My Family Hates Me And I Have No Friends

My story is so freaking complicated. I dont know where to begin. All I can say is that my family hates me. I am 35 years old and live in a one bedroom apartment with my parent and sibling. I moved there after college to help out and because they are the only family I have. I am a child of immigrants so I dont have much of a family. I am highyl educated with an ivy league degree but somehow i feel lost. i do i a job i dont like and that leaves me deeply unhappy and unsatisfied and gives me anxiety but i do it becaue there is nothing else.

I sleep on a couch in a one bedroom and constantly get abused by them. My sibling, who is only 2 years younger, walks around calling me a wh:ore, wishing death upon me because i didnt wash her clothes right or because i put her glasses in the drawer and she was looking for them and couldnt find them or because i misspelled something on the check for utilities. She is deeply unhappy with her life, working as a cashier in a bank for over a decade making the exact same amount of money ( i kid you not) despite 4 languages and a college degree. So she is taking all her anger out on me.

My parent, when not ignoring me, insults me in one way or another - directly or indirectly. I used to be in an abusive relationship where my boyfriend called me a wh:ore. My sibling, ever since she knew that, is using that now everytime we have an argument to call me a wh:ore and telling me that my boyfriend was right all the time.

Her boyfriend, whom she badmouthed me to, hit me and spit me in the face some 8 years ago and she showed her support of me by moving in with him and taking his side. She embarrassed me in front of a mutual friend at a restaurant some 8 years ago before i had gone to grad school and was a college graduate without money, telling me i cant "mooch my way through" - to the point of her friend getting upset and offering to pay for my food, which i politely declined and left.

I cannot afford a car while these two have cars so me not having a car was being regularly used as a bargaining chip to get me take their abuse, because when i did complain and objected, they just "punished" me by not giving me rides anywhere, which meant i had to take the bus and my backpack to go to the grocery store in a town where public transportation is scarce. when i did get a ride i was given so much **** left and right without being able to complain of course because complaining meant i wasnt gonna get a ride. They made me take a cab for 75 dollars.from the train station and have numerous times, out of pure spite, left me stranded late at night somewhere leaving me to sleep in train staitons until the morning when a bus was running or pay 40 of 60 bucks to get a cab.

I do all the cleaning around the house everyday - they seriously dont do anything, not even clean up after thmesleves. When i ask them to help me out, they call me a wh:ore who is selfish and abusive or slam the door on my face. I clean up becasue i live there too and dont like living in dirt.

Everytime i want to talk about them helping out or setting up a schedule, i get yelled at.

everytime i try to have a conversation about this and how what we are doing to each other or them to me is not right, they just leave the room and shut me up and when i follow them insisting on talking, my sibling holds her ears and hums like a 12 year old so she doesnt hear me.

I try so hard to make it work but they just dont care. if they do listen they manage exactly for about 3 days to go without calling me names or saying something horrible to me but then we are back at square one. This has been going on for 4 years.

We are not able to have one conversation about anything, be it something serious or a TV show or a piece of tape for that matter, without them yelling, getting personal and mocking/insulting me based on my intrinsic characteristics. "you are fat/stupid/dense" They just hate everything about me. My sibling has even told me that she doesnt like me and cant stand me,

The thing is, they dont see anything wrong with their behavior. They say their abuse against me is not abuse but that whatever they do to me i deserve and asked for. When i ask them how and if they can tell me exactly how i am all that, they tell me "shut up you prostituting wh:ore" and walk out. I dont know what to do anymore. I pay more rent than them, i do all the clesning up, i do all the little things to make our home a nice place., i always cook for them when i make food, i let them eat my groceries and i pay for most household things. In return i get yelled at and abused and accused of the craziest **** and blamed for all their misery. As I am writing this, they are talking in the other room about what a terrible person i am.

I would move out but i cant afford living on my own and i cant just live with some random stranger. And i shouldht have to, at 35 and after all the hard work and putting myself through harvard, having to crash on someone's couch like a community college drop out or just a get room in someone else's place with their rules like i was 18.

My self esteem is at an all time low. I feel miserable and unloved and i got no one else in the world. I hate myself and my life when i am around these people and there is no reasoning with them. The worst part is the disdain they have for me. Today i drove all day long to run their errands and all i hear is what a horrible driver i am and just so unpleasant to be sat next ot in the car and that they will never ride with me again. Nevermind that I paid for the gas and did all the driving for all day. I didnt get a thank you for that - instead i have to overhear them tell each other how much i sucked today.

What do i do? I really have NO ONE I can go to. The so called friends I have are all thousands of miles away and they certainly dont want to hear me talk about my dysfunctional family. I cant even believe it myself. Most poeple i tell this to dont believe me and think i am making this up or exaggerating since they cant imagine anyone being that bad.

What do i do? i dont want to live anymore...
JosiePackard JosiePackard
36-40
7 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Go to a social function. There is Meetup.com where groups of people with similar interest come together to meet and greet. Its always in public places for the most part and the website is open to the public. Hopefully that helps.

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I like the last suggestion in this bunch. I'm in a crazy family situation now, too... not as harsh as yours is, but I believe my family is just putting up fronts to avoid saying they hate me. But, then again, I don't know for sure. Your situation, you know for sure...

You need to get out of that situation. I've been threatening to move out if things didn't change... it's too late now. I have no money to get a place, and it's just crazy.

My selfishness has done this to me, and I will probably lose my family over it. My mom is going to quit her job and move down south, then what do I do? My sister and her kids are all that's left, and I'm nothing to them, either. I didn't see any of this coming at all.

That last remark about taking your life, believe me I feel the same way about my family. But you have one advantage over me, you have a job and money. You can move out and find a place of your own. Your pride might take a hit but at least you've managed to get away. Suicide is what I think about everyday so your not alone. Thank you for your story.

Regarding your last remark, me either... Just know that there are many of us that want to commit suicide. The only reason I haven't is because I don't want to hurt anyone I care about. If they weren't here, I would be gone...

Id rather be super poor and alone then to deal with that,

You have a very big heart. To be able to stand their nonsense and continue living under the same roof, you are just incredible. I think your only option is to move out, even if that's not what you want. Your self-esteem might improve greatly. Please don't consider taking your life. That would be terrible thing to do.It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Face your problems. Change. Get a new job. Make new friends. Anything is better than commiting suicide. Trust me, there are people out there who still loves you. Be strong =)