Love You More?or Love Myself More?

So the story between me and him was awesome during the past 3 years until he called it off a month ago.I am glad to at least have a wonderful first love in my life,no betrayal,no cheating,no nothing.It just that we are not suitable for each other.HE ends up the relationship and again and each time he will come back to me(i ignored sometimes as i know he would regret saying that acting like nothing was happening).We are both immature (im already 23 and that was my first love).He is good in messing up things and leave until he gets it over from his thought and come back acting like nothing is going on.Ok,i guess it must because of his immaturity and this is forgivable.He had a rebound after a week we broke up a year ago and i did the biggest mistake in life-I cried over the phone and begged him back.(HE DID COME BACK) and eversince there's a scar in my heart it hurts my mind each time when we were spending great time together.He even said this was my fault for leaving him(I Left him after a big fight ).OKAY.We went to UK after that together and that was the best part of memories in my whole life staying with him.i thought he is the one for me with everything he did.I thought i am one of the luckiest girl in this world who will end up marrying my first love without going through the massive heartache process.
No,we had a fight that day talking about the long distance relationship we are gonna have in future and he called it off again.I know this time will be different as he will be leaving me far far away and kinda hard for the reconcilation.A week after we broke up i went out with him to celebrate his bday and i made a cake for him.I was hoping to patch thing up when he didnt seem interested and left me alone the night with the worst reason ever-i need to leave for the badminton game.Mind you,this will be the last night before he leaves to work at other country.Crying so hard he insisted to leave.One thing's for certain,i am a good girlfriend.i never do anything he dislikes and never fight back whenever he accused me for no reasons.He knows that.The worse part is,i didnt even know he leaves the next day until my friend told me.I called him that night he was rushing to cut it off.(OMG what did i do wrong?) He then texted me wanted me to move on and say he will forget me.I was like: whats wrong dude? I didnt do anything wrong in the relationship!
After considering the facts he always accuse me and always fight for some stupid reasons(and he is very possessive),i decided to move on this time.This is the last straw i told myself.
He came back to me after a few days.Saying he wanted to fix this.Of course i was so happy to see him texting me asking me back but due to the hard time he put me through i decided to test his patience to see how sincere he really wants me back.Guess what?it wasnt last long.I received his text saying: I wont ask you back anymore,ill move on.(MOVE ON is the word he keeps mentioning since the day one he left me).Sick of it.Then 2 days ago i called him because of the missed calls from him.We talked about the past good memories and when i thought we might get back together again giving me all the hopes,he ended up the conversation saying: You must find a better guy to love you,i will try to not reply your messages,we need to move on.( LOL he was the one started the conversation each time and even scolded me for not replying his messages after we broke up).
I am just wondering will he ever come and ask me back again?haha.I have been giving myself up last month and i know i have to stop doing this anymore.I did nothing wrong but a guy keeps dumping me and want me back,then dump me again...I am easily giving in and would just go back to him whenever he asks me back so i decided to block him from whatssap and all(i ve removed him from my FB list a year ago as he always accused me of the status,pictures,and comments i HAVE -not i POSTED in FB).
I should start love myself more to avoid more pain in future.But i know myself very well...if he comes back to me i will just go back to him blindly.I know this sounds stupid but i cant control,what i can do is hoping he will never come back and find me anymore...let me just move on peacefully....
jessycarcher jessycarcher
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 18, 2013

That is why you keep getting hurt :/ because you keep letting him back in your life.. once someone has the possession of knowing you'd come back so easily.. it dis-interests them to keep trying.. no matter how great things are. From every pain there is beauty and this would either be a blessing or a lesson for you. I wish you much luck in your love life and knowing how great you are in a relationship- keep that, there's not a lot of girls like that these days anymore and I sincerely hope you find someone deserving c: