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What I Mean By "My Husband Ignores Me"

Hello,

Can anybody relate to this?  My husband and I have been married for MANY years now, and things have just gone from bad to worse.  When I say that my husband ignores me, I mean that.....

1)  He NEVER calls me during the day

2)  He never asks me how my day was, or what I did.  And the rare occasion that he does ask me, he walks out of the room and doesn't really want to hear my answer.

3)  I can't talk to him, because it's like talking to a pile of mashed potatoes.  It's not listening to me, and it doesn't care what I'm saying!  Ha Ha

4)  Any big news that happens to him, like he's going to go out of town, or somebody got hired or fired at work, or he gets medical test results back.... he tells OTHER people at church before he even thinks of telling me.  What's worse, he'll break the news about something WHILE I'm sitting there at a group meeting with him, and I have to hear the news at the same time that everyone else does.  HOW DEGRADING IS THAT???  I even call him on it, right then and there.... but it just doesn't phase him. 

Friends... please share your stories if any of you can relate to this misery that I'm in!!

THANKS!

 

Psalm23 Psalm23 41-45, F 230 Responses Mar 27, 2008

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Hello , my husband and I been married to long like 23 years. And I got fired from job cause of extreme coupon where I work from freaking Walmart . Anyway I withdraw all my 401k after I got my money went buy plane 4 plane ticket for me my two daughters and my grand son went for 2 month and came back all the sudden as soon I came in the door the first thing he get a job . And yeld at me also found on his back has a scratch . ten fingers nails and ask him he said i don't know do you think he is cheating ? And he take shower every nite ? He work from 7to 5:30 in the morning in very confuse

Don't stand for it. You are too good for this. Do you

I've been married for nearly forty years. My husband ignores me, also. That one word encompasses a
lot. Nothing to say to me, not listening to me, no sense of humor with me. He is completely different outside of the house. He is gregarious, laughs a lot, engages people in conversation. He is a true Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He lives like a single man. He would much prefer to spend time with others, of course, without me. He is disrespectful, rude, arrogant, self centered. He has an explosive temper most people have never experienced. I have stopped going to church with him because I refuse to pretend the happy couple bit. If you can believe it, he actually leads a men's group at church!!
He likes being Mr. Important.
I could go on for quite a while, but what is the point. I married someone who was not marriage material. Cried out!!!

Hi
I know what you are feeling. Im desperately lonely and dead inside. I hate being ignored. Even if i ask him if he wants coffee i get no reply. He completely ignores me. Its been about 15 years now. My kids ask me to leave the room when they want to talk to him coz he cant even talk to them when im in the room. They are now 9 and 6 and 1. How did we have kids? I know his needs and i try to meet them..... Even though he never instigates it i still give to him what he needs. Its hard tho especially to be with him when i dont feel like he wants to be with me. Im tired. I just want to be happy! I dont earn enough to look after the kids and myself so im trapped and i think he knows it. Help.

I fully understand your feelings. My husband acts like it is some big deal to be in the same place as I am. That is spending time with me he says. I believe he has cheated on me but can't prove it and he sure ain't gonna tell. He talks more to his friends than he does me. My feelings to him never matter they are just me being stupid. Nothing I say is except able. God forbid I say anything he doesn't agree with because then all I get is yelled at. I have been with this man for 28 years now,and it hasn't always been this way but for the most part it has. More so in the past almost 2 years now. You know since he cheated on me, but of course that never happened. He lies then expects me to believe everything he says. I find that very hard to do. I wish I could find the courage to get out of this marriage but really don't know how to do that. I did leave him but it drove me crazy until I came back. Everyone around me tells me I should leave him even his friends can't figure out why I put up with him and that is saying a lot about what kind of person he is. Some times I just wish that what ever is causing me to hold on to this marriage would just go away and leave me alone. Heck I even went to a special hospital and got on meds and that didn't even help. I am at my wits end over this. So when I say I feel your pain believe me I do. If you can find your way out of this marriage you are in I suggest you go and never look back. Don't end up like me feeling stuck in a marriage that is no good. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. It will be so much better for your children to. That way they won't grow up thinking it is OK for them to treat others in their life that way. I hope you find the strength inside you to do that for you and them too. I wish you well no matter what you decide to do.

