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From A Man

Ladies, i am sorry that you are being ignored by your man. It is a terribly lonel;y feeling. My wife ignores me so i appreciate how you feel.
It is not something exclusive to women. i know I am not the only man being ignored by my wife.

please know that the pain is felt on our side of the gender line too.

I was raised in a loving and affectionate household and am the snuggly type so this is killing me on the inside. My wife not only ignores me but won't even snuggle or show any affection. The only attention is generally her complaining. Heaven forbid i so much as try and give her a hug. we haven't kissed in 8 or 9 years.

Yes I am miserable.
Deepressed Deepressed 46-50, M 12 Responses Apr 11, 2011

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I can relate totally, i've been married for almost 8 years & my husband has shown me very little affection in that time. He is a great father to our 5 yr old child and is very hardworking but when he's not working it's a chore to get him to do anything apart from eat, watch tv or work on his computer! Our child is constantly asking why he is an only child, but unless of the 'immaculate conception' that will never happen as we havent been intimate in years. I've always wanted a big family & feel so
resentful that my husband is depriving me from this. I don't want to leave him as our son adores him but im SO bored & lonely. Im also afraid that if we separate my husband will move back home (different country) & im very protective of our son that I wouldn't want him travelling there alone & to top it off I don't like his family.

That's a very unfortunate situation. Do you know anyone else you could speak to, who also knows your wife well. Usually, people always confide in other people if they feel they can not resolve a matter with a loved one.

I am in the same situation, but we have only been married 5 years. I however refuse to stay in a marriage that is so unhappy. I have talked to him over and over and it does no good, he too becomes defensive and blames me for his distance. I have warned him months ago that if things do not change, I will change them myself. Nothing has happened. We have been to counseling. I have done all I can do. I'm out. I know it isn't that easy, but life really is too short. I would rather be alone than with someone and lonely.

how long into your 5 years did things take a dive? if it's only the last little while it's one thing but if its declines over the 5 years, then yea, pretty unlikely its going to get better. Being alone (if you have the personality for it) IS better than being alone in a marriage. Is there something else causing him to be so distant?

It has been declining pretty steady over the last 2 years. My personality and emotional issues, which I HAVE sought and found help for, have turned him away. I have been working on myself since he asked me to, but I am never going to be the person he wants me to be I'm afraid. I go to counseling and take meds for my issues and they are for the most part under control. He however has done nothing to change his side of things. I cannot change anything I have done, but I have worked on what he asked. He hasn't done anything I asked him to do. I think he wants to split up but doesn't have the guts to do it.

That's so sad

some relationships just end. I think that ending it before i get more bitter is for the best. The kids don't deserve to see the way that things are right now, it's not good for them. No need to be sad about it. i am actually looking forward tot he next phase of my life.

that's a good way to look at it,I'm looking forward to finding my forever love...the one who loves me for me.

i think i have found just such a woman, she is of excellent character and truly makes me happy.

Communication seems to be the core of what we are needing to keep the relationship glued together. The second thing is contact. i read an article that said that kissing re connects us on a physical level. if there is no kissing, even a casual peck on the cheek, then the bond begins to dissolve. <br />
If your spouse won't even talk and this continues for a long time (more than a few months) then you know the relationship is in trouble.<br />
Sometimes we stick with what we are already in (better the devil you know) but a clean break can heal. staying in something that is a dead relationship is not productive. Do yourself the favour and get out. If you have to wait for the kids to be older then you may have to stick it out for a while. <br />
but then you also have to really look at it ob<x>jectively, are the kids better off coming from a broken home or living in one? What i mean by that is that if there is constant bickering or cold isolation, they are going to see that as a model of how things should be. If things are still nice in the home just not good for you two intimately then it's worth hanging in, a poisoned atmophere is bad for the kids and getting out would be better.<br />
As a father i know that if i leave at this point, they will not have a positive role model and that will affect them in future.

i would be so much more affectionate if my hubby would talk to me and share his feelings...i feel like im a crockpot (and a crackpot...lol) relationships are so difficult...i am hanging in there hoping all the pain will turn into a rainbow....in the meantime i am reaching out and trying my best to change myself, im the only person i can change........i am learning to focus on his good points and trying to accept who he is, not who i want him to be...hard work

I have indeed asked legal advice. Like you,,i refuse to leave the kids in an emotionally dead home without me. As to the legal advice, in the province i livin in (in Canada) emotional abandonment apparently carries the same weight in court as if she had an affair. I was quite surprised. Indeed, it sounds like you and I are suffering from the same bad choice. At the time she was a lot different.<br />
feel free to message back more. Misery loves company.

Thank you...it actually is helpful for me as my husband is the same and I am not going to live with it any more. Whatever I could do I did all....he is not open for communication...........if i call him from my office and tell I am leaving when will you come back.......he will say it is attack on his privacy and I am trying to control....if I send SMS he will say I hate replying to sms', if I try to talk in the evening he is either preoccupied in any damn thing or tired.............and now a days he says....I want only intellectual communication...........he is dumb at the very level that I understood and I am dumbest as I expected from him.

I have been in a deteriorating marriage as well. I feel your pain. My wife and I never kiss or hug or anything else. I have tried everything to get our life back on track. Unfortunately, I am the only person trying to do anything. I still try to suggest going to the movies, out to eat, on a walk, like mini-dates (all are hard to do with kids and little money). I am like you perhaps. I simply take it because I won't leave the kids who need me emotionally. I won't leave the house I pay the mortgage on either. I have done nothing wrong. I have been devoted, honest, and well intentioned all the way. My wife will do whatever she will do. For me the hardest thing to do has been to get legal advice. If you have done so I commend you even if it doesn't mean you want to. I am not there yet. I hope you respond since we seem to be in the same condition.

I have been in a deteriorating marriage as well. I feel your pain. My wife and I never kiss or hug or anything else. I have tried everything to get our life back on track. Unfortunately, I am the only person trying to do anything. I still try to suggest going to the movies, out to eat, on a walk, like mini-dates (all are hard to do with kids and little money). I am like you perhaps. I simply take it because I won't leave the kids who need me emotionally. I won't leave the house I pay the mortgage on either. I have done nothing wrong. I have been devoted, honest, and well intentioned all the way. My wife will do whatever she will do. For me the hardest thing to do has been to get legal advice. If you have done so I commend you even if it doesn't mean you want to. I am not there yet. I hope you respond since we seem to be in the same condition.

She gets EXTREMELY defensive when I try and express any of my feelings. to the point of going on a full counterattack. I have tried in numerous diplomatic ways communication with her is impossible. I am convinced that she is only with me till the kids are grown up and moved on. <br />
<br />
My concern is that at this point, i doubt that I could ever have a normal healthy relationship with a woman again. as such I think i will just live alone when that time comes.

im sorry to hear about the situation with u wife, maybe if u talk with her and tell about u feelings things would be better, at least i hope things go better for u and u wife=)