I Annoy My Daughter, So She Left Home.

My daughter (middle of three) has never wanted much comfort from me since the day she was born.  She is now almost 18, and lately has been giving me the "I hate you looks".  She finally cracked last week, giving me lip then thumping me on the head.  She walked out the next day, and doesnt know when she is coming home.  She hates me and I annoy her.  How on earth to you get through to a girl like this?  Took her to a therapist once, she told the him all the 'right' things he wanted to hear, needless to say the therapy was a waste of time.  Do you just let them go, or do you fight for them, and if so, how do you go about it?... I am lost.  It hurts so much, yet I am angry at the same time.  Any one have similar experiences?  I am told she will be my best friend in 5 years time, I know differently.

robemi robemi
46-50, F
2 Responses Aug 12, 2010

Dear Robemi, I hope your daughter dosn't do drugs and do not practice self-mutilation that included piercing various body parts and tatooing her brests and butts, beacause my 16 y/o does it all. My daughter is verbaly abusive every time she hears things she doesn't like, just to make long story short...she is already in a pit, and my only hope is training school, if court send her there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND HAVING DEFIANT CHILD DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A BAD MOM, please do not feel sorry, you need to make the best of your life with or without your daughter, I know it sunds cruel, but I know it firsthand, I am also trying ... against the wind

It is difficult when your child disrespects you, because by the time your daughter is 18, your identity is wrapped up in being a mother. My daughter appears to be a sociopath. I let her abuse and manipulate me until she was 22. After my daughter did everything to me, I saw a great psychiatrist (no meds, just talk). I recommend seeing a therapist, because for a mother this wound is too great. People are very sympathetic when someone's child dies, but they are judgmental when your child is a sociopath (or just bad). Be relieved that this resolved itself now instead of after you spent all your income and savings and energy putting her through college for the next four years and/or supporting her emotionally and financially. She could continue to manipulate and drain you in every way for the rest of her life if you let her.<br />
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Now that your done taking care of her, take care of yourself. What would you like to do that you didn't do because you were focused on raising her? Protect yourself and your other children. These people have a knack for contacting you when you are most vulnerable to their manipulations. This is why a therapist would help, especially now when the wounds are fresh. I like that you said that you know better. You do know better. Trust that instinct.<br />
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Some things my therapist told me that may be helpful are--Your daughter is an adult now and responsible for her own choices. Let go of her and move on. If she were not your daughter, would you even want her in your life? Would you be friends with her?<br />
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I hope that your daughter grows to appreciate what a loving and dedicated mother she has, but don't hold your breath. The fact that you took her to a therapist shows that you went the extra mile. You should take care of yourself at least as well as you took care of her. She may get better. She may get worse. Set aside your self-blame. Protect yourself. Take care of yourself. Create good memories now.<br />
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And did I tell you to take care of yourself? Well, take care of yourself.