Hello, yes I relate to each of your points. 1), 2), 3) & 4). My husband has a better relationship with 54" woman called "Pana". Panasonic tv that is. His enthusiasm that he shows our children is what I used to get. Im not jealous - im just not a person of interest to him. I find that he responds well when I approach him with enthusiasm or have something funny or interesting to share. Its when I'm more positive & make suggestions to do something together eg go for a walk that he does come out of his shell a little. So I clearly need to pick myself up again... And yet again recreate our relationship..... Cause if I don't ... No one else will. I'm taking accountability and making my choice to keep us going strong ... Still after 25 years (married 14). I love him and want us to be happy ... So iI'l keep at it.

I'm 23 weeks pregnant, I've been married to my husband for 1 year. I found out in I was pregnant after I moved out of my house due to many issues in our relationship, I was not going to go through with the pregnancy. He convinced me that we should keep the baby, move back home and work on our marriage. I did, now at 23 weeks of pregnancy my husband has been telling his x wife that he loves her. He talks down to me, he is mean to my kids from a previous relationship, recently he got upset with my oldest son who happens to be 12 and he has not spoken to me or laid in bed with me for the past 3 nights. I am sad, hurt and betrayed by him once again. All I can advise is that as women we can overcome any burden - if your husband is mistreating you - under no circumstance should you feel any less of a person. He is the one that has issues that he needs to resolve - in other words - his own demons. I know at the end of this pregnancy I will be divorced, living alone, and raising another son alone. But I will not be with a man who belittles me and I will be dammed if I allow him to make me feel trapped. I will survive and learn, grow from this horrible experience. I only pray that he finds his way. He is the only one lost!!!

Good Luck!

I feel for you my husband ignores me to cause I don't have a job I can't say anything were it don't blow up and when I have news to share he says tell me later I'm going out and it hurts my feelings there's no comunication no passion or affection of any kind let's face it ladies men suck

My heart goes out to all of you who feel both trapped and miserable. Don't be scared to realise you can change things for the better. Don't put up with being treated so badly, because once you act in your own interests you will become stronger. I left my husband of 15 years after 6 years of no physical contact and no emotional support. I had to move back in with my mother, transfer my part time job, get a loan for a car, new school and eventually have found a man I adore who is everything I wish my husband had ever been. It's hard both emotionally and financially so helps to plan ahead before you go. Also having to be responsible for everything is a shock. But it can and should be done if you dont want to spend the rest of your days in tears and resentment. It's worth it just to get your self respect back and to stop the kids thinking the way he treats you is normal. He isn't talking to me now but he barely did anyway so it's not a problem. What I did was maybe extreme because my family lived 500 miles away. I told him how unhappy I was and what I was thinking of doing to give him a chance to change but he didn't respond and that's what told me leaving was the right decision. I hope some of you still have a relationship worth saving and perhaps your man just doesn't realise how bad it is for you and will change for the better. I hope.

That sucks mine isthe same way!Im losing my mind thinking of having to see a shrink cant spell other name for it sorry.But other sad part i have absolutely no friends and never get to leave the house-wind up staying coped up at home tending kids while he's out fishing away chasing nemo having his self a grand ole time yeppie yay.this has goneon 10yrs i just had a child in april i still havent got to do anything i consider fun and he wont spent any alone time with me AT ALL.Its constantly ignore ignore then ignore sum more he wouldnt realize if house was burning down or i was with someone rite infront of him.I have to go stand infront our t.v to ask him a question otherwise not be heard.So lately i pulled up a chair infront t.v and still then i'll have to say the same thing at least 3-4 times for ANY sort of half *** response.He's says he's sleepy but if it comes to getting up at 4am to fish he's got a fire cracker up his ***!Or my son's baseball.which that im truely glad he stay active in and helps our son-but just goes to show its only things he wants to do.My son has begged to get to try karate but No we get told oh well thats too expensive and as for my lil outside away from home stress relief me time,he suggests yoga well ok fine n good-that might be relaxing for some ppl & relieve stress i have no intrest in it so that being my only choice i just get depressed & say forget it.I think maybe he should try some yoga perhaps since he's so for it,maybe a good energy boost 4hime as well haha.He will actually time our alone time ,like if i need to discuss bill,family,etc,he will tell me when were done talking well i spent that hour with u talking!!wtf really that was just discussing issues n probelms.or he went to the bathroom & said i could come talk to him in there b4 he does what he needs to get done.yes this is true no joke-then he'll say well honey i talked to u the whole time i was in the bathroom,whats wrong?He is always the one ironicly enuf says we have commincation probs!you think go figure YA ITS CALLED I TALK U WONT ******* LISTEN!!!!!SORRY FOR CUSS WORD.BUT THATS JUST SOME OF WAYS THE HUBBY IGNORES ME i sometimes have gotten so desparate for any of his attention at all i'll say i cheated on him just for a reaction or that im going to.

Yep. And then I learned that he's a sex addict who says he doesn't love me anymore, hasn't loved me for the past 4 years, thinks he made a mistake marrying me 14 1/2 years ago and says he can't emotionally connect and doesn't know that he will ever be able to.

And yet, I still struggle with acceptance of this.

My husband had an affair and a child out of the marriage and at the same time I was also pregnant. My life today is so much different than it used to be. We had 7 blissful years of dating and engagement and then 6 months of marriage before he cheated. While I was pregnant he twas trying to be supportive and nice and then he would be nasty and not come home for 2 days. But he keot sucking me back in so I would allow him to be at the birth. He thought it was hilarious that he had 2 women pregnant. As soon as my son was born he changed even more. He ignores me. He never asks how my day was, if there is a specific article of clothing he wants it better be clean, even if he wore it the day before. If its not he says "Ill just do the laundry because it doesnt get done" "You just take care of little man" He stares at the floor and talks to the dog over me. He refuses to talk finance (he works, I stay home with our child due to medical needs) He spends crazy amounts of money on the other child (he pays to feed her sibling and the mother too) and if I say the water is going to get shut off, he gets pissed and wont talk to me the rest of the day. He expects dinner on the table on the nights he comes home (2 nights a week...the rest he is there) and I am not to speak about anything or express lonliness or anger at all or he will be extra ignorant. I am a ghost in my own home. The only time he shows any kindness or affection is two times a week when he wants oral/sex. I have no money, he helped push us 30,000 in credit card debt, we barely make it each month and i have nowhere to go. I feel so blessed to have my beautiful baby but he is making the happy moments tarnished. I dont know what to do. I feel very bad for all women going through this.

Hey Hun! This is sick on so many levels! He cheated on you in the first place after being married that sound of been the first indicator to leave. I get its hard but in the end you will be so much happier and find someone that wants and loves to spend time with you! This makes me sick that u are okay with him only with u 2 times a week and the rest with the other women he cheated on you with!!!! This is so wrong you should not be in this disfunctional relationship! Would u want your child to treat women like this? I think it's for your best interested to plan now and leave when everything planned! Don't share where u live! That's your private safe place! If he wants to see the child meet in a public place then eventually if u feel comfortable with him taking the child for a couple days let him then meet back in your meeting plAce!hope this helps u out a little.

supergirl22 -That is CRAZY on so many levels. I can't stop shaking my head in disbelief. I have my own crazy stories that i'm currently going thru and can't talk to anyone about because my partner has a public profile and how dare i say we have any problems because talking about them together only means i'm delusional or being defensive. I've thought many times about an alternative life and becoming lesbo to try to avoid these things but ya know what...problems are problems. It takes two to make them. I try to work on myself...do things without him...ignore him...have my own life...save $...be happy. If someone comes and scoops me up cause they know how awesome i am, im not gonna stop them.

My husband has been ignoring me for a week. He won't speak to me and ignores me like I am a stranger. Even a male roommate would get more attention than me. Anyway, it all started when he was supposed to be on a diet. He has gained 70 lbs in 5 years and its gross so we both decided we are both on diets. He turned to me last week and peeled off all the chicken skin from my chicken and his own and then just ate the skin off fried chicken in front of me. It was so disgusting to see him not giving a crap about himself at all. He seems like he is trying to disgust me. So I called him a "fat ***" and said he is "disgusting" and should not be eating like that. He got angry and then began the shutting me out thing.



I apologized for calling him these names and he would not accept my apology. So I suggested we go for a light job down the street and he agreed to go. When we left out the door down the driveway in front of our neighbors he walked up and farted on my leg. I was mortified. It was like he was planning that to humiliate me and get even.



