn't picking up his phone. As I was pulling up to his apartment building I tried his phone again. A woman picked up. I asked her who she was, she told me I needed to call his mother. I begged her to tell me what was going on. She told me the name of the hospital. She told me to call his mother as she couldn't release any information.

I drove for 45 minutes to the hospital. I don't remember anything except that I was sobbing. I was scared. I remember my mother begging me to drive carefully on the phone. When I got to the ER I was the only one there. They wouldn't tell me anything but I knew it was bad. I paced outside the hospital for an eternity. Finally when his mother arrived, they told us he had been in a car accident. His mother collapsed. I told her it was okay. I said "He is alive, that's all that matters. He is going to be okay, I feel it." "Im going to hold you to that," she said.

He was in and out of surgeries. I was finally able to see him late that night. He was almost unrecognizable. His face was so swollen and bruised. He had many broken bones. He wasn't conscience. At one point they thought he might survive although the recovery would be rough. It was the longest night of my life. I didn't know it was possible to feel such pain. I sat by his bedside, holding his hand. I wouldn't leave for anything. Things took a turn for the worse. He was losing blood but they didn't know where. I whispered to him "Come find me in the next life baby, I'll be waiting." They kicked us out of the room while they took him for more tests.

By morning the hall outside the ICU was packed with people who loved him. When I was finally allowed to see him in the morning, I knew. He was still alive but his spirit was gone. I knew he was no longer this body I was looking at. Everyone else was still praying for a miracle. His mother wanted to wait for confirmation from the neurologist. I understood but it was so hard. I wanted him to be set free. I knew it was what he would want. Finally the news came back that he was brain dead. We all gathered in his room, said our goodbyes and let him go.....

The last few months have been the darkest time in my life. I cannot breath and not think of him. I try not to think of our plans... of all of the places we wanted to go, of our wedding, of our children that will never be. But I feel him with me. I know our bond is stronger than the physical world. I told his mother, I meant what I said, he IS okay... Maybe not in the way we wanted, but he is okay. Scott brought so much love when he came into my life but he also brought me so much love when he left. I am lucky to be surrounded by his friends and family. We have all become so close. I want to make him proud. I want to find the light in the darkness just as he did. But it is just so hard... I love him even more now, knowing just what he had to overcome.  
myheartleads myheartleads
31-35, F
4 Responses Sep 12, 2012

Oh my, you just responded to me, but honey what you must be going through!! I am really choked up. He sounds like truly one of a kind. Do you have family for support I hope? You need to get this book, its called Power of the Soul and it's author is John Holland. Enormous hugs to you.

Oh my, you just responded to me, but honey what you must be going through!! I am really choked up. He sounds like truly one of a kind. Do you have family for support I hope? You need to get this book, its called Power of the Soul and it's author is John Holland. Enormous hugs to you.

I'll check the book out thank you. And yes, I have amazing friends and family looking out for me. I am quite grateful for that :)

This really just made me cry :( Cry so much because I understand you. Word for word. My boyfriend also passed away....he passed away in May. Please reply..I would love to talk to you. . .sometimes I feel like no one understand me.

im so sorry. this story brought tears to my eyes. you are a strong woman i could not even imagine being in your place. i would just fall apart. im glad your not slipping into the darkness.. i wish you good luck <3

thank you, Unfortunately none of us know how strong we are until we are forced to prove it :)