I've Been Ignored For 11 Years

Hi. I'm in my 11th year of marriage and pregnant with my fifth child. My husband has completely ignored me all our married life. He shares absolutley nothing with me and I'm always the last to know everything. He completely dotes on his friends and reletives and gives me the total shaft. In all my pregnancies, he has not once asked me how I was doing nor has he inquired about doctor appointments. As far as support goes, he's cold and shows no emotion towards me. I've gone through severe post partum depression after some of my births and he gave me no support what so ever. He ignored my pleas for help and wanted nothing to do with me. My depression had drugout sometimes for over a year and he did nothing to help. When my father died he wanted to drive seperately and meet me at the funeral because it cut into his work schedule. He didn't give me one ounce of comfort during that time and I was also pregnant with our fourth child. He ignores me on a daily basis but it's during the hard times that hurt the most. He's so disconnected that I don't think he'd know the difference if I were dead or alive. I'm a maid, a nanny, a cook and his personal *****. I'm nothing more to him. He absolutley doesn't speak to me or show concern in any way shape or form. I'm sad and nonexsistant.  hopelessmom 

hopelessmom hopelessmom
7 Responses Feb 6, 2009

i have also been treated the same way and have about 12 years with my husband. he has always managed the money since according to him "he is the one that works". I am not a big spender. I have to ask him if i can purchase something and wait for his answer (which most of the time is no)We have four kids together and i remember that on my fourth pregnancy he was acting a little weird. i found out he had unused condoms under the seat of his car(which we never used them in our whole marriage). in his bank account info i saw that he had paid for a hotel at our hometown. He also had paid for a dine in restaurant (which he had never taken me at one for the past 10 years). Well he did come with some stupid excuses that i still don't buy. Did go through the same postpartum depression on almost every child that i had. and now just thinking about that i am just tired of it. everytime i talk to him, its like if i am talking to the wall because he doesn't remember any of the plans that i have for that day. I have tried to spice up our sex but he just is not interested. i see other guys more interested when i'm walking in the grocery store than my own husband. I had even asked for a divorce and he doesn't want to because he doesn't see that there is something wrong with our marriage. i understand what you are going through and feel the same way. I think its better to be alone than unhappy with someone that doesn't deserve you. I don't think i will last in my marriage either.

It took me time to figure out my husband never really,loved me to begin with and why..... I hope you have long left this relationship, if not, get out now...it is never too late....read my story....we can relate, we should talk more, good support...

if he treats you that bad for this long, why did you make love with him? (you said you are preggers again). His attitude is a perfectly legit reason for you to keep your legs crossed.<br />
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I am sorry but as a man who takes care of the wife and home (and works full time) yet is ignored by my wife, i can't understand why you would show any physical response to someone that treats you that way.

Love your self. When men have complete control in the home they then think they can do whatever they want. He feels like you aren't going anywhere. He has you where he wants you and he feels like that's it he don't have do anything but he is wrong and you have to find a way to show and tell him. You have to take control and make some changes because if you continue on this way you will get the same results as always. I am a mother of four in a bad marriage so I understand you completely. I will keep you in my prayers.

I feel so sorry for you. Your husband doesn't deserve you. Any man who has a woman who gives him 4 or 5 children should treat that superwoman like a queen. It's surprising, i would think he would have treated you with more kindness after having children and then going through depression. You should concentrate on looking after yourself and I think you should hire a cleaner and get your husband to pay for it. If you have access to his money make him pay... hit him where it hurts!! after all as u said your a cook, main, nanny and personal **** and even those **** get paid for it, so make him pay lady!!!! Marriage is not a life long contract for a woman to be an unpaid slave... slavery was abolished a long time and women have fought long and hard not to be treated like servant and 3rd class citizens. Be strong and do it for your kids. He will respect you more if u stick up for your self and are determined not to let him use you anymore. It's so not fair. My heart goes out to you because your husband should be your rock and your best friend if he is exploiting you and his role as a husband then change the rules!!! It's very hard and I know because i'm in a similar situation but I think your very strong have 5 kids I believe you can get the power back.. your amazing

No offence but your husband seems like a real knobhead,he should realise how lucky he is to have someone like you.

No offence but your husband seems like a real knobhead,he should realise how lucky he is to have someone like you.