So we got in another fight and he refused to jog so I went alone at 10pm in my area jogging alone. Since then he has not spoken to me and says he is moving out in a few weeks. I feel so disrespected, unloved, and uncared for. Part of my frustration and anger is that he did this last month for 2 solid weeks AFTER I gave him an IPAD which cost me $500. He was angry about something I said, probably a fat comment I made, I'm sorry but he was 170 and 5'11 when we got married and he is only 28. He is now 250 and has no desire to lose weight. Today I notice he ate an entire package of 6 brotwursts on hot dog buns for dinner. SICK



Part of me feels like a major ***** for getting on him about his weight and health. He smokes a pack a day and does not ever exercise. I am all about health and fitness and he USED to be. Not anymore. Needless to say, I feel like a major ***** but on the other hand I have apologized many times and told him I will never say he is fat or comment about his weight anymore.



Even still, he won't talk to me and probably still thinks he is moving out. I have considered maybe I should be the one to leave and move closer to work since I am so frustrated with his habits.

I can relate to what your experiencing. My hubby and I have only been married a year, and he is showing signs of lack of interest in what I am trying to communicate to him. He will act cold and withdrawn and ignore me. Little **** gets on his nerves. Also there is no affection at times. In fact more so than not. It's not like I'm fat and ugly. I'm 23 and attractive. I work out, and "work" alot in general. He is older than me, but that's not the issue I'm mature for my age. We dated like 2 years prior to getting married. The worst part is the verbal and other abuse. I feel scared and alone in this.

My man ignores me all the time and I call him on it all the time. He's 15 years older than I am and we're engaged and have been in a relationship for 6 years now. Everything is about him, him, him. I've just learned to ignore it. He is only concerned about what will affect him and thats that! I honestly just do it back to him and I get the best results. I walk away when he's talking about something important to him, I will pick up a piece of mail to read or I'll just sometimes pick up the phone and start dialing someone. When he asks why I'm not listening I simply tell him that he never listens to me and ask him how it feels. He'll then grumble a little bit but then apologize. Then and only then will I give him my undivided attention. I truly love him, he's a good man and I truly believe he doesn't even realize that he doesn't listen to me. He's an "old school" boy who was brought up that the man was the only important one in the household because they were the only ones that made the money. I was brought up much different and I don't let him get away with it. Believe me, if I have something important to say or I feel that he's holding back on something all I have to do is raise my voice a bit and remind him that I'm his partner and we need to have open communication! He's slowly but surely coming around. He walked all over his ex-wife in that way but I don't let him do that to me and he's now learning how to show some mutual respect. Sometimes we women just have to be secure enough within ourselves to not take it to heart. I did at first but now that I know he'll listen if I MAKE him listen, I simply MAKE him listen to me. Sometimes I even ask him repeat what I have said so he can't say he didn't hear me. It takes a little work but if you love your guy and your relationship is good otherwise, then it's worth it.

My heart goes out to all of you.. this is all making me cry.. you all deserve so much better than these "men"... I have been in an abusive relationship, an insanely scary controlling relationship, a loveless relationship, and I have been cheated on by every "man" I have been with. Let me tell you something though, I know for a fact NONE of it was my fault. The only thing I did wrong was give all of myself and all of my love to people who didn't want or even remotely deserve it. I know how you ladies feel, and it breaks my f*cking heart... no one deserves those things. I know "divorce" is an ugly word, and I know being alone sounds scary and hopeless, but no one deserves to be stuck in a self esteem destroying rut.



That dream man that your wildest imagination could create, the one you don't think exists, really is out there. I PROMISE you. And if you settle, you will NEVER EVER BE AS HAPPY AS YOU DESERVE TO (and are able to) BE, because that dream guy will always be in the back of your mind and your heart will always ache until you are fulfilled by his love, wherever/whoever he is.... Don't settle... especially not with "men" who are the farthest thing from the definition... These guys don't love you. This is all not love. If it was love, you wouldn't doubt it, you would know it, you would feel it, other people would be able to see it, and you wouldn't be hurting. You may think you "love" your partner, and I'm sure most of you are older than I, but I know what I'm talking about. And all I have to say is that if you are being disrespected in any way, even the slightest smallest way, then that person does not TRULY love you, and I'm sorry for that, because you deserve to be cherished.

Sometimes they can ignore the wife when the wife is mothering them. Just let him do what he wants and let go. You need to get your own life. If you want the sidewalk to be pressured clean and he says I don't have time I'm going to the boat. Just say okay and clean it yourself cause he doesn't like pressure cleaning. If he wants to join the police reserves and you no that's dangerous and can get him killed , just let him. Stop trying to control their life, stop trying to save them, you are not God. They obviously don't care about your opinion . Just focus on yourself and what can I do today to make me happy. Then he will stop ignoring you.

