He's Just Not Nice To Me Anymore

My husband isn't nice to me. He's not mean either. I just want to be treated nicely. Not ignored and not treated like I don't exist unless he wants to have sex. I don't want to be in a marriage that isn't a real partnership but here I am. Everytime I try to have a conversation with him, he assumes what I'm saying is wrong and disagrees or blatantly ignores me. When we get home from work every day, he asks me how my day was and then when I give him an honest answer that it was good or fine, he walks away while I'm speaking. If I had a bad day, he pretty much tells me to stop complaining or tells me why I'm wrong about whatever is bothering me.
I really want this marriage to work, but if I try to talk to him about the way I feel, I always end up feeling worse than before because of his reaction. He makes me feel guilty for saying anything about his behavior. I don't want to get divorced, it would be my second and one was bad enough, but I really feel like there has to be someone, somewhere, who would just be nice, kind and caring to me. Someone who would actually listen to me when I talk.
catwoman8 catwoman8
46 Responses Jan 14, 2011

My husband is the same. I married very young, at 17, to escape and abusive mother. We've been married 39 years, but quite honestly our marriage ended at lease 20-25 years ago, but I never had the courage to leave. Now I sit home most nights alone because my husband goes out to play various sporting games at least 5 times a week. To make up for the abandonment I feel, I often find myself overspending and getting into debt. When he is home, we don't talk. Or if I try to talk about something he tells me I'm babbling and I just shut up and quit talking. I know this is not a normal marriage and every time I ask him to go to marriage counseling, he tells me there is nothing wrong.

My husband does same but I only receive negative feed back example we went out to eat last I thought I looked looked cute..when we got off the truck he took one look at me then he said "you look and walk like an old lady." Im only 44!!

OMG I could've written that exactly what's wrong in my life

I feel for you. I have had partners that just aren't nice. They are controlling and narcissistic. I am heartbroken right now as I have just left a relationship and now have 2 children from 2 different fathers. I feel embarrassed about this so much that I can't even think about it because it just my new fate. I know I caused this by choosing the men I did. I left; I left because I can't have my children grow up with heavy criticism and hating their fathers and disrespecting me, their mother, for just bowing down to their ways.
If i were you I would leave if he acts like that and nothing changes. Life is too short and you will regret it. A short while after you leave you will feel as if you should have done it years before I bet! I hope all goes well with you. It is so sad that women have to live in secrecy with their relationship problems and just smile and pretend everything is okay when you are screaming and crying on the inside.

I know how u feel my partner is just the same with me I'm wrong in very way I can't talk to him ... he shouts out me in fact I feel he hates me he brings my pasted up all the time I didn't even know him then I've moved in with him give up everything for him my life my house friends family the lot to be somewhere I know nobody but him I've no friends can't have facebook nor a phone yet he can I'm on his daughters kindle because he out I'm home alone yet again life for me is awful I've no way out due to him turning everyone Against me he's taken my bank cards so I've to ask for money but like he tells me I don't need any cause I go no where I've got to the point now where I don't wanna ask for anything due to no wanting to make him mad so plz don't feel your lone your not x

I hope so bad you get out of this terribly abusive relationship. Good luck. Can you call your parents to help you stay with them?

I wish it was that easy. I live the same way but he locks me out knowing I have no where to go. I opened a business april 2015 and lost my home, car, and I had to send my kids to live with someone else because he won't let them live with me. If I had somewhere stable to go with my kids I would leave now. It kills me every day to do this. Everyone tells me to leave, but it's not easy and I have no money.

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify of it too. i saw a post on how a lady got her man back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my man now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

I'm going through the exact same thing as you are. Only my husband is also mean. The emotional distress he puts me through makes me want to camly walk off a cliff and die do be done with it. It's that bad :(

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify of it. i saw a post on how a lady got her man back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my man now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

I feel like we've all married or are living with the same man, I've been with mine for 30 yrs now, 10 years ago I had an accident that left me disabled and unable to walk very far and in a lot of pain on a daily basis, that and menopause has left me with no sex drive, he was a **** addict until I found them and destroyed them all, now he feels It's my responsibility to satisfy him sexually when he's in need, which is *********** him, I hate doing that, I feel belittled every time I do, but he doesn't care, afterward he's exceptionally nice to me, buys me things, nothing expensive, gives me money, but not much, even tho he has thousands of dollars and I have no money, it's sweety this and sweety that until I refuse to do it again, then he turns into an *** again, he'll ignore me, treat me like crap until I give in and do it for him again, I want out, but I can't afford to live on my own right now. We don't even sleep in the same room, I've slept on the couch for 10 yrs now, and my clothes are in the living room closet, I feel as tho we aren't even a couple anymore, we don't do anything together, I can't even remember the last time I've laughed, period, I'm just miserable.

:( I hope you can leave as soon as possible. YuK!!! my husband was sexually abusive too and last time I said no he kicked me, my son, and our 3 month old baby out of his house. I feel so horrible about that. THank god I have my parents house to stay at.

