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What I Mean By "My Husband Ignores Me"

Hello,

Can anybody relate to this?  My husband and I have been married for MANY years now, and things have just gone from bad to worse.  When I say that my husband ignores me, I mean that.....

1)  He NEVER calls me during the day

2)  He never asks me how my day was, or what I did.  And the rare occasion that he does ask me, he walks out of the room and doesn't really want to hear my answer.

3)  I can't talk to him, because it's like talking to a pile of mashed potatoes.  It's not listening to me, and it doesn't care what I'm saying!  Ha Ha

4)  Any big news that happens to him, like he's going to go out of town, or somebody got hired or fired at work, or he gets medical test results back.... he tells OTHER people at church before he even thinks of telling me.  What's worse, he'll break the news about something WHILE I'm sitting there at a group meeting with him, and I have to hear the news at the same time that everyone else does.  HOW DEGRADING IS THAT???  I even call him on it, right then and there.... but it just doesn't phase him. 

Friends... please share your stories if any of you can relate to this misery that I'm in!!

THANKS!

 

Psalm23 Psalm23 41-45, F 257 Responses Mar 27, 2008

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After reading all these responses I realize I'm not alone. It is like everything and everyone is more important. I learn about what's going on in my husbands life when he tells others in a group. I find out at the same time and on the same level. We exist as room mates. I'm stuck. There are good days and bad days but never an intimate emotional connection. It's just how it is.

I've only been married a year and my husband has been doing this too..he doesn't even act attracted to me any longer. We have been together for over 3 years before marriage and have a daughter and son together and I have 2 other children from a previous marriage. But now...he barely looks at me...and when I'm naked he won't even look my way and rolls away...it makes me so ugly and fat and it hurts. I've been trying to lose the weight from our children but its hard. But he doesn't seem to love me any longer.it just hurts and I want him to be happy but if he doest than I think we need to get a divorce. I love him and think that if you love someone you let them go. When communication and mutual respect for each others feelings are gone than the marriage is no longer a marriage of lovers but one of strangers.

i totally related to that. when i start a conversation he will start walking away when i havent even finish.i thought i better just not make too much of a deal but to b honest it hurts it feel like were not there.But i seen him when someone else talks he will join the conversation and he looks like he injoys its.It confuses me but i didnt want an arguement or if i say something he says that i stress alot which it wierd it turns on me.so we been together so many years now and at time i think im abit silly at time that i do love him alot it makes me think if he loves me as much as i do.but in my opinion i think if we spend to much of our time giving them too much attention and i think they take advantage of it.so the best solution is pretend to ignore or dont pay any attention to them more on us we deserve alot.If they dont see the love in it tough luck cause at the end they will be runing to us insted.And from all of it we learn alot from it even if it hurts alot but if youre a good person luck will come to u natually..good luck!!!!!

Boy, can i relate to this. We've been married for 24 years. My husband is smart, hardworking and a great step-dad and grandfather. Unfortunately, he ignores me most of the time. When we go out with family or friends (rare), he acts like I am not even there - no eye contact, no smiles, doesn't notice when I say something, looks right past me to laugh it up with everyone else. The other couples will walk hand-in-hand or really close to each other but he will chum up with them rather than walk beside me. I don't think he is ashamed of me. At least, he says he's not. I am slender, fit and look younger than I am. I am not desperate and could leave (I make double his salary) but he is the love of my life. I'll start telling him about something I read and he will totally tune me out. Sometimes, he doesn't even acknowledge that I'm there, even when we're sitting in the car. He can have long conversations with everyone else in the world but I'm lucky if I get a grunt or two. Feeling really fed up and unloved. Frankly, i think i deserve better

You do. Maybe you should tell him you want a separation and see what he does..because sometimes it takes the thought of possibly losing you to reveal how he truly feels.

Yes I have been with my old man for 30 plus years and to this day he still doesn't tell me things and doesn't want to take me anywhere but if he does he just walks off and leaves me and acts like he doesn't know me he also goes and comes when he wants and doesn't tell me where hes going and he sure doesn't call me unless he wants me to do something for him or if he wants to ***** at me if I ask him where hes going he says your not my mom or dad I don't answer to anyone I'm a big boy and he does not give me any money unless I pay him back I know I should have left long ago but I wanted my married to workout so I stayed but now I'm so ugly he knows no one eles would want me and the thing is he looks the same everybody always is telling him how good he looks but everyone always saying to me what happened to your face because I have lots of wrinkles I do know how you feel its very lonely I just keep praying for the lord to help me through this life enough about me I pray things get better for you god bless :) patsy

OK you are far from ugly...your a beautiful intelligent woman...you deserve to know that. Your husband font deserve you one darn bit. Its not about looks the fade and wither with age...its what that is inside that matters most because you have a heart of gold. I want you to see your self worth...once you see that you will see how worng his treatment of you throughout your marriage was unfair.

hi
im suffering fron same situation

you need to treat him mean to get his attention. Or do something that he cannot help but notice. Achieve something. This will b good for your self esteem and he should notice you more

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify of it. i saw a post on how a lady got her man back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my man now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

Hello. I've been married for 5 years now. My husband is also the same way. We have two children of three and one year. Our lifes totally changed when we became parents. We have NO sex life. We never have conversations or go out anymore. Everything revolves around the kids. He travels a lot for work. I feel the same solitude when he's gone vs when he's home. He always pays more attention to his work than me. I dont know what to do. Maybe I should leave with my babies and just give up on him.

yes run asap and he can wash his sh!tty underwears for himself

Yes, I can understand your pain because it's happening to me. My husband doesn't have time to talk to me. I m just an object for him..I don't have any choice or decision? I know my children will treat me the same way.. I m indian so I can't even think about a divorce or separation..our indian community is gonna say," this woman is not good or the wife has problems". My own family will leave me..I will suggest you if you have time watch an indian movie named" provoked" it's based on a real story.. Good luck..

who needs a family like that ,tell them they dont have 2 leave you, you leave them! and leave ur kids who needs kids with his dna? his kids won't respect u anyways then why break ur back, you are just a ''factory'' he needs you for getting pregnant, tell him he can get his mother pregnant and listen to the crying 24/7, all this sacrifice is for nothing, these un-thankful kids only respect the father, maybe you should talk to him like he was a dog /i did the same/ and tell him u r with him to have free food and accommodation, otherwise you wouldn't need him :)

I understand right now as I'm writing this I'm upset with my husband he never calls or text me throughout the day I feel like I'm his last priority and when he is out of town he never calls I often feel like I'm chasing him for attention I'm about to explode

You are not alone . I feel the Same way. And not only that anything goes wrong it's my fault,,when he took my son to the doctor, when they come home he doesn't tell me nothing. I ask him but he ignores me

hope u ignore him too, e.g he can cook his own dinner and wash his smelly clothes

It's like I wrote this article. I feel you. My hubby despises me to the point that without informing me, he opted to book guests I was to host in my house into a guest house two days to the special occasion. I was utterly deflated. He doesn't see the big deal. They were not treated well and now most blame me.
We have a good amount of property he purchased without telling me. I learn about them as a by-the-way. I want to run to a distant country to find my ego.

if you have income you don't need to take this BS

Yes, i can relate. The sad thing is that i left a marriage where my husband was very in tune with me. I think often of what it would be like if we were still together. My current husband used to pay attention to me.

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I feel ya there! We work together, and have pretty much been together 24-7 since we met. We live an hour from civilization, (no errands by myself, no classes to take, no friends around, etc) and my husband is diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder...which is basically lacking empathy, and very self centered, and an a-hole in general. I'm not sure if he has ever asked how my day was in our almost decade of togetherness. If I injure myself, for example, my back and ask him if he can just rub it for a minute to help, he won't. BUUUUUT if he so much as has a mosquito bite, I need to drop everything I am doing and fix it. And after said injury, he doesn't ask how it's healing up, but if I don't ask him about his woes, I am just not caring and thoughtful. He doesn't contribute to anything around the house. I'm to blame for everything. If I start to tell him an anecdote about something ridiculous the dog did or I did for that matter, he never acknowledges I even spoke. I have to ask him if he even heard me. However if he tells me a story I could give two craps about, and I don't respond with thoughts and conversation in his favor, I am being non-supportive, rude, or a an itchy b. I can give him updates about things throughout the day in regards to work, but then later he will ask if it got done, even though I told him 6 hours prior that it was. I usually find out we are going to do things by other people. Like he forgets to tell me that his family is coming down for a visit until after I put something in the mail for them and he gets mad as to why I did that when they will be here in two days. Or people get pregnant, he finds out, and then I don't know until they have the baby, same with weddings, divorces, etc. I can ask him what we are doing later and he will say he doesn't know but then 20 minutes later someone (usually someone I don't particularly like) shows up and says they are ready to go and it was all planned out anyway from the day before (and not in a "surprise honey, I love you" way) If I leave to go anywhere for 10 minutes and don't tell him where, the world ends, but he will disappear for hours on end without issue and when I ask where he went, it's none of my business. He's not afraid of yelling at me in front of people either, which is embarrassing because the few people we are around are people I have to see and work with on a continual basis. Awesome. So short rant that turned much much longer...yes I can relate. And I am sorry that really sucks, because it's miserable being lonely within your marriage.

why are u with this rat? why dont u tell him to hang himself but get insurance policy beforehand :)

I feel you, same thing is happening to me, i feel that if it wasnt for me to try and be at peace with him our marriage would have ended a long time ago :( I want to leave but i cant find the courage in me to do it, literraly i am so unhappy because im not even noticed, i feel extremely lonely when im with him, i guess i made a grave mistake in marrying him

u r young, go get a life before u die! u r rotting slowly

Did it ever occur to you that he simply doesn't love you any more? That he resents you and doesn't enjoy your company? I've been living this hell for 26 years, yet I continue to stay. And God help me I work him, too.

I can so relate. We have been married for a year, and I feel like everything has changed. Before we got married, we were happy go lucky, always having sex and could talk about anything. Now I feel like I'm the only one who cares. He ignores me when I talk about anything that doesn't interest him, and he isn't willing to comfort me when I get bad news. I love him to death, but I can only hold so much in before I want to explode. I stay at home and work my *** off and he never notices. He would rather have month old sheets and a moldy bathroom than say thank you. It gets hard when you want him to be the person you talk to, but you have to find someone else to help you through your problems. I feel like I am stuck in this relationship and wish he would turn himself around. At one point during an argument he told me that I was the reason he wanted to commit suicide. He knows that I have had a suicidal past, and he threw the insult at me anyway. I don't know what to do anymore.

leave this rat alone, he will find mrs rat that matches him, it's like having cancer but u dont want chemotherapy , u wan 2 rot! pack your bag and run, even to a shelter, however if u work, u have money, i ve got nothing!