I agree with this in a way. I think passive aggressive ignoring when it goes on and on is like trying to get you to react. If you don't react and just shrug like "whatever" then he may not use that passive aggressive crap on you anymore because it obviously does not work. It might drive HIM crazy that you are not reacting.

I too can relate, WISH I COULDNT- I would swear that we're married to the same man! My husband began doing all you wrote #1-4... Gradually since 2008. He now has done worse - I have confronted him more times than I can say, I get nothing... Have you requested marriage council? "I have" I get no response, or- he flips it around stating, "YOU RUINED THE SURPRISE, YOUR CRAZY, STOP NAGGING ME, YOUR NEVER SATISFIED" these words frm him have punched a hole not only threw my heart, but our lives. Everything he has done, said, or ignored he will wake up the next morning and act like our marriage is the best ! My Heart Hurts...WHAT DID YOU DO?

I can relate because I GO THRU EXACT SAME, I gave up a state job ,a home, and my family to move 5 hours away for HIS NEW JOB THAT would benefit the family, His grandmother would pay for a new home andNOTHING I gave up would not be replaced , so we went to pick out houses , needless to say I moved to a house I HATE, that HE chose, and then to find out the house wouldn't be OURS, it was now HIS!! , yep I was not added to the deed, so I gave up my JOB , MY HOME, MY FAMILY ( my only family is my 86 year old grandmother who raised me whom can not come 5 hours to see me)...when he gets mad he throws me out of HIS home. I asked to go to school after the move seeing I have no education, he didn't want to pay for me. I am not allowed to meet anyone he works with or am I allowed to his work functions. I am not allowed to know where he is or who he rides to work with.He tells me he cant talk to me while at work but he talks the whole time to his friends and texts them all during work time. on his way home he doesn't call to talktome but he will spend 24 to 36 min calling all his friends. He hides his cell phone when he comes home.when we both had facebook , he never commented on anything or liked on anything of mine but did other peoples , he doesn't want pictures of me on his facebook page. He changed all his passwords and says I am not entitled to "control"his life . He has even asked me to go down another isle in wal mart when he seen his co workers. For my anniversary he sit and talked on his cell phone ignored me, my birthday I GOT NOTHING, a text that said happy birthday , no card , no gift NOTHING.. He tells his family and friends he isn't happy. If he is home he is on the internet, he has no conversation with me, never talks to me. I went to an important dr appt , he didn't go with me, or did he even ask what dr told me. I tell him how this hurts, I cry I get upset I am at point of break down. we have been married 17 years and I have went thru everything on my own. I think it is time for divorce because if he is he is ashamed to be married to me I want out but I will have to move back 5 hours there is NO WORK, and I have no help with anything , I have no money. IF I leave my husband will have a quarter million dollar home, a good job and he stands a big inheritance , I will have two kids , no job and best i can get is govt housing. and when I talk to him about it doesn't bother him at all it.. I so understand what you are going through and I am so tired of living a life of being ignored!!

It's time for you to get away from this man. You can get free help through your state, county or municipality. Divorce is a scarey word but it's only a word. You need to make changes for your childrens' sakes. Show them that you are the strong and reliant one. Taking the first step is the hardest but if I were you I would contact an attorney and get the ball rolling. The abuse you're taking is not just being ignored, it's being tortured. You deserve to be happy.

I am reading all these posts and I feel all your pain.. My husband is so mean an abusive to me, I have been reading on line on the statements of verbal and mental abuse and thats what I am getting. He is blaming me for everything, not going/getting into school, and with that now not being able to go anywhere in life. He does not work, i am up every day at 5 and home at 6, i tried to help him the best i could, but when i said i had questions that he needed to ask the school he didnt want to deal with them so I guess thats my fault, my fault because im stupid and couldnt fill out a form. I am tired of taking the blame for everything, I cant deal with how mean and nasty he is.... He throws things, bangs things, acts like a crazy person, he is even starting to talk to himself... im so scared, scared for him that he is gonna hurt himself. I have no one to turn too, I actually just tried calling my priest hoping to be able to talk to him.. He doesnt call/text or email me anymore like he use too... Im so sad and so lonely, i know no one wants to hear me talk about this anymore but i am dying inside i really am... Honestly do not know hwere to go.... or what to do.... does anyone??? I am not a bad person i have stood by him threw many cheating situations, and one including a child that came out of it and i still stayed with him... With all he has done to me i have never been so mean to him,,, I do not understand... How is all of this my fault.???? oh god please help someone, please!

my husband does the same. throws stuff, gets angry, calls me horrendous names, breaks things, threatens violence, and also does that thing of talking to himself. its crazy! talking to himself? he has conversations with himself. He isnt talking to me, he is talking to himself. It is so darn weird. this can't be the best life has to offer.