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I am dealing with the same thing. let me start by saying i have been with my husband for 21 years married for 9. We have 4 kids age 20-13. There has always been something more important than his family. It started when i was pregnant for our 3rd child, he started using drugs and partying never coming home staying gone for weeks at a time cheating on me. It was a hard few years. I was able to get through to him and he quit partying and the drugs got a great full time job, we bought our house, but then he took up drinking and playing video games. He has now quit the heavy drinking except for weekend where he binge drinks but plays his games from the time he gets home from work till the time he goes to bed, taking 60 second bathroom breaks and occasionally coming out to make a plate for dinner to only take it back to HIS room to play more games. The weekends are worst! He wakes at 6 am and starts playing, and he does not stop until bed time 11-12 pm never coming out to talk to me or the kids. We never talk or spend time together unless i am driving the 10 min to take pick him up from work.Yet he still wants sex from me and thinks he is entitled to oral sex. Maybe i am wrong but i just dont want to. I am not even sure i want to be married anymore. I am just looking for some advice. Am i wrong for not wanting sex?

No mam listen stay strong & grounded everything will be fine your not wrong for "respecting" yourself

Stop By the Group Sweets, Love & Boys we'd love to have you fun & positive things await

No you are not wrong at all! He's selfish and if he cheats on you , you absolutely have the right not to want sex! You want to stay healthy for your children who knows what he has and you could possibly contract from him.

I know the feeling all too well. I love my husband, but he doesn't respect me at all and trying to communicate just makes it way worse. He says I constantly tell him.what be is doing wrong everyday...I just want us to get to the bottom of it..I just want to matter. Everything and everyone comes before me. If I cry be rolls his eyes or tells .me to shut the f*** up. Maybe I have done something wrong. everything I do he complains about. We are togetber. 24/7 in.a truck so of course I take this into consideration. I talk to my friends and family on fb an he hates that. But then he will tell me he loves me and wants to grow old with me. He nevertouches me either forgot to mention that. I dont want to get divorced I just want to matter.

I go through the same as you but we are not together 24/7... He has me so depressed I have wanted to be done with life, because he makes me feel, in one word, Worthless... He basically calls me that but uses other words... And he will go on and on how I messed something out and everything is MY fault, no one else's but mine... And he calls me dumb all the time, that hurts so much. He wont touch me for sex, for hold hands, for cuddle, or anything... He has become a little. It secretive, but a tiny bit like things he would tell me before in detail, now he says "its not your business, thats my things, you don't need to know" he wasn't like this before so like this I mean... He doesn't seem to care about me at all, and he favors his first son over our son... He will buy things for his son, and complain about buying more soy milk for our son, who is allergic to all dairy... Sometimes I accidentally say a bad word in front of his son' Who is about to be 11, he says don't swear in front of my son! But he will play video games or even when hes just yelling or criticizing me for something, itll be f-this and f-that in front of our almost 2 year old... Also I will say I love you, he usually says "uh huh"... He's breaking me down and making me feel, like I said like a worthless human being... I am trying to stay strong for my son's sake but i'm not sure I can take much more. He supports me and everything, with a little help from his parents sometimes, and he never lets me forget it! Why is he changing, is he cheating or falling for someone else, i really don't think he even loves me anymore... What do I do, I have no money or anything I have tried to talk to him, but he is getting worse not like he used to be... He never goes to the doctor, he yells at me for no job, I am looking but I am not supposed to work with a recent diagnosis of Epilepsy... I need help and have no where to turn! What's wrong with him, what is a medical possibility or anything, I don't think Its drugs, cuz I know those signs... He is super addicted to video games, but THAT bad!? IDK any suggestions or advice I am all ears... By the way I speak english and am stuck in Puerto Rico with no one, and in the states a couple friends but not much, and if I try to leave he will spend a lot of money I DONT have and keep our son! What do I do, what could it be? Help me please... -Jessica

I have been going through this for many years with my husband but it has been getting much worse recently. It hurts me a lot and he knows the effect it has on me. He continues to ignore me unless ofcourse he wants sex. Even sex is getting weird. It is less intimate and lacks any connection between the two of us. I feel miserable, sad, helpless, and hopeless that things will ever get better. When I talk to my husband about his neglect he just says that years ago when we first were dating he was very attentive and that I didn't appreciate it so why should he be attentive again. I am so tired and drained and don't know how to escape this feeling.

I thought it was just me, and I was really embarrassed to admit it. Yes, we're struggling financially due to the economic downturn, but I think it started even before then. Like yours, he only wants to make nice when he wants sex. Other than that, haven't slept in our bed in months. He now sleeps on the sofa in the family room. I'm actually surprised he hasn't moved his clothes in there. If we didn't have a master bath, he probably would have by now. When I remember not that long ago, we used to walk down the street holding hands, laughing together, looking forward to going out together, and now, he will not hold my hand in public. Can't remember the last time we laughed together. If I had had any idea that this marriage would be here, I would not have married him (second marriage). He's still a good guy, but my public mask is about worn out.

I think you and I have the same husband. UGH!!!


