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What I Mean By "My Husband Ignores Me"

Hello,

Can anybody relate to this?  My husband and I have been married for MANY years now, and things have just gone from bad to worse.  When I say that my husband ignores me, I mean that.....

1)  He NEVER calls me during the day

2)  He never asks me how my day was, or what I did.  And the rare occasion that he does ask me, he walks out of the room and doesn't really want to hear my answer.

3)  I can't talk to him, because it's like talking to a pile of mashed potatoes.  It's not listening to me, and it doesn't care what I'm saying!  Ha Ha

4)  Any big news that happens to him, like he's going to go out of town, or somebody got hired or fired at work, or he gets medical test results back.... he tells OTHER people at church before he even thinks of telling me.  What's worse, he'll break the news about something WHILE I'm sitting there at a group meeting with him, and I have to hear the news at the same time that everyone else does.  HOW DEGRADING IS THAT???  I even call him on it, right then and there.... but it just doesn't phase him. 

Friends... please share your stories if any of you can relate to this misery that I'm in!!

THANKS!

 

Psalm23 Psalm23 41-45, F 243 Responses Mar 27, 2008

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i got love marriage past 4 1/2 years.now just a small insident he went away from home without caring me and my son.that happen also came from him just becoz he is getting calls from another girl.now i have called to his parents they are saying as ur wish if you want to stay eachothers u can stay otherwise take divorse.i dont know what deccision i have to take.after getting marriage even mangalsuthra gold coast(2000)he didnt brought for me

LOL @ talking to a pile of mashed potatoes...had to laugh at that one!

Meanhile, your guy sounds like he considers you last. The fact that he wants to tell everyone at church his "news" to get attention and feel important...news that he hasn't even told you yet, says it all. He puts others first before you. The very fact that he doesn't tell you says that he thinks you don't need to know. I would stop reacting to this. When he yabbles on, act like its nothing that you didn't already know. Act like you don't even care. Act like you never even heard him speak. Act like he does when you talk to him. Act like a pile of 'mashed potato'.

I suggest that you find some other interests/hobbies, and some new friends (or re-establish old friendships with existing friends) and start having a life that doesn't include him. This means both male and female friends. Then, when the conversations start up at church about everyone's recent events, just imagine his surprise when you loudly announce your news. You can gleefully describe the wonderful bible studies you have been doing with your new buddy Mike who you met at aerobics class, or talk about how fun it was going horseback riding with Jenny (who you used to party with at highschool- wild times!) and etc. Even if this isn't exactly the truth, perhaps you can take a little creative licence and embellish it. Just a little. Say for an experiment's sake. I mean, it could be worse. You could suddenly announce that you are leaving him for a hot young cowboy who happens to own his own ranch, and wants to spend time with you and tell you all his news, every day. (Just imagine...and you know, if your husband isn't careful, it could turn true one day , haha)

Develop a whole other life that doesn't exist inside your husband's bubble. Keep him on his toes. Taking you for granted is and ignoring you, is a big mistake. If he doesn't appreciate you and include you, there are plenty of people out there who will.

I realise (from your reference to church) that you may be religious or churchgoing and etc...but you know, God doesn't expect us to be doormats. Nor is your husband fulfilling his marriage vows. Whatever you choose to do, good luck.

Just know that you are not imagining it, and you are not alone.

i love this !!!!!!!lol.....
the only thing is why suffer ?
leave.......

Wow there's some sad stories here but you are not alone!!!


A Lot of this behaviour is surprisingly TYPICAL of men in long term relationship (like Plshelpme1 mentioned). They forget how to love and stop seeing that you are special. You need to jog their memory WITHOUT getting into an argument!

read 'How To Teach Your Husband To Love You' & 'Fascinating Womanhood'

