They Hate Me And I Don'T Know Why

Ever since I was a kid, I was always considered to be "the good child" (or goody-two-shoes) by my cousins and later, siblings. I have two younger sisters. As I got older, and I mean late high school and university, I realized that I was tired of being a doormat and saying yes to everything that I didn't want to do/wear/etc... So when I started saying no, people in my family were surprised, upset, etc. Predictably. But ever since, my mom has been on my case about how I have become such a terrible person. Specifically after I got a boyfriend (and to be fair, even though I have conservative parents from a conservative culture, I did tell them right away and introduced them all and never tried to hide it).

My mom, I think, has attachment issues because I was becoming more independent, not telling her every little secret or aspect of my life, and saying "no" more often, which to her meant I was a rebellious, uncaring daughter. I never stay out late, drink, party, sneak out, smoke, do drugs or anything else that might warrant such ideas. The worst thing I have done is argue with her. But my mom constantly tells me how horrible I am now, how I am selfish and don't care about anyone else but myself (because I don't go along with everything she wants anymore), and how I've changed since "then" (getting a boyfriend). My boyfriend, for context, is sweet and kind and always tries to help my family anytime they need it or ask. He fixes things around the house, helps carry things, is super polite and not once has ever done anything terrible. But my mom, although she says she likes him, says I have become a different (and selfish) person since "then", and hearing that every day wears me out. Never a nice comment for how well i'm succeeding in school or how i'm responsible for working part-time and paying for my own education or how i'm honest or anything. She also cries about every little problem, from me debating with her to if me and my sisters have an argument (big or small).

My two younger sisters also believe that I'm horrible and when they start ganging up on me in arguments, my mom supports them saying I should listen to them and they are right and should be allowed to say it. My sisters have multiple times told me they hate me, everyone hates me, and in front of other people as well. I know we all argue and I get mad as well but I never verbally abused them as bad as they have me. Now my typical reply is to say I hate you too (unenthusiastically) because I'm past the point of feeling hurt. They always exclude me and tell me I'm the one ruining their fun and that i'm too different from them. And when my mom has a problem with me, she tells them how I'm making her upset, how I'm awful, and then they all proceed to verbally abuse me and tell me how awful I am. My mom continues to encourage and egg on this sibling dispute even though she cries later when we all don't get along. Its like her subconscious wants us to hate each other because she is angry at me.

And for more background, my dad is an alcoholic, my mom has been suicidal before, and constantly says she hates all of us, how none of us care about her and how she wants to leave our family. My sisters absolutely hate my dad and I have a rocky but comparably decent relationship with him. Meanwhile, he's drunk and not working basically every day and either is very angry or very sad every day.

Anyway, I know I'm not perfect, but I don't think I deserve this from my family, and even though I believed it for so long that maybe I do deserve it, I honestly now know that I am a good person, a good friend/gf and I don't deserve this crap. So thanks for reading my long rambling post, and for anyone else in a sucky family situation, don't let them convince you that you deserve the pain and crap they put you through, emotionally or physically.
dreaming4better dreaming4better
1 Response Apr 16, 2013

I get along with my kids (one on one). They are all adults. My wife hates me and I have no idea why. She is handicap and I have done everything for her for over four years. She continues to "play" the kids against each other and get them against me.