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What I Mean By "My Husband Ignores Me"


Can anybody relate to this?  My husband and I have been married for MANY years now, and things have just gone from bad to worse.  When I say that my husband ignores me, I mean that.....

1)  He NEVER calls me during the day

2)  He never asks me how my day was, or what I did.  And the rare occasion that he does ask me, he walks out of the room and doesn't really want to hear my answer.

3)  I can't talk to him, because it's like talking to a pile of mashed potatoes.  It's not listening to me, and it doesn't care what I'm saying!  Ha Ha

4)  Any big news that happens to him, like he's going to go out of town, or somebody got hired or fired at work, or he gets medical test results back.... he tells OTHER people at church before he even thinks of telling me.  What's worse, he'll break the news about something WHILE I'm sitting there at a group meeting with him, and I have to hear the news at the same time that everyone else does.  HOW DEGRADING IS THAT???  I even call him on it, right then and there.... but it just doesn't phase him. 

Friends... please share your stories if any of you can relate to this misery that I'm in!!



Psalm23 Psalm23 41-45, F 245 Responses Mar 27, 2008

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It's like I wrote this article. I feel you. My hubby despises me to the point that without informing me, he opted to book guests I was to host in my house into a guest house two days to the special occasion. I was utterly deflated. He doesn't see the big deal. They were not treated well and now most blame me.
We have a good amount of property he purchased without telling me. I learn about them as a by-the-way. I want to run to a distant country to find my ego.

Yes, i can relate. The sad thing is that i left a marriage where my husband was very in tune with me. I think often of what it would be like if we were still together. My current husband used to pay attention to me.

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I feel ya there! We work together, and have pretty much been together 24-7 since we met. We live an hour from civilization, (no errands by myself, no classes to take, no friends around, etc) and my husband is diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder...which is basically lacking empathy, and very self centered, and an a-hole in general. I'm not sure if he has ever asked how my day was in our almost decade of togetherness. If I injure myself, for example, my back and ask him if he can just rub it for a minute to help, he won't. BUUUUUT if he so much as has a mosquito bite, I need to drop everything I am doing and fix it. And after said injury, he doesn't ask how it's healing up, but if I don't ask him about his woes, I am just not caring and thoughtful. He doesn't contribute to anything around the house. I'm to blame for everything. If I start to tell him an anecdote about something ridiculous the dog did or I did for that matter, he never acknowledges I even spoke. I have to ask him if he even heard me. However if he tells me a story I could give two craps about, and I don't respond with thoughts and conversation in his favor, I am being non-supportive, rude, or a an itchy b. I can give him updates about things throughout the day in regards to work, but then later he will ask if it got done, even though I told him 6 hours prior that it was. I usually find out we are going to do things by other people. Like he forgets to tell me that his family is coming down for a visit until after I put something in the mail for them and he gets mad as to why I did that when they will be here in two days. Or people get pregnant, he finds out, and then I don't know until they have the baby, same with weddings, divorces, etc. I can ask him what we are doing later and he will say he doesn't know but then 20 minutes later someone (usually someone I don't particularly like) shows up and says they are ready to go and it was all planned out anyway from the day before (and not in a "surprise honey, I love you" way) If I leave to go anywhere for 10 minutes and don't tell him where, the world ends, but he will disappear for hours on end without issue and when I ask where he went, it's none of my business. He's not afraid of yelling at me in front of people either, which is embarrassing because the few people we are around are people I have to see and work with on a continual basis. Awesome. So short rant that turned much much longer...yes I can relate. And I am sorry that really sucks, because it's miserable being lonely within your marriage.

I feel you, same thing is happening to me, i feel that if it wasnt for me to try and be at peace with him our marriage would have ended a long time ago :( I want to leave but i cant find the courage in me to do it, literraly i am so unhappy because im not even noticed, i feel extremely lonely when im with him, i guess i made a grave mistake in marrying him

Did it ever occur to you that he simply doesn't love you any more? That he resents you and doesn't enjoy your company? I've been living this hell for 26 years, yet I continue to stay. And God help me I work him, too.

I can so relate. We have been married for a year, and I feel like everything has changed. Before we got married, we were happy go lucky, always having sex and could talk about anything. Now I feel like I'm the only one who cares. He ignores me when I talk about anything that doesn't interest him, and he isn't willing to comfort me when I get bad news. I love him to death, but I can only hold so much in before I want to explode. I stay at home and work my *** off and he never notices. He would rather have month old sheets and a moldy bathroom than say thank you. It gets hard when you want him to be the person you talk to, but you have to find someone else to help you through your problems. I feel like I am stuck in this relationship and wish he would turn himself around. At one point during an argument he told me that I was the reason he wanted to commit suicide. He knows that I have had a suicidal past, and he threw the insult at me anyway. I don't know what to do anymore.

I have been married a little over two years and I can for sure relate!!! My husband and I attend church every Sunday together but the person they see and the person he is with me are two different people. I call and text my husband through out the day just to see how he is doing and he does not even respond until hours later, and when he does answeer my calls he seems very irritated. I have to find out things that's going on in his life by going threw his phone reading his text messages. He goes hours without answering my calls and his reasons are because he was talking to his mom or working. I am a stay at home mom and he sometimes throws that in my face that he is the only one who works in this house. I sometimes feel like he treats me like a child instead of his wife. I am so unhappy but I pray and rely on God to direct my path. I am not sure if I made the right decision by marrying my husband ba<x>sed on the lifestyle I lived before we got married, I was really in need of change and he was the change. I do love my husband but I don't feel that he loves me in a romantic love. I think he does a lot of things out of obligation. Our whole marriage is ba<x>sed around sex and then the love we share for our 2 year old daughter. Majority of the time I feel like i'm on duty when i'm around him, I just can't be myself because he throws my past in my face and makes me feel embarrassed or ashamend. I pray and cry and sometimes talk to my sister. The best thing about it is that I have gotten a lot more closer to God since I have been married.

I've been married for 10 years and together for almost 20 years. Our marriage is dull and he doesn't take me out anywhere or buys me anything. I can't remember the last time he bought me flowers. The spark has been gone for along time. He doesn't have sex with me I believe due to low sex drive. He has medical benefits and doesn't seek treatment. He's very dependent on me. Sometimes I talk my husband and he tends to be more interested whats on tv.Last Fall, I met a male friend who's also in a marriage which is mediocare as he stated. We sometimes go for drinks and conversation. We enjoy each others company. He stated he finds me fun, beautiful, smart, and sexy. I
felt so good about myself. i never thought of myself as sexy. My friend then said, it seems we are both suffering on the inside. There's been times I wanted to leave and disappear. I feel like I'm getting no where and had thoughts of regreting this marriage

I wish I could say I couldn't relate, but yes it's so sad. I'm at the point of where he has all the power, he knows what makes me cry and he uses that. He ignores me, gets angry when I discuss my feelings. And I'm at a loss.

You are not alone, when my husband get's upset with me he ignores me and act like I don't even exist. I cry and try to talk to him but he ignores me even more , and the crazy thing is he does not even explain to me why he is upset sometimes. I remember I came home and he was like dont touch me get away from me, you need to take a shower. I had no idea what he was talking about, he kept telling me I had an affair which I never have. I still do not know what that was about til this day and it went on for about a week. It made me feel so bad and alone. I wanted to go back and get high , I am a meth addict thats been clean for 3 years and I felt so alone I thought about going backwards, but I prayed and Jesus kept me. I learned that I can only rely on Jesus not man. Stay strong God is with you at all times.

<p>I can relate my so called husband and I have been married for 11 yrs it seems like forever he doesn't talk talk to me when I wanna talk to him he says he's busy or I'm tired if I say we need alone time he makes up some lame excuse why we can't I ask him we need family time he ignores me I said we need to get away his answer is I'm trying to keep a roof over our head but he takes vacations by himself if can u believe that that's sooooo selfish if his parents wanna go some where he's freaking there if we go some where with the kids some friend of his has to come or he's on the cell phone as he says conducting business what ever I'm wrong he's right lol in his dreams he has no clue I say I am leaving with the kids he says ok do you know he tried to take my daughter from me twice oh it goes on and on he's such a jerk.</p>