April 18,2013Yup, I can Relate to your Issue....was looking for some insight myself; as I'm struggling on what to do. I don't want to be unhappy, sad, hurt any longer.... I have been married for 17.5 years and together for 21years....we have our good and bad times, Just like any other marriage. We have two children, 16 and 13. I work 40 hours; he works 45 to 55 a week.. before I had kids I was 130lbs. I got pre-clampsia twice and weighed over 200. Weight and smoking was a battle for me and I quit smoking yet to gain more weight.. He always, said I was beautiful no matter what...But lately, The Verbal abuse I just can't take anymore....I'm Ugly, I'm Fat, I'm Lazy, I don't do ****. I ruined his life etc. (I'm not a ugly girl lots of peeps say I'm beautiful) every jab kills and pushes me away father. He seems to forget I work a 40 week, cook, clean, do laundry, take kids to school, help with homework, shovel snow, yard work when needed where all he has to do is go to work, and then get to go out and drink,...I do all Banking and bills/payments so he has no responsibilities in that..(trust me I don't want it and tried pawning it off several times)..I made a Budget several times per his request, he just blows it. Im' to the point to where I just don't care i don't have the energy for a argumentI can never get my hair cut again cause he hates short hair and says its for dykes; so I bought extensions, just so that can get thrown against me in a fight that I spend his money....almost every night he goes to the bar....ERRRRR yes without me...sometimes I go with him but we don't sit by each other and he ignores me ( so whats the use of going)...I feel alone and unwanted.I don't know the last time my husband said that he loved me or kissed me and actually meant it.I have joined weight watchers lost 50 lbs and still cant get his attention.I have to beg for sex from him, and when he don't feel like it he yells, at me and says if i don't like it go find someone that can give it to me when i want it,...(whats up with that) maybe if he wouldn't drink all the time he can get it up. I don't know I try to plan stuff for the four of us to do and its always no no no that's dumb or stupid or he just don't want to.... if it's not what he wants then its a no. I have told him he is an alcoholic and that I'm worried and that just turns into a screaming and argument match. It's really not fair to the kids to hear it so i just cry in silence. I even planned a vacation to go to Florida, Where I saved most of my checks from. nope he didn't go, but he sure had fun on his drinking binge, and he told me I needed to pay him back for the money I used for the trip???? I begged for him to go with us...his excuse was he couldn't afford to take the time off, we could he just spent the days at the bar. I miss what we used to have, I'm not sure what to do. I have tried to talk to him. I have mentioned counseling. I have mentioned Divorce. I just don't know what to do or how I can make it without the help of his income with the kids...should I stick around a few more years till the kids are out of the house?Am I crazy, Is this normal guy behavior, or am I being a whiner!Signed UNLOVED

Wow, that sounds like a really awful situation. Your husband is a slob, a bum and a jerk. It also sounds like he is exploiting the fact that you take care of everything and is just putting his feet up and coasting along on the easy ride while you do everything. If this was me in this situation, I would get really mad, and then really calm, and really determined (I am sure that you are already determined and by the sounds of it a VERY strong woman, kudos) but I would formulate a plan. Firstly, shut down your emotions, and stop taking it all personally. It's not you, it is him. Secondly, divorce is going to be very expensive for him. Not to mention inconvenient. So play that card. Go and see a divorce lawyer, and ask them to set out a list of expenses that your husband would need to cover including legal fees, child support and spouse maintenance. Print this off and keep a copy handy. Then, I would sit down and think over everything that you do, and delegate the tasks and chores evenly. Make that lazy, abusive ***** of a husband pull his weight. Think it through, and make a set of new rules, and write them out, and give them to him, (both the list of chores and the list of potential divorce expenses) and tell him how its going to be from now on. Men are stupid, and need in-your-face situations to wake up and take action. Force him to make a choice: he can toe the line your way,or he can face an expensive and draining divorce.

(Or, alternatively, you can go find a nice wealthy man to have an affair with, and rub it in his face when you leave current husband and marry him. Just a thought. ^_^)

Time to stop crying and start cracking the whip. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your kids.

Also, like I said to the lady above with the 'mashed potato' husband, it is high time to consider some outside interests and hobbies. Re-establish a life outside of the marriage. It doesn't have to involve expensive hobbies, there are community groups around, and plenty of other things that don't cost a thing. Like jogging, or walking clubs even. Art shows. Etc. Go and mingle, make new friends and meet people. Do NOT take him to these things. Make him stay home with the kids and mind them. Heck, I bet you have done enough of that to this point. He owes you. Just get in the car and go. Force him to mind them. Tell him if he bails out, you will call child services or something. Do NOT take the kids with you to these events...it is your time out. Worst case scenario...if husband is too much of a bum to be trusted to properly and responsibly mind the kids, then arrange for a sitter or enlist some friends who might be willing to help you save your sanity by babysitting them while you go out for a few hours. Or ask the local church for assistance. Anything. Go find your happiness. Good luck :)

My husband talks to me, but he does not listen, he talks on and on about himself and what he is doing and if I say anything about what I did - or read or whatever, he just sits there staring into space we do not have conversations unless they are about him.

