I My Daughter Hates Me
I am a single parent of a 14 year old daughter. Her father has been entirely out of her life for most of her life. He does not pay child support. I do not have any family living nearby. I have friends, but I am embarrassed to tell them what goes on in my home on an almost-daily basis.
A typical day goes like this - I ask my daughter to clean her room or take care of some responsibility. She immediately gets angry and tells me that she doesn't like the way I asked. It escalates. I can't get a word in, because every time I try to say something, she screams - no, really, she screams. Usually without words, but sometimes it's "I hate you" or "I wish you were dead" or "I hate living with you". I have, in the past, slapped her on the butt or even once or twice in the face - not often, but certainly out of frustration, when nothing else worked. I haven't done that in a long time - it didn't work, and, in fact, just made things work. Sometimes I yell back; most often I cry. She has pushed me, kicked me, and even spit in my face. She throws things, sometimes at me, and kicks holes in the walls and doors. She kicked my bedroom door in when I was trying to stay away from her, splintering the whole door jam. She refuses to listen to me when I send her to her room or give her some other punishment. I've even called the police a few times, because I just didn't know what else to do. If I try to talk to her, she'll yell, "don't talk to me" over and over until I leave her alone.
After these outbursts, she is generally apologetic, but it never lasts for long. Generally, she behaves herself for long enough to get whatever it is that she wants, like a friend to spend the night, and then it starts all over again. I know the neighbors can hear the commotion, and I am so embarrassed by that. I don't want to tell my friends or family what is going on - they can't really help me, and I should be able to handle this myself, right? I'm a teacher - I have no problem handling other people's children. Why do I have such a hard time with my own?
I had her in counseling for a while, but it was a waste of time and money - she wouldn't tell the counselor how she was really feeling or be honest about what was going on. Eventually, she reached the maximum number of visits that my insurance would cover, so we stopped going. We've actually done this twice, with 2 different therapists, both times with the same result.
I'm ashamed to say that I would rather be at work than at home. I dread driving home every day, because I know what to expect. I keep telling myself that in 4 years, she'll be gone - I can do this for 4 more years, right? I never thought I would feel like this. I wanted to be a mother. I loved being a mother. I don't know what went wrong, but I feel so helpless and hopeless. Every day hurts. I wish I knew what to do...
A typical day goes like this - I ask my daughter to clean her room or take care of some responsibility. She immediately gets angry and tells me that she doesn't like the way I asked. It escalates. I can't get a word in, because every time I try to say something, she screams - no, really, she screams. Usually without words, but sometimes it's "I hate you" or "I wish you were dead" or "I hate living with you". I have, in the past, slapped her on the butt or even once or twice in the face - not often, but certainly out of frustration, when nothing else worked. I haven't done that in a long time - it didn't work, and, in fact, just made things work. Sometimes I yell back; most often I cry. She has pushed me, kicked me, and even spit in my face. She throws things, sometimes at me, and kicks holes in the walls and doors. She kicked my bedroom door in when I was trying to stay away from her, splintering the whole door jam. She refuses to listen to me when I send her to her room or give her some other punishment. I've even called the police a few times, because I just didn't know what else to do. If I try to talk to her, she'll yell, "don't talk to me" over and over until I leave her alone.
After these outbursts, she is generally apologetic, but it never lasts for long. Generally, she behaves herself for long enough to get whatever it is that she wants, like a friend to spend the night, and then it starts all over again. I know the neighbors can hear the commotion, and I am so embarrassed by that. I don't want to tell my friends or family what is going on - they can't really help me, and I should be able to handle this myself, right? I'm a teacher - I have no problem handling other people's children. Why do I have such a hard time with my own?
I had her in counseling for a while, but it was a waste of time and money - she wouldn't tell the counselor how she was really feeling or be honest about what was going on. Eventually, she reached the maximum number of visits that my insurance would cover, so we stopped going. We've actually done this twice, with 2 different therapists, both times with the same result.
I'm ashamed to say that I would rather be at work than at home. I dread driving home every day, because I know what to expect. I keep telling myself that in 4 years, she'll be gone - I can do this for 4 more years, right? I never thought I would feel like this. I wanted to be a mother. I loved being a mother. I don't know what went wrong, but I feel so helpless and hopeless. Every day hurts. I wish I knew what to do...
By:
eileens5
Age:
46-50