I'm afraid that I relate entirely to your plight and I've only been married for six months!
When I speak to my husband he doesn't even look at me or respond. It's like he blocks me out entirely. I'm something of a quiet person and so I don't nag are continue to pester I just leave. But I'm afraid it's really taken a toll on my self worth. As if nothing I say is of any importance to him and therefore I am of no importance too.
This week my husbands children from a previous marriage came to visit. I rented a motorhome for them so they could go sightseeing. Not only did my husband not invite me along...he hasn't tried to call or returned my calls in almost a week.
I feel stupid and small and worthless in his presence. Not even worthy of his time to spare a phone call or let me know where they are.
I'm ready to give up on our marriage because I'm so miserable being ignored. It feels emotionally abusive and I know I deserve so much better than this.

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email of a truth he really helps again his email his

I am a man who used to ignore his wife. Then she came to me one day and said she would never say no again when I wanted physical intimacy.

Our marriage is better than ever, and I once again desire to reach out to her, be with her, and call just to say 'hi' from work.

I didn't know it before, but I became naturally apathetic because I wasn't getting what I needed so I subconciously stopped giving her what she needed.

That's wonderful and I tried that with my husband, but he doesn't want to have sex ever.

I'm sorry but that doesn't work at all....if I was giving advice it wouldn't be to give more of myself when I am getting nothing in return....that is even more depressing!!!! Trust me my husband could be having amazing sex, he falls asleep in front of the TV after a home cooked meal and is just plain lazy. Sex has nothing to do with it.

Yes, this is me, my husband dont even ask what's going on in my life. At work I would talk to other men and they would tell me what they and there wives do together. when I'm asked what we do I have nothing to say.

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email of a truth he really helps again his email his

Yes me to i feel so hurt i

feel disgusting to him unimportant

Unfortunately I relate entirely.

