I Am Sorry Mila

A couple days ago, a got call from my sister and she was crying hysterically on the phone. I asked her to settle down and to talk to me. She told me that my puppy Mila had been hit by a car. I was so shocked, angry and just a complete mess. I told her to take her to the emergency vet and that I'd be there as soon as I could. Then my mom took a hold of the phone and told me that was Mila was dead. This was the most devestating news I had ever recieved. I didn't know what to do; I couldnt help from screaming at both of them over the phone and just acting like a complete nut case. I was so sobbing and hurried over to my grandpa's to see my poor lifeless puppy. I was at home from work so it took me awhile to get there. But when I arrived I saw poor Mila... a neighbor helped my mom move her out of the street. She was wrapped in her little blanket and look so peaceful. I didnt want to believe she was dead.... she looked like she was taking one of her little naps. I can't believe my baby is gone. :( Mila was a gift from my ex husband. She really helped me through those tough times from divorce, and I feel sad because I wasnt able to be there for her like I should have. When I split with my ex, I moved back home and almost slowly allowed my mom to take over the responsibilty of taking care of her. She enjoyed it, and almost insisted I overloaded myself with school this semester and have been working so I could get on my feet again.I just could not be there for her like I wanted too. I feel so guilty and upset that I dont know how to get any peace of mind from this horrific tragedy.. My mom would take her shopping, buy her little clothes, feed her gourmet meals and give her a lot of attention. I was hesitant about my mom having mom take Mila every where but she was able to give her a lot more attention then I could have at the time. I mean I played with her all the time, fed her, and took her out to potty but my mom would give even more attention and I felt like that what my little Mila deserved. My mom would say that it was her grandchild...That day Mila got hit, I questioned myself, "But why? Why did this happen?" My mom told me she had been moving stuff in and out of my grandpa's house because we are moving him into an assissted living home. She told me that Mila was following her when she dropped some trash off at the street, and then when she went inside she could have sworn that her Mila followed her back inside. She soon realized that Mila was not inside that house so she went to the front and there she was in the street. I dont only blame my mom, but most importantly, I blame myself. Mila should have never died. If I would have trained Mila better, spent more time with her and not have let my mom take on the responsibilty of a dog that did truly mean alot to me this would have never happened and she'd still be here with me. I just feel like I, her mommy, let her down. :'( She was my responsibility .... and I trusted my mom to watch her for me until I got my life in order again and now she is dead. She should have never been in the front yard without a leash- and how can you forget about a puppy following you? I just feel so terrible she lived a very short life (1year), although, a good one... I wanted Mila to live a long life with me and I do not know how to accept the fact that she is gone and that I can't change that, and how to be okay with this. I just feel so mad at myself, for allowing this to happen. I have so much hurt and anger that I dont know how to let it go....