Tired Of Being Married To An Alcoholic
Wow!! I never realized how many women are living my life unitl I found this website. I have been married for 20 years. My husband was the sweetest, funniest, sexiest man alive when we met. We dated for 9 months before we got married and we were either at work or we were together and we NEVER fought. I knew that he drank but it never changed the way he acted so it didn't bother me. About 13 years ago when our 1st child was almost a year old is when I started noticing the changes. He would start getting mean and hateful when he drank. He drinks everyday but he only drinks alot on his days off work. He works 4 10 hour days so there are at least 2 days of the week that I absoulutely dread. Thursdays arent so bad because he is recovering from Wednesday and has to work on Friday. He can somewhat control his drinking but it's like he just doesn't want to. And when he drinks to much he is mean and hateful. He accuses me of having an affair with his brother (as if: one of these boys is enuf. why would I want 2 of them?) He accuses me of hiding our money (which we don't have much of to begin with). He just doesn't get that his drinking and smoking is wasting what little extra money we have and he doesnt get that it is killing our marriage or why I dont want anything to do with him in the bedroom. I would love to leave but I know that I can't support our 2 children and there is no way I would leave them with him. It seems like all we do anymore is fight. I decided last night that I just don't care anymore. I refuse to talk to him when he gets that way. I pray for God to give me strength to ignore him and not respond with something that will cause a fight because it takes 2 to fight and you can't fight if one person isn't willing And as long as it isn't physically violent (and it never has been) . I feel sorry for my children. They love their daddy but they don't deserve to have to live this way. I'm not even sure if I love my husband anymore. I love the man that he was and I could love that man again if I could just get him back but I am losing all hope that it will ever happen. I know that if it wasn't for my children I would be long gone. If I had a place for the 3 of us to go I would be gone now. A friend recently asked me if after 20 years I still loved my husband and I told her yes. Then she asked me if I was still "IN" love with my husband and I couldn't give her an answer. All this just makes me so sad because I want so much more out of life than what my kids and I are getting and I am not talking about material things.