Am Ignored By My Husband

Every night it is the same old story My husband comes home from work late around seven or eight after 12-14 hours of work. We have dinner and then he goes on our home computer until eleven at night. Then it is time for bed after watching his television program. I spend the whole evening alone watching television and spending time on my laptop.

 It wasn't always this way, but when I look back I can see how things went so wrong, because when first got married that is when the television became part of our dinner time. Every night I would cook dinner for us. And then he would start watching television while we were having dinner. When I lived at home with my parents it was never that way. We all use to sit around at the dinner table and talk about our day. Although now that I think of it my mother and dad were the only ones who talked, because my mother took an interest in my dad's career. So it became more about how my Dad's day at work was. I just ate my dinner and leave the table to go and talk on the phone with my friends.

But since I have been married for 30 years to the same man. It is more about watching television during dinner time. So we never are able to talk about our day. At least we don't get to share all the details of what happened. It is more short sentences about what we did. How was your day oh not much just worked hard. And now I stopped sharing all my intimate details about my day, because it is like talking to a BRICK wall. I just gave up. And then when my husband spends all evening on the computer playing card games I have decided to spend my time on my laptop. I am glad I was able to find this website, because it has given me an emotional outlet to describe my feelings, but also to connect with other people who find themselves in the same boat. And when I am not on my laptop I am watching television.

I think what really bothers me is I have no interaction with other people due to being unemployed, but recently learning that I suffer with agoraphobia. And just think my husband is not understanding about my condition. Through the years, I have tried to be emotionally supportive about my husband's career and every time we have had to relocate to a new city. It seem I am repeating my past, because my Dad was the same we always had to relocate to a new city due to his career. I think my Dad put his career before his family. And it is quite possible that my husband is the same way he seems to put his career before our marriage, because I have felt so ignored for many many years, but stuck by my husband hoping that things would get better, but this has gone on too long for me.
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4 Responses Jul 22, 2010

Throw the TV out the window. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Confront him and tell him your feelings. My wife and I had the same problem early in our marriage. I recognized that a video game system was starting to cause a rift between us so I threw it in the trash. I know selling it probably would have made more sense - but there was something of symbolic importance. I'm sure your husband will be pissed at first but he'll find something else to do and hopefully it will be with you.

yup me to. The computer is his life. I go to bed alone every night. And eat alone at lunch. hell go to the computer first thing in am rather than have breakfast he waits for me to get it for him!

Ohh Sara, Im so sorry to hear that .. We are on the same boat in some ways. The truth is communication is very important.. I wish u all the best.. I dont say much here cuz it will be couple pages long..<br />
Im at work now too.. I saw u onine just now.. maybe I will chat with u nex t time I see u ok?

I know exactly how you feel. I think many women do... I read somewhere that we need to interact with about 17 people during the day to remain sane. Most men who are in work will see that many people in the course of a day. If you are stuck at home, you won't be getting that sort of interaction, unless you make an effort through the internet, or in watching tv. <br />
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In any case, women deal with things by talking about them, and men don't. Men are fine with a general word, and then silence... and women are not. I can see that your chances for real-life interaction are very limited if you have agoraphobia, but coming here and sharing would be one positive thing to do. <br />
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Another possibility would be to find an activity that you really enjoy, and can do online. You can make good friendships that way.<br />
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Finally... have you tried telling your husband in a non-threatening and complaining way, that you are interested in his life and what he has done with his day and would enjoy talking about it? I'd say not to start that conversation if you are feeling angry already, but maybe ask if you could have one tv and computer free evening a week (or a couple of hours, if the whole night is too frightening). What about suggesting a real card game? I love playing solitaire on the computer, so I can't criticise... but there are loads of good card games that are even better to play with two pla<x>yers - what about cribbage for example? If you don't know how to play, I am sure there are loads of websites to explain!