I have been married a little over two years and I can for sure relate!!! My husband and I attend church every Sunday together but the person they see and the person he is with me are two different people. I call and text my husband through out the day just to see how he is doing and he does not even respond until hours later, and when he does answeer my calls he seems very irritated. I have to find out things that's going on in his life by going threw his phone reading his text messages. He goes hours without answering my calls and his reasons are because he was talking to his mom or working. I am a stay at home mom and he sometimes throws that in my face that he is the only one who works in this house. I sometimes feel like he treats me like a child instead of his wife. I am so unhappy but I pray and rely on God to direct my path. I am not sure if I made the right decision by marrying my husband ba<x>sed on the lifestyle I lived before we got married, I was really in need of change and he was the change. I do love my husband but I don't feel that he loves me in a romantic love. I think he does a lot of things out of obligation. Our whole marriage is ba<x>sed around sex and then the love we share for our 2 year old daughter. Majority of the time I feel like i'm on duty when i'm around him, I just can't be myself because he throws my past in my face and makes me feel embarrassed or ashamend. I pray and cry and sometimes talk to my sister. The best thing about it is that I have gotten a lot more closer to God since I have been married.

he is crap, the same here... but why do u go2 church with him, go to another one, or sit somewhere else, anyways these church-attenders are all 2faced sly morons and i would never go to church, they r all fake and don't even love god , a good person would never behave this way, u dont need these fake people, and im sure the church would be on his side and u r the ''evil'' if u leave , but who cares, just move out, i also don't work but found a charity that trains deprived women or single mothers and gives them a job so i'm thinking to move to that other city

I've been married for 10 years and together for almost 20 years. Our marriage is dull and he doesn't take me out anywhere or buys me anything. I can't remember the last time he bought me flowers. The spark has been gone for along time. He doesn't have sex with me I believe due to low sex drive. He has medical benefits and doesn't seek treatment. He's very dependent on me. Sometimes I talk my husband and he tends to be more interested whats on tv.Last Fall, I met a male friend who's also in a marriage which is mediocare as he stated. We sometimes go for drinks and conversation. We enjoy each others company. He stated he finds me fun, beautiful, smart, and sexy. I
felt so good about myself. i never thought of myself as sexy. My friend then said, it seems we are both suffering on the inside. There's been times I wanted to leave and disappear. I feel like I'm getting no where and had thoughts of regreting this marriage

i guess all marriage ends up in the landfill, shouldn't marry at all... mind u mine also doesnt wan2 have sex but then i found ***** on his underwear... so don't buy the story of the low sex-drive, yes it's low, FOR YOU but not for others or watching x-rated films! :(

I wish I could say I couldn't relate, but yes it's so sad. I'm at the point of where he has all the power, he knows what makes me cry and he uses that. He ignores me, gets angry when I discuss my feelings. And I'm at a loss.

You are not alone, when my husband get's upset with me he ignores me and act like I don't even exist. I cry and try to talk to him but he ignores me even more , and the crazy thing is he does not even explain to me why he is upset sometimes. I remember I came home and he was like dont touch me get away from me, you need to take a shower. I had no idea what he was talking about, he kept telling me I had an affair which I never have. I still do not know what that was about til this day and it went on for about a week. It made me feel so bad and alone. I wanted to go back and get high , I am a meth addict thats been clean for 3 years and I felt so alone I thought about going backwards, but I prayed and Jesus kept me. I learned that I can only rely on Jesus not man. Stay strong God is with you at all times.

yes jesus is the only guy that won't screw around, but why were humans created so disgusting??? and ur @sshole is a FAKE jesus-beliver, a sly rat

<p>I can relate my so called husband and I have been married for 11 yrs it seems like forever he doesn't talk talk to me when I wanna talk to him he says he's busy or I'm tired if I say we need alone time he makes up some lame excuse why we can't I ask him we need family time he ignores me I said we need to get away his answer is I'm trying to keep a roof over our head but he takes vacations by himself if can u believe that that's sooooo selfish if his parents wanna go some where he's freaking there if we go some where with the kids some friend of his has to come or he's on the cell phone as he says conducting business what ever I'm wrong he's right lol in his dreams he has no clue I say I am leaving with the kids he says ok do you know he tried to take my daughter from me twice oh it goes on and on he's such a jerk.</p>

thats why i 've moved down to the basement's comfy sofa, i like it here, i dont need him in the bed and the air feels fresher :) i also have a pet and he gives me more love than my @sshole! just dont show him u need affection, sh!t on him! dont even say hi!

I'm afraid that I relate entirely to your plight and I've only been married for six months!
When I speak to my husband he doesn't even look at me or respond. It's like he blocks me out entirely. I'm something of a quiet person and so I don't nag are continue to pester I just leave. But I'm afraid it's really taken a toll on my self worth. As if nothing I say is of any importance to him and therefore I am of no importance too.
This week my husbands children from a previous marriage came to visit. I rented a motorhome for them so they could go sightseeing. Not only did my husband not invite me along...he hasn't tried to call or returned my calls in almost a week.
I feel stupid and small and worthless in his presence. Not even worthy of his time to spare a phone call or let me know where they are.
I'm ready to give up on our marriage because I'm so miserable being ignored. It feels emotionally abusive and I know I deserve so much better than this.

How terrible is this? I can relate to everyone, but specifically with "amoffitt" because of the short marriage duration. I've only been married almost 8 months now, but I can tell you before even 6th month, I felt like WT*!? What happened to that beautiful, loving, attentive man I have been with for over 4 years? Now he is this guy I live with who never talks to me, never calls or answers the phone but finds time to send a text to say working late or something, doesn't bring me flowers anymore, sex....maybe 1x a week if lucky, never keeps me informed about anything - and I always have to find out from someone else or the day of.....etc etc etc For this, I feel like dying! I can't escape in work because I've been unemployed for 2 years...great - I have to depend on him. He makes all the rules, including telling me how to act or put a damn smile on my face when he goes to hang out with the ex's family. Apparently it's because of the kid. Really? I would never think of being like this towards my spouse! I know he's cheated and lied over and over again but denies it IF I ever question a lie...though I have given up because the fight just gets turned around on me. I can go on and on here, but there's no use. God help me in many ways please! Help.....

leave him, doesnt matter u dont work, collect welfare, or spousal support! say he abuses u, u had to run away

any update?he showed true colors in only 6 months, u r in a prison, run NOW !!!!!!!

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

I am a man who used to ignore his wife. Then she came to me one day and said she would never say no again when I wanted physical intimacy.

Our marriage is better than ever, and I once again desire to reach out to her, be with her, and call just to say 'hi' from work.

I didn't know it before, but I became naturally apathetic because I wasn't getting what I needed so I subconciously stopped giving her what she needed.

That's wonderful and I tried that with my husband, but he doesn't want to have sex ever.

I'm sorry but that doesn't work at all....if I was giving advice it wouldn't be to give more of myself when I am getting nothing in return....that is even more depressing!!!! Trust me my husband could be having amazing sex, he falls asleep in front of the TV after a home cooked meal and is just plain lazy. Sex has nothing to do with it.

Yes, this is me, my husband dont even ask what's going on in my life. At work I would talk to other men and they would tell me what they and there wives do together. when I'm asked what we do I have nothing to say.

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

Yes me to i feel so hurt i

feel disgusting to him unimportant

Unfortunately I relate entirely.

Yes same here

<p>You're not alone as you can see. I have been dealing with this as well. I know that my husband is not very happy about a thing or two with me right now as well, but I have been feeling this way for a few years now and if ever I try to openly and honestly discuss things with him it seems to either get rejected (through his clearly being annoyed or angered by the discussion) or not taken seriously (through his joking or facial ex<x>pressions) or I just get stonewalled and shut down as far as he is concerned and it just really sucks. I get this constant feeling that what ever needs I may have that are not being met are my problem and mine alone and that he would much rather not even be bothered with having knowledge of anything. I also know that he likes for me to meet his needs and that his needs and concerns should be something that I care about when he want me to, but if he does not want me involved in something, I just have no business asking the simplest of questions, or being involved in any way. Examples include:</p><p>1)Telling me he doesn't care when I share simple things with him. If he has no interest in the topic, like the Olympics or me running in to a friend that day or whatever I hear, "I don't care" after sharing something with him. It is very hurtful. In my mind I hear "Another thing you talk about that bores me, don't talk to me about it again, now go away, I don't want to be bothered by you" and that is it. It actually hurts me very deeply every time he does this now. I blew it off at first just thinking it was no big deal, but the more I deal with it the more I accept that people do this kind of thing to people they see as unimportant and dismissive. There is no use in saying anything about it to him though because:</p><p>2) Usually when I try to reach out to him about things he does that hurt me they are minimized by him and then it turns into an argument and we are back to the situation I stated in the beginning of this response. I have decided, as of yesterday as a matter of fact, when I was once again dismissively told he "doesn't care" while sharing something simple with him, that there is really no use in any of my attempting to let him know how it makes me feel. He doesn't care and he doesn't want to be bothered and he pushes me away a little more each time and if he's OK with it than I should be more than OK with not caring anymore either. </p><p>3) the sex issue. Oh God the dreaded sex issue. When he wants it I should give it, when I want it, well, you know where this is going and where it has gone, does go, and will go, for so many other in marriage. He usually falls a sleep before me while I'm taking care of the kids and for bed time (which really tells me a lot about how much he enjoys it or is willing to put some effort in to it, nothing like choosing sleep over sex that your partner would really like to have and enjoy. As you can imagine this also kills me inside in relation to my marriage). Pushing away once again, but once again, can't share any of it with him. So often told to deal with our marital problems alone, only that tells me I am alone in the marriage because last time I checked it takes two involved people to make a marriage, Not one invested person who cares and one who opts out and checks out whenever they feel like it. </p><p>4) and final example and the most painful by far, and one that involves me being part of the problem , I do suppose. I take responsibility for my part in this one, but the pain was just so immense and it created such trust issues for me that I still wonder If I made a huge mistake in sticking around. My husband called me ugly about two years ago. I'm not so petty or insecure that that alone would have caused such distress and resentment though. No. He told this to the police after I called them due to his being drunk and disorderly. I felt I had to that night. It was so terrible, and he quit drinking right after that incident, but what happened that night was so awful to me. It really just broke my heart and my faith in his feelings and respect for me. What killed me the most was that he did not even know I was listening to the conversation. He though I was tucked away in the house and could not hear him, but of course I could, even inside the house. Me and OUR CHILDREN! He was very drunk and the cops were removing him from our home and he said, "She used to be cute, but look at her! Have you seen her? She' not cute any more, just look at her, I mean come on!":(...... The humiliation and painful part did not even end there. The cops came in and told me I should make a decision about my marriage because "he is out there and he is just" cop rolls his eyes, then proceeds "He is just not happy at all it seems". Heartbreaking nightmare. Your husband pouring out his dissatisfaction with your physical appearance (that you never even knew he had any issues with, and you never had issues with because you find yourself attractive and so do other people, many other people, usually!!) to a bunch of strangers unaware of the fact that your wife and kids heard you. It didn't end there though either. After being removed, he had to call my cell phone sloppy, sluring drunk, just to make sure that I know just how hideous he finds me to be by leaving the message "You know, your such a *****! We had a good run, but your not cute any more and I'm done" Then he tries to come back home drunk the same night and when I don't let him in he is screaming "Is this it, are you serious?! This is how you want this to go? Are we done now!? Let me in!".......</p><p>
<br />
Truly horrible, and I have never cried more deeply or painfully than I did that night. I waited for him to pass out outside, which he did, and I took the kids and left for several days. So much pain and I just accepted that we should probably throw in the towel, cut our losses and move on, as painful as it was. So...needless to say, we got back together and decided to try to fix things per his insistence. We did a couple marriage counseling sessions, before we lost our sitter for them and could not afford another one, and things seemed to be going really well for a long time, but this is where it turns in to me being partially to blame for things as they are now. I have never been able to forget or let go of what he said, not deep down inside anyway. He swears up and down that he was just drunk and angry and being a hurtful POS, and that he did not mean those things he said, and that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, no matter what, even when I'm not done up or working out right after waking up. He says he finds me very sexually attractive and blah, blah, blah, but the issue is that I never fully believe him anymore, because who am I to say whether it was said because he was drunk and angry (for no reason apparently because we were just home that night, no arguments happened or anything before his unleashing of the rage and hurt) or if it was that he was drunk and telling his own personal truth about how he sees me physically? IDK and I never really will and that is the problem. </p><p>I am not accustomed to being told I am ugly or undesirable. I was not used to it when it happened, because I don't think I am. Men have always flocked to me to be honest without sounding boastful, but I have aged some and I have children, but men still comment to me on my attractiveness and flirt with me at the gym or the store or where ever. All different ages, styles and types, so IDK. I</p><p>It is just so sad an lonely because if he looks at me the wrong way, or looks a any part of my body for too long or falls asleep when I want sex, or if he notices any other women any where or looks at them to long in my opinion (which to be honest never bothered me before because I knew/thought he found me to be just as beautiful if not more so), now I am convinced it is because he finds me ugly. I am convinced he finds flaws and fault with my appearance all the time and just hides it from me. I am sure that he feels cheated in the "My wife's looks" department and that he is hanging on to this marriage for some other self serving or financial reason. Why not. Free child care, maid service, cook, laundress, and occasional sex partner when he has a need that I can provide for. My part in this thing is that I have not been fully convinced of his attraction to me ever since that night and the resentment and sadness and pain will sometimes come flooding back in, usually after one of the triggers mentioned above and then I have to/had to say something or fish for some validation that he finds me truly attractive -not any longer because it's a useless action if I am looking to get any ob<x>jective outside help or relief on my feelings of physical inadequacy in my marriage. It's just a waste of time and feeling and it gets us no where, because I am convinced he meant those words he said, and everyone knows that calling your souse ugly to a bunch of stagers is no good for a marriage, but neither is the "Remember what you said?" or " I can't for get you said that" or "Well, I guess your ugly wife isn't pretty enough for you to be nice to today, what's wrong, do I look especially rough to day and so now it's time to be a ***** to me!?" </p><p>Yes, I have said these things to him also, more than once, and I know they sound juvenile and just like some insecure nut case who can't let the past go, but like I said, I have had to deal with these alone essentially, because he has always tried to avoid acknowledging how much that BS hurt and how much it damaged my trust in him also. Even though he apologized many times and has quit drinking, and teels me he loves me all the time, as he always had, there has also been this kind of flip attitude, IMO, from him in regards to that night and all that went down. I am once again told "I have apologized many times. I told you I said it out of drunken ager and I didn't mean it, you have to let that sh@# go or we do need to get a divorce!" and then there I am again, left alone with one of the most painful things that I have ever experienced, and it involves him and I really just need to figure it out/deal with those negative feelings alone and grow up and move on. "Don't bother me with it" is basically what I hear, and that seems to be the main theme of our relationship lately. </p><p>You know I'm on the brink, just like so many other people. We were honestly so happy for a long time. Very connected and secure with each other and grateful for each and we would laugh and be close and happy, until the last few years, and really I don't know if I can take anymore of it. I told him the other day that I can't handle any more rejection form him and I get "How do I reject you? I don't understand what you mean when you say that" ??????!</p><p>I noticed that those weird, insecure, "what is he looking at now" and "I feel so ugly" feelings ONLY happen around him and that certainly does not bode well for our marriage because I want out and away form those feelings and It would take some positioning, which I am working on now, but it make me want to leave and feel free to be my confident, beautiful and happy self again with out him silently cutting me down and finding fault with me in his own brain. </p><p>Sorry this is SO REDICULOUSLY long, but it feels so good just to get all this BS out in any way where the person or people reading it don't know "us" or me. I can't tell anyone in my family about it, I can't talk to him about it and I won't share it with my every day, in person, real life friends either. I still have not fully decided to leave yet, I have my reasons, and yes, one is that I still love him very much, and that may make me look stupid or like I don't value my self very much but neither one of those are true conclutions. I am like on the fence right now, carefully weighing things out and working through deciding if this marriage is worth saving. Again, can't talk to him about it because as far as he's concerned it is not just worth saving, but he "still happy" in the marriage and thinks I am just making problems where there are none. We will be going to marriage counseling again, per his request after I told him about not being able to deal with any rejection from him any more and him saying he "wants to figure out what that means and fix it", but To be honest the fact that I don't feel comfortable and accepted when it comes to talking to him about things in general makes me wonder if the final damage has already been done and there is no getting back to a happy and secure "us" as far as I'm concerned anyway, and like I said it does take 2.</p>

Sweet heart..I say this empathetically, you deserve better than what this man has been giving you. Maybe in the beginning he did all the things to get you, but he certainly isn't doing anything to keep you either. If he's had a change of heart and seriously considered all that he lost and asked you to go to marriage counseling with him upon his request then Id say give in. If the behaviors that he's construing to you continue then I don't know why he's still with you or you with him. Quite honestly I would hate being around someone who is drunk all the time. That person changes. And whether you realize it or not, so do your feelings towards him.

men think they dont age... they only compare women to the ones they see in magazines or x-movies.... leave him, he is a rat

Honestly, I understand the feelings completely. I have a similar problem with my husband. Except he takes it a whole new level. He will spend 16+ hours a day locked in the computer room and the only time I see him is when and if he finally decides to go to bed which is very rare too. The worst part is that not only does he stay locked in there all day long, but he will be in there ************ to **** about 90% of the time. He refuses to even have sex with me because of it until after weeks and sometimes even months of me complaining about it. And by then its no surprise that I am so depressed and hurt that I can’t even enjoy that little bit of attention.

My biggest issue with the whole thing is that if he would just spend even one day a week having sex with me I wouldn’t be bothered by him watching ****. But he doesn’t the longest I’ve gone without having sex with him was 6 months. 6 months of being completely ignored tends to destroy your ability to even enjoy it when it does finally happen.

Plus every now and then he will pick a date and time for us to have sex or at the very least spend a little time with me. You know what happens when he does that? He never follows through. I will wait four or five days past the time and day he picked to even mention it. When I do mention it he throws a fit and uses that as an excuse to ignore me for a longer period of time. And the minimum amount of time he will use that as an excuse to further ignore me is a week the maximum is several months.

He doesn’t work, we have no children and I literally do everything for him I cook, I clean, I even walk down to the store to get him cigarettes when he runs out. Does he ever appreciate these things or think maybe it would be nice if he some attention for all the hard work I do? Of course not.


Hell its actually so bad that he won’t kiss me unless I kiss him first, he won’t show me ANY affection at all no kisses, no hugs, no I love yous unless I do it first and even then its flat and uncaring. I spend day after day crying alone because it bothers me so much. The saddest part is that there are so many men out there whose wives refuse to have sex with them. But no one ever considers the situation being reversed. And for a woman to be neglected by her husband it honestly is just so much worse. I feel bad for the men whose wives refuse because I know exactly how horrible it feels.

Never once have I ever even considered rejecting my husband when it comes to having sex yet he constantly rejects me over and over again nearly every single time. The thing is that when our male friends hit on me, then and only then does he act like he actually cares about me and will go off on them. It would be nice if he felt this way all the time instead of only when he has another man to compete with.

ur young and have 2 bear this, respect urself better!!! r u running after a loser like this, u shouldnt beg... i quit begging i dont care, he says he is tired bla-bla but i found s-e-m-e-n stains on his boxer so he either was with someone or watched the x-film, only married for approx 1 year im already disgusted, i 've moved to the basement and plan to sleep on the sofa, i dont care , he ignored my b.day and valentines, fine, i'll prepare him the worst b.day ever, although he doesnt celebrate it, i'll be very rude, oh and our 3 yr old bastard already hits/kicks me!!! what a lovely family this is, i dont wan2 b part of it, im gonna run away soon paying no child support

I think we are wed to the same man HAHA! I am in a relationship of over 25 years with a alcoholic who no longer drinks . He belittles me insults me patronises me , accuses me constantly of the craziest **** and never does anything nice for me unless its a cheap bar of choc he threw into his shop at aldi once a blue moon

Wow that is my husband 100% 😤

My man doesn't even seem to realize that when he books a ticket to fly over to see his mother (who is ill) he might just tell me so before booking. He just tells me that he'll be gone during the last week of January. Being a housewife with grown-up children this means I have to stay home alone, notwithstanding that I have offered to help out with his mother, but he didn't even care to mention this to her.
He used to call me, but nowadays he doesn't and he even doesn't answer my calls nor text. Since the birth of our son, who will be 19 soon, we have had sex 3 or 4 times, and that is long long ago. I begged for it, the only answer I got was the he thinks it's his fault and that something is wrong with him. He never wanted to see any doctor or shrink or any specialist though. I felt bad and closed this part of me, feeling like some bad woman, wanting bad things. I feel ugly, maybe I m repulsive. I am seeing a doctor about this, and she thinks this is not normal.
Anyway, he has some nice contact with colleagues at work, mostly young fine and slender asiatic woman, whom he helps to move (because they don't have a car), with administration (because they need assistance), whatever, he's the nice helping guy.
I have the impression that I become more and more obsolete.

he has some kind of affir going on with one you can bet your bottom dollar!!

hi
i got married just two years ago and have a little daughter.my husband married to me on his own choice.i was highly educated and was working as a lecturer i left my job and everything for him.in start he was so nice but now he is nice to everyone but not with me.but now i also dont care about him i dont want to live like a wife with him because he ruined my life and cheated me.so you also dont care about your hubby just think about you and your kids.xx

yes go back 2 work and run asap from a rat

men cant live without sex so be sure he cheats, no man is a nun,and yes they are not interested in us but they go somewhere else...

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I am in same thing, I just got married 3 months ago and I found out alot of thing that I don't know about him and when I ask he just don't say anything or like always tired, I don't really know what to do

im sorry shata iv heard more stoires about that

Well my husband totally ignores me when it comes to sex we have been together for over 5 years and we barely have sex sometimes every three months, he is not cheating but is just in fact lazy. He goes out with his friends Friday Saturday and Sunday just to avoid me asking him for sex or companionship, I am tired of this no matter what I do try to dress sexy come on to him or anything, it is like I am a burden.

Funny how that works....sort of like they feel once your married, they did their part? My wife went from wanting sex twice a day to once a year...then nothing....I tried everything I know of?

