Friend Died Girls Suk I Get Headaches

my mate was talking about suicide, he was lliving alone in a flaT IN Windsor (a country town) and looking at the walls. i gave him some numbers of friends to talk to and later that day called him but he didn't answer his phone, i tried for the next three days but no answer. i got a call at work that he was dead.

overdose on valium. he was heavily into drugs, heroin, ecstasy, speed,

i missed his funeral and arrived as everyone was leaving the church. i went to the pub were there was people from work. a girl i work with started coming onto me, or so i thought. i had been drinking all week and really doing myself to oblivion over marks death.

i gave her a lift back to the city and we hugged and said she was good. she said i was good. she said if i wanted to talk about anything to call her. i said likewise. i called her and we spoke for an hour or so on the phone. but after that she just went cold. i have no explanation i kept sending her messages saying how she coulld be so heartless. i lost the plot. reaaly over my dead friend and her. couoldnt sleep for two weeks, when i think about it my thoughts keep going in a circle and i get really angry and depressed and feel abandoned i get headaches.. i am lost and feel lonely. got appointments with psychologist. one good thing from this is that i hate drugs and will never do them again. i feel my life has been wasted and life is short. people at work say i think too much. i just sit and stare sometimes, and feel paranoid like maybe this girl said something bad to them about me. i moved back with my parents who are awesome.

usually on a friday night i feel depressed, angry and alone. something will give soon i just know it, i gotta go to south to melbourne or just do something to brake out of my comfort zone. sometimes i think i am was such an arsehole to that girl, and other times i think how could she do that to me. but i can't get her out of my mind. i wish she woulld talk to me but she doesnt care and she mustn't realise what she has done cause i know i couldn't do this to anyone.

my life is new. freedom before love.

myfrienddiedandgirltrouble myfrienddiedandgirltrouble
26-30, M
May 18, 2007