I think you are married to my husband, except the few times my husband does talk to me he lies. Lies about phones calls, money, jobs, friends, family....everything. And then denies it. It is more concern about people he currently works with, people he used to work with, people he met on business trips, neighbors, family... more than me. But I guess I ask for this treatment because I don't leave. I am afraid that my children, who are all grown will be disappointed in me an not talk to me. I know my parents will be and I can't have their final years, they are 89 & 87, being ashamed of me.

My husband is ignoring me more and more lately by finding little projects to do around the house. He's basically gone manic with it. I lost my job about 6 weeks ago now. Have little relationship with my family and none is in area except for one sibling who has destroyed his relationship with me and with another sibling. I feel like i have few friends and very little emotional support. I am looking for work but ever since moving here it hasn't been the same. I used to have lots of friends and work at jobs for many years now its the exact opposite. My husbands family are extremely negative and critical people. I dont enjoy their company but am basically trying to make the best of it. I really get no emotional support from my husband and he has probably told me five times in seven years that he loves me. That was only when i pressed him for it. I feel like i am reaching a new level of sadness.

Life waits for 'NO MAN'. It does change people and when was the last time you went on a ROAD TRIP? 'See some old friends,good for the soul'. Hate to say it but it just might be time to move on. Don't live 'his' life, LIVE "YOURS".

Hi,

I 25 years old, me and my husband have been married going on 5 years alreadyand we dated since we were 15....We have 3 beautiful children...two boys and a girl....and i just found out i am pregnant again. I am 5 weeks...we didnt want anymore children..but i didnt want to get my tubes tied...I was on the pill for the past 3 years and i still ended up getting pregnant....



I know he is upset cause he didnt want anymore kids...at least not now...but i thought he would get over it...because im already pregnant nothing we can do about it...but he is treating me and talking to me like crap....he comes home, goes to the computer, then lays down watching his shows until he falls asleep....He wakes me up during the night when he wants sex. I let him........but he doesnt aske me...if i am craving anything...and for a pregnant woman i want my husband to be by my side. ive been having morning sickness like crazy..and he complained the house was too messy...so yesterday i cleaned entire house..which is hard with kids at home...i even rearranged our bedroom....he came home and didnt even comment on the bedroom..and it took me 4 hours to do it...i should be taking it easy so i dont have a misscarriage....i havent had a dr.s appointment yet...so he is hoping the dr. is going to say im really not pregnant...and i was looking on craigslist to find people giving baby things away so he wouldnt have to waste money to buy things..make it easier on him..and he told me...."THINK NEGATIVE....PRAY DR. SAYS UR NOT REALLY PREGNANT THAT YOU JUS MISSED YOU PERIOD"....i told him ive been pregnant 3 times already...i think i know when im pregnant...but just the fact that he said that to me...broke my heart.....for the past weeks he has been making me cry ever night..and he isnt like that..fr 5 years we still acted like we just met..he is always huggung me and kissing me...i dont understand..i got pregnant..im carrying one of his children. not like the end of the world..and ireally want a happy pregnancy...i dont know what to do..

he also has been walking around with a look on his face like he hates and cant stand me...which make me feel worthless....I am soo happy ..i love kids..and i cant wait too see our little baby..but how can i enjoy a pregnancy with him around me like that..and making me cry every night...what do i do...I dont have family..ive always been a stay at home mom...i clean cook...watch kids..drive hom to work pick him up..take kids to school...pick them up..basball practice,,soccer, karate.....he pays the bills.so i dont have resources to get up and leave...and like i said...he was never like this...i dont want to leave him....its not like money is tight...he makes over 60,000 a year...and we have enough saved up..i really need someone to talk to..im in a house with another adult and i feel sooo lonley

Please consider making contact with outside support, such as a counselling network and/or church. You also need to go to the doctor and make sure you get your checkups and monitor your baby's growth and progress, and tell your doctor that your husband is unsupportive and you need assistance. Perhaps your doctor will be able to put you in touch with support groups. You need support when pregnant and also after the baby is born. I hope your pregnancy progresses well and I wish you health and happiness. Please accept help, for yourself and your baby, as well as your existing family.