I feel the same way, denying my own feelings to please him just to get a bone like a poor stray dog....I feel pathetic and a burden and I am just sick of it. If he really listened to me I think it wouldn't even make a difference. Its selfish and lazy and that's all it is. I don't care about my appearance or making dinner I am depressed and he still doesn't seem to care! Nothing makes a difference.

and u think he doesnt cheat when he goes out? dont be naive, it can be a 10 min quick one in a washroom, there are many drunk chicks

my husband always ignores me but he's very happy to go out with his loved ones..when he tells me i'm allowed in my car he either refuses to take me out or screams a t me in the car.i wan to leave but i have nowhere else to go,i am disabled and i need help to go out..in may he said his 50years old son could stay here..his son was left a house when he was a child but he's blown the money with his first wife,he left her for another woman,they got married then they split up,he came here to stay,he then went back to his wife and they split up again,he still see's her..he wan the best of both worlds.he's in a dead end job and has refused to pay any money,his dad admires him so much and hates me,i would leave but i'm disabled.i can only see one way out of this mess

Well ladies, I'm welcoming myself to the club. Good to know I am not alone in my sexless, ignorant excuse of a marriage.
One thing I learned over 30+ years while being married to the NARCISSIST, who is shallow, coward, and probably doesn't have anything positive to hold on too- SCILENCE is GOLDEN!. Me: I am very attractive still in my early 50, man looking at me all the time. I am Brest Cancer survivor and , after severe treatments, my sex libido is truly very low. In fact, I do not consider sex alone as big pointer for a marriage: hugs, simple cuddling, normal respectful talking and listening will do for me. I can be just happy with walking and holding hands, even without talking. Some of these mentioned things only happened to me before marriage. Than , few days after- all was forgotten : dating is over, and nastiness was welcomed. My only regret: I should of divorced these many years ago, yet I came from culture, embracing marriage. My own parents would not ever support me, and will be ashamed of me if divorce would happened. So, I just didn't have enough guts to do it than, at that time.
Looking back though, I also had no idea about all this psychologists mumbo-jumbo staff. Now I do know and educated myself regarding how to heal, and not to attract crappy relationships. Good thing is my husband also scared of divorce; besides only lawyers gain from it. In this economy , going back to poor house in my 50 is no option for me. My son is adult and lives with his girlfriend. He is in good terms with me. I live my own life, and my husband has his own computer and TV. we are roommates, sharing bills, and house expenses. There are no parties, and mutual hobbies, nothing. I am thrilled to have my interests, we are both working, and trying not to see one another, my weekends are spent the way I like, with friends, or by myself, and I never felt lonely.
If not for the money, or assets splitting, I would definitely move into another place. yet we both learned not to interact with one another, and that is my blessing.
My husband is quiet type, and I am totally OK with that, in fact I absolutely don't care who he is, I just don't bother. It suits us both well.
Take my advice: you can make YOU happy, you don't have to wait for your jerk of a husband to make you happy. Trust me: the moment you embrace this thought will make you POWERFUL!
And guess what I am so HAPPY

AT first when I read this I thought it was me. My husband and I had come to living this way to. As I wright this he in the bedroom watching, sleeping, or reading. Hasn't been out all day except to eat ot get something. I usually and out with friends or just doing my own thing. I find myself not worry about what he does anymore. I gave-up years ago. I had made myself so sick trying to made this married work that a Dr. told me if I dont stop with the stress I will wind up in the hosptail. I had breast cancer twice. Ithink after knowing my life was almost taking from me it made me relized life just not worth it. I'm planing to go to New York city with a friend . At one time I would had love for my husband to come along now?. I had those fights and yelling match no more. This pasted xmas He didn't care if we put any lights up or nothing. So I just knew the marry was over. Now roomates

Pls. forgive sleeping errors

he caused u cancer, leave him dont even say bye

Hope you are well jovio....there are agencies and laws to protect the disabled. Or i can just be a listening ear if need be. Praying for you.

Hi, I think that you should let him know that your and his relationship has ended. Even though you are on disability, and I can certainly understand where your coming from, pretending to be in the relationship with him when clearly he isn't, is no good for you. Do with what you have to do, if there is that one way, then take it. It might not be the best of the best but from where you are right not, its the better one. I hope all the best for you.

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I feel your pain. My husband ignores me most of the time.

It started about 4 years ago out of the blue. But I know the reason. He started cheating. I'm not saying that's what's going on in your situation. All I know is that was the problem in mine.

I hope for you things get better.

I agree with the person that said find a hobby, do somehting that gives you value.
Unfortunately these husbands seem to thrive on being the center of attention and take most initmacy outside of marriage.
My husband is a different person at home than at work or outside our home. After years of counseling and requesting things like date nights, a walk, and such I decided it isn't what he wants and I will not push for more than he wants to give.
After awhile it doesn't hurt as much and is less demeaning.
I want to respect him.
I have learned to keep a little space for myself. I don't enter in to most of his "conversations" and just listen to him talk. When Iknow I have reached my limit I beg out of the conversation.
Although my husband enjoys his profession and has very good skills he really does not have much confidence. By this time in our lives I know I really cannot help with this problem. He is a sincere guy that needs alot of compliments and distance.
To all those who suggested leaving, having an affair and such I urge you to take a look at why you are in the current relationship. I suggest you not have an affair or such. Life is difficult enough with going into mulitple relationships.
You can come out stronger by simply not tolerating insults and inconsideration.Not tolerating doesnot mean demanding behavior. I simply had to learn to withdraw from insults, and some situations. Usually others in the room are more embarrassed than you when your husband takes on a "telling all."
It is possible to recover from the damage. Recocery takes discipline, finding healthy sources of positive input and taking care when to interact and when not to.
I also look to see my own faults in these situations. At first I thought I was the entire problem.....now I realize I am part of the problem......not the entire problem:)!
These guys make these choices for a reason...while it have found it helpful to understand why it has been more helpful to learn why it hurts so much and understand our relationship does not define my worth unless I lake the discipline to choose my behavior.

Good post. An affair is not the answer. I recently read that most men who have affairs, have affairs with woman less attractive than their spouse. Less intelligent, and less compatible. So why have the affair? I think it is more about having someone who they don;'t have to live with, whom they can spill their deepest secrets. Someone who they can cry with etc. To me this sounds absurd. But maybe so.
I blame myself for our problems....I wanted as close a relationship as I could get with my spouse. Sex, snuggles, long walks on the beach, etc. She said she wanted all this, but when it came time to decide...TV or sex....she chose TV.
A walk on the beach or TV. TV won again. TV or the kids....again TV wins. She says it is the only way she can de-stress? I disagree, but my opinions are not welcome. OH I have made her miserable....as I was very lonely in my own house. ( our house ). I snap at her when she wants conversation. I purposely walk out of the room when she needs to discuss "work stuff". Why would I do that? Well, it all goes back to feeling rejected. If I wanted to discuss work stuff with her, it was always..."I don't want to hear this" or the popular..."Why are you telling me this?" So I decide to return the favor. Now I am sorry I did.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!! I have been living the same nightmare for almost 6 years. Like you, he only communicates to me when talking of money. All the broken promises. Date Night once a month, he checks my e-mail, (HOPE YOU GET THIS JACKASS) HE has all of my calls, texts, and voice messages sent to his phone. The reality is, HE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG, SO I AM SO TIRED OF THIS. 23 years of my life, not all bad, but I am only 48 and gotta whole lot of life left to live. He also is deaf but has hearing aids, he chooses when to wear them, so I GET YELLED AT, I AM EITHER TALKING TOO LOUD OR TOO LOW. HE recently did our income taxes jointly and never told me, I found secret bank accounts, I got so angry I smacked him and I DO KNOW THAT WAS WRONG, HE IS 6 FOOT AND OVER 350 POUNDS, I AM 5 FOOT AND 110. MY nail scratched him, he called 911, OMG, I WAS HANDCUFFED, FINGER PRINTED, AND TREATED LIKE SCUM. THEN ONE MONTH TO THE DAY, HE DID IT AGAIN, OH DON'T FORGET, THROUGH ALL OF THIS HE LOVES ME. I am having a very hard time getting over this, he only said sorry when I bring it up. he told his mom, I punched him, and God knows what else. I HATE HIM, HATE HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO US. I AM OUTTA HERE

Holy crap, sounds like we're married to the same guy haha. We have a 2 and 3 year old who just started school this year so it's been very trying and emotionally hard keeping it together and just waiting the year out until I get myself together and take off with them. Anyway we should keep in touch.

wow, 911 really. My wife called 911 once on me...I won't get into why, except to say she got hauled away in cuffs, not me. She had no injuries and I was bleeding. I got her bailed out right away, and she has never hit me like that again. I told her next time, no cops, but that I would hit her back. So far she has not tried that again. Why she can't have an argument with out violence is beyond me!

how has he been able to have your pass word to your e-mail,

HE has all of my calls, texts, and voice messages sent to his phone. HOW???

i gusse there is no answer how he got ur pass word?

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I just googled "my husband ignores me" kind of, at a loss of words at the moment.. and this was the first link I clicked, and well.. I can totally relate with being ignored. I found out he was having affairs about 3 months ago. We both agreed to work on spending more time with each other, and fulfilling each others needs. Which I think was code for his needs really lol. Every time he has something to say I'm all ears. I don't walk away unless its for a moment if the kids are fighting. Once I start talking he starts texting or doing something on his phone or computer. It has gotten so bad at times that I can't control myself and break down screaming and crying.

I am sorry, I am right at that point. Screaming and crying. Who is that upsetting? Us? I think so. I am so confused but working on how to just live my life, let our daughter finish college, then take off. I have had enough. I wear sunglasses to hide the pain in my eyes, and of course I have two daughters older, BUT, they always say I am over reacting to everything. They don't see or hear how he treats me when alone. thinking of taping him. I have audio, but I mean tape tape. I have now been inspired, I am gonna go out tonight. hope you are ok lua, let's stay in touch. xo

Good, cause I'm doing the same thing. Looking back I've regretted every moment with my wife, 2 beautiful kids, otherwise I would of thrown her out.
Women mutate, leading to depression, boredom and god let's not forget the don't like intimacy, but she'll never admit to it. I just think ****** are the answer, they request nothing and anything they say is bullsh**, at-least money is their only gain.

The truth hurts!!!

i got love marriage past 4 1/2 years.now just a small insident he went away from home without caring me and my son.that happen also came from him just becoz he is getting calls from another girl.now i have called to his parents they are saying as ur wish if you want to stay eachothers u can stay otherwise take divorse.i dont know what deccision i have to take.after getting marriage even mangalsuthra gold coast(2000)he didnt brought for me

LOL @ talking to a pile of mashed potatoes...had to laugh at that one!

Meanhile, your guy sounds like he considers you last. The fact that he wants to tell everyone at church his "news" to get attention and feel important...news that he hasn't even told you yet, says it all. He puts others first before you. The very fact that he doesn't tell you says that he thinks you don't need to know. I would stop reacting to this. When he yabbles on, act like its nothing that you didn't already know. Act like you don't even care. Act like you never even heard him speak. Act like he does when you talk to him. Act like a pile of 'mashed potato'.

I suggest that you find some other interests/hobbies, and some new friends (or re-establish old friendships with existing friends) and start having a life that doesn't include him. This means both male and female friends. Then, when the conversations start up at church about everyone's recent events, just imagine his surprise when you loudly announce your news. You can gleefully describe the wonderful bible studies you have been doing with your new buddy Mike who you met at aerobics class, or talk about how fun it was going horseback riding with Jenny (who you used to party with at highschool- wild times!) and etc. Even if this isn't exactly the truth, perhaps you can take a little creative licence and embellish it. Just a little. Say for an experiment's sake. I mean, it could be worse. You could suddenly announce that you are leaving him for a hot young cowboy who happens to own his own ranch, and wants to spend time with you and tell you all his news, every day. (Just imagine...and you know, if your husband isn't careful, it could turn true one day , haha)

Develop a whole other life that doesn't exist inside your husband's bubble. Keep him on his toes. Taking you for granted is and ignoring you, is a big mistake. If he doesn't appreciate you and include you, there are plenty of people out there who will.

I realise (from your reference to church) that you may be religious or churchgoing and etc...but you know, God doesn't expect us to be doormats. Nor is your husband fulfilling his marriage vows. Whatever you choose to do, good luck.