<p>I can totally relate to this. On top of everything you listed, when I try to state my opinion, the first word out of my husband's mouth is "no, you're wrong". I'm usually not. But he really doesn't care at all about my thoughts, feelings or opinions. I've been a teacher for 18 years now and I would rather be at work than at home. Everyday that I'm at work, people come up and ask for my opionion. They quote me and they say they've been thinking about what I said. Not everyone agrees with me, and I don't expect him to either, but people at work will listen to what I'm saying, care enough to try to understand what I'm saying, then state their point of view. Sometimes I change my opinion and sometimes they change theirs. I know I'm intelligent enough to be cared about at my work, but the way that my husband talks down to me, talks over me, and belittles me, it just kills my self esteem. I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to be strong and brave. I felt like I was such a good role model for my daughters, getting a BS in math and a master's in languages. I've held down a job. Bought a house and cars. I was so strong before I met my husband. Now, after 15 years of marriage to him, I feel like I'm totally forgotten - by myself too. It's so sad and lonely. I cry most of the time when I'm at home. I feel bad for my two little boys - one I had with my husband and one we adopted. I feel like they are learning females are nothing of importance. We're just here to take care of the males. Work two jobs. Pay the bills. Clean and cook. Walk around and pick up after them. He would never have an affair with a human. But a gaming system - that's another issue. He spends all of his free time on the X-box - we have two in two different rooms, a WII and a Playstation. I used to go dancing, jogging, do jazzercise, hiking, horseback riding. I wanted a husband who wanted to do these things with me. For the first few years- he did. Now, if I want to any of that, I do it alone. I don't have any friends who are in the same position, they all have husbands who have the same interests as they do. I have a dog. I'm seriously considering having an affair on him. I have two men at work who show interest in me, and two old boyfriends from high school who found me on Facebook. I haven't, but I think about it very often. We can't afford to get a divorce. We have a college loan for one of my daughters and for my master's degree, and our boys go to a private school. I just don't know what to do any more. Any advice?</p>

Shoot your husband, dump the body, and run off with your new man. Oops...did I say that out loud?

Maybe not shoot the husband. He isn't worth going to jail for. But hell yes lady, it is time to start looking at other options.

Lol

Ooooops ...

Lol...isnt it almost funny ...before U get marry U ve high self esteem etc
Few yrs after getting marry U start to feel like a maid.....
I see that a lot ....how men can quickly bring Your self esteem to 0......
But pls dont cry....that doesnt change anything...he is not worth it!!!!!

1 More Response

Maybe you ladies can help me?
I am the husband that neglected my wife I am the one you all are talking about, the truth is I did all of those things you ladies mentioned, why? I don't know! I live my wife and want to be with her forever, the problem here is when I was neglecting her I was also saying things to her that really hurt too, I was stupid enough to tell my wife that she would be more attractive if she lost weight, or that sex and life with her were boring, and that she dowsnt deserve gifts, this all happened about 2 Years ago and ever since we've been arguing and when we do she often tells me that she wants a divorce, weeks can go by where we won't have any arguments and I think things are getting better but then we argue all over again.

I've been trying to do things for her that I think would make her happy like bring her flowers, do things for her, rub her feet when we watch tv. Bought her gifts that she destroyed the minute she was mad at me.

It's very difficult for me to talk to her cuz she doesn't believe a word I say, I tell her that I love her and that I'm attracted to her and she says that I'm lying cuz it contradicts what I preciously said, I do t know what to do anymore can any one please help?