The comments about change are all great, because something has to change. Still, changing yourself will not bring him back. That is like saying a BJ will bring him back, or if you loose those 5, 10, 15 ibs, or if you get your degree, or if you get more friends, or if........ get my drift. Changing yourself or your behavior is fine as long as you are doing it for yourself, but the reality of the situation is that he has already left. He may be there physically, (or maybe not), but he is NOT coming back. To change under the false hope that it will change his behavior is just that FALSE hope.

Ladies give your self some credit. I man is not your everthing and can not be. He ignores you, then find friends and family or even god. The reverse right back to them and them seeing you happy can change things. Life is worth living and not setting home worried about what he is up to. Live Love Laugh.. U have to change to change what is going on.

I've been reading what everyone has been saying and my jaw dropped. I'm in shock because its like you have taken the words right but if my mouth. I've been sad and looking for answers to what I'm going through. Amid have come to the realization that my husband is an abuser. He's been emotionally abusing me for 5 years. Its just gotten way worse since we got married a year ago. Its like I dent know who I married. I can't do or say anything right. I can't even clean or cook right. He ignores me and when I too to him about anything he just Hs this black stare on his face. I will cry and pore my heart out to him and he says ' Oh no not this again' stop with this crap. He never hugs me or consoles me or comforts me. When I'm sick he never asks care of me. When I had to go to the hospital he wouldn't take me because it costs to much. S I had to have a friend take me in secret. I'm scared of him. I make sure I watch what I say just so I make sure to not make him mad. I stopped leaving the house and stopped hanging out with friends because it causes to much trouble when I do.

When we fight he throws things around the house and punches holes in walls. I try to leave and can't because he traps me in the house. I'm just waiting for him to hit me to hit me so I can move out. I'm sad and lonely. When I tell him I'm sad and depressed he says I'm just using this as a crutch for attention. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I relate to all of these stories, and it sucks you have to chuck your marriage to fix your problem. I joined this site in hopes there would be a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Sadly, that light is just me catching the train to divoceville.

can I write on here and be nameless?

Hi all,

My common-law husband is ... similar i suppose. I feel neglected. I feel ignored. I hurt. I hurt so bad. I am 21yr old. He is 36 yr old. We have a 6month baby and he says its all my fault cause we have barely had sex even before i got pregnant. Lots of things have transpired in the past, some things of which I am not proud of. However, right now, we havent had sex in about a month or more even. He just wants sex. I feel like a tool. Like a thing. I cant' remember the last time i was carressed by him. Made to feel beautiful, loved, sexy,. Penetration. That's all i have gotten. and requests to give him a "heads". I want to feel like a woman. I want to be admired too. I want to feel loved. IN an argument we had some weeks back i shouted to him that if he doesn't make me happy, i won't have sex with him. He holds that against me. He says I neglect him. but....i feel so lonely. I feel so un-loved. I speak to him and he ignores me mos times. I get upset and he gets upset. He says not because he doesn't acknowledge that he heard me means he did not hear me. I feel like am talking to the wall. (at least with the wall i EXPECT no response). I have tried telling him how it is that I too am being neglected but.... in his eyes, his issue came up first, HE is being neglected and I... I am the bad guy. I just want my husband, whom i have a couple hours at night with, who takes me out on a date maybe, who doesn't hang out so much with his friends. I want my husband. I want to be made to feel beautiful and not just like a piece of meat whose "responsibility" (his word) is to please him sexually. I am so tired of being neglected. I hugged him today and said "I love you" and instead of saying anything, ANYTHING positive, he said "with all your limitations".I know he is talking about my not having sex with him for so long but ...how can I? when i feel like am being used? like a cloth... I feel like my head will explode with the pain, with the pressure. I cant' seem to do anything positive or good in his eyes. I can't even get an "I love you" back when i hold him and say it to him.

I find we argue about money and the kids alot we both have our ideas!

but he does ignore me when he gets home does'nt talk to me or our kids so I know he's tired and stressed and not into hugging etc! it does really hurt and after reading all your posts i feel comforted to know i am not alone on this! but like the chap said, blokes have no energy and cannot multy task like us women so if they are tired thats it! they shut down tilthe next day and do it all over again! we are closest to them so they do unfortunately take it out on us as we wives are the closest to them !