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The Beginning Of The Very End!!

I continued to live upstairs, listening to his sarcastic comments as he passed the bedroom. I ignored his comments for i knew if i responded it would have only escalated into something more.
It was 5th December, as usual he was out all day and returned home drunk, as soon as he came in the front door i went upstairs out of his way. My 2 daughters were also upstairs. After around 15mins of him being in i heard a crash...thinking he had fell of had another fit i came downstairs, only to find he had dropped his dinner on the floor. I honestly didn't say anything i just got some cleaning stuff and started to tidy the mess from the floor. Oh then he started yelling " oh you decide to come downstairs now"! he continued to yell at me but i just kept my mouth shut as i knew he was looking for an arguement.
As i came back from the kitchen he jumped up from the chair, so i headed for the stairs. I really had no idea what he was about to do, he headed straight for me clutching the knife he had been eating dinner with. I turned, I froze on the stairs afraid to move, I dont remember how but i ended up sitting so he was towering over me. He was practically nose to nose with me and he had a wild look in his eyes and to be honest i really cant remember much of what he was shouting at me the only words i remember where "that he was going to slit my throat" I was so scared and remember thinking to myself if i talk to him calmly he will "back off" but it didnt work. Then without warning he pulled the knife back and thrust forward as if he were going to stab me in my thigh..omg i was terrified so much so i screamed as i thought the knife was going to sink into my thigh, thank god he didnt he stopped cms away!!!!
My eldest daughter was witnessing all of this from upstairs.. it was then i called to her "just do it" she knew what i meant as we had discussed that if i ever felt that i was in danger she must call the police immediately. At that time i felt we were all in danger. He heard her talking on the phone and then his anger was distracted for a moment thats when i ran up the stairs and to where both my daughters were, I slammed the bedroom door shut.
His anger was now directed at all of us because we were together in one room, we could hear him shouting swearing and threatening and then he stomped his way up the stairs...all three of us lent against the door to stop him from opening it, he was thumping the door so hard my youngest daughter was terrified. Terrified of her own dad!!! She begged him to stop...his reply i will never forget he screamed... " OH SHUT THE F*** UP *****" by this time tears were streaming down her face. Whilst leaning with my back against the door i hugged her so tight, reasuring her.  I was trying to keep as calm as possible because i knew the police were on there way, although my heart was racing because i actually did'nt know how long we could keep him out!
When they arrived i spoke to them from the bedroom window. Strange that he had suddenly became quite a resonable controlled man and let them in saying that there wasn't a problem! Of course they knew different, they had the report from the operator who had heard over the phone what really had been happening.
Two police officers spoke to him downstairs and two women officers to us upstairs. They removed him from the property and he spent the night in a police cell. Because he had not physically touched me, i was told he would only be charged with was breach of the peace!!


(im going to write what happened next in another story, its becoming upsetting to write this but i need to do it :)

feetdreams feetdreams 46-50, F 9 Responses Apr 18, 2012

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I've been here. I just don't know why I stay. I need courage to leave

And now

I am so sorry you had to go through this.

Thank you, i really do try not to look back.. only forward.As you can see i never finished the story ! thank you again for you comment :)

It makes me so sad to hear of men abusing women. I hope you find a really nice man someday to hold you and love you. There are good men out there.

I can understand how "real" men must feel when hearing such stories of abuse. Maybe one day i shall find a "good man" but until then i'm happy finding the "real" me :)) Your very kind. :)

Feetdreams, this story makes my heart beat so loud and fast. I've been there. The only difference, is that my husband didn't use the knife that he was threatening with, he head butted me and broke my nose. He had some sick moment of clarity, but so much drunken adrenaline, that he had to do something. <br />
Did I call the cops? nope. I couldn't tell you why except that I saw an opening at the door, my kids were outside and I ran out & drove away. Blood pouring down my face. I was completely shocked