Yes same here

<p>You're not alone as you can see. I have been dealing with this as well. I know that my husband is not very happy about a thing or two with me right now as well, but I have been feeling this way for a few years now and if ever I try to openly and honestly discuss things with him it seems to either get rejected (through his clearly being annoyed or angered by the discussion) or not taken seriously (through his joking or facial ex<x>pressions) or I just get stonewalled and shut down as far as he is concerned and it just really sucks. I get this constant feeling that what ever needs I may have that are not being met are my problem and mine alone and that he would much rather not even be bothered with having knowledge of anything. I also know that he likes for me to meet his needs and that his needs and concerns should be something that I care about when he want me to, but if he does not want me involved in something, I just have no business asking the simplest of questions, or being involved in any way. Examples include:</p><p>1)Telling me he doesn't care when I share simple things with him. If he has no interest in the topic, like the Olympics or me running in to a friend that day or whatever I hear, "I don't care" after sharing something with him. It is very hurtful. In my mind I hear "Another thing you talk about that bores me, don't talk to me about it again, now go away, I don't want to be bothered by you" and that is it. It actually hurts me very deeply every time he does this now. I blew it off at first just thinking it was no big deal, but the more I deal with it the more I accept that people do this kind of thing to people they see as unimportant and dismissive. There is no use in saying anything about it to him though because:</p><p>2) Usually when I try to reach out to him about things he does that hurt me they are minimized by him and then it turns into an argument and we are back to the situation I stated in the beginning of this response. I have decided, as of yesterday as a matter of fact, when I was once again dismissively told he "doesn't care" while sharing something simple with him, that there is really no use in any of my attempting to let him know how it makes me feel. He doesn't care and he doesn't want to be bothered and he pushes me away a little more each time and if he's OK with it than I should be more than OK with not caring anymore either. </p><p>3) the sex issue. Oh God the dreaded sex issue. When he wants it I should give it, when I want it, well, you know where this is going and where it has gone, does go, and will go, for so many other in marriage. He usually falls a sleep before me while I'm taking care of the kids and for bed time (which really tells me a lot about how much he enjoys it or is willing to put some effort in to it, nothing like choosing sleep over sex that your partner would really like to have and enjoy. As you can imagine this also kills me inside in relation to my marriage). Pushing away once again, but once again, can't share any of it with him. So often told to deal with our marital problems alone, only that tells me I am alone in the marriage because last time I checked it takes two involved people to make a marriage, Not one invested person who cares and one who opts out and checks out whenever they feel like it. </p><p>4) and final example and the most painful by far, and one that involves me being part of the problem , I do suppose. I take responsibility for my part in this one, but the pain was just so immense and it created such trust issues for me that I still wonder If I made a huge mistake in sticking around. My husband called me ugly about two years ago. I'm not so petty or insecure that that alone would have caused such distress and resentment though. No. He told this to the police after I called them due to his being drunk and disorderly. I felt I had to that night. It was so terrible, and he quit drinking right after that incident, but what happened that night was so awful to me. It really just broke my heart and my faith in his feelings and respect for me. What killed me the most was that he did not even know I was listening to the conversation. He though I was tucked away in the house and could not hear him, but of course I could, even inside the house. Me and OUR CHILDREN! He was very drunk and the cops were removing him from our home and he said, "She used to be cute, but look at her! Have you seen her? She' not cute any more, just look at her, I mean come on!":(...... The humiliation and painful part did not even end there. The cops came in and told me I should make a decision about my marriage because "he is out there and he is just" cop rolls his eyes, then proceeds "He is just not happy at all it seems". Heartbreaking nightmare. Your husband pouring out his dissatisfaction with your physical appearance (that you never even knew he had any issues with, and you never had issues with because you find yourself attractive and so do other people, many other people, usually!!) to a bunch of strangers unaware of the fact that your wife and kids heard you. It didn't end there though either. After being removed, he had to call my cell phone sloppy, sluring drunk, just to make sure that I know just how hideous he finds me to be by leaving the message "You know, your such a *****! We had a good run, but your not cute any more and I'm done" Then he tries to come back home drunk the same night and when I don't let him in he is screaming "Is this it, are you serious?! This is how you want this to go? Are we done now!? Let me in!".......</p><p>
<br />