I see your frustration. The fact is you made some big mistakes. I commend your effort to make steps to mend the wounds you created in your marriage but you can't put a bandaid on a knife wound when you still haven't taken out the knife.
I'm going to give you some insight and advice about your situation but how you choose to use it is up to you. No one can fix it but you. Apologize!!!! Plan a romantic date for the two of you in a secluded area. If you have kids ship them off to grandmas. Confess your sins, all the things you put in this letter above and all the things you didn't mention. Acknowledge where you see the consequence of your actions ( namely hurting her) DON'T DEFEND yourself it will just discredit you. Poor your heart out and TRULY apologize for everything! This pulls the knife out and allows for healing to begin, for both of you. Then profess your love or the desire to get back the love you once had. It's important to be real here. You will have the clean slate you need. Then all the little things like foot rubs and loving words will not only be received but returned. Last but not least put God at the top of your marriage; not her or yourself or you will wind back up in the same boat.

I wonder if you truly grasp what words (from a loved one) can do to someone. Have you tried being honest with your wife? There must be a reason you said the things you said to her. Were they the truth? Was it a cry for help? They came from somewhere and until you can understand why how can you possibly expect her to? I expect that your wife is devastated. I can see how she would have a hard time believing what you say now when even you can't explain where those words came from. I believe honesty is the key. If you feel that way about your wife but are now just trying to keep the peace, in the long run its unfair to both of you. I think you need to do some soul searching. Is your wife the one for you? Is there something missing for you in the marriage? Can it be fixed? Be honest with yourself and then be honest with your wife. Maybe if she understands where it all came from and what it is you feel is missing in your marriage then you can come up with a plan to work together to heal the hurt and repair the marriage. Those words came from somewhere, you need that answer before you can move forward.

Have you genuinely told her this and said the words "I'm sorry"?

I feel your story I need help my self because I think he's just playing games with my head emotions I lost on what to do and prob going to divorce him

My husband doesn't want to have sex with me. It last for 20 mins/ 2 weeks. I'm fit and very attractive. I found him searching for other women on Craigslist which he made me believe he never acted out on any of his posts. Iv found **** and nude pic in his phone. Why do u continue to cry and wait around for him to eventually want sex again?

hi...night after night of watching the fecking tv and then week after week of still watching it from the time he came in from work till we went to bed ,one day iasked if we could do something else instead of watching tv, he copped ,swore at me ,went into another room ,told me not to go on at him and didnt talk to me for two days...so much for getting something off my chest!never again ,the way he acted and treated me spoke volumes... at least i know how he feels about my feelings now...

It makes me question my self worth. How long do u continue to take it. Life is too short to be unhappy. I don't smile like I used to and when I do it b/c I don't want to cry

Some of these men could be Narcissistic. Google it and watch YouTube videos about Narcissistic. My husband ignore me, was verbal and physical with me. I realize my husband was Narcissistic and Narcissistic people never change.

Did u divorce him?

Well,I did not expect that I am not all alone..By searching online about why these men are acting this way, I came out with one reason....Testosterone level is low if they are at 40's and above. They have low sexual drive and irritable...I ask him to see the doctor,but he don't want too.For him..he think there is nothing wrong..like physically and emotionally.I know we can not win in every conversation. For them,they are always right...they are egoistic and self centered people...
Now I will not let his attitude hurts me...I ignore it...I become familiar with the situation..Going out with friends and not to be dependent to him emotionally,is one way to get out from this hell..Let him feel that you can be happy without him.
Who knows along this bumpy road that you've been riding,there is smooth and easy one that you gonna enjoy and have fun...Never loss hope..only time will tell...if divorce is not an option at this time.....Good luck to all of us..!!!!
I believe good things happen to good people....

It's just not fair to shed so many tears over someone who doesn't care

I have the same experience too..I know it hurts...I tried to be loving and affectionate to him but it did not work....Now I have changed too..I ignore him too..make myself busy..I take care my self financially with my little savings..This gives me the reason to mess around,but its not just right...He become stranger to me.
All I can say is ,"Do whatever he did to you...I mean let him feel what you feel"...

