Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

How Am I Going to Live Without Him?

I am so scared of losing my husband of 15 years.  Things steadily started going down hill about a year ago.  He stopped having sex with me and sharing a bedroom with me soon after.  Then he stopped communicating with me and shows absolutely no interest in my life or our marriage at all.  We have a 6 year old daughter who we both dearly love.  About a month ago, he told me that he is not in love with me anymore and rarely spends any time at home (usually only here just to sleep). 

I had some suspicions of him cheating on me. Caught him talking on cell phone to another woman and found a letter from another woman in his truck which he has excuses for both and denies any unfaithfulness.  He refuses to discuss our marriage and says that he doesn't know if he even wants to work things out.

I feel like my life is over.  I don't know how to go on without my husband in my life.  We have been together since I was 16 years old and I don't even know how to begin a relationship with someone else.  I love every minute I get to spend with our daughter and I don't want to have to "share" her with him.  She is growing up so fast and I don't want to miss anything. 

I feel like a failure.  I am so alone and on the verge of tears all day every day.  I don't have any friends and no one to talk to.  How can he do this to me?  He is suppose to be my best friend and we are suppose to grow old together.  I love him so much, why doesn't he love me too?

 

redrose99 redrose99 31-35 17 Responses Aug 30, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

It takes two to tango. shame on you for raising a child in a home where her parents sleep in seperate bedroom. you should have taken care of this problem when it started. I understand you're heartbroken, but something must have caused him to no longer be interested in you. what is different since you first met him? you need to go back to that.

He is having an affair. I got that same line a year ago and it was because he was having an affair. Don't know what to tell you. So many women can relate to what you are going through and you are not alone. Start making a life for yourself - it's never too late. Hey, I am 50 nad thinking of starting over again and this has taken me a year and more to finally start to feel at ease with that decision. Get some counselling and just take one day at a time. There is a whole lot of living still to be done. Don't waste any more time thinking that you are worth nothing without him. It's not the end of the world. Trust me.

This post is 4 years old. What happened sine?

I am going through the same misery I only discovered last week my husband has beenhaving an affair whilst he was away for 2 months working. I felt in my gut he was up to something when he was away I was left to work full time manage our house mow lawns and look after our 2 children our youngest is not even 1. Last week I found an email from his girlfriend and then I looked into his phonebills non stop phonecalls to her!! I feel sick with worry I love him and our children so much we went to counseling only last night and would u believe tonight he went to the gym and hasn't come home! Its now 12am . I have cried for months. He has made my self esteem so low we have been married for 5 years. I don't know what I'm going to do. :(

There are people who can walk away from you.<br />
<br />
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.<br />
<br />
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.<br />
<br />
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]<br />
<br />
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.<br />
<br />
Let them go.<br />
<br />
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.. You've got to know when it's dead.<br />
<br />
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.<br />
<br />
Let them go!!<br />
<br />
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .......<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth......<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If someone has angered you.<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge..... <br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you have a bad attitude.... ...<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him.........<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ....<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. ....<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .............<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to......<br />
<br />
LET IT GO!!!<br />
<br />
'The Battle is the Lord's!'

I Loved your words but have to ask, how did you become so strong. Its so easy to say let it go, but its hard and you hearts hurts to lose someone you love so much, the illusion you had and the vision and hope for the future.

Isn't it worth fighting for?

I'm not sure if anyone will read my post, and it doesn't sound that much different from what everyone else wrote, which strangely as it sounds gives me a tad bit of comfort that others have felt this too.<br />
This coming Tuesday, it will be my 14th anniversary, I know it will go off as just a normal day. I know he realizes it is next week but I also know he doesn't care. Our relationship is very up and down because he enjoys the appearance of having a family, he likes to keep up the image. Anyone who comes in contact with him thinks he is the greatest, most generous, family man, it couldn't be more opposite. When it is just us at home, he ignores our son and I, says cruel things to me such as I'm worthless, I've ruined his life, he has never been happy with me, etc. I have asked him if he loves me and his response is "no", however he has no desire to get a divorce, and he continues to wear his wedding ring. Living in limbo seems so much harder. We have nothing together other than we share a house, the tension feels thick, we are very polite to one another but there is no laughter, no communication, not even any fighting, we just don't talk at all. I am not sure if I love him but I am afraid not to be with him. We have been together since we were 22, I don't really know anything else but him. I continue to do things for him, like laundry, cooking, etc because I hope if he sees what a good wife I am he will love me again, although rationally that won't work.<br />
How do people get over this, because right now it feels like I will never feel happy again.

