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I Have the Same Issues

I have been married for six years this weekend and my husband and I never do anything together.  He got me to quit my job of twelve years to stay home and raise the kids, which I wanted to because I truly thought it would help our marriage.  My job caused alot of stress on me and I brought it home.  But now he gets up goes to work, comes home and takes a nap, and then gets on the internet to play his game.  Some times he will speak to me in passing, 99% of the time it is just what is for dinner, will you get me a glass of Pepsi, or something like that, b/c he can't get up away from his game. I understand that he does work, but the game should not be played for seven hours straight.  Take a break and play with the children. 

He has a twelve-year old daughter that thinks he hates her.  We have her at least three nights a week and they never exchange more than twenty words a day, if that.  We have a two-year old son and a seven month old daughter, that really don't get the attention they need from him either.

Our son sleeps in bed with us and since my husband does play with him, when we go to bed he wants to play with daddy, and my husband get frustrated with him and just starts yelling at him.  I don't know what to do.

I am still nursing our daughter, and when it is feeding time I try to sit in a room quietly feeding her, but my son will come running in the room with no diaper on, because he is trying to potty train, and my husband will not help with that.  He tells his dad he needs to potty, but he says no you don't and just puts a diaper back on him.  I am on the verge of stopping the nursing that way,when my son needs to potty I don't have to interrupt my daughter's feeding.  It is just so annoying that he wanted the kids this close together or have none, yet he doesn't help.

I try and ask him everyday how was your day, and his response is nothing. Just goes into the other room.  I fix him lunch almost everyday, and on the days I miss he gets so mad that he won't even talk to me.  He doesn't have a problem telling what I have done wrong or that I need to put a bra on or need to brush my teeth b/c I have bad breath, or I missed this spot while I was cleaning.  Why can't he ever compliment me.  I brush my teeth at least three times a day, sometimes more, just so I don't have to here negativity.  I only take my bra off when I am in the shower.  I try to dress sexy for him again.  I know I am at least ten pounds heavier than I was when we got married, but dang, I popped out two kids in two years.

To top it all off, my birthday was earlier this month and he didn't even get me a card.  He still came home and played his game. He told our son to say happy birthday, but he never did. On his next day off from work, he got up early in the morning and went out with one of his co-workers for the entire day.  I didn't want anything for my birthday other than some time with him, and he didn't give it to me. 

Should I expect the same thing this weekend for our anniversary? I asked him if he would like to go to dinner and a movie, but he said it all depended on what he felt like.  The last movie we went to see together was how the grinch stole christmas, back in 2000 on our first date. Come on show some affection.  I have thought about leaving him, but I don't want my children to grow up in a broken home like I did.

People always say you fall for someone just like your father, well that is pretty much true in this case.

I use to be the nagging wife asking what did I do wrong and any other question you can think of, now I am jsut as silent as he is.  When he comes home from work I leave and go to my mom's so that I can have some adult interaction. Thank goodness she is not that far away.

 

ratsky19 ratsky19 26-30 8 Responses Aug 28, 2008

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JUST GO FOR DEVORC,MAYBE HE WILL WEAKUP,AND TO TAKECARE HIS RELATIONSHIP TO HIS WIFE,IF HE DOESNT CARE,DO SAME THING;; LIKE I DID;;LIKE 3 YEARS IN SAME HOUE LEVE BY MYSELF IN BEASTHMAN , I MEAN NO TALK NO LOVE SHE WAS GOING BY HERSELF ALLOVER EVER DAY WITH HER FREND,,,,,,ONLY THING WE HAD LOT............FIGTHING...FIGTHING.........AND..FIGTHING .LET TEL YOU SOME THING,LIFE WITH ONEWAY LOVE.......ITS NOTHING....NOYHING....NOTHING. PLEASE LEESEN TO ME,HE WILL NOT BE GOOD HOUSBAD FOR YOU,,,,,I THING YOU ARE WEASTING YOU LIFE.. [[ WITH LOVE ]] .GOODLUCK. S.K FROM; NILES,ILL

I've been married for 6 years.When we met,he told me he wanted to wait before having sex until we got married.So i agreed even tho it was hard.We got married and went on honeymoon,we came back without having any sex.I would wake up in the morning and he would be in the lobby reading the paper.So i thought it was ok.After getting back,our sex life got on track.It was acceptable comparing the sex life i had with my ex.I would always have to do the first move.I asked for divorce many times.<br />
He's just impossible to talk to.Never calls me on the phone even when the kids are home and sick.<br />
The only time he calls is when something goes wrong with him or when he has a problem with car or work.We haven't had sex since Jan 2010.We don't hold hands.We can be in the car going somewhere for 1 hour and he just won't make a conversation.Everytime i mention to see a therapist he tells me there's no problem with the marriage.I sometimes get the urge to get together with an ex.I don't know anymore what to do.I can't live like this anymore with a one way relationship.My kids are under 5 years old,he is an excelent dad but a lousy husband.Please help...

Are they all the same animal, what do they want?Most women only want to be loved and respected.Why oh why are they so selfish and why do we allow them to wipe thier feet all over us? Women are the majority in the country but we still take a back seat to men in all matters. If women would stand up and demand more respect we get it in the home. the work force and in goverment.We are just as good if not better. Demand respect or stop doing for that loser, and do not have any more children until you fix the union.P.S. get the children out of the marriage bed.

This man sounds like maybe he comes from the Old Country where women don't have rights and men don't love them, they own them. Women get love from their mothers, sisters, and daughters. Men don't love daughters--they put up with them as a side effect of trying to have sons. Only the boy matters, and he's still the woman's responsibility. <br />
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I would leave a warm dinner for him every night and go to your Mom's, until you're done nursing. Then start going to the gym for a couple hours, before heading to your Mom's house. No, he's never going to change and it's never going to get better. Don't give him any more babies. Obviously he doesn't care that much about them. Go back to work ASAP, save up, leave him and take the kids.

So sad...I wish I had something constructive to say

Tell him your feelings and you expect more from the marriage. Its time you felt. Wanted and desired

OH I feel sad for you Ratsky!! The problem is with your husband! You're doing way more than your share in this marriage. He doesn't seem very interested in you or your marriage or your children. What a shame! Maybe one of those visits to your mom's house should last a few DAYS. Then maybe he would start to wake up and realize that he's been acting like an uncaring JERK! Here's a big HUG for you.... {{{{ratsky19}}}

oh no that is terrible. I was with my boyfriend for 11 yrs and he was the exact same with the games after work. I worked so hard trying to keep everything under control with cleaning the house and minding the child. He also never spoke to me either. and about u saying you don't want ur kids growing up in a broken home believe me its worse growing up in a unhappy home. I decided to leave last march and I have moved in with my parents. He keeps calling me but i will never go back. Please for ur own sake do something you really deserve better than that.