Hello , my husband and I been married to long like 23 years. And I got fired from job cause of extreme coupon where I work from freaking Walmart . Anyway I withdraw all my 401k after I got my money went buy plane 4 plane ticket for me my two daughters and my grand son went for 2 month and came back all the sudden as soon I came in the door the first thing he get a job . And yeld at me also found on his back has a scratch . ten fingers nails and ask him he said i don't know do you think he is cheating ? And he take shower every nite ? He work from 7to 5:30 in the morning in very confuse

Don't stand for it. You are too good for this. Do you

I've been married for nearly forty years. My husband ignores me, also. That one word encompasses a
lot. Nothing to say to me, not listening to me, no sense of humor with me. He is completely different outside of the house. He is gregarious, laughs a lot, engages people in conversation. He is a true Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He lives like a single man. He would much prefer to spend time with others, of course, without me. He is disrespectful, rude, arrogant, self centered. He has an explosive temper most people have never experienced. I have stopped going to church with him because I refuse to pretend the happy couple bit. If you can believe it, he actually leads a men's group at church!!
He likes being Mr. Important.
I could go on for quite a while, but what is the point. I married someone who was not marriage material. Cried out!!!

Hi
I know what you are feeling. Im desperately lonely and dead inside. I hate being ignored. Even if i ask him if he wants coffee i get no reply. He completely ignores me. Its been about 15 years now. My kids ask me to leave the room when they want to talk to him coz he cant even talk to them when im in the room. They are now 9 and 6 and 1. How did we have kids? I know his needs and i try to meet them..... Even though he never instigates it i still give to him what he needs. Its hard tho especially to be with him when i dont feel like he wants to be with me. Im tired. I just want to be happy! I dont earn enough to look after the kids and myself so im trapped and i think he knows it. Help.

I fully understand your feelings. My husband acts like it is some big deal to be in the same place as I am. That is spending time with me he says. I believe he has cheated on me but can't prove it and he sure ain't gonna tell. He talks more to his friends than he does me. My feelings to him never matter they are just me being stupid. Nothing I say is except able. God forbid I say anything he doesn't agree with because then all I get is yelled at. I have been with this man for 28 years now,and it hasn't always been this way but for the most part it has. More so in the past almost 2 years now. You know since he cheated on me, but of course that never happened. He lies then expects me to believe everything he says. I find that very hard to do. I wish I could find the courage to get out of this marriage but really don't know how to do that. I did leave him but it drove me crazy until I came back. Everyone around me tells me I should leave him even his friends can't figure out why I put up with him and that is saying a lot about what kind of person he is. Some times I just wish that what ever is causing me to hold on to this marriage would just go away and leave me alone. Heck I even went to a special hospital and got on meds and that didn't even help. I am at my wits end over this. So when I say I feel your pain believe me I do. If you can find your way out of this marriage you are in I suggest you go and never look back. Don't end up like me feeling stuck in a marriage that is no good. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. It will be so much better for your children to. That way they won't grow up thinking it is OK for them to treat others in their life that way. I hope you find the strength inside you to do that for you and them too. I wish you well no matter what you decide to do.

Hello, yes I relate to each of your points. 1), 2), 3) & 4). My husband has a better relationship with 54" woman called "Pana". Panasonic tv that is. His enthusiasm that he shows our children is what I used to get. Im not jealous - im just not a person of interest to him. I find that he responds well when I approach him with enthusiasm or have something funny or interesting to share. Its when I'm more positive & make suggestions to do something together eg go for a walk that he does come out of his shell a little. So I clearly need to pick myself up again... And yet again recreate our relationship..... Cause if I don't ... No one else will. I'm taking accountability and making my choice to keep us going strong ... Still after 25 years (married 14). I love him and want us to be happy ... So iI'l keep at it.

I'm 23 weeks pregnant, I've been married to my husband for 1 year. I found out in I was pregnant after I moved out of my house due to many issues in our relationship, I was not going to go through with the pregnancy. He convinced me that we should keep the baby, move back home and work on our marriage. I did, now at 23 weeks of pregnancy my husband has been telling his x wife that he loves her. He talks down to me, he is mean to my kids from a previous relationship, recently he got upset with my oldest son who happens to be 12 and he has not spoken to me or laid in bed with me for the past 3 nights. I am sad, hurt and betrayed by him once again. All I can advise is that as women we can overcome any burden - if your husband is mistreating you - under no circumstance should you feel any less of a person. He is the one that has issues that he needs to resolve - in other words - his own demons. I know at the end of this pregnancy I will be divorced, living alone, and raising another son alone. But I will not be with a man who belittles me and I will be dammed if I allow him to make me feel trapped. I will survive and learn, grow from this horrible experience. I only pray that he finds his way. He is the only one lost!!!

