Sharing the Heartache

Strange this group is here but there are no stories???   On Valentine's day this week,  I was excited to see an email from my one and only daughter, Deanna, 36yrs old and a brilliant, intelligent woman.  But what a shock!  Instead of a valentine, it was a letter informing that she was cutting me out of her life.  I had no idea that she felt this way as we have had a great relationship in spite of only seeing each other every 4-5 yrs.

Ever since she left home to go to University I've dreamed of a time when we could live close to each other and do mother-daughter stuff.    But that dream has to die along with my daughter. 

This grief is overwhelming.  I want to hear everyone elses' story!



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6 Responses Feb 21, 2009

Has anyone been beaten up by their daughter?

A similar thing happened to me just today deleted. At, same age my daughter just graduated cumlaude. in psychology (oh the irony) Sometimes I think intelligence has nothing to do with having compassion. I have blamed myself sometimes for taking her bait when she softens me up by feigning sympathy and then stabs me in the back. My daughter has manipulated and hurt me over and over again. I do believe in DNA personality inheritance now Ive studied personality disorders extensively in the past years since being abused by a Narcissist man, I realise theres nothing I can do. I must ptotect myself from her and my dreams of living close to her and trying to heal whatever she has that caused this are over. I realised I have become deeply afraid of her unkindness, when I hear her turn on me while on the phone, I can hear it in her tone and I end the call before she can stick the knife in all the way. Sad as I gave her everything sacrificed so much for her, she is ungrateful despite what comes out of her mouth to try and convince otherwise. I understand your pain, and we could email each other for support if you like. focus on your own life. hugs

I can't say anything positive to you about this because I am going through a similar situation. My Daughter didn't totally end our relationship as yet, but it may as well be that way. I am so sorry that we have to deal with this grief in our lifetime. We certainly do not deserve it.

You are not alone.Please take comfort in that. My own 40 year old daughter has done the same sort of thing to me. After wishing and dreaming that we would have a normal relationship, she hurt me terribly.....(refer to my story"My 40 year old daughter is saying horrible lies about me"). I have no idea what is wrong with these girls. After much thought.....I have decided that I have my own life to live in a positive way. If my daughter wishes to behave in a hateful manner...well that's her problem. I will enjoy my remaining days in a positive fashion.

I'm guessing our daughters need someone to hate and we have been chosen. Maybe they hurt so badly that they want us to hurt, too. Like you, I can't imagine what I have done that makes her hate me so, but she does. She seems energized by her hatred. I am considering moving out of my own house until she saves enough money to leave and be on her own. My son is dead set against this. But why would I want to stay where hurt is waiting like a lion ready to pounce?

I hope things are better since this post. Your son's advice seems good on this one. It's your home. If she can't play nicely there, in your home, then she needs to play somewhere else. Best wishes to you.

I am so sorry that this had to happen to you with your daughter, and that she informed you of her feelings about hers and your relationship in an email, no less...did she ever explain to you why she was ending all contact with you, or what it is that you did wrong? I would think that as your daughter, she would owe you that much. Does she have any children of her own? I kind of hope she does, because maybe then she will see what she's doing right away, and come to her senses. Anyway, I hope the two of you can resolve whatever's going on soon, and become close as a mother and daughter again. <br />
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I am going through the same thing with my beautiful, headstrong daughter Alyssa, and she is only 15, so it only makes matters worse to me. And to top it all off, my daughter is 8 months pregnant, and was going to keep the baby, which I was all for helping her raise, but now, she just told me last week that she was giving up for adoption and that's it. I feel like someone has just ripped my heart straight out of my chest.

I expect a 15 year old to behave irrationally, as to be selfish rebellious and scared too about being pregnant. You need to discuss with her that if she keeps it you have rights as a GParent and will not
tolerate her coming and going as she pleases, she is a child, and in fact the oerson who made her pregrant has commited a crime by law. So if you help her rause the child she lives under your rules. Its really hard. however my daughter us 36 and so ungrategul and hurtful to me, not to her friends or her father who is a deadbeat dad, but to me the person who has given her so many opportunities and chances. Be strong and insist on respect.

adoption is a good thing for a pregnant 15 year old. Birth control is even better! She's no where near ready to be a mother to this poor child. Trust me. This road is paved in heartache. Long term, fool proof birth control is the next proactive plan so your daughter can complete the process of growing up. This way she and her future family can have a chance at a happy full life.