My husband has been treating me like this from the beginning even before we got married (dated 7 years). I dont know why I thought I was so worthless to accept for so long. Now, I am sick and really feel a need to have someone who cares and is sensitive to my needs and does not want to go out or be away from me 95% of the time. When i say anythng about it he tells me that i am immature, have problems, always blames me for being upset. He has many excuses why he just had to go out: 1. It was someone's bday. 2. It was an opportunity of a lifetime. 3. Its a buddy from Highschool. 4. The tickets were free. 5. it goes on and on

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now. We have a son together. In the beginning, he always needed me. He got kicked out of his parents home, he moved in with me. He lost his job, I paid for everything. When our son was born, I got a job. He had one as well but only worked 2 hours every so often. I'd go to work at 2pm and get home at 1:30 am. The house would be trashed, our son would be crying, hungry, and dirty. I didn't mind cleaning at first, but that was my bonding time with my newborn so I let it go and would just focus on our son. I'd bathe him, feed him, and rock him to sleep. He refused to do anything for our child. If our son woke up in the middle of the night, and I had work in the morning, he'd wake me up, and tell me to do everything and scream if i asked for help. Now 1 year and 1/2 later, he's the same way. I have insomnia badly and can't sleep. He wants to stay up and play video games then scream at me to bring him to work. (He's 22 and still doesn't have a license.) I'm so drained, physically and mentally that I just want to crash and never wake up. With my insomnia, he says I need to grow the f up and stop staying awake and maybe I could be a decent mother. He made me drop out of college and everything. He never wants to spend time with me unless he wants sex or to play a video game. All we do is fight. About common sense stuff. Like, "we need a place to live so we have to save money" and he'll say "well if I want a tattoo or a PS4 I'll get whatever I want!" I'm so overwhelmed an I don't know what to do.

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I read all these posts...all I can say is that men are big a**holes and make us feel bad for no apparent reason. I've been with my bf for 3 years. First year was amazing and then it all started going downhill...few months ago I gave up n decided to leave him,he apologized and I stayed,3 months were amazing,like the beginning of our relationship and now this are slowly getting(miserable)back to the way they used to be...I'm afraid cuz I don't wanna end up in the same rut as before...but Idk how to fix it again. :-(. Idk if I should fix it,I just wanna be happy,I want him to want me like he used to,hold me,give me attention not ignore me,tell me I complain too much etc etc. :-(

Well at least I know I am not alone. Ya know maybe we wouldn't. Be doing as much "complaining" if they were holding up their end of the bargain. This is the worst kind of hurt all I want is to be happy too I dont want a divorce, I try to do things for myself to make me happy and everything I do bothers him. I know I am attractive men look.at me all the time which of course ****** him off. He says I am because he has so many female friends...no not jealous pissed b/c he has all the time in the world for them and their problems with their husbands. Funny he can talk about another man and say what they are doing and how they are treating tbeir wives is wrong, but yet we can ot even hold a conversation withoit an arguement.

My husband use to want me all of the time. He always called me on his breaks and wanted me to bring his lunch daily. One day he told me I couldnt park when I had been parking because he had his ego to protect. Not to long after that he asked what I said to change how the hr girl felt about him bc he use to be the cats butt in her eyes. He started telling me he had to work over and on days he use to not work on. Then he verbally acted like everything I said and did annoyed him. I stuck with him and just thought it was a faze. I am sick and disgusted with him and mysepf for staying. I knew he was cheating but loved him enough bury my head in the sand. Now I am stuck in Florida taking care of him and his sick mom. No job so I cant make my car payment. I put up with his abuse and cheating and drinking until I made myself sick and have aged a lot. Dont stay where you dont feel wanted or needed. If he blows you off do something about it. Breaking those ties only hurts for a short time. Staying with men like this will cause you a lifetime of misery.

My hubby has been like that since the first day I talked to him, always so nice and knew the right things to say .. but was never interested in what I liked, or what I was passionate about.. I'm glad I am not the only woman with a man who makes her feel guilty over his own actions, and reactions. I don't want to leave him because he is an incredibly evil man, he would go great lengths to destroy my happiness, even it were by telling lies to people so they wouldn't like me anymore. He's done that our whole relationship.. made his friends think I was someone I was not because of his own insecurities.. he had friends take girls from him.. and I have discussed over and over with him that I am not like the ****** he got with before me.. I am a woman.. A lady with respect for herself.. but its no use.. nothing I say he believes.. because all women are liars, cheaters, we know how to play innocent .. I don't get it.. I'm a nice person, looking for a nice man as well.. I hope you found the answers you needed to leave him, I think I may have a year or 2 of life left to waste with him.. Going on 5 years and he hasn't changed yet,, maybe I'm just young and stupid.. naive for thinking he is going to change.. Here's to hoping...

Once, I mention to him, he usually ends up getting mad and then fighting about everything outside of the topic at hand. He resorts to calling me names and even insults my family. I have been with him for 3 years and married since September. He sold my car for 500 to a femail coworker and asked me to help him get the car to her because she is out of town. Well because I commute two hours each way to work Mon thru Fri and because of his lack of compassion for me in any situation....I asked him why he promised to do her this favor. And, that I don't understand why he cares more about doing her a favor....driving to her..saving her gas and time. ...but doesn't have the same sympathy for me. I mean, I just feel that he respects and has compassion for everyone but me. I told him that she should come and get the car. He got angry and started the insults to me and my family.

