My Rolemodel

   First I have to say that I am now almost 14, and my dad's death had the biggest impact on my life, and the effects lasted for many years afterwards. Take a seat and get comfortable, because this is a long story. My father had always been there for me, and I was the daughter he always wanted. He was a good father, but more than that. He was my best friend. My #1 fan. My rolemodel. He was never flawless, and had drinking and smoking problems and plently of health problems. In 2005 he lost the ability to walk from having hip problems and being overweight, so when I was only in 2nd grade, I had to take care of him when I was over at his house. See, he lived in a trailer house and was divorced from my mother, who I stayed the week with,
   My mother and her boyfriend who lived with us also had their share of problems with drinking and smoking, and I had never really gotten along with them, so I was always happy once the weekend came and my dad picked me up afterschool. I remember the first thing he would do would be to take me to the nearby gas station and let me get a drink and a snack. Then we would go to his house and I would sit on his lap and we would talk and watch TV together. Those were among the best memories of my childhood.
    February 18th 2007 was the worst day of my life. I had visted my dad earlier that day, seeing it was a sunday, but he had felt sick so I went home to my mom's early. I was upset and happened to not have school the next day, so my mom let me invite my best friend at the time to sleepover. We went around to jump on my bed, but I remember not feeling right. Then my mom came and said my friend had to go home, but didn't tell me why. As she walked out the door, they set me down on the living room couch. Then they said my father had passed away. I was only 10 years old.
    I remember the funeral. I cried, and I felt no one could stop my pain. As life went on, I started to get over his death. But as I was getting over his death, the life around me was taking a nose dive. My mother started drinking worse than she ever had, and abused me emotionally and mentally. Then her boyfriend, who I had begun to think of as my new father, couldn't take anymore, so he walked out to doors and never came back. He moved down the street, and I have only spoken to him a few times since he left, and from my knowledge he has no remorse for what he did.
    My mom lost it. She began staying out at the bar for hours at a time and leaving me with my grandparents. When she finally did come home, she would drunk drive me home and once we arrived, blame me for everything. I remember she would say, "Why do you think Alan left?! It's because of YOU!"
   Fifth grade came, and it changed my life. I was introduced by one of my friends at the time to a young girl, and I'm not going to give away any names, so I'll just call her Alissa. She lived only a little waise away from me, was in my class, and rode my bus. We quickly became best friends, and to this day she is my best friend for life. She had a rough past, and had been had treated badly by other kids, and had never really had a friend. My friend who had introduced us says that we evened each other out, and we made each other happy. I also manged to get to know a boy in my grade who was Alissa's neighbor, and for now I'll call him Preston. He quickly became my first crush, and also a friend of ours. My feelings for him grew and grew as the abuse continued at home. The abuse was quickly making me depressed, and I stayed that way for over a year.
    By sixth grade, things were just about the same. Around spring 2009, I realized it was no way to live, so I began to change my self. I was tired of being sad, so I changed. I slowly began to get happy again, and happier than I ever was, even in the face of being abused by my mom.
    When I entered 7th grade, my life changed forever. I fell for him. Preston. I know, I know, in love at 12? Strange but very possible. I know it is love in my heart. I also began to make all new friends, friends with troubled pasts, and made them happier as well. Still life continued on with me becoming even closer friends with Preston. We talk almost every day, and we have had some of the best days together. Alissa has actually said she can't picture me having fun without him. I am still waiting for him to tell me how he feels, and hopefully he will feel the same way. But that's a different story.
    I don't know why, but I feel somehow, I guess God, made me lose my father for a reason. It made me a better person. Same with everything else. If all this hadn't happened, I don't think I would of turned out the way I did. Now I feel it is my job is to make other people like me happy. All of this made me stronger, and I feel making the decision to change saved my life. The abuse continues, along with me being friends with Alissa, and being in love with Preston. I love life now, and I don't think I would of ever be able to say that 3 years ago.

Kciarak Kciarak
Jul 25, 2010