He Said I Love You, But I'm Not In Love With You And Then He Moved Out

We have been together for 11 years married for 6.  We have two girls 10,4 and a 15 yr old from a previous relationship. We did everything together and I followed him all over the world. We spent the last 5 years in Europe and came back to the states in 2010. Two weeks ago he moved out. We broke up over another nasty fight, but we have recovered from way worse. He left on Friday for a boy's weekend and on Sunday we were seperated. I don't know what happened and he doesn't want to see anybody that is going to talk to him about fixing our marriage.  We've split before, for 3 years he took off without a word and didn't make any contact. He said he came back for the wrong reasons, to try to make up for leaving. He said that if he had never left he would still be in love.

An update to this story...it seems like it has been a train wreck. The latest version coming from him is that he wasn't in love with me when he came back after the first split. If that's true then why did he wait 6 years and want to have another baby? Why did he want to get married? Why is he is so much of a hurry to have the relationship over and done with? He did agree to go to counseling but says that he is mainly going for the help to himself, but I feel like that is b.s.  I don't something about this whole situation is so reminiscent of the last time, it's like a cycle with him. it's not what he thinks it should be and then he leaves. We are trying to be friendly for the kids but the whole situation is a trainwreck....
thiswifeslife thiswifeslife
4 Responses May 4, 2012

Thanks msalexh,<br />
<br />
It's been a long road but recently I just sent him a really honest email. We had not been able to communicate and generally when someone is angry it's because they are still invested in the situation. He hadn't been pulling his weight and I had to act, I sent him an email that told him I take responsibility for the things I have done so far. I wished he would have told me that he felt like he had to shoulder everything himself while I tried to get everything off the ground. Because if I would have had to pick between my husband and my business, I would have chosen him without any hesitation. I don't know if it will have any effect, but I have to believe that it will. It has taken me six months to realize that no bears more blame than the other and his walking out is not what he did to me. Something was so wrong and so broken that he couldn't find any other way to deal with. Yes it wasn't the best way, but he doesn't talk to anyone and he tries to deal with everything himself. I realized that someone has to start with I'm sorry, and I can do that. I don't care about being right, I care about being with him.

It's good that you took responsibility for the things that you've done and you said sorry. I understand the feeling of wanting to be with him and I would have picked my husband over my work. Has he responded to the email?

This same experience happened to me. My husband of 13 years told me that he loved me but wasn't in love with me. It took months of talking to him and my own self-reflection to realize that we lost our passion for one another. This might be the same thing that's going on in his head. Anyhow, whatever his reason is, remember that you are loveable and deserve to be loved.

Thanks nwtrdr33, <br />
<br />
Unfortunately that's the truth. He doesn't want to love me, I wish knowing that made it hurt less.

This is a sad story,I am sorry about what you are going through.I hope you can heal and move on and feel good about life again.Sometimes others just don't want to love us.Very sorry this happened to you.Hang in there.