Good advise. Thank you. I am in a relationship with a guy who is very gentleman like to all women. Sometimes, he crosses lines that I am not comfy with....meaning taking their bags off their shoulders instead of letting them hand it to him. I get it that he is nice, but I also beleive that to foster a healthy relationship and a trusting one....there should be boundaries as to how each person deals with the opposite sex. I tell him whenever I feel he crosses my boundaries, but he gets angry and says that I don't trust him and that I am insinuating that he is flirting. But, I am not insinuationing...I just don't feel comfortable with him getting too close.

I wonder why men change after marriage? Im also in a similar situation and i ve been married for just 5months and it makes me wonder if my marriage would last at all. My husband hardlt touches me and when i complain he calls me a spoilt woman. Sex was great before marriage but now ild have to beg my husband for sex before he considers me and even when he does,he **** too quickly without asking me if i enjoyed it or not. Its really terrible but i ve decided to close the door of my heart and mind and stop to think less about him and sex and its made me disinterested in both him and sex.

I hope all has went well. I too am in the same situation, and it is depressing and very lonely. The long advice by some people on here is good and all, but many times it's just advice. If they were walking in your shoes, they may have different advice. I was married to this same man once before, but got remarried to him after he claimed he changed while we were divorced.

Our boys are gone now, and living on their own, and the treatment has gotten far worse. So, I too am leaving, and moving far from him. To live a life alone doesn't necessarily mean I will be lonely, at least I could never be lonelier than I am now.

thank you for sharing. I often wonder if just leaving will make him change and that he'd try to prove him self so that we could be a family again....I've been thinking 99.99% NO and that the best thing for my kids (forget me...) is to NOT grow up thinking that being an insane, angry, resentful, narcissis is NORMAL.

I am so sorry he makes you feel that way but treats you the way he does. What an ....hole. Believe me I can understand and feel what you are going through. Right at this moment I myself are brave enough to put an end to this misery I live with mine. And finally going to walk out the door and make a life on my own to be happy. To try to remember what that feels like. I have realized that I rather be alone and lonely than another 10 years and misreable. I hope one day you have the courage to do the same. I can honestly tell you all men are not the same because I honestly think that as bad as your husband is to you there is a woman being the same to her husband. The same advice I give to a husband if he is in the same situation. We grabbed the wrong apple but always remember that many fell. I hope I could write you encouraging words but then I would be lying. Love yourself and let him be misreable by himself. I wish you the best of luck. Write me I will always answer you back. God bless you.

Sounds like your husband is a narcissist. I am sorry that your marriage is like that.

I recently broke up with a guy I had been seen for that same reason. It took him 3 months to start treating me like a doormat. When we first met, he was very attentive and interested in me and my life. As weeks went on, he didn't make an effort to communicate. Then my Aunty died and I was very upset. I called him crying. He told me to "have a coffee and go to bed" and hung up! Just like your husband, this guy would invalidate me constantly. He only contacted me when he wanted something. If I contact him, he would say I am bothering him.

Since then I read a lot about narcissism and narcissistic people. I am trying to better identify these people so I don't fall into the same trap again in future.

I can't tell you what to do, but whichever way you choose, I hope everything works out for you. xo

OMG, wow. I just read what I say and feel about my husband. Please don't let yourself marry him, like I did. Since I've labeled him a Narcissist, he's gone balistic when he lashes out at me in a defensive way, "what, I'm being a narcissit or something, right?". I hate my life with him and just need to muster the courage to file. My two kids, 3 & 2 are in love with him yet he berrates me. My 3 yr old son is the only one to get attention. If we died in another room I'm sure he'd never look or care.

god....that's one marital hell..

I really have to ask: does it get any better? I am a hopeless romantic and always believe things will get better-Even when they suck for weeks. The worst part is, I see all these girls I grew up with, went to HS and Middle School with and how happy they are with their man and their kids. How much their men love them and how amazing they are treated. I'm scared to try again for a baby ( i suffered a miscarriage 4 months ago) because I don't want to do it alone (he says all he will do is play with the baby when it is 6 months-the rest of the hard work is for me to deal with)..What can I do? This whole relationship is heartbreaking every day when I reflect on it...

:-( I'm going through this exact same thing It's very painful and lonely. .I hope yours works out ok.

I am sorry for what you are going through as well. Be strong please. Do not give up and remember everyday things feel better. Do not be sad.