Just know that you are not imagining it, and you are not alone.

Wow there's some sad stories here but you are not alone!!!


A Lot of this behaviour is surprisingly TYPICAL of men in long term relationship (like Plshelpme1 mentioned). They forget how to love and stop seeing that you are special. You need to jog their memory WITHOUT getting into an argument!

read 'How To Teach Your Husband To Love You' & 'Fascinating Womanhood'

April 18,2013Yup, I can Relate to your Issue....was looking for some insight myself; as I'm struggling on what to do. I don't want to be unhappy, sad, hurt any longer.... I have been married for 17.5 years and together for 21years....we have our good and bad times, Just like any other marriage. We have two children, 16 and 13. I work 40 hours; he works 45 to 55 a week.. before I had kids I was 130lbs. I got pre-clampsia twice and weighed over 200. Weight and smoking was a battle for me and I quit smoking yet to gain more weight.. He always, said I was beautiful no matter what...But lately, The Verbal abuse I just can't take anymore....I'm Ugly, I'm Fat, I'm Lazy, I don't do ****. I ruined his life etc. (I'm not a ugly girl lots of peeps say I'm beautiful) every jab kills and pushes me away father. He seems to forget I work a 40 week, cook, clean, do laundry, take kids to school, help with homework, shovel snow, yard work when needed where all he has to do is go to work, and then get to go out and drink,...I do all Banking and bills/payments so he has no responsibilities in that..(trust me I don't want it and tried pawning it off several times)..I made a Budget several times per his request, he just blows it. Im' to the point to where I just don't care i don't have the energy for a argumentI can never get my hair cut again cause he hates short hair and says its for dykes; so I bought extensions, just so that can get thrown against me in a fight that I spend his money....almost every night he goes to the bar....ERRRRR yes without me...sometimes I go with him but we don't sit by each other and he ignores me ( so whats the use of going)...I feel alone and unwanted.I don't know the last time my husband said that he loved me or kissed me and actually meant it.I have joined weight watchers lost 50 lbs and still cant get his attention.I have to beg for sex from him, and when he don't feel like it he yells, at me and says if i don't like it go find someone that can give it to me when i want it,...(whats up with that) maybe if he wouldn't drink all the time he can get it up. I don't know I try to plan stuff for the four of us to do and its always no no no that's dumb or stupid or he just don't want to.... if it's not what he wants then its a no. I have told him he is an alcoholic and that I'm worried and that just turns into a screaming and argument match. It's really not fair to the kids to hear it so i just cry in silence. I even planned a vacation to go to Florida, Where I saved most of my checks from. nope he didn't go, but he sure had fun on his drinking binge, and he told me I needed to pay him back for the money I used for the trip???? I begged for him to go with us...his excuse was he couldn't afford to take the time off, we could he just spent the days at the bar. I miss what we used to have, I'm not sure what to do. I have tried to talk to him. I have mentioned counseling. I have mentioned Divorce. I just don't know what to do or how I can make it without the help of his income with the kids...should I stick around a few more years till the kids are out of the house?Am I crazy, Is this normal guy behavior, or am I being a whiner!Signed UNLOVED

Wow, that sounds like a really awful situation. Your husband is a slob, a bum and a jerk. It also sounds like he is exploiting the fact that you take care of everything and is just putting his feet up and coasting along on the easy ride while you do everything. If this was me in this situation, I would get really mad, and then really calm, and really determined (I am sure that you are already determined and by the sounds of it a VERY strong woman, kudos) but I would formulate a plan. Firstly, shut down your emotions, and stop taking it all personally. It's not you, it is him. Secondly, divorce is going to be very expensive for him. Not to mention inconvenient. So play that card. Go and see a divorce lawyer, and ask them to set out a list of expenses that your husband would need to cover including legal fees, child support and spouse maintenance. Print this off and keep a copy handy. Then, I would sit down and think over everything that you do, and delegate the tasks and chores evenly. Make that lazy, abusive ***** of a husband pull his weight. Think it through, and make a set of new rules, and write them out, and give them to him, (both the list of chores and the list of potential divorce expenses) and tell him how its going to be from now on. Men are stupid, and need in-your-face situations to wake up and take action. Force him to make a choice: he can toe the line your way,or he can face an expensive and draining divorce.

(Or, alternatively, you can go find a nice wealthy man to have an affair with, and rub it in his face when you leave current husband and marry him. Just a thought. ^_^)

Time to stop crying and start cracking the whip. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your kids.

Also, like I said to the lady above with the 'mashed potato' husband, it is high time to consider some outside interests and hobbies. Re-establish a life outside of the marriage. It doesn't have to involve expensive hobbies, there are community groups around, and plenty of other things that don't cost a thing. Like jogging, or walking clubs even. Art shows. Etc. Go and mingle, make new friends and meet people. Do NOT take him to these things. Make him stay home with the kids and mind them. Heck, I bet you have done enough of that to this point. He owes you. Just get in the car and go. Force him to mind them. Tell him if he bails out, you will call child services or something. Do NOT take the kids with you to these events...it is your time out. Worst case scenario...if husband is too much of a bum to be trusted to properly and responsibly mind the kids, then arrange for a sitter or enlist some friends who might be willing to help you save your sanity by babysitting them while you go out for a few hours. Or ask the local church for assistance. Anything. Go find your happiness. Good luck :)

My husband talks to me, but he does not listen, he talks on and on about himself and what he is doing and if I say anything about what I did - or read or whatever, he just sits there staring into space we do not have conversations unless they are about him.

<p>I can totally relate to this. On top of everything you listed, when I try to state my opinion, the first word out of my husband's mouth is "no, you're wrong". I'm usually not. But he really doesn't care at all about my thoughts, feelings or opinions. I've been a teacher for 18 years now and I would rather be at work than at home. Everyday that I'm at work, people come up and ask for my opionion. They quote me and they say they've been thinking about what I said. Not everyone agrees with me, and I don't expect him to either, but people at work will listen to what I'm saying, care enough to try to understand what I'm saying, then state their point of view. Sometimes I change my opinion and sometimes they change theirs. I know I'm intelligent enough to be cared about at my work, but the way that my husband talks down to me, talks over me, and belittles me, it just kills my self esteem. I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be strong and brave. I felt like I was such a good role model for my daughters, getting a BS in math and a master's in languages. I've held down a job. Bought a house and cars. I was so strong before I met my husband. Now, after 15 years of marriage to him, I feel like I'm totally forgotten - by myself too. It's so sad and lonely. I cry most of the time when I'm at home. I feel bad for my two little boys - one I had with my husband and one we adopted. I feel like they are learning females are nothing of importance. We're just here to take care of the males. Work two jobs. Pay the bills. Clean and cook. Walk around and pick up after them. He would never have an affair with a human. But a gaming system - that's another issue. He spends all of his free time on the X-box - we have two in two different rooms, a WII and a Playstation. I used to go dancing, jogging, do jazzercise, hiking, horseback riding. I wanted a husband who wanted to do these things with me. For the first few years- he did. Now, if I want to any of that, I do it alone. I don't have any friends who are in the same position, they all have husbands who have the same interests as they do. I have a dog. I'm seriously considering having an affair on him. I have two men at work who show interest in me, and two old boyfriends from high school who found me on Facebook. I haven't, but I think about it very often. We can't afford to get a divorce. We have a college loan for one of my daughters and for my master's degree, and our boys go to a private school. I just don't know what to do any more. Any advice?</p>

Shoot your husband, dump the body, and run off with your new man. Oops...did I say that out loud?

Maybe not shoot the husband. He isn't worth going to jail for. But hell yes lady, it is time to start looking at other options.

Lol...isnt it almost funny ...before U get marry U ve high self esteem etc
Few yrs after getting marry U start to feel like a maid.....
I see that a lot ....how men can quickly bring Your self esteem to 0......
But pls dont cry....that doesnt change anything...he is not worth it!!!!!

Maybe you ladies can help me?
I am the husband that neglected my wife I am the one you all are talking about, the truth is I did all of those things you ladies mentioned, why? I don't know! I live my wife and want to be with her forever, the problem here is when I was neglecting her I was also saying things to her that really hurt too, I was stupid enough to tell my wife that she would be more attractive if she lost weight, or that sex and life with her were boring, and that she dowsnt deserve gifts, this all happened about 2 Years ago and ever since we've been arguing and when we do she often tells me that she wants a divorce, weeks can go by where we won't have any arguments and I think things are getting better but then we argue all over again.

I've been trying to do things for her that I think would make her happy like bring her flowers, do things for her, rub her feet when we watch tv. Bought her gifts that she destroyed the minute she was mad at me.

It's very difficult for me to talk to her cuz she doesn't believe a word I say, I tell her that I love her and that I'm attracted to her and she says that I'm lying cuz it contradicts what I preciously said, I do t know what to do anymore can any one please help?

I see your frustration. The fact is you made some big mistakes. I commend your effort to make steps to mend the wounds you created in your marriage but you can't put a bandaid on a knife wound when you still haven't taken out the knife.
I'm going to give you some insight and advice about your situation but how you choose to use it is up to you. No one can fix it but you. Apologize!!!! Plan a romantic date for the two of you in a secluded area. If you have kids ship them off to grandmas. Confess your sins, all the things you put in this letter above and all the things you didn't mention. Acknowledge where you see the consequence of your actions ( namely hurting her) DON'T DEFEND yourself it will just discredit you. Poor your heart out and TRULY apologize for everything! This pulls the knife out and allows for healing to begin, for both of you. Then profess your love or the desire to get back the love you once had. It's important to be real here. You will have the clean slate you need. Then all the little things like foot rubs and loving words will not only be received but returned. Last but not least put God at the top of your marriage; not her or yourself or you will wind back up in the same boat.

I wonder if you truly grasp what words (from a loved one) can do to someone. Have you tried being honest with your wife? There must be a reason you said the things you said to her. Were they the truth? Was it a cry for help? They came from somewhere and until you can understand why how can you possibly expect her to? I expect that your wife is devastated. I can see how she would have a hard time believing what you say now when even you can't explain where those words came from. I believe honesty is the key. If you feel that way about your wife but are now just trying to keep the peace, in the long run its unfair to both of you. I think you need to do some soul searching. Is your wife the one for you? Is there something missing for you in the marriage? Can it be fixed? Be honest with yourself and then be honest with your wife. Maybe if she understands where it all came from and what it is you feel is missing in your marriage then you can come up with a plan to work together to heal the hurt and repair the marriage. Those words came from somewhere, you need that answer before you can move forward.

Have you genuinely told her this and said the words "I'm sorry"?

I feel your story I need help my self because I think he's just playing games with my head emotions I lost on what to do and prob going to divorce him

My husband doesn't want to have sex with me. It last for 20 mins/ 2 weeks. I'm fit and very attractive. I found him searching for other women on Craigslist which he made me believe he never acted out on any of his posts. Iv found **** and nude pic in his phone. Why do u continue to cry and wait around for him to eventually want sex again?

hi...night after night of watching the fecking tv and then week after week of still watching it from the time he came in from work till we went to bed ,one day iasked if we could do something else instead of watching tv, he copped ,swore at me ,went into another room ,told me not to go on at him and didnt talk to me for two days...so much for getting something off my chest!never again ,the way he acted and treated me spoke volumes... at least i know how he feels about my feelings now...