Im going through a similar lifestyle myself where my husband likes to put up a front but really he is a nitemare behind closed doors. Unless u can put up wit it I can't leave u will b happier in da long run u don't deserve this type of lifestyle

I went throght the same situation.<br />
I was marrired for 27 years and one day my wife told me she did not love me anymore.<br />
She started an affair at work and did not want to be with me.<br />
She would come home for work whenever she felt like it.<br />
I tried everything included counselining nothing worked.<br />
Within 3 months she filed for Divorce.<br />
So I know you pain.<br />
It is tough when you still love someone and they no longer love you.

Hello dear, let talk.I know this story oh so well.I am married been married for 15 years, have two grown daughters,I practically raise them myself. I can tell you there is hope, whether you stay with or husband or not. Tell me a little about yourself. Your job, your dress code, what you were to bed, reason I am asking b/c I am about to give your husband a wake up call. It all starts with your dressing your new attitude you are about to get from me. I will not leave you I will see you though this. From one woman to another. that knows what you are going through Get back with me now.

Hello, i read your post and was wondering if there is a way you might possibly help me.

anytime just ask

So unbelievably similar to my situation. Same feelings of hopelessness when it first occurred. It makes me wonder if there is something in the air. I hope you are doing better since this all happened.

You shall not stay with him if you don't love each other. It's better to divorce in this situation, even if you have a child. It's not healthy for neither of you to stay together. Your daughter might be sad in the beginning, but hopefully she will understand it later. It is better for your daughter if you divorce because a child can feel such tensions and the coldness between its parents and the child can still meet both parents even after they are divorced. If you don't want your husband to meet you and your daughter after you got divorced (if you get divorced) you can go to a family court and if you have good reasons to hinder your husband to see your daughter they might help you.

Your situation sounds a lot like mine. Since I am miserable too, I have no advice. My heart goes out to you. I hope you find (or have found) happiness since your original post. Hang in there. :)

I can so feel your pain right now and I wish there was a magic pill to ease it. I have been married 17 years and have 3 children. My husband and I have had so many problems, have separated 4 times. He abused our children physically and emotionally and even when the police got invoved I kept thinking I could make it work. I wanted so much to love him that I kept putting up with all the pain. I have just found out that he cheated on me when I tried to end the relationship over the child abuse 4 years ago and then with another women only a few weeks ago while he was working interstate. I know he no longer wants me or loves me and my marriage is over. He said I was a !@%*! wife and I feel that I deserve everything I got. I can't stop blaming myself for the marriage failing and I feel so worthless that I would do anything to make him love me again. He is very clear that he doesn't love me but I can't love myself enough to let him go - it feels like a death sentence.

omg... i read your story and its sounds almost like mines, i have been with my husband since 15 and we have 2 children 12 and 9 and he has cheated on me before and we had been separated 2x and came back together again and he was still interested in me i didnt have any doubt that he liked me physically.<br />
and..... for about 3 months now he doesnt want to have sex with me, he avoids me when he knows i want to have sex that night he goes to sleep early , we used to do it everyday almost and now we do it maybe 2 times in a month and he tells me he is just tire and not interested right now and he assure me that nothing is wrong, but deep inside i know there is. <br />
I dont know whats going on?

Hi hunny,i know exactly what your going through my husband has basically done a similar thing.He told me that he didnt feel the same way as he did when we married and i have 2 children my youngest is 7 and im managing.What im trying to say is there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will come through the other side hun just hang in there <br />
<br />
im here if you need me.We can cry together lol xx

I hear everything you're saying and except the children part, I seem to be going through some similar motions. Before there was too much touching and now there is barely any communication, no touching, barely any hugging, has no interest in finding out more about me and I've been asking about him... (from my life--and nothing to do with like, past beaus or anything) just taking a general interest..it is the true bare-minimum and it's my first marriage all over again--I'm starting to think there is a pattern and this love thing just isn't worth it--especially not with this fellow of 2.5 years...to no avail, I guess if there's no interest, there just isn't any interest anymore.

You and your daughter really will do alright on your own - it is a terrible waste of effort and self esteem to try to make someone love you. Your daughter deserves to know that her mother loves and respects herself! I hate to say it but it does sounds as if there is someone else in the picture. About 13 years ago I discovered that my husband was actively trying to pursue a dear friend of mine and I wanted very much to leave but decided to try to make it work - well now here I am all these years later and the same thing has happened again only this time he was successful in his pursuit of another friend. It has been his pattern throughout our 22 year marraige. Now I am older and more enmeshed in this unhappy marraige and very bitter. How I wish I had trusted my gut then! You deserve better!

Hi there redrose,<br />
<br />
Please don't feel like a failure. Even though every person in this world is unique, we share similar problems. And this thing happens.<br />
<br />
You might feel like you probably haven't been a perfect wife but it was him who decided not to try and make it work, right? He wasn't being a good husband there.<br />
<br />
I don't know everything about your situation but I'm afraid you are going to lose him. Perhaps you'd want to start thinking what you need to do next.<br />
<br />
Let me know if you need an ear or a shoulder :)