Good Luck!

I feel for you my husband ignores me to cause I don't have a job I can't say anything were it don't blow up and when I have news to share he says tell me later I'm going out and it hurts my feelings there's no comunication no passion or affection of any kind let's face it ladies men suck

My heart goes out to all of you who feel both trapped and miserable. Don't be scared to realise you can change things for the better. Don't put up with being treated so badly, because once you act in your own interests you will become stronger. I left my husband of 15 years after 6 years of no physical contact and no emotional support. I had to move back in with my mother, transfer my part time job, get a loan for a car, new school and eventually have found a man I adore who is everything I wish my husband had ever been. It's hard both emotionally and financially so helps to plan ahead before you go. Also having to be responsible for everything is a shock. But it can and should be done if you dont want to spend the rest of your days in tears and resentment. It's worth it just to get your self respect back and to stop the kids thinking the way he treats you is normal. He isn't talking to me now but he barely did anyway so it's not a problem. What I did was maybe extreme because my family lived 500 miles away. I told him how unhappy I was and what I was thinking of doing to give him a chance to change but he didn't respond and that's what told me leaving was the right decision. I hope some of you still have a relationship worth saving and perhaps your man just doesn't realise how bad it is for you and will change for the better. I hope.

That sucks mine isthe same way!Im losing my mind thinking of having to see a shrink cant spell other name for it sorry.But other sad part i have absolutely no friends and never get to leave the house-wind up staying coped up at home tending kids while he's out fishing away chasing nemo having his self a grand ole time yeppie yay.this has goneon 10yrs i just had a child in april i still havent got to do anything i consider fun and he wont spent any alone time with me AT ALL.Its constantly ignore ignore then ignore sum more he wouldnt realize if house was burning down or i was with someone rite infront of him.I have to go stand infront our t.v to ask him a question otherwise not be heard.So lately i pulled up a chair infront t.v and still then i'll have to say the same thing at least 3-4 times for ANY sort of half *** response.He's says he's sleepy but if it comes to getting up at 4am to fish he's got a fire cracker up his ***!Or my son's baseball.which that im truely glad he stay active in and helps our son-but just goes to show its only things he wants to do.My son has begged to get to try karate but No we get told oh well thats too expensive and as for my lil outside away from home stress relief me time,he suggests yoga well ok fine n good-that might be relaxing for some ppl & relieve stress i have no intrest in it so that being my only choice i just get depressed & say forget it.I think maybe he should try some yoga perhaps since he's so for it,maybe a good energy boost 4hime as well haha.He will actually time our alone time ,like if i need to discuss bill,family,etc,he will tell me when were done talking well i spent that hour with u talking!!wtf really that was just discussing issues n probelms.or he went to the bathroom & said i could come talk to him in there b4 he does what he needs to get done.yes this is true no joke-then he'll say well honey i talked to u the whole time i was in the bathroom,whats wrong?He is always the one ironicly enuf says we have commincation probs!you think go figure YA ITS CALLED I TALK U WONT ******* LISTEN!!!!!SORRY FOR CUSS WORD.BUT THATS JUST SOME OF WAYS THE HUBBY IGNORES ME i sometimes have gotten so desparate for any of his attention at all i'll say i cheated on him just for a reaction or that im going to.

Yep. And then I learned that he's a sex addict who says he doesn't love me anymore, hasn't loved me for the past 4 years, thinks he made a mistake marrying me 14 1/2 years ago and says he can't emotionally connect and doesn't know that he will ever be able to.<br />
And yet, I still struggle with acceptance of this.