Truly horrible, and I have never cried more deeply or painfully than I did that night. I waited for him to pass out outside, which he did, and I took the kids and left for several days. So much pain and I just accepted that we should probably throw in the towel, cut our losses and move on, as painful as it was. So...needless to say, we got back together and decided to try to fix things per his insistence. We did a couple marriage counseling sessions, before we lost our sitter for them and could not afford another one, and things seemed to be going really well for a long time, but this is where it turns in to me being partially to blame for things as they are now. I have never been able to forget or let go of what he said, not deep down inside anyway. He swears up and down that he was just drunk and angry and being a hurtful POS, and that he did not mean those things he said, and that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, no matter what, even when I'm not done up or working out right after waking up. He says he finds me very sexually attractive and blah, blah, blah, but the issue is that I never fully believe him anymore, because who am I to say whether it was said because he was drunk and angry (for no reason apparently because we were just home that night, no arguments happened or anything before his unleashing of the rage and hurt) or if it was that he was drunk and telling his own personal truth about how he sees me physically? IDK and I never really will and that is the problem. </p><p>I am not accustomed to being told I am ugly or undesirable. I was not used to it when it happened, because I don't think I am. Men have always flocked to me to be honest without sounding boastful, but I have aged some and I have children, but men still comment to me on my attractiveness and flirt with me at the gym or the store or where ever. All different ages, styles and types, so IDK. I</p><p>It is just so sad an lonely because if he looks at me the wrong way, or looks a any part of my body for too long or falls asleep when I want sex, or if he notices any other women any where or looks at them to long in my opinion (which to be honest never bothered me before because I knew/thought he found me to be just as beautiful if not more so), now I am convinced it is because he finds me ugly. I am convinced he finds flaws and fault with my appearance all the time and just hides it from me. I am sure that he feels cheated in the "My wife's looks" department and that he is hanging on to this marriage for some other self serving or financial reason. Why not. Free child care, maid service, cook, laundress, and occasional sex partner when he has a need that I can provide for. My part in this thing is that I have not been fully convinced of his attraction to me ever since that night and the resentment and sadness and pain will sometimes come flooding back in, usually after one of the triggers mentioned above and then I have to/had to say something or fish for some validation that he finds me truly attractive -not any longer because it's a useless action if I am looking to get any ob<x>jective outside help or relief on my feelings of physical inadequacy in my marriage. It's just a waste of time and feeling and it gets us no where, because I am convinced he meant those words he said, and everyone knows that calling your souse ugly to a bunch of stagers is no good for a marriage, but neither is the "Remember what you said?" or " I can't for get you said that" or "Well, I guess your ugly wife isn't pretty enough for you to be nice to today, what's wrong, do I look especially rough to day and so now it's time to be a ***** to me!?" </p><p>Yes, I have said these things to him also, more than once, and I know they sound juvenile and just like some insecure nut case who can't let the past go, but like I said, I have had to deal with these alone essentially, because he has always tried to avoid acknowledging how much that BS hurt and how much it damaged my trust in him also. Even though he apologized many times and has quit drinking, and teels me he loves me all the time, as he always had, there has also been this kind of flip attitude, IMO, from him in regards to that night and all that went down. I am once again told "I have apologized many times. I told you I said it out of drunken ager and I didn't mean it, you have to let that sh@# go or we do need to get a divorce!" and then there I am again, left alone with one of the most painful things that I have ever experienced, and it involves him and I really just need to figure it out/deal with those negative feelings alone and grow up and move on. "Don't bother me with it" is basically what I hear, and that seems to be the main theme of our relationship lately. </p><p>You know I'm on the brink, just like so many other people. We were honestly so happy for a long time. Very connected and secure with each other and grateful for each and we would laugh and be close and happy, until the last few years, and really I don't know if I can take anymore of it. I told him the other day that I can't handle any more rejection form him and I get "How do I reject you? I don't understand what you mean when you say that" ??????!</p><p>I noticed that those weird, insecure, "what is he looking at now" and "I feel so ugly" feelings ONLY happen around him and that certainly does not bode well for our marriage because I want out and away form those feelings and It would take some positioning, which I am working on now, but it make me want to leave and feel free to be my confident, beautiful and happy self again with out him silently cutting me down and finding fault with me in his own brain. </p><p>Sorry this is SO REDICULOUSLY long, but it feels so good just to get all this BS out in any way where the person or people reading it don't know "us" or me. I can't tell anyone in my family about it, I can't talk to him about it and I won't share it with my every day, in person, real life friends either. I still have not fully decided to leave yet, I have my reasons, and yes, one is that I still love him very much, and that may make me look stupid or like I don't value my self very much but neither one of those are true conclutions. I am like on the fence right now, carefully weighing things out and working through deciding if this marriage is worth saving. Again, can't talk to him about it because as far as he's concerned it is not just worth saving, but he "still happy" in the marriage and thinks I am just making problems where there are none. We will be going to marriage counseling again, per his request after I told him about not being able to deal with any rejection from him any more and him saying he "wants to figure out what that means and fix it", but To be honest the fact that I don't feel comfortable and accepted when it comes to talking to him about things in general makes me wonder if the final damage has already been done and there is no getting back to a happy and secure "us" as far as I'm concerned anyway, and like I said it does take 2.</p>

