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My Daughter Does Not Like Me.

My daughter just turned 41 and she hasnt been in a relationship in about 20 yrs. I tell you this because I know that she is lonely. She is a school  teacher and very pretty. Has a lot of friends. She is a social butterfly. When it comes to me she is a different person.

I divorced her dad when she was 9 and I know that it hurt her a lot. She went to live with her father as did her 2 brothers. My other daughter stayed with me.

Her father passed away 3 years ago and she tried to get closer to me but there is something in her that hates me. We can,t spend 10 minutes together without her saying something mean to me. I hardly say anything to her because if I say the weather is cold , she tells me I am always complaining.

She lives 15 minutes from me and I see her once a month. I find myself apologizing to her for things I havent done and she makes me cry a lot.

My children are my life. I am a very kissy kind of person but my daughters attitude is making me depressed. My other children know what she does and tell her to have respect. She will say sorry mom I know that was mean and I will say its ok honey until next time.

I don,t know what to do.

kaysplace kaysplace 66-70, F 4 Responses Mar 23, 2009

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Just wanted to thank you all . My daughter and I are starting to communicate on a grown up level.She is going to theraphy and thank God I can see a change in hwe.

The only way to break those barriers is to spend time with her and overcome the bitterness she feels toward you. In the end, all she wants is an acknowledgment from you that the things that happened to your family in her childhood hurt her very much. I think that you have to overlook all the hateful comments. If she truly loves you, they will stop if you allow time with her to heal the wounds.

My ex husband was a good father. There was no abuse. I am being so patient but it hurts when she talks to me as if I was a stranger or her worse enemy. <br />
Thank you for writing back

Is it possible that she resents you because her father abused her? I know that my children hate me and I just don't care anymore. Being weak gives people power over someone and I was REALLY weak and was going completely out of my way, living my life for my ungrateful, spiteful children who made bad choices as adults and blamed me for their failures and it didn't matter that during the time when I was the head of household they didn't get into trouble or have problems. That I don't get appreciated for. You should find a neutral point emotionally regarding your daughter since her animosity goes so deep and maybe in time she will become more accepting of you. I raised my three children alone. I had no one but me and I refused to "mess up" with them. Turns out I am hated for my diligence and frankly it no longer phases. I live my life for me now and not them. Whenever they have problems the first one they turn to is the same mother that they despise so much. I help them out because they are my children no matter their attitude towards me. Your daughter has got to work through her issues herself and as a Mom let her. I'm glad that you don't hold her outbursts against her it shows that you are a patient person. Keep doing that and it will get better. Remember, NEUTRAL.