My Husband Is Insensitive And Self-centered
I have two kids; 20 and 22. I've been married 9 years to my husband. I work two jobs. My primary job takes approx. 50 to 55 hours a week and my second job takes about 15 hours per week. I work the second job to put my kids through college (thier biological dad is a dead beat) and to make our lives more comfortable - travel, don't carry credit card debt etc). My husband works one full time job totaling 40 hours per week.
When my husband proposed to me 10 years ago he was excited to be a father to my children. During our dating period he was romantic, a gentleman and spent time with the kids. He told me at our wedding; "thank you so much for making me a dad." Since our wedding things have gone downhill. We bought a house a few months after the wedding. I was concerned about our finances so took a second job to ensure we could cover the mortgage and bills. While working my second job he didn't spend time with our sons. He spent all of his "down time" building a man-cave in our basement. This could have been a positive thing had he asked the boys to help him so they could learn how to work with thier hands but this never happened. Instead my husband complained to my dad, sister and his family that I was a "workaholic" and insinuated I was a bad mother for not being home and watching the boys. Meanwhile he overspent on the "mancave" taking full advantage of the extra money I brought in. He never cooked for the boys, never cleaned up the house. He simply disappeared into the basement when he came home from work. On the days I didn't work my second job I was home catching up on the cleaning and laundry (he told me he doesn't do those things). I put my foot down and told him to pick up the slack or I'm quitting my second job and we would have to adjust to the change. He promised things would improve - and they always do - temporarilly. This up and down roller coaster is exhausting for me. He says he hates it when I work the second job but was all-for buying a second house (a forclosure - great deal) and paying two mortgages for 6 months until the first house sold. For the last few years my husband has taken up the obnoxious habit of partying on my work weekends. Yep. He invites his friends over to the house and parties while I'm at work. He sometimes goes to my brother-in-laws house to party as well - driving home intoxicated. Recently he's taken up hunting. He's golfed over 10 times this summer (I didn't have one opportunity to golf) and has more tools than any guy I know (reaping the benefits of my second job). I asked him to make a space for my car in the garage so I don't have to scrape it and warm it up in the morning. He cleaned the garage and proudly told me; "great - now I have room for my truck..." He will not cook, clean, do laundry or anything around the house other than "man" work and project work. This means I work every other weekend, work my 50-55 hours during the week and spend my weekends off cleaning and feeling used. He's told his friends that I will not allow him to party with them and refers to me as "the warden." Augh!!!