Sweet heart..I say this empathetically, you deserve better than what this man has been giving you. Maybe in the beginning he did all the things to get you, but he certainly isn't doing anything to keep you either. If he's had a change of heart and seriously considered all that he lost and asked you to go to marriage counseling with him upon his request then Id say give in. If the behaviors that he's construing to you continue then I don't know why he's still with you or you with him. Quite honestly I would hate being around someone who is drunk all the time. That person changes. And whether you realize it or not, so do your feelings towards him.

Honestly, I understand the feelings completely. I have a similar problem with my husband. Except he takes it a whole new level. He will spend 16+ hours a day locked in the computer room and the only time I see him is when and if he finally decides to go to bed which is very rare too. The worst part is that not only does he stay locked in there all day long, but he will be in there ************ to **** about 90% of the time. He refuses to even have sex with me because of it until after weeks and sometimes even months of me complaining about it. And by then its no surprise that I am so depressed and hurt that I can’t even enjoy that little bit of attention.

My biggest issue with the whole thing is that if he would just spend even one day a week having sex with me I wouldn’t be bothered by him watching ****. But he doesn’t the longest I’ve gone without having sex with him was 6 months. 6 months of being completely ignored tends to destroy your ability to even enjoy it when it does finally happen.

Plus every now and then he will pick a date and time for us to have sex or at the very least spend a little time with me. You know what happens when he does that? He never follows through. I will wait four or five days past the time and day he picked to even mention it. When I do mention it he throws a fit and uses that as an excuse to ignore me for a longer period of time. And the minimum amount of time he will use that as an excuse to further ignore me is a week the maximum is several months.

He doesn’t work, we have no children and I literally do everything for him I cook, I clean, I even walk down to the store to get him cigarettes when he runs out. Does he ever appreciate these things or think maybe it would be nice if he some attention for all the hard work I do? Of course not.

Hell its actually so bad that he won’t kiss me unless I kiss him first, he won’t show me ANY affection at all no kisses, no hugs, no I love yous unless I do it first and even then its flat and uncaring. I spend day after day crying alone because it bothers me so much. The saddest part is that there are so many men out there whose wives refuse to have sex with them. But no one ever considers the situation being reversed. And for a woman to be neglected by her husband it honestly is just so much worse. I feel bad for the men whose wives refuse because I know exactly how horrible it feels.

Never once have I ever even considered rejecting my husband when it comes to having sex yet he constantly rejects me over and over again nearly every single time. The thing is that when our male friends hit on me, then and only then does he act like he actually cares about me and will go off on them. It would be nice if he felt this way all the time instead of only when he has another man to compete with.

I think we are wed to the same man HAHA! I am in a relationship of over 25 years with a alcoholic who no longer drinks . He belittles me insults me patronises me , accuses me constantly of the craziest **** and never does anything nice for me unless its a cheap bar of choc he threw into his shop at aldi once a blue moon

Wow that is my husband 100% 😤

My man doesn't even seem to realize that when he books a ticket to fly over to see his mother (who is ill) he might just tell me so before booking. He just tells me that he'll be gone during the last week of January. Being a housewife with grown-up children this means I have to stay home alone, notwithstanding that I have offered to help out with his mother, but he didn't even care to mention this to her.
He used to call me, but nowadays he doesn't and he even doesn't answer my calls nor text. Since the birth of our son, who will be 19 soon, we have had sex 3 or 4 times, and that is long long ago. I begged for it, the only answer I got was the he thinks it's his fault and that something is wrong with him. He never wanted to see any doctor or shrink or any specialist though. I felt bad and closed this part of me, feeling like some bad woman, wanting bad things. I feel ugly, maybe I m repulsive. I am seeing a doctor about this, and she thinks this is not normal.
Anyway, he has some nice contact with colleagues at work, mostly young fine and slender asiatic woman, whom he helps to move (because they don't have a car), with administration (because they need assistance), whatever, he's the nice helping guy.
I have the impression that I become more and more obsolete.

he has some kind of affir going on with one you can bet your bottom dollar!!

I am in same thing, I just got married 3 months ago and I found out alot of thing that I don't know about him and when I ask he just don't say anything or like always tired, I don't really know what to do

im sorry shata iv heard more stoires about that

Well my husband totally ignores me when it comes to sex we have been together for over 5 years and we barely have sex sometimes every three months, he is not cheating but is just in fact lazy. He goes out with his friends Friday Saturday and Sunday just to avoid me asking him for sex or companionship, I am tired of this no matter what I do try to dress sexy come on to him or anything, it is like I am a burden.

Funny how that works....sort of like they feel once your married, they did their part? My wife went from wanting sex twice a day to once a year...then nothing....I tried everything I know of?

I feel the same way, denying my own feelings to please him just to get a bone like a poor stray dog....I feel pathetic and a burden and I am just sick of it. If he really listened to me I think it wouldn't even make a difference. Its selfish and lazy and that's all it is. I don't care about my appearance or making dinner I am depressed and he still doesn't seem to care! Nothing makes a difference.

my husband always ignores me but he's very happy to go out with his loved ones..when he tells me i'm allowed in my car he either refuses to take me out or screams a t me in the car.i wan to leave but i have nowhere else to go,i am disabled and i need help to go may he said his 50years old son could stay here..his son was left a house when he was a child but he's blown the money with his first wife,he left her for another woman,they got married then they split up,he came here to stay,he then went back to his wife and they split up again,he still see's her..he wan the best of both worlds.he's in a dead end job and has refused to pay any money,his dad admires him so much and hates me,i would leave but i'm disabled.i can only see one way out of this mess