It makes me question my self worth. How long do u continue to take it. Life is too short to be unhappy. I don't smile like I used to and when I do it b/c I don't want to cry

Some of these men could be Narcissistic. Google it and watch YouTube videos about Narcissistic. My husband ignore me, was verbal and physical with me. I realize my husband was Narcissistic and Narcissistic people never change.

Did u divorce him?

Well,I did not expect that I am not all alone..By searching online about why these men are acting this way, I came out with one reason....Testosterone level is low if they are at 40's and above. They have low sexual drive and irritable...I ask him to see the doctor,but he don't want too.For him..he think there is nothing wrong..like physically and emotionally.I know we can not win in every conversation. For them,they are always right...they are egoistic and self centered people...
Now I will not let his attitude hurts me...I ignore it...I become familiar with the situation..Going out with friends and not to be dependent to him emotionally,is one way to get out from this hell..Let him feel that you can be happy without him.
Who knows along this bumpy road that you've been riding,there is smooth and easy one that you gonna enjoy and have fun...Never loss hope..only time will tell...if divorce is not an option at this time.....Good luck to all of us..!!!!
I believe good things happen to good people....

It's just not fair to shed so many tears over someone who doesn't care

I have the same experience too..I know it hurts...I tried to be loving and affectionate to him but it did not work....Now I have changed too..I ignore him too..make myself busy..I take care my self financially with my little savings..This gives me the reason to mess around,but its not just right...He become stranger to me.
All I can say is ,"Do whatever he did to you...I mean let him feel what you feel"...

Hello , my husband and I been married to long like 23 years. And I got fired from job cause of extreme coupon where I work from freaking Walmart . Anyway I withdraw all my 401k after I got my money went buy plane 4 plane ticket for me my two daughters and my grand son went for 2 month and came back all the sudden as soon I came in the door the first thing he get a job . And yeld at me also found on his back has a scratch . ten fingers nails and ask him he said i don't know do you think he is cheating ? And he take shower every nite ? He work from 7to 5:30 in the morning in very confuse

Don't stand for it. You are too good for this. Do you

I've been married for nearly forty years. My husband ignores me, also. That one word encompasses a
lot. Nothing to say to me, not listening to me, no sense of humor with me. He is completely different outside of the house. He is gregarious, laughs a lot, engages people in conversation. He is a true Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He lives like a single man. He would much prefer to spend time with others, of course, without me. He is disrespectful, rude, arrogant, self centered. He has an explosive temper most people have never experienced. I have stopped going to church with him because I refuse to pretend the happy couple bit. If you can believe it, he actually leads a men's group at church!!
He likes being Mr. Important.
I could go on for quite a while, but what is the point. I married someone who was not marriage material. Cried out!!!

Hi
I know what you are feeling. Im desperately lonely and dead inside. I hate being ignored. Even if i ask him if he wants coffee i get no reply. He completely ignores me. Its been about 15 years now. My kids ask me to leave the room when they want to talk to him coz he cant even talk to them when im in the room. They are now 9 and 6 and 1. How did we have kids? I know his needs and i try to meet them..... Even though he never instigates it i still give to him what he needs. Its hard tho especially to be with him when i dont feel like he wants to be with me. Im tired. I just want to be happy! I dont earn enough to look after the kids and myself so im trapped and i think he knows it. Help.

I fully understand your feelings. My husband acts like it is some big deal to be in the same place as I am. That is spending time with me he says. I believe he has cheated on me but can't prove it and he sure ain't gonna tell. He talks more to his friends than he does me. My feelings to him never matter they are just me being stupid. Nothing I say is except able. God forbid I say anything he doesn't agree with because then all I get is yelled at. I have been with this man for 28 years now,and it hasn't always been this way but for the most part it has. More so in the past almost 2 years now. You know since he cheated on me, but of course that never happened. He lies then expects me to believe everything he says. I find that very hard to do. I wish I could find the courage to get out of this marriage but really don't know how to do that. I did leave him but it drove me crazy until I came back. Everyone around me tells me I should leave him even his friends can't figure out why I put up with him and that is saying a lot about what kind of person he is. Some times I just wish that what ever is causing me to hold on to this marriage would just go away and leave me alone. Heck I even went to a special hospital and got on meds and that didn't even help. I am at my wits end over this. So when I say I feel your pain believe me I do. If you can find your way out of this marriage you are in I suggest you go and never look back. Don't end up like me feeling stuck in a marriage that is no good. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. It will be so much better for your children to. That way they won't grow up thinking it is OK for them to treat others in their life that way. I hope you find the strength inside you to do that for you and them too. I wish you well no matter what you decide to do.

Hello, yes I relate to each of your points. 1), 2), 3) & 4). My husband has a better relationship with 54" woman called "Pana". Panasonic tv that is. His enthusiasm that he shows our children is what I used to get. Im not jealous - im just not a person of interest to him. I find that he responds well when I approach him with enthusiasm or have something funny or interesting to share. Its when I'm more positive & make suggestions to do something together eg go for a walk that he does come out of his shell a little. So I clearly need to pick myself up again... And yet again recreate our relationship..... Cause if I don't ... No one else will. I'm taking accountability and making my choice to keep us going strong ... Still after 25 years (married 14). I love him and want us to be happy ... So iI'l keep at it.

I'm 23 weeks pregnant, I've been married to my husband for 1 year. I found out in I was pregnant after I moved out of my house due to many issues in our relationship, I was not going to go through with the pregnancy. He convinced me that we should keep the baby, move back home and work on our marriage. I did, now at 23 weeks of pregnancy my husband has been telling his x wife that he loves her. He talks down to me, he is mean to my kids from a previous relationship, recently he got upset with my oldest son who happens to be 12 and he has not spoken to me or laid in bed with me for the past 3 nights. I am sad, hurt and betrayed by him once again. All I can advise is that as women we can overcome any burden - if your husband is mistreating you - under no circumstance should you feel any less of a person. He is the one that has issues that he needs to resolve - in other words - his own demons. I know at the end of this pregnancy I will be divorced, living alone, and raising another son alone. But I will not be with a man who belittles me and I will be dammed if I allow him to make me feel trapped. I will survive and learn, grow from this horrible experience. I only pray that he finds his way. He is the only one lost!!!

Good Luck!

I feel for you my husband ignores me to cause I don't have a job I can't say anything were it don't blow up and when I have news to share he says tell me later I'm going out and it hurts my feelings there's no comunication no passion or affection of any kind let's face it ladies men suck

My heart goes out to all of you who feel both trapped and miserable. Don't be scared to realise you can change things for the better. Don't put up with being treated so badly, because once you act in your own interests you will become stronger. I left my husband of 15 years after 6 years of no physical contact and no emotional support. I had to move back in with my mother, transfer my part time job, get a loan for a car, new school and eventually have found a man I adore who is everything I wish my husband had ever been. It's hard both emotionally and financially so helps to plan ahead before you go. Also having to be responsible for everything is a shock. But it can and should be done if you dont want to spend the rest of your days in tears and resentment. It's worth it just to get your self respect back and to stop the kids thinking the way he treats you is normal. He isn't talking to me now but he barely did anyway so it's not a problem. What I did was maybe extreme because my family lived 500 miles away. I told him how unhappy I was and what I was thinking of doing to give him a chance to change but he didn't respond and that's what told me leaving was the right decision. I hope some of you still have a relationship worth saving and perhaps your man just doesn't realise how bad it is for you and will change for the better. I hope.

That sucks mine isthe same way!Im losing my mind thinking of having to see a shrink cant spell other name for it sorry.But other sad part i have absolutely no friends and never get to leave the house-wind up staying coped up at home tending kids while he's out fishing away chasing nemo having his self a grand ole time yeppie yay.this has goneon 10yrs i just had a child in april i still havent got to do anything i consider fun and he wont spent any alone time with me AT ALL.Its constantly ignore ignore then ignore sum more he wouldnt realize if house was burning down or i was with someone rite infront of him.I have to go stand infront our t.v to ask him a question otherwise not be heard.So lately i pulled up a chair infront t.v and still then i'll have to say the same thing at least 3-4 times for ANY sort of half *** response.He's says he's sleepy but if it comes to getting up at 4am to fish he's got a fire cracker up his ***!Or my son's baseball.which that im truely glad he stay active in and helps our son-but just goes to show its only things he wants to do.My son has begged to get to try karate but No we get told oh well thats too expensive and as for my lil outside away from home stress relief me time,he suggests yoga well ok fine n good-that might be relaxing for some ppl & relieve stress i have no intrest in it so that being my only choice i just get depressed & say forget it.I think maybe he should try some yoga perhaps since he's so for it,maybe a good energy boost 4hime as well haha.He will actually time our alone time ,like if i need to discuss bill,family,etc,he will tell me when were done talking well i spent that hour with u talking!!wtf really that was just discussing issues n probelms.or he went to the bathroom & said i could come talk to him in there b4 he does what he needs to get done.yes this is true no joke-then he'll say well honey i talked to u the whole time i was in the bathroom,whats wrong?He is always the one ironicly enuf says we have commincation probs!you think go figure YA ITS CALLED I TALK U WONT ******* LISTEN!!!!!SORRY FOR CUSS WORD.BUT THATS JUST SOME OF WAYS THE HUBBY IGNORES ME i sometimes have gotten so desparate for any of his attention at all i'll say i cheated on him just for a reaction or that im going to.

Yep. And then I learned that he's a sex addict who says he doesn't love me anymore, hasn't loved me for the past 4 years, thinks he made a mistake marrying me 14 1/2 years ago and says he can't emotionally connect and doesn't know that he will ever be able to.<br />
And yet, I still struggle with acceptance of this.

My husband had an affair and a child out of the marriage and at the same time I was also pregnant. My life today is so much different than it used to be. We had 7 blissful years of dating and engagement and then 6 months of marriage before he cheated. While I was pregnant he twas trying to be supportive and nice and then he would be nasty and not come home for 2 days. But he keot sucking me back in so I would allow him to be at the birth. He thought it was hilarious that he had 2 women pregnant. As soon as my son was born he changed even more. He ignores me. He never asks how my day was, if there is a specific article of clothing he wants it better be clean, even if he wore it the day before. If its not he says "Ill just do the laundry because it doesnt get done" "You just take care of little man" He stares at the floor and talks to the dog over me. He refuses to talk finance (he works, I stay home with our child due to medical needs) He spends crazy amounts of money on the other child (he pays to feed her sibling and the mother too) and if I say the water is going to get shut off, he gets pissed and wont talk to me the rest of the day. He expects dinner on the table on the nights he comes home (2 nights a week...the rest he is there) and I am not to speak about anything or express lonliness or anger at all or he will be extra ignorant. I am a ghost in my own home. The only time he shows any kindness or affection is two times a week when he wants oral/sex. I have no money, he helped push us 30,000 in credit card debt, we barely make it each month and i have nowhere to go. I feel so blessed to have my beautiful baby but he is making the happy moments tarnished. I dont know what to do. I feel very bad for all women going through this.

