The Things Ive Learned

My name is Lorraine. I have three beautiful kids, all boys. When i was younger, i always was in trouble, fighting, rebelling against my parents, you name it i did it. Things always seemed to go wrong in my life and i never kept very good relationships with my family. I moved alot, trying to "get away" from my problems but that didnt help. In 2008 I met a wonderful man. Andrae. We hit it off right away and ended up together. He gave me two of my precious boys who are ages 1 and 2. We eventually ended up having our problems, as you do in any relationship. But i loved him. With all my heart. He was a great daddy to our boys and his older son who lived with us. Just meeting Andrae changed my life, not only because of our kids. But because of the kind of person he was. I watched him give money to people on the streets. I watched him buy food for people who didnt have any. I watched him carry a lady from her car from the middle of an intersection because she was passed out. I watched him LOVE his family, and did anything he could for them. Then my world got flipped upside down August 17, 2011 when a stray bullet went thru our front door and stuck him in the heart leaving him to die on our floor in front of myself and our kids! Never have i ever felt so helpless, watching someone i loved so much pass away before my very eyes. Its been over a year, our kids are growing up, and i have been thru hell and back. I miss him. I love him and i want him back. How does someone "get over" a death? How does someone get rid of the flash backs and the guilt? How can i stop thinking about all the "what if's?" What am i supposed to tell my children? Today, almost 16 months after his death, i am a totally new person. I started a non profit group -Remembering Homicide Victims. Because it seems that victims are often forgotten. Alls i want is for people to remember him, remember what a wonderful person her was. The group helped me beyond belief. On July 28, 2012 (Andraes birthday) we held our first annual Remembering Homicide Victims awareness event. Prior to that we did car washes and fund raisers. Its amazing how many people could care less about victims of homicide. I was truly amazed. My life has change, for the better. I am a better person, loving everyone i know with all i have, because i really never realized how short life really is. Andrae had just turned 31. His life was cut way to short. So if i have learned anything form this experience its to: get over all the pety crap. Love your family and friends and tell them often. Dont take anyone from granted because we are not promised tomorrow. You never think something like this could happen to you, but it can, anytime, any place. Live life to its fullest, take chances..and conquer your fears. Life is to good to be anything but happy!! And help people without expecting anything in return! I struggle with his death every single day and i will never "get over it!!" One day i have to tell our kids the truth and i dread that day. But i have built enough strength over the past 16 months, that nothing can break me. I refuse to be broke!
SexxiLingerie SexxiLingerie
26-30, F
Nov 29, 2012