Well ladies, I'm welcoming myself to the club. Good to know I am not alone in my sexless, ignorant excuse of a marriage.
One thing I learned over 30+ years while being married to the NARCISSIST, who is shallow, coward, and probably doesn't have anything positive to hold on too- SCILENCE is GOLDEN!. Me: I am very attractive still in my early 50, man looking at me all the time. I am Brest Cancer survivor and , after severe treatments, my sex libido is truly very low. In fact, I do not consider sex alone as big pointer for a marriage: hugs, simple cuddling, normal respectful talking and listening will do for me. I can be just happy with walking and holding hands, even without talking. Some of these mentioned things only happened to me before marriage. Than , few days after- all was forgotten : dating is over, and nastiness was welcomed. My only regret: I should of divorced these many years ago, yet I came from culture, embracing marriage. My own parents would not ever support me, and will be ashamed of me if divorce would happened. So, I just didn't have enough guts to do it than, at that time.
Looking back though, I also had no idea about all this psychologists mumbo-jumbo staff. Now I do know and educated myself regarding how to heal, and not to attract crappy relationships. Good thing is my husband also scared of divorce; besides only lawyers gain from it. In this economy , going back to poor house in my 50 is no option for me. My son is adult and lives with his girlfriend. He is in good terms with me. I live my own life, and my husband has his own computer and TV. we are roommates, sharing bills, and house expenses. There are no parties, and mutual hobbies, nothing. I am thrilled to have my interests, we are both working, and trying not to see one another, my weekends are spent the way I like, with friends, or by myself, and I never felt lonely.
If not for the money, or assets splitting, I would definitely move into another place. yet we both learned not to interact with one another, and that is my blessing.
My husband is quiet type, and I am totally OK with that, in fact I absolutely don't care who he is, I just don't bother. It suits us both well.
Take my advice: you can make YOU happy, you don't have to wait for your jerk of a husband to make you happy. Trust me: the moment you embrace this thought will make you POWERFUL!
And guess what I am so HAPPY

AT first when I read this I thought it was me. My husband and I had come to living this way to. As I wright this he in the bedroom watching, sleeping, or reading. Hasn't been out all day except to eat ot get something. I usually and out with friends or just doing my own thing. I find myself not worry about what he does anymore. I gave-up years ago. I had made myself so sick trying to made this married work that a Dr. told me if I dont stop with the stress I will wind up in the hosptail. I had breast cancer twice. Ithink after knowing my life was almost taking from me it made me relized life just not worth it. I'm planing to go to New York city with a friend . At one time I would had love for my husband to come along now?. I had those fights and yelling match no more. This pasted xmas He didn't care if we put any lights up or nothing. So I just knew the marry was over. Now roomates

Pls. forgive sleeping errors

Hope you are well jovio....there are agencies and laws to protect the disabled. Or i can just be a listening ear if need be. Praying for you.

Hi, I think that you should let him know that your and his relationship has ended. Even though you are on disability, and I can certainly understand where your coming from, pretending to be in the relationship with him when clearly he isn't, is no good for you. Do with what you have to do, if there is that one way, then take it. It might not be the best of the best but from where you are right not, its the better one. I hope all the best for you.

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I feel your pain. My husband ignores me most of the time.

It started about 4 years ago out of the blue. But I know the reason. He started cheating. I'm not saying that's what's going on in your situation. All I know is that was the problem in mine.

I hope for you things get better.