Hey Hun! This is sick on so many levels! He cheated on you in the first place after being married that sound of been the first indicator to leave. I get its hard but in the end you will be so much happier and find someone that wants and loves to spend time with you! This makes me sick that u are okay with him only with u 2 times a week and the rest with the other women he cheated on you with!!!! This is so wrong you should not be in this disfunctional relationship! Would u want your child to treat women like this? I think it's for your best interested to plan now and leave when everything planned! Don't share where u live! That's your private safe place! If he wants to see the child meet in a public place then eventually if u feel comfortable with him taking the child for a couple days let him then meet back in your meeting plAce!hope this helps u out a little.

supergirl22 -That is CRAZY on so many levels. I can't stop shaking my head in disbelief. I have my own crazy stories that i'm currently going thru and can't talk to anyone about because my partner has a public profile and how dare i say we have any problems because talking about them together only means i'm delusional or being defensive. I've thought many times about an alternative life and becoming lesbo to try to avoid these things but ya know what...problems are problems. It takes two to make them. I try to work on myself...do things without him...ignore him...have my own life...save $...be happy. If someone comes and scoops me up cause they know how awesome i am, im not gonna stop them.

My husband has been ignoring me for a week. He won't speak to me and ignores me like I am a stranger. Even a male roommate would get more attention than me. Anyway, it all started when he was supposed to be on a diet. He has gained 70 lbs in 5 years and its gross so we both decided we are both on diets. He turned to me last week and peeled off all the chicken skin from my chicken and his own and then just ate the skin off fried chicken in front of me. It was so disgusting to see him not giving a crap about himself at all. He seems like he is trying to disgust me. So I called him a "fat ***" and said he is "disgusting" and should not be eating like that. He got angry and then began the shutting me out thing. <br />
<br />
I apologized for calling him these names and he would not accept my apology. So I suggested we go for a light job down the street and he agreed to go. When we left out the door down the driveway in front of our neighbors he walked up and farted on my leg. I was mortified. It was like he was planning that to humiliate me and get even. <br />
<br />
So we got in another fight and he refused to jog so I went alone at 10pm in my area jogging alone. Since then he has not spoken to me and says he is moving out in a few weeks. I feel so disrespected, unloved, and uncared for. Part of my frustration and anger is that he did this last month for 2 solid weeks AFTER I gave him an IPAD which cost me $500. He was angry about something I said, probably a fat comment I made, I'm sorry but he was 170 and 5'11 when we got married and he is only 28. He is now 250 and has no desire to lose weight. Today I notice he ate an entire package of 6 brotwursts on hot dog buns for dinner. SICK <br />
<br />
Part of me feels like a major ***** for getting on him about his weight and health. He smokes a pack a day and does not ever exercise. I am all about health and fitness and he USED to be. Not anymore. Needless to say, I feel like a major ***** but on the other hand I have apologized many times and told him I will never say he is fat or comment about his weight anymore. <br />
<br />
Even still, he won't talk to me and probably still thinks he is moving out. I have considered maybe I should be the one to leave and move closer to work since I am so frustrated with his habits.

I can relate to what your experiencing. My hubby and I have only been married a year, and he is showing signs of lack of interest in what I am trying to communicate to him. He will act cold and withdrawn and ignore me. Little **** gets on his nerves. Also there is no affection at times. In fact more so than not. It's not like I'm fat and ugly. I'm 23 and attractive. I work out, and "work" alot in general. He is older than me, but that's not the issue I'm mature for my age. We dated like 2 years prior to getting married. The worst part is the verbal and other abuse. I feel scared and alone in this.

My man ignores me all the time and I call him on it all the time. He's 15 years older than I am and we're engaged and have been in a relationship for 6 years now. Everything is about him, him, him. I've just learned to ignore it. He is only concerned about what will affect him and thats that! I honestly just do it back to him and I get the best results. I walk away when he's talking about something important to him, I will pick up a piece of mail to read or I'll just sometimes pick up the phone and start dialing someone. When he asks why I'm not listening I simply tell him that he never listens to me and ask him how it feels. He'll then grumble a little bit but then apologize. Then and only then will I give him my undivided attention. I truly love him, he's a good man and I truly believe he doesn't even realize that he doesn't listen to me. He's an "old school" boy who was brought up that the man was the only important one in the household because they were the only ones that made the money. I was brought up much different and I don't let him get away with it. Believe me, if I have something important to say or I feel that he's holding back on something all I have to do is raise my voice a bit and remind him that I'm his partner and we need to have open communication! He's slowly but surely coming around. He walked all over his ex-wife in that way but I don't let him do that to me and he's now learning how to show some mutual respect. Sometimes we women just have to be secure enough within ourselves to not take it to heart. I did at first but now that I know he'll listen if I MAKE him listen, I simply MAKE him listen to me. Sometimes I even ask him repeat what I have said so he can't say he didn't hear me. It takes a little work but if you love your guy and your relationship is good otherwise, then it's worth it.

My heart goes out to all of you.. this is all making me cry.. you all deserve so much better than these "men"... I have been in an abusive relationship, an insanely scary controlling relationship, a loveless relationship, and I have been cheated on by every "man" I have been with. Let me tell you something though, I know for a fact NONE of it was my fault. The only thing I did wrong was give all of myself and all of my love to people who didn't want or even remotely deserve it. I know how you ladies feel, and it breaks my f*cking heart... no one deserves those things. I know "divorce" is an ugly word, and I know being alone sounds scary and hopeless, but no one deserves to be stuck in a self esteem destroying rut. <br />
<br />
That dream man that your wildest imagination could create, the one you don't think exists, really is out there. I PROMISE you. And if you settle, you will NEVER EVER BE AS HAPPY AS YOU DESERVE TO (and are able to) BE, because that dream guy will always be in the back of your mind and your heart will always ache until you are fulfilled by his love, wherever/whoever he is.... Don't settle... especially not with "men" who are the farthest thing from the definition... These guys don't love you. This is all not love. If it was love, you wouldn't doubt it, you would know it, you would feel it, other people would be able to see it, and you wouldn't be hurting. You may think you "love" your partner, and I'm sure most of you are older than I, but I know what I'm talking about. And all I have to say is that if you are being disrespected in any way, even the slightest smallest way, then that person does not TRULY love you, and I'm sorry for that, because you deserve to be cherished.

Sometimes they can ignore the wife when the wife is mothering them. Just let him do what he wants and let go. You need to get your own life. If you want the sidewalk to be pressured clean and he says I don't have time I'm going to the boat. Just say okay and clean it yourself cause he doesn't like pressure cleaning. If he wants to join the police reserves and you no that's dangerous and can get him killed , just let him. Stop trying to control their life, stop trying to save them, you are not God. They obviously don't care about your opinion . Just focus on yourself and what can I do today to make me happy. Then he will stop ignoring you.

I agree with this in a way. I think passive aggressive ignoring when it goes on and on is like trying to get you to react. If you don't react and just shrug like "whatever" then he may not use that passive aggressive crap on you anymore because it obviously does not work. It might drive HIM crazy that you are not reacting.

I too can relate, WISH I COULDNT- I would swear that we're married to the same man! My husband began doing all you wrote #1-4... Gradually since 2008. He now has done worse - I have confronted him more times than I can say, I get nothing... Have you requested marriage council? "I have" I get no response, or- he flips it around stating, "YOU RUINED THE SURPRISE, YOUR CRAZY, STOP NAGGING ME, YOUR NEVER SATISFIED" these words frm him have punched a hole not only threw my heart, but our lives. Everything he has done, said, or ignored he will wake up the next morning and act like our marriage is the best ! My Heart Hurts...WHAT DID YOU DO?

I can relate because I GO THRU EXACT SAME, I gave up a state job ,a home, and my family to move 5 hours away for HIS NEW JOB THAT would benefit the family, His grandmother would pay for a new home andNOTHING I gave up would not be replaced , so we went to pick out houses , needless to say I moved to a house I HATE, that HE chose, and then to find out the house wouldn't be OURS, it was now HIS!! , yep I was not added to the deed, so I gave up my JOB , MY HOME, MY FAMILY ( my only family is my 86 year old grandmother who raised me whom can not come 5 hours to see me)...when he gets mad he throws me out of HIS home. I asked to go to school after the move seeing I have no education, he didn't want to pay for me. I am not allowed to meet anyone he works with or am I allowed to his work functions. I am not allowed to know where he is or who he rides to work with.He tells me he cant talk to me while at work but he talks the whole time to his friends and texts them all during work time. on his way home he doesn't call to talktome but he will spend 24 to 36 min calling all his friends. He hides his cell phone when he comes home.when we both had facebook , he never commented on anything or liked on anything of mine but did other peoples , he doesn't want pictures of me on his facebook page. He changed all his passwords and says I am not entitled to "control"his life . He has even asked me to go down another isle in wal mart when he seen his co workers. For my anniversary he sit and talked on his cell phone ignored me, my birthday I GOT NOTHING, a text that said happy birthday , no card , no gift NOTHING.. He tells his family and friends he isn't happy. If he is home he is on the internet, he has no conversation with me, never talks to me. I went to an important dr appt , he didn't go with me, or did he even ask what dr told me. I tell him how this hurts, I cry I get upset I am at point of break down. we have been married 17 years and I have went thru everything on my own. I think it is time for divorce because if he is he is ashamed to be married to me I want out but I will have to move back 5 hours there is NO WORK, and I have no help with anything , I have no money. IF I leave my husband will have a quarter million dollar home, a good job and he stands a big inheritance , I will have two kids , no job and best i can get is govt housing. and when I talk to him about it doesn't bother him at all it.. I so understand what you are going through and I am so tired of living a life of being ignored!!

It's time for you to get away from this man. You can get free help through your state, county or municipality. Divorce is a scarey word but it's only a word. You need to make changes for your childrens' sakes. Show them that you are the strong and reliant one. Taking the first step is the hardest but if I were you I would contact an attorney and get the ball rolling. The abuse you're taking is not just being ignored, it's being tortured. You deserve to be happy.

I am reading all these posts and I feel all your pain.. My husband is so mean an abusive to me, I have been reading on line on the statements of verbal and mental abuse and thats what I am getting. He is blaming me for everything, not going/getting into school, and with that now not being able to go anywhere in life. He does not work, i am up every day at 5 and home at 6, i tried to help him the best i could, but when i said i had questions that he needed to ask the school he didnt want to deal with them so I guess thats my fault, my fault because im stupid and couldnt fill out a form. I am tired of taking the blame for everything, I cant deal with how mean and nasty he is.... He throws things, bangs things, acts like a crazy person, he is even starting to talk to himself... im so scared, scared for him that he is gonna hurt himself. I have no one to turn too, I actually just tried calling my priest hoping to be able to talk to him.. He doesnt call/text or email me anymore like he use too... Im so sad and so lonely, i know no one wants to hear me talk about this anymore but i am dying inside i really am... Honestly do not know hwere to go.... or what to do.... does anyone??? I am not a bad person i have stood by him threw many cheating situations, and one including a child that came out of it and i still stayed with him... With all he has done to me i have never been so mean to him,,, I do not understand... How is all of this my fault.???? oh god please help someone, please!

my husband does the same. throws stuff, gets angry, calls me horrendous names, breaks things, threatens violence, and also does that thing of talking to himself. its crazy! talking to himself? he has conversations with himself. He isnt talking to me, he is talking to himself. It is so darn weird. this can't be the best life has to offer.

I think you are married to my husband, except the few times my husband does talk to me he lies. Lies about phones calls, money, jobs, friends, family....everything. And then denies it. It is more concern about people he currently works with, people he used to work with, people he met on business trips, neighbors, family... more than me. But I guess I ask for this treatment because I don't leave. I am afraid that my children, who are all grown will be disappointed in me an not talk to me. I know my parents will be and I can't have their final years, they are 89 & 87, being ashamed of me.