Ladies I feel for you. Remember, another's lack of communication or disrespect is not your fault! What you need is a plan in action. <br />
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First, understand that men are not as verbal as women and their brains even develop differently with regard to the speach center of the brain. So even in good relationships your desire to connect is unlikely to be met verbally with a man. So you may need to adjust your expectations a bit (but that is not to say disrespect or a lack of kindness is ok). <br />
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Second, men pull away when being criticized (especially when deserved) and pull away when being pursued. So to turn the tables, stop seeking the connection you desire (temporarily). Instead, without saying a word, just start focusing on you. Take care of yourself as best you can. Find things that lift your spirits and reinforce the fact that you are good, strong, kind and worthy! He will notice this change. What often happens in relationships is we forget to take care of our own needs while taking care of everything and everyone else! So get back in touch with you. If your husband does anything nice whatsoever, make sure you give him some appreciation for that act. Men respond to appreciation. Be consistent with removing you attention when he is not being nice, and with giving appreciation when he is nice. Consistency is key. This form of positive reinforcement works over time and is not an instant fix.<br />
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Third, never let anyone be your only source of love and friendship. No one person can be everything at all times. You deserve more. Find kindness from everyone you interact with. If your husbands are ignoring you, do not pursue them...find other activities and people that lift you up. When you do, it will change your emotional energy to a positive state and you will feel better even without his attention, and he will definitely notice. Be sure not to talk about these changes you are making, simply do them.<br />
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Lastly, when he starts to come around, remember to leave the past in the past. Do not return to old patterns. Do not ask him for what you want and need...instead, tell him shay you like when he does something positive towards you. And if he does something negative, ignore him or tell him what you do not like (describe your situation without blaming him) and describe your feelings that result. Take personal responsibility for yourself in any situation and avoid blame. This will help you respect yourself and become stronger and he will notice.<br />
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One caveat, you cannot change another person. Please do not try. Sometimes it is even necessary to leave. But in many cases, if you change yourself in a positive way for YOU (not to seek approval or acceptance) you will find your husband and everyone around you will notice and change as well.<br />
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Sending hugs to all. You are strong. You are worthy. Please take good care of yourselves.

That is great advice, but it sounds like us women have to "adjust" to men's needs. What about 50-50? Why can't we meet halfway? Why do we have to 'give him space', 'praise him continuously' and be patient with HIM? Why can it not be half and half??!! Sorry if I sound cynical but I have been reading a lot of books regarding men and women, and they all seem to tell women to 'adjust' and 'accept' men as they are, which I believe is unfair. I believe both parties need to make an effort.

Couldn't agree more. I was thinking the same as I was reading. I appreciate the advice but, wby do I constantly feel like I am.being punished..instead u suggest I dont express anything to him.at all adjust smh

I have to ultimately agree with the following post. Really, we have to deal with their irradict behavior, shield the kids from their anger while trying to reconfirm that Daddy is still a nice guy even though he yells at Mommy, and THEN I have to play a game to get any affection, respect or the like in return? Not gonna play that game.....

Well ladies, I've been reading over all your comments and I too am sad for all your pain and feelings of loneliness. I don't know what the answer is, other than to share my story with you with the hope that maybe, just maybe together we can shed some light on how to really communicate with our husbands.<br />
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My husband and I are coming up on our 30 wedding anniversary. I commented today to my guy that I've always wanted to go to Bora Bora and wouldn't it be nice to go there for our 30th. He simply stated, "do you know how expensive that is?" Its $30,000 at least - do you think we have that kind of money?" I replied, "you know that for a fact do you, you've called them?" He said he did, which of course was a lie. What frustrates me is that he crushed my dream even without taking the time to check the facts. We could have looked it up together, seen if there was EVER a discount time or season when we could afford to go, and start saving now.<br />
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Our men, and I do love my man, I was always love him. But I don't know what it is with us women we seem to want to pick the worst time to communicate to them. What we need to do is be able to recognize when they want to be left alone, and when they can and will open up to us and actually communicate.<br />
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My husband just walked out to cool off from an argument we were having over an email - yes, an email to a client. I asked him for help to write it, and after he destroyed it (as usual) stating things like "you can't say that", or "that's completely inappropriate", which disheartens me because I try very hard to be "politically correct" but just can't get the hang of what to say and what not to say in emails!!!! <br />
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So again, I ask for help only to have it end in a fight with my husband.<br />
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Like I said, I don't know what the answer is, my only hope is that I will someday understand when I can communicate clearly, without incident, or a harsh word, yelling, or have this awful pit in my stomach that seems to be my communication with my husband these past few years. Someday, I will break through and have the amazing communication I had with the man I married and fell in love with - with whom I call my very best friend in the world - my husband.

Well Ladies your not alone at all. Our husbands are horrible, 15 years Ive put up with this BS. Everyone wants answers...the only answer is: love yourself enough to LEAVE. Love yourself, we do deserve a GOOD man. Not believing in divorce is a cop out. LOVE YOURSELF. Would God really want us to suffer our lives away? NO he would not, there are good men out there but if we dont love ourselves, we dont have courage and we continue to accept this pain, abuse, and neglect. We must encourage each other build our inner strength, love our self and LEAVE!!!

we have just been married for 2 months but same is going on with me, he is nice to me only when he wants to have sex. we both work together at same place (different departments) but when we r home i have to do all the home chores still he is not nice to me. he ignores me and gives importance to his friends on me. i am fed up, dont want divorce either..