I agree with the person that said find a hobby, do somehting that gives you value.
Unfortunately these husbands seem to thrive on being the center of attention and take most initmacy outside of marriage.
My husband is a different person at home than at work or outside our home. After years of counseling and requesting things like date nights, a walk, and such I decided it isn't what he wants and I will not push for more than he wants to give.
After awhile it doesn't hurt as much and is less demeaning.
I want to respect him.
I have learned to keep a little space for myself. I don't enter in to most of his "conversations" and just listen to him talk. When Iknow I have reached my limit I beg out of the conversation.
Although my husband enjoys his profession and has very good skills he really does not have much confidence. By this time in our lives I know I really cannot help with this problem. He is a sincere guy that needs alot of compliments and distance.
To all those who suggested leaving, having an affair and such I urge you to take a look at why you are in the current relationship. I suggest you not have an affair or such. Life is difficult enough with going into mulitple relationships.
You can come out stronger by simply not tolerating insults and inconsideration.Not tolerating doesnot mean demanding behavior. I simply had to learn to withdraw from insults, and some situations. Usually others in the room are more embarrassed than you when your husband takes on a "telling all."
It is possible to recover from the damage. Recocery takes discipline, finding healthy sources of positive input and taking care when to interact and when not to.
I also look to see my own faults in these situations. At first I thought I was the entire I realize I am part of the problem......not the entire problem:)!
These guys make these choices for a reason...while it have found it helpful to understand why it has been more helpful to learn why it hurts so much and understand our relationship does not define my worth unless I lake the discipline to choose my behavior.

Good post. An affair is not the answer. I recently read that most men who have affairs, have affairs with woman less attractive than their spouse. Less intelligent, and less compatible. So why have the affair? I think it is more about having someone who they don;'t have to live with, whom they can spill their deepest secrets. Someone who they can cry with etc. To me this sounds absurd. But maybe so.
I blame myself for our problems....I wanted as close a relationship as I could get with my spouse. Sex, snuggles, long walks on the beach, etc. She said she wanted all this, but when it came time to decide...TV or sex....she chose TV.
A walk on the beach or TV. TV won again. TV or the kids....again TV wins. She says it is the only way she can de-stress? I disagree, but my opinions are not welcome. OH I have made her I was very lonely in my own house. ( our house ). I snap at her when she wants conversation. I purposely walk out of the room when she needs to discuss "work stuff". Why would I do that? Well, it all goes back to feeling rejected. If I wanted to discuss work stuff with her, it was always..."I don't want to hear this" or the popular..."Why are you telling me this?" So I decide to return the favor. Now I am sorry I did.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!! I have been living the same nightmare for almost 6 years. Like you, he only communicates to me when talking of money. All the broken promises. Date Night once a month, he checks my e-mail, (HOPE YOU GET THIS JACKASS) HE has all of my calls, texts, and voice messages sent to his phone. The reality is, HE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG, SO I AM SO TIRED OF THIS. 23 years of my life, not all bad, but I am only 48 and gotta whole lot of life left to live. He also is deaf but has hearing aids, he chooses when to wear them, so I GET YELLED AT, I AM EITHER TALKING TOO LOUD OR TOO LOW. HE recently did our income taxes jointly and never told me, I found secret bank accounts, I got so angry I smacked him and I DO KNOW THAT WAS WRONG, HE IS 6 FOOT AND OVER 350 POUNDS, I AM 5 FOOT AND 110. MY nail scratched him, he called 911, OMG, I WAS HANDCUFFED, FINGER PRINTED, AND TREATED LIKE SCUM. THEN ONE MONTH TO THE DAY, HE DID IT AGAIN, OH DON'T FORGET, THROUGH ALL OF THIS HE LOVES ME. I am having a very hard time getting over this, he only said sorry when I bring it up. he told his mom, I punched him, and God knows what else. I HATE HIM, HATE HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO US. I AM OUTTA HERE

Holy crap, sounds like we're married to the same guy haha. We have a 2 and 3 year old who just started school this year so it's been very trying and emotionally hard keeping it together and just waiting the year out until I get myself together and take off with them. Anyway we should keep in touch.

pls pack your bags girl.....calling 911 on You is just plain crazy and ridiculous.....

wow, 911 really. My wife called 911 once on me...I won't get into why, except to say she got hauled away in cuffs, not me. She had no injuries and I was bleeding. I got her bailed out right away, and she has never hit me like that again. I told her next time, no cops, but that I would hit her back. So far she has not tried that again. Why she can't have an argument with out violence is beyond me!

how has he been able to have your pass word to your e-mail,

HE has all of my calls, texts, and voice messages sent to his phone. HOW???

i gusse there is no answer how he got ur pass word?

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