My husband is ignoring me more and more lately by finding little projects to do around the house. He's basically gone manic with it. I lost my job about 6 weeks ago now. Have little relationship with my family and none is in area except for one sibling who has destroyed his relationship with me and with another sibling. I feel like i have few friends and very little emotional support. I am looking for work but ever since moving here it hasn't been the same. I used to have lots of friends and work at jobs for many years now its the exact opposite. My husbands family are extremely negative and critical people. I dont enjoy their company but am basically trying to make the best of it. I really get no emotional support from my husband and he has probably told me five times in seven years that he loves me. That was only when i pressed him for it. I feel like i am reaching a new level of sadness.

Life waits for 'NO MAN'. It does change people and when was the last time you went on a ROAD TRIP? 'See some old friends,good for the soul'. Hate to say it but it just might be time to move on. Don't live 'his' life, LIVE "YOURS".

Hi, <br />
I 25 years old, me and my husband have been married going on 5 years alreadyand we dated since we were 15....We have 3 beautiful children...two boys and a girl....and i just found out i am pregnant again. I am 5 weeks...we didnt want anymore children..but i didnt want to get my tubes tied...I was on the pill for the past 3 years and i still ended up getting pregnant....<br />
<br />
I know he is upset cause he didnt want anymore kids...at least not now...but i thought he would get over it...because im already pregnant nothing we can do about it...but he is treating me and talking to me like crap....he comes home, goes to the computer, then lays down watching his shows until he falls asleep....He wakes me up during the night when he wants sex. I let him........but he doesnt aske me...if i am craving anything...and for a pregnant woman i want my husband to be by my side. ive been having morning sickness like crazy..and he complained the house was too messy...so yesterday i cleaned entire house..which is hard with kids at home...i even rearranged our bedroom....he came home and didnt even comment on the bedroom..and it took me 4 hours to do it...i should be taking it easy so i dont have a misscarriage....i havent had a dr.s appointment yet...so he is hoping the dr. is going to say im really not pregnant...and i was looking on craigslist to find people giving baby things away so he wouldnt have to waste money to buy things..make it easier on him..and he told me...."THINK NEGATIVE....PRAY DR. SAYS UR NOT REALLY PREGNANT THAT YOU JUS MISSED YOU PERIOD"....i told him ive been pregnant 3 times already...i think i know when im pregnant...but just the fact that he said that to me...broke my heart.....for the past weeks he has been making me cry ever night..and he isnt like that..fr 5 years we still acted like we just met..he is always huggung me and kissing me...i dont understand..i got pregnant..im carrying one of his children. not like the end of the world..and ireally want a happy pregnancy...i dont know what to do..

he also has been walking around with a look on his face like he hates and cant stand me...which make me feel worthless....I am soo happy ..i love kids..and i cant wait too see our little baby..but how can i enjoy a pregnancy with him around me like that..and making me cry every night...what do i do...I dont have family..ive always been a stay at home mom...i clean cook...watch kids..drive hom to work pick him up..take kids to school...pick them up..basball practice,,soccer, karate.....he pays the bills.so i dont have resources to get up and leave...and like i said...he was never like this...i dont want to leave him....its not like money is tight...he makes over 60,000 a year...and we have enough saved up..i really need someone to talk to..im in a house with another adult and i feel sooo lonley

Please consider making contact with outside support, such as a counselling network and/or church. You also need to go to the doctor and make sure you get your checkups and monitor your baby's growth and progress, and tell your doctor that your husband is unsupportive and you need assistance. Perhaps your doctor will be able to put you in touch with support groups. You need support when pregnant and also after the baby is born. I hope your pregnancy progresses well and I wish you health and happiness. Please accept help, for yourself and your baby, as well as your existing family.

The comments about change are all great, because something has to change. Still, changing yourself will not bring him back. That is like saying a BJ will bring him back, or if you loose those 5, 10, 15 ibs, or if you get your degree, or if you get more friends, or if........ get my drift. Changing yourself or your behavior is fine as long as you are doing it for yourself, but the reality of the situation is that he has already left. He may be there physically, (or maybe not), but he is NOT coming back. To change under the false hope that it will change his behavior is just that FALSE hope.

Ladies give your self some credit. I man is not your everthing and can not be. He ignores you, then find friends and family or even god. The reverse right back to them and them seeing you happy can change things. Life is worth living and not setting home worried about what he is up to. Live Love Laugh.. U have to change to change what is going on.

I've been reading what everyone has been saying and my jaw dropped. I'm in shock because its like you have taken the words right but if my mouth. I've been sad and looking for answers to what I'm going through. Amid have come to the realization that my husband is an abuser. He's been emotionally abusing me for 5 years. Its just gotten way worse since we got married a year ago. Its like I dent know who I married. I can't do or say anything right. I can't even clean or cook right. He ignores me and when I too to him about anything he just Hs this black stare on his face. I will cry and pore my heart out to him and he says ' Oh no not this again' stop with this crap. He never hugs me or consoles me or comforts me. When I'm sick he never asks care of me. When I had to go to the hospital he wouldn't take me because it costs to much. S I had to have a friend take me in secret. I'm scared of him. I make sure I watch what I say just so I make sure to not make him mad. I stopped leaving the house and stopped hanging out with friends because it causes to much trouble when I do.<br />
When we fight he throws things around the house and punches holes in walls. I try to leave and can't because he traps me in the house. I'm just waiting for him to hit me to hit me so I can move out. I'm sad and lonely. When I tell him I'm sad and depressed he says I'm just using this as a crutch for attention. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I relate to all of these stories, and it sucks you have to chuck your marriage to fix your problem. I joined this site in hopes there would be a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Sadly, that light is just me catching the train to divoceville.

can I write on here and be nameless?

Hi all,<br />
My common-law husband is ... similar i suppose. I feel neglected. I feel ignored. I hurt. I hurt so bad. I am 21yr old. He is 36 yr old. We have a 6month baby and he says its all my fault cause we have barely had sex even before i got pregnant. Lots of things have transpired in the past, some things of which I am not proud of. However, right now, we havent had sex in about a month or more even. He just wants sex. I feel like a tool. Like a thing. I cant' remember the last time i was carressed by him. Made to feel beautiful, loved, sexy,. Penetration. That's all i have gotten. and requests to give him a "heads". I want to feel like a woman. I want to be admired too. I want to feel loved. IN an argument we had some weeks back i shouted to him that if he doesn't make me happy, i won't have sex with him. He holds that against me. He says I neglect him. but....i feel so lonely. I feel so un-loved. I speak to him and he ignores me mos times. I get upset and he gets upset. He says not because he doesn't acknowledge that he heard me means he did not hear me. I feel like am talking to the wall. (at least with the wall i EXPECT no response). I have tried telling him how it is that I too am being neglected but.... in his eyes, his issue came up first, HE is being neglected and I... I am the bad guy. I just want my husband, whom i have a couple hours at night with, who takes me out on a date maybe, who doesn't hang out so much with his friends. I want my husband. I want to be made to feel beautiful and not just like a piece of meat whose "responsibility" (his word) is to please him sexually. I am so tired of being neglected. I hugged him today and said "I love you" and instead of saying anything, ANYTHING positive, he said "with all your limitations".I know he is talking about my not having sex with him for so long but ...how can I? when i feel like am being used? like a cloth... I feel like my head will explode with the pain, with the pressure. I cant' seem to do anything positive or good in his eyes. I can't even get an "I love you" back when i hold him and say it to him.

I find we argue about money and the kids alot we both have our ideas!<br />
but he does ignore me when he gets home does'nt talk to me or our kids so I know he's tired and stressed and not into hugging etc! it does really hurt and after reading all your posts i feel comforted to know i am not alone on this! but like the chap said, blokes have no energy and cannot multy task like us women so if they are tired thats it! they shut down tilthe next day and do it all over again! we are closest to them so they do unfortunately take it out on us as we wives are the closest to them !

Hi every one!!!<br />
And here i was thinking that its only me having this problem. I have been married for 11 years and have 4 kids. The first five years of my life were good. After my third daughter was born, I got a very very good job with utmost support from my husband as he used to cater to kids while i was preparing the tests for the job.<br />
At this point i thought that now the hard part is over and we shall settle down. But oh, i was so wrong. Four years ago, he lost the job. He started ignoring me, snubbing me in front of his siblings, paying no compliments, no appreciation for the hard work (raising 4 kids under 10 with a responsible job), saying that the marriage was a mistake, drinking profusely and blaming me for all things bad in life, started coming very late and going to sleep imm. so not to talk to me.<br />
I am 35 now, when i married i was 24. I gave the best years of my life to this marriage. I am good looking, intelligent, witty, was an ace student, dress well (Not praising myself, as thats what the ppl say). When ppl compliment him on his wife, he becomes uneasy and say some thing nasty like "Do u really think so, she is not that good" etc etc.<br />
I tried every thing and talked to him. He says that he will do as he want and i mind my own business. I tried to ignore my duties to give him more time, but he treated me like a door mat.<br />
Finally i realised that i have to seek my happiness myself without depending on him. <br />
From the last three months i have started treating him very courteously, catering to all his needs without emotions. I dont pick up fights and when he is nasty, i simply ignore. I give more time to my kids, am happy in th job, seek old friends and have enriching talks, saw that i was 12 Kg heavier than when i got married so i go for walk daily, have revamped my ward robe and go to parlour regularly.<br />
All this is making him uncomfortable, though he doesnt admit it. I am very confident now and in these few months, i look 5 years younger and healthy.<br />
I dont know if i am 100% right but at least i am at peace as though i cater to his needs but without asking anything in return and that has made a huge change in my life as i no longer depend on him for my hearts happiness.<br />
I would sure like some experienced advices.

Wow, well done. I think you are on the right track here, taking control of your life and being responsible for your own happiness. I think you should continue building your life back up to a healthy level and when you are able to, walk away from this loser. He does not deserve you at all. Also, do not fear that your kids will suffer from a divorce...because your kids should see that their mother demands respect and will not settle to be treated as a doormat.

help my hubby watches me cry and goes to bed i went out alone with no effect i am at my wits end with lonliness

Hi first time using this site it honestly made me cry reading your post my marriage is the same I don't even feel like he loves me iv only been married 2 years tomorrow and I don't know what to do I don't wanna leave him coz I love him more than anything in the world but it's killing me he won't ever go out with me I have to nag constantly for him to go for a meal with me I get so upset and cry and he just walks off and tells me to stop being pathetic he hardly ever wants sex with me u have to practically beg for it he does not go out much but when he does he says I can't go and it's for my own good because guys will just come on to me and he won't like it so I just have to stay in coz he we move around a lot for his job so I don't have any friends or family near by only hours and hours away I was actually really I'll recently in hospital coz my immune system started to fail coz I was just stool in a flat 24/7 and he would not even speak to me when he came home he does not wanna kiss me or have any form of affection with me I was really slim when I met him and iv only put 1 and Half stone roughly but he constantly tells me and tells me don't eat that he just comes home from work and plays on his Xbox and ignores me it's like we are housemates that have sex occasionally only when he fancies it I can't tell my parents coz they will just come and get me and take me home but my husband said if I walk out the door not to come back even if I just need a break from him he won't go to counciling with me he just says everything is fine he won't even get a joint account that's for letting me get this off my chest if you can help please do but thanks for listening your equally lonely friend Elisha x

help my hubby watches me cry and goes to bed i went out alone with no effect i am at my wits end with lonliness