I am 47 years old. My boyfriend died when I was 21 and he was just 19. I hate to tell you all that it doesn't get any easier with time. And in some ways it gets harder. I will post more tomorrow.
only1vandy only1vandy
51-55, F
4 Responses Aug 18, 2014

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so here's the rest of the story. I got to know him when I was 14 and he was 12. We were both involved in our youth fellowship group at our church. We started going to dances together and it was all so innocent. We sat together at lunch time and he was like no other person I'd ever met. We were on again, off again all through high school. The relationship was not perfect. But he had a way of looking at me that felt like he was looking at my soul. And kissing with him was like being transported to another dimension. In all my years, it's never felt that way with anyone else. I just felt like I belonged to him. And even through the times when we were "off again", I always felt like it was only a matter of time till we would be together again. He used to say to me that he liked me alot, but that he didn't think it was the love that I wanted and deserved. He joined the army at 18. I was in my second year of college. We saw each other while he was on a break in November 1987. We ran into each other in a video store and decided to rent several movies and watch them together. It was a perfect day. We kissed for hours and didn't watch the movies much. I was upset when he told me that he still wasn't sure we could ever make it work. I got angry with him and told him it would probably be best for me if I never saw him again. I didn't mean it. He went back to the army and was stationed in GA. I left our small town to work on a cruise ship in FL. In February of 1988, he sent a letter to one of our mutual friends (my best friend) and he asked her for my address on the cruise ship. He said he wanted to write to tell me that after being away from home and away from me, he finally realized that I was the love of his life and that he wanted me back if I would take him back. The last words of the section about me were "talk about lost dreams in the wind". He asked her not to tell me, that he wanted to tell me himself. She was my best friend, so of course she sent the letter to me on the ship. When I got the letter, my first instinct was to get off the ship, rent a car, and drive to GA. I didn't. I decided I would probably see him when we were both scheduled to be home for Memorial Day. I got the call in April from one of our other friends. She said that he had been killed in an accident on base. I told her that I didn't think her "prank" phone call was very funny. I didn't believe it. So I called someone else from the church and she just started praying for him and for me. I couldn't accept it as true. I don't know any of the details of his death. I wasn't close with his family. I hate that the last thing I said to him was that it might be better for me not to see him again. I hate that he wanted to tell me that he loved me and he never got a chance to. I wonder if he might have written a letter to me and it was never mailed or delivered. I hate that I can't let go of it. I keep wishing that it would stop hurting and it doesn't. It's been just over 25 years and I still miss him as much now, if not more. I keep wishing that maybe he is just living in the witness protection program, and not really dead.

i lost the love of my life 10 years ago and no it doesnt get easier, it gets harder. for me anyway.

Some cuts are really deep, you must have really loved him.

Man that is way heavy. So young...