My husband had an affair and a child out of the marriage and at the same time I was also pregnant. My life today is so much different than it used to be. We had 7 blissful years of dating and engagement and then 6 months of marriage before he cheated. While I was pregnant he twas trying to be supportive and nice and then he would be nasty and not come home for 2 days. But he keot sucking me back in so I would allow him to be at the birth. He thought it was hilarious that he had 2 women pregnant. As soon as my son was born he changed even more. He ignores me. He never asks how my day was, if there is a specific article of clothing he wants it better be clean, even if he wore it the day before. If its not he says "Ill just do the laundry because it doesnt get done" "You just take care of little man" He stares at the floor and talks to the dog over me. He refuses to talk finance (he works, I stay home with our child due to medical needs) He spends crazy amounts of money on the other child (he pays to feed her sibling and the mother too) and if I say the water is going to get shut off, he gets pissed and wont talk to me the rest of the day. He expects dinner on the table on the nights he comes home (2 nights a week...the rest he is there) and I am not to speak about anything or express lonliness or anger at all or he will be extra ignorant. I am a ghost in my own home. The only time he shows any kindness or affection is two times a week when he wants oral/sex. I have no money, he helped push us 30,000 in credit card debt, we barely make it each month and i have nowhere to go. I feel so blessed to have my beautiful baby but he is making the happy moments tarnished. I dont know what to do. I feel very bad for all women going through this.

Hey Hun! This is sick on so many levels! He cheated on you in the first place after being married that sound of been the first indicator to leave. I get its hard but in the end you will be so much happier and find someone that wants and loves to spend time with you! This makes me sick that u are okay with him only with u 2 times a week and the rest with the other women he cheated on you with!!!! This is so wrong you should not be in this disfunctional relationship! Would u want your child to treat women like this? I think it's for your best interested to plan now and leave when everything planned! Don't share where u live! That's your private safe place! If he wants to see the child meet in a public place then eventually if u feel comfortable with him taking the child for a couple days let him then meet back in your meeting plAce!hope this helps u out a little.

supergirl22 -That is CRAZY on so many levels. I can't stop shaking my head in disbelief. I have my own crazy stories that i'm currently going thru and can't talk to anyone about because my partner has a public profile and how dare i say we have any problems because talking about them together only means i'm delusional or being defensive. I've thought many times about an alternative life and becoming lesbo to try to avoid these things but ya know what...problems are problems. It takes two to make them. I try to work on myself...do things without him...ignore him...have my own life...save $...be happy. If someone comes and scoops me up cause they know how awesome i am, im not gonna stop them.

My husband has been ignoring me for a week. He won't speak to me and ignores me like I am a stranger. Even a male roommate would get more attention than me. Anyway, it all started when he was supposed to be on a diet. He has gained 70 lbs in 5 years and its gross so we both decided we are both on diets. He turned to me last week and peeled off all the chicken skin from my chicken and his own and then just ate the skin off fried chicken in front of me. It was so disgusting to see him not giving a crap about himself at all. He seems like he is trying to disgust me. So I called him a "fat ***" and said he is "disgusting" and should not be eating like that. He got angry and then began the shutting me out thing. <br />
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I apologized for calling him these names and he would not accept my apology. So I suggested we go for a light job down the street and he agreed to go. When we left out the door down the driveway in front of our neighbors he walked up and farted on my leg. I was mortified. It was like he was planning that to humiliate me and get even. <br />
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So we got in another fight and he refused to jog so I went alone at 10pm in my area jogging alone. Since then he has not spoken to me and says he is moving out in a few weeks. I feel so disrespected, unloved, and uncared for. Part of my frustration and anger is that he did this last month for 2 solid weeks AFTER I gave him an IPAD which cost me $500. He was angry about something I said, probably a fat comment I made, I'm sorry but he was 170 and 5'11 when we got married and he is only 28. He is now 250 and has no desire to lose weight. Today I notice he ate an entire package of 6 brotwursts on hot dog buns for dinner. SICK <br />
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Part of me feels like a major ***** for getting on him about his weight and health. He smokes a pack a day and does not ever exercise. I am all about health and fitness and he USED to be. Not anymore. Needless to say, I feel like a major ***** but on the other hand I have apologized many times and told him I will never say he is fat or comment about his weight anymore. <br />
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Even still, he won't talk to me and probably still thinks he is moving out. I have considered maybe I should be the one to leave and move closer to work since I am so frustrated with his habits.

I can relate to what your experiencing. My hubby and I have only been married a year, and he is showing signs of lack of interest in what I am trying to communicate to him. He will act cold and withdrawn and ignore me. Little **** gets on his nerves. Also there is no affection at times. In fact more so than not. It's not like I'm fat and ugly. I'm 23 and attractive. I work out, and "work" alot in general. He is older than me, but that's not the issue I'm mature for my age. We dated like 2 years prior to getting married. The worst part is the verbal and other abuse. I feel scared and alone in this.

My man ignores me all the time and I call him on it all the time. He's 15 years older than I am and we're engaged and have been in a relationship for 6 years now. Everything is about him, him, him. I've just learned to ignore it. He is only concerned about what will affect him and thats that! I honestly just do it back to him and I get the best results. I walk away when he's talking about something important to him, I will pick up a piece of mail to read or I'll just sometimes pick up the phone and start dialing someone. When he asks why I'm not listening I simply tell him that he never listens to me and ask him how it feels. He'll then grumble a little bit but then apologize. Then and only then will I give him my undivided attention. I truly love him, he's a good man and I truly believe he doesn't even realize that he doesn't listen to me. He's an "old school" boy who was brought up that the man was the only important one in the household because they were the only ones that made the money. I was brought up much different and I don't let him get away with it. Believe me, if I have something important to say or I feel that he's holding back on something all I have to do is raise my voice a bit and remind him that I'm his partner and we need to have open communication! He's slowly but surely coming around. He walked all over his ex-wife in that way but I don't let him do that to me and he's now learning how to show some mutual respect. Sometimes we women just have to be secure enough within ourselves to not take it to heart. I did at first but now that I know he'll listen if I MAKE him listen, I simply MAKE him listen to me. Sometimes I even ask him repeat what I have said so he can't say he didn't hear me. It takes a little work but if you love your guy and your relationship is good otherwise, then it's worth it.

My heart goes out to all of you.. this is all making me cry.. you all deserve so much better than these "men"... I have been in an abusive relationship, an insanely scary controlling relationship, a loveless relationship, and I have been cheated on by every "man" I have been with. Let me tell you something though, I know for a fact NONE of it was my fault. The only thing I did wrong was give all of myself and all of my love to people who didn't want or even remotely deserve it. I know how you ladies feel, and it breaks my f*cking heart... no one deserves those things. I know "divorce" is an ugly word, and I know being alone sounds scary and hopeless, but no one deserves to be stuck in a self esteem destroying rut. <br />
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That dream man that your wildest imagination could create, the one you don't think exists, really is out there. I PROMISE you. And if you settle, you will NEVER EVER BE AS HAPPY AS YOU DESERVE TO (and are able to) BE, because that dream guy will always be in the back of your mind and your heart will always ache until you are fulfilled by his love, wherever/whoever he is.... Don't settle... especially not with "men" who are the farthest thing from the definition... These guys don't love you. This is all not love. If it was love, you wouldn't doubt it, you would know it, you would feel it, other people would be able to see it, and you wouldn't be hurting. You may think you "love" your partner, and I'm sure most of you are older than I, but I know what I'm talking about. And all I have to say is that if you are being disrespected in any way, even the slightest smallest way, then that person does not TRULY love you, and I'm sorry for that, because you deserve to be cherished.

Sometimes they can ignore the wife when the wife is mothering them. Just let him do what he wants and let go. You need to get your own life. If you want the sidewalk to be pressured clean and he says I don't have time I'm going to the boat. Just say okay and clean it yourself cause he doesn't like pressure cleaning. If he wants to join the police reserves and you no that's dangerous and can get him killed , just let him. Stop trying to control their life, stop trying to save them, you are not God. They obviously don't care about your opinion . Just focus on yourself and what can I do today to make me happy. Then he will stop ignoring you.

I agree with this in a way. I think passive aggressive ignoring when it goes on and on is like trying to get you to react. If you don't react and just shrug like "whatever" then he may not use that passive aggressive crap on you anymore because it obviously does not work. It might drive HIM crazy that you are not reacting.

I too can relate, WISH I COULDNT- I would swear that we're married to the same man! My husband began doing all you wrote #1-4... Gradually since 2008. He now has done worse - I have confronted him more times than I can say, I get nothing... Have you requested marriage council? "I have" I get no response, or- he flips it around stating, "YOU RUINED THE SURPRISE, YOUR CRAZY, STOP NAGGING ME, YOUR NEVER SATISFIED" these words frm him have punched a hole not only threw my heart, but our lives. Everything he has done, said, or ignored he will wake up the next morning and act like our marriage is the best ! My Heart Hurts...WHAT DID YOU DO?