I am also sorry to hear of all this sadness but like someone else said it makes me feel better to know I am not alone. Without getting into my whole story. We have kids from previous marriages and he does not treat them the same at all. He is from another country and they do not show their feelings. He does not talk nice to me and everything I say is taken wrong that I have to end up letting him think he is right just to stop getting hurt.

always put your children first...men come and go

My marriage still has love in it but we keep going in circles with things. We started out our life together in a broken down mobile home where everyone in the park wanted to kill me. My trailer was full of roaches. He was the one to help me sell it and get out. Unfortunately we moved to a double wide. When I first saw it I was sad, the siding was melted and it was full of garbage. We had to clean it all up and live there. I was two streets down from my moms and went there every day. My husband didn't like the fact that I spent a lot of time with my family. We have two wonderful children but he puts us dangerous situations by buying us these sick , sick homes and having us live in there while he fixes them. He leaves big hunks of wood on the floor with the nails sticking up and when he gets mad because I complain it's too cold he beats on walls with hammers. After selling our doublewide we moved to pittsburgh. I had to clean up old cat **** out of a house made in the nineteen hundreds. He said he would fix the heater but never did. We all almost froze to death in the winter. We sold that house for a smaller one. Same crap. He said the house was too old to put in HVAC and we use space heaters, they don't make it any warmer. He said he would get new carpet but left the old stuff in here without getting it cleaned and it had old animal poop on it. He doesn't hit me but our son always hits our daughter and I have heard him Yell YOU FN BTCh when he hit her. He is four she is five. I can't believe how things have gone but I try to stay positive. It really hurts my feelings when he talks bad about his parents. i feel like it's my fault. when we met he was a security gaurd. Now he is unemployed without a car and SPENDS ALL HIS TIME TRYING TO FIX UP THESE TAX FORECLOSURES WE BUY AND I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LIVE AND SQUAT IN. THIS ONE WAS INFESTED WITH HUGE SPIDERS WHEN WE MOVED IN. NOW no hot water and the power keeps going on and off. Some dayss he tells me he loves me over and over, some days he acts like a total psycho. I do love him and try to stay focused on that and try to help him. I just don't know what else to do.

Sweet heart you gotta get out of there
Salvation Army
Service: Housing and Emergency Shelter for Women and Children providing referrals, and
laundry &amp; bathing facilities.
Meals: All
Hours: 24 hours
424 Third Ave.
Pittsburgh, PA 15219
Phone: 412-394-4819
Your son cannot be acting like that...he does what he sees

well, literally, my husband is never home. He gets up in the morning, fixes a pot of coffee, drinks his cup and disappears till it time to go to bed. No he doesn't work, he quit. he would rather spend all his time with his male friend across the street, or with our daughter who lives a few doors down. I spend most of the time alone looking for things to do. I don't have a phone, but he does and he carries it with him every where. When our daughter calls he up and at her beckon call. He is the worst person in the world when it comes to other peoples affairs. He seems to think he is the neighborhood cop and has to know what is going on around every corner. We fight about the stupidest stuff and most times he starts the arguement or is the antagonist waiting to pick a fight. I feel so lonely sometimes I break down and cry and he catches me crying and then he blames me for being never satisfied with anything. He actually told me one time that you came into this marrage with nothing and you will leave it with nothing. We are on a limited income so I really have to make the money stretch and so he doesn't control the checking account, i do but if he needs something i give him the money for it. It usually cut into my grocery money, and he ******* and complains when we run out of food, or a utility gets shut off and I get blamed for it. I know he doesn't have another woman, trust me on that. It's like he has to be in total control of everything including me. He doesnt drink, or do drugs. Its got to the point I dont want to be around him but I am stuck in a situation where I have no where to go nor do I have any family, and he knows this. I am terrified he will leave someday. I don't work I am almost 60, so his SS and his disability will go with him. I don't know what to do other than to live with the hurt and loneyness and continure to be used everyday.

Catwoman Im in the same boat my husband only spend time with me when he wants sex money & beer & weed thats it i be ingored the whole day i dont know what to do i need an answer

Hello, everyone. I really wish we were all writing about how beautiful and loving our marriages are instead of this. However, there is comfort in knowing many of us are here trying to find a place of peace with our situations. I do wish all of you peace, strength and love.<br />
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I have been married for 23 years. I got married when I was 21. My husband came from a broken marriage abandoned by his mother and raised by his unavailable alcoholic father. I was the opposite, came from a very loving supportive strong family unit. This marriage started with a lot of baggage but with excitement, Love, and dreams. My husband was very loving and attentive. He seemed to want to have a different life than what he experienced. We have two beautiful kids a 20 year old son and 13 year old daughter. He is a hard worker and a good father. That is why it is such a mystery to me. I have been a stay at home mom since my kids came. I currently own my own online business. Although, my first priority is still my home and family. I've always stayed busy doing all I could with the kids, keeping house and taking care of all my husbands needs. Really taking care of everyone and everything that pertained to our home and family. My life should be fantastic. To everyone it seems like we have everything. My husband is not mean, not a drinker, or bad to me. He makes everyone think he adores me with the things he says and he always acts like such a caring attentive husband and the life of the party. Really behind closed doors my life is a different story. My husband shuts off when at home. We have very little conversation, and pretty much ignores me. The only interaction with me is about the kids or when he want or feels like it. All these years he has been exactly the same way but, I just didn't see it. I have loved him so much, like no other. I was so busy raising kids and trying to have all perfect that this life was going on with him but, I just didn't see it. I wanted to have everything taken care of when he got home so that we could relax and enjoy each other. Instead, he constantly tuned in to the tv and tuned me out. Now, that I try to talk to him about things, he doesn't see himself and his behavior. He thinks I should be grateful that he doesn't drink, hit me, or break up this family like what happened in his. It is like I am living with a stranger. We are not intimate any longer for the last 4 months because I just feel so strange. It feels like I am having sex with a stranger but worse. At least with a stranger a one night stand you don't expect anything but, after a 23 year marriage and kids???? It is painful to open yourself up and be intimate with nothing just but an act ...coldness. I am 44 years young and I say that cause so many say I look very young and I can honestly say I do. The aging genes in my mothers family are unbelievable. Thankfully I got them but, I feel so old. Especially, now that I have no intimacy or ex<x>pression of love with my partner. It feels worse than loosing your partner. I don't want to diminish the pain of loss of a partner. But, when the person you love is sleeping right next to you and ignores you it is torture every night. I feel at the lowest point of my life and feel like I am about to explode. But, I prey each and everyday that something will touch him and make him realize what he has. And I prey for all of you and your own situations. May we all grow stronger and be the best we can be despite our trials. God Bless you all.

It's hard to be in a house full of people yet feel completely alone and invisible. Anything I have to say is considered dribble. My opinion is ignored and I get undermined as if I'm a child. He tells me that he has to talk all day at work. So I try and let it slide. But for how long do I go without intellectual stimulation? Damn I'm not asking for him to answer all the mysteries to the universe. Just maybe a chat would be nice! I feel like I'm in solitary confinement. Im screaming with every fibre of my soul, but no one can hear me. He once said that if I need social interaction to go out and find it. "Go see your friends if you want conversation!". Yeah well, maybe I should start sleeping with my friends then. Because what the hell else is he there for. And I'm tired of taking a number! I'm tired of holding my tongue! I'm a Gemini, WE LIKE TO TALK! Grrrrr

I am there with you.............when one of the bartenders tells you she know your husband better than you and the other is the one he makes plans with and talks to .....even though you are the one who has his back and does all the work.......is that being taken for granted and disrespected???????? You bet it is... I could go on and on but I can't see through the tears....

My ex husband called me Princess..at first, didn't last long. I know everyone says there is always two sides to every story...but I was home, pregnant, then with a baby, making meals, laundry and being a first time mom all on my own, trying to figure it out. He wouldn't stay home. When I had our second child I couldn't get off the couch as she had torn my stomach up bad due to her size and he went 7 hours away on a camping trip and I couldn't lift her. He said, "why should I stay home just because you decided to have that?"<br />
I divorced. Now I have a man whose text messages to his friends always come first. I can't talk while he textes. His textes start at 7 or 8 am and continue until he goes to bed. Everything comes before me. He isn't interested in sex. He is interested in what his buddies think, that he is cool and fun to them and makes them laugh. He spends hours, sometimes not coming home until 2 or 4 am..out with the guys. He doesn't joke and laugh when home. I went to the coffee shop with him once and some woman said how lucky I was to have him and what a great and funny guy I have. How stupid can people be. He yells and swears at me, never pays me any attention...angry, puts me down, watches ****, controls me, ....and so much more.

My husband an I have been marriedd for 9 years as of last week. We have 4 children under 8 years and you'd never know it by first glance but I have been ill with an autoimmune disorder that causes chronic pain and has left me disabled since 2006. Our kids have some medical issues tas well hat create a lot of stress for me with constantly bringing them back and forth to doctors and dealing with the schools. My husband never gets involved or tries to help me unless I beg him. My husband loves to play his kids but can't really stand being around them for more than half an hour and has no ability to constructively disipline without losing his temper and yelling at the top of his lungs. Almost immediately when he gets home from work he turns on his video games. Once the PS3 is on i don't even exist, He'll play till I put dinner on the table, and then he'll play till it's time for the kids to go to bed and then once they're in bed he'll play till all hours of the night. I almost always go to bed alone or fall alseep with my 2 year old. The only time he'll come up to bed with me is when he wants to have sex, which I've caught on to and I have no desire to have sex with a man who doesn't know I'm alive...it's almost like having sex with a stranger and it feel violating but I do it anyways. There are many other problems too. He's always at least a half hour late for work in the morning and doesn't really seem to think it will ever jeopardize his job (even though he's lost 3 for the same reason). He embarrasses me by losing his temper and throwing fits in front of my friends over stupid things to the point where they feel uncomfortable and leave. He's ridiculously insecure, but does nothing to try to keep me emotionally satisfied. Daily tasks are exxtremely difficult and tiring for me whereas my diagnosis has cause advanced arthritis in hips and several places in my back and both s.i.joints. I hurt so bad by the end of the day that sometimes I don't know how I'm gonna go on. There are times when he needs to help me because walking will be difficult or I'll be in such bad pain I can't get out of bed, but I definately feel the resentment because he uses it aginst me all the time when we argue. On my bad days he'll tell me to call him at work if I need him to come home but I really think it's just another excuse for him to get out of work because when he comes home all he does is play video games. On a regular basis he does dishes once or twice a week and maybe a load of laundry or two and thinks that's all there is to being in a family with 4 kids to take care of. We're financially strapped and he does nothing to make it better. He expects me to do the budgeting and make miracles so that he can continue to drive around his 2011 Acura TL. (On at 32k household income mind you). Someone at our church approached him on working 10 hours a weeksfor them as a second job and he couldn't cut it. He was too lazy to get his butt up early in the morning and go work 2 hours a day before going to his other job and then blamed that fact that he couldn't do the work on me because I needed him home at night to help with the kids instead of having him work till 8pm. There have been many years in our marriage before I became ill that I worked 2 and 3 jobs and up tp 15 hours a day plus caring for little ones at home and dealing with all the home stresses alone and I always did what was needed to provide for our family without complaining and I feel like in order to get him to even provide for our family finacially I always had to carrry him and be the fire underneath his butt and now I just can't anymore it's just too exhausting. I try to talk to him about it and he always turns it around on me and tries to blame me for something totally unrelated, it turms into a big fight and goes nowhere. It kills me because the guy I fell in love with is the one I see when I see my husband interacting with everyone outside of our family including his friends, co-workers, people at our church, etc., and I wish he would treat me with such compassion. I want him to care about me the way he cares about them. He treats the kids in the youth group better than his own children. We don't have the time or the money for counseling and divorce is not an option for me wheras I am a Christian woman. I don't know what to do, but I am lonely and feel very underappreciated for how much I struggle to get through everyday. Glad to know I'm not alone though. Hang in there everybody. I'll add you into my prayers

Wow, you could take all your words and that is my marriage to a T. I mean every single thing you said. I hate it. Im only 30 and we have only been married 4 years. Together for 8. Im scared for our son when he gets older, he already calls his crying "annoying". I hope it gets better. I think they have the syndrome called "the people closest to me is who I treat like the most sh*t" (sorry but that is the only word for it) Hope it gets better for you!!!!!

I live the same , we have been together for 30 years and since 2004 my life with him is a disaster, no tenderness, no sex and I can't talk about it, he doesn't want to talk. AND he pretends to be a christian, I am disgusted<br />
I am ready to leave him if I find a loving man.

Nicedreamer, you're ready to leave, leave now sister! Don't wait for your knight in shining armor to arrive because may not ever show up. Be your own hero and save yourself from wasting 30 more years in this emotional desert of a relationship. Easier said than done, believe me. I'm not ready to leave yet and I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not going to leave for some amazing man. I need to clean up my baggage and relearn how to live and breathe by myself before I feel I can have the healthy and real relationship that I crave.

I've gone thru the same. In 2010 my husband spoke to me for two months out of the 12. And I was pregnant w our child. It was torture! We as wives are suppose to trust our husband and be able to rely on them. But how can we rely,trust, and expect support if we don't know how they r going to be day to day? Comments were made to me about how he ignored me on our wedding day. I thought nobody noticed! So embarrassing!! I get more attention from strangers than my own husband. I really wish I had advice for u but I don't. I can just reassure u that u r not alone. And its not fair or normal for someone to treat another as thou they don't exists!!! Especially their spouse!

barbeem (and others) I'm so sorry that others feel this way. After 35 years, you deserve to be his partner, not taken for granted. The only thing that I've done that has made me feel better is to focus on me. I'm taking a master's degree class and, while I'm not an official volunteer yet, I've started stopping in at the local animal shelter to drop off donations of kitty litter and to spend time with the cats and dogs. It's helping me feel more fulfilled. Take care of yourself.

You are not alone, I have the same situation. One word answers, claims I talk too much, so I decided to not say anything one night. We didn't talk at all. Never asks me how my day was. I am very unhappy, but no courage to leave this 35 year marriage. I want to try to make it work, but can't do it alone.

I feel the same way with my husband, it is difficult to be the only one to give affection and not recieve much back in return... I consider myself to be a very touchy feely person and my husband has always been the opposite but it isnt until now that i am noticing that my relationship is on the verge of disaster because of his inability to connect with me on a deeper level... I have made many efforts to explain what it is i want and it usually works for a few weeks maybe and then back to the same thing. I have made it a point to tell him how i feel and have even spoken about divorce on numerous ocasions but like i said it is an issue that needs more than a lil fix it needs a good foundation to follow and to stick to and when things get tough dont put up with it no more after so many tries you cant allow anyone to take advantage of you and your time... right?

My husband is exactly the same way! I am so sorry, it makes me feel just a tiny bit better to know I am not alone. The only time my husband is nice to me is on Sat. night. Then back to ignoring me. I wish I had the courage to divorce him. My advice is decide what you can live with. Plenty of bad marraiges out there. I think you can get through it if you find some things for yourself and find happiness elsewhere, not ideal but not horrible either. Maybe he will get nicer with time, that is what I keep hoping. You can surround yourself with things that make you feel fullfilled. No one ever said we need a husband for that.

Was he like that before you Married him?