My Sweet Girl Hates Me

This week has been the worst in my life. My beautiful sweet 16 yo daughter went to a party 9 days ago and didn't come back until today. The first few days were the worse because just didnt show, no all no text nothing. Her dad and I were sick with worry. There had been no fight or indication anything was wrong before hand. In fact that night I made dinner for 2 of her friends and them they went off to the party. She came home briefy on day 3 packed 3 bags and said she was leaving. Would not tell me where or why, I cried begged and even tried to unpak her bag. She just cried and cried and told me she would talk to me later. I asked a thousand questions..what did I do? did someone hurt you at the party? Silene and tears was her only response and then shw walked out the door. Past her 7 yo sister and her new baby half sister.
It has been a tough 18months I admit. Her father my husband of 19 years left me 18 months ago. I fell pregnant early in a new ralationship - we moved in together my two girls and his 2 children stayed with us one a week and every second weekend. For a while we were all so happy. My 16 yo in particular she said she loved been in a big family and really bonded with the other children. Meal time was the best, everyone happily eating and chatting. Then 7 weeks before the baby was due I recieved a call from my partner that he was not coming home - that he did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. That was a terrible shock for me but also for the girls, my 16 was very hurt as she had grown to really like him and the children. Also during those 18 months one of my closest friends got breast cancer. I got very involved in going with her to all her treatments and I guess I didnt notice slowly my princess hurting more and more.
I think it all took a toll on her and she had a melt down. She came home today but I overheard her say that she hates being here and ant wait to get out tommorow. She has being sweet to me but I know she is saying what she thinks I want to hear. She dropped out of school and is looking for work. Came home with more pierings and strechers in her ear. We have always been so close and though we have had our clashed rarely went to bed angry with each other. She is my life and I am dying slowly every minute we are apart.
I am finding it hard to spend time with the baby or listen to my 7yo as I am in deep grief and shock. I dont know what to do to reach out to her. She is depressed and seems lost.
I have offered to send her to do courses that will interest her and help her in her dream to become a tattoo artist or artist of sorts - she is very talented but has no confidence.
I just want my baby back and for her to be happy. I feel as lost as she is.

lunaperra lunaperra
36-40, F
3 Responses Jul 14, 2010

I think so too, I agree with starandmiko, the ex is your culprit here I just bet. I've seen this kind of thing again and again. I think you know it too, in your heart.

As I am reading this, I wonder if something happen betwwen your x bf and yor daughter.. something that she can never tell you. the reason i say this is because my cousin mom had a boyfriend living with them and they started very happy and then couple years later my cousin ended up hating her moms bf.. and her mom is siding her bf and just couldnt understand why her daughter is acting this way.. but my cousin finally told me that her moms bf raped her and to her its useless to tell her mom about it and she hates her mom for bringing that guy into their lives.. so anyway.. i hope nothing happen like that to your daughter but talk to her deeply and see what is really going on inside..

The rug has been pulled out from under you and you are having difficulty finding footing. This is complicated for an Internet forum. I really think you need to talk to someone. If you can't see a therapist, I recommend a 12-step group and a sponsor. There are 12-step groups for everything--Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-Anon if you've had any relative with alcoholism, NA, OA, etc. Even if you don't think that is the issue, the group and sponsor can help with what is going on in your life. If possible, do both the therapy and the group. Also, there are community social work centers. I recommend reading, "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood, really. In the meantime, try to float, instead of treading so hard and gasping for air and taking on water.

And for goodness sake get a reliable, foolproof form of birth control and use it! Bringing a child into an already resource scarce, chaotic situation is beyond foolish! It is also cruel to your children who need your attention. They may be acting thrilled but trust me, they are hurting inside more than you could ever realize.