I'm 6 Months Pregnant And My Husband Is An Alcoholic.

I've know my husband for three years.  Before I got pregnant my husband and I had a party lifestyle.  Our friend drink and so did we.  It never seemed to be a problem until I got pregnant.  My husband makes good money and we recently got a really nice house and I am lucky enough to stay home.  He has always been a very nice man and today things changed for the BAD.  Since being pregnant he has been drunk every Friday and Saturday.  He works very hard and wants to be a good husband.  The problem is that every time he drinks he gets HAMMERED!  So hammered that he pees in odd places in the middle of the night after he has passed out.  Last night he pissed all over my shoes in our closet and then again in the shower.  I was very upset with him at the time but I tried to just go back to sleep so I wouldn't stress my body out for the babies sake.  Then today I got up this morning and asked him if he would talk to me when he got home from work.  Instead of coming home he went out and got drunk.  I called and called and when he answered it was clear he was completely drunk out of his mind.  When he came home I started to yell and cry.  That's when he broke everything in my living room.  He raged for about a minute and then calmed down.  I was shocked.  I went to the another room and could hear him cleaning up everything.  He then came in and said sorry and was hugging on me and acting as if because he apologized this was going to be tolerated.  I don't know what to do.  I don't have any money and I don't have anywhere to go.  I'm thinking that I will wait out the rest of this year and then once I have the baby leave.  Anyone have any advice?

emeraldrain emeraldrain
8 Responses Jul 16, 2010

I am 5 months pregnant. I have been with my husband for 5 years. He was an alcoholic when I met him and I just assumed he would calm down when we got married. When he didn't and he finally lost his job last year, he went sober for 6 months. During this time, we got pregnant. He currently has started drinking heavily again. There are weekends when he drinks and disappears for 24-48 hours blacked out. Despite thousands of dollars spent on rehab, counselors and bouts of AA - nothing has helped. I have a very small handful of friends I call for support, but they are out of ideas for me. They listen, but it seems like the only thing left for me to do is to move on and give up on him getting better. Is it time? I don't know what my options are. We don't have a lot of money in the bank account at all. I'm embarrassed to tell my family that are thousands of miles away anyways. I actually feel helpless, scared and stuck. I know I deserve better, I just don't see what the first step can be.

I have been through this and understand. I am still in my marriage because I haven't had the money to leave. I stay home with the 2 year old. I will have another baby in 6 weeks. I told OB today that hubs is mean when drunk. She told him maybe he could stop drinking for 6 weeks and told me not to push him to drink. My husband is a severe alcoholic. Nobody has to push him to drink nor can he just on a whim decide to stop for 6 weeks. I've told him that as soon as I heal enough after the baby is born I'm leaving. I want to file papers before I leave thinking I will get the house and not have to move. How ever, I'm sure he will do something between now and then to convince me to stay like he normally does. Im sick of it. Money does not buy peace, happiness and safety when living with an alcoholic.

Obviously because you posted this, you have the feeling that things are not right, that the drinking is excessive and does pose a threat to your safety, sanity, and happiness.<br />
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Its very easy for people on the outside to tell you to leave- they aren't looking at all of their hopes and dreams for the future falling to pieces around you. They don't see that he apologizes and tries to make it up to you, just enough to keep those dreams alive. I'm sure he does work hard, I'm sure he does have stressors, but making excuses will not help him, you, or your baby. <br />
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You need to develop a support system- friends, family, Al Anon - and seek counseling so that can help you have the strength to either leave or stay. Regardless of your choice, it is going to be very hard. Living with an alcoholic is living with someone who is unreliable, manipulative, prone to unpredictable moods (including rage- not anger, but unadulterated rage), animosity towards you and everyone he percieves to be "against" him, depression, self-disgust, self-pity, and self-destructive behavior.<br />
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It doesn't mean the man you love might not reappear, but he might not. I know someone who recovered and changed from being a complete horse's hind quarters, to an amazing man who is doing everything he can to provide for his family. I'm hoping my fiancee's behavior will soon mimic this person's, but every day is becoming harder.<br />
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If you stay, you need to consider will you every trust him with the baby? When the baby teethes and cries for untold hours and he gets angry- will he shake the baby? When your focus isn't 100% on him, will he become jealous and rage against you? Is it possible that he will redirect his anger from things to you? If you can't trust him, can you be with him, can you leave the welfare of the child up to him? Because there are so many unknowns, you should talk to a counselor, get a support system, and do NOT isolate yourself of keep the problem hidden or make excuses.

He's stressed out because of the baby and all of the new responsibility that he has. Tell him to get help or you can't stay. It isn't fair to your baby or you or even him to stay there in the same situation which will never change or get better unless he seeks professional help.<br />
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Easier said then done. But try.

i'm in the same situation! i am 3 months pregnant but we have no money, andn he is drinking due to post traumatic stress disorder, after being stabbed 1 and a half years ago. he has almost lost his job 3 times due to being drunk, and they said if it happens again...last time was 2days ago... he's fired. I have a medical disability and can't work, plus due to residency issues i recieve no income what so ever, (up until he got stabbed we were finacially secure, but lost the business shortly after, and now are in substansial debt) and my family is in another country. he has no family. he has been through so much, but i have too. we alwas wanted a baby, and i guess i was kidding myself when i convinced myself things would get better because he'd have to see what he is. i mean he acknowledges the alcoholism, wants help, but keeps drinking at work...the only time we spend apart pretty much. now i'm finding money in his pockets i know we don't have, and caught him stealing alcohol from work. we've both been through so much i don't want to give p, but for my babys sake i'm not sure it wise to stay. please if there is anyone out there with any advice?

Don't wait. Go to a women's shelter tomorrow when he's at work. They will fin you a safe place for you and your baby.

This situation is all to familiar to me. Thats what happened to us. We partied a lot, i got pregnant, he only drank on the weekends, well... my daughter is now 2 years old and he drinks every day a ton. and yes he pees, the bed, and passes out on the floor and anywhere he basically is, even outside on the pavement at a bar. Jmaggin is right it is only going to get worse. It is easier now to leave then it will be when the baby arrives. I truely know how you feel, wish i would have left when i seen the signs but i didn't and i stayed and now i'm back to debating about leaving or not again.

The things your husband is doing are only going to get worse while he is drinking he has to stop because they are signs of definite alcoholism. An alcoholic thinks that the only problem they have is to be able to drink its as much like having a mistress as having a sickness and until your husband chooses you the mistress will always come first. Please go to alanon and listen about the years and years this can go on until your husband stops drinking and all of the arguments and intimidation that he will use to justify his drinking. I wish you and your husband and baby well but if he doesn't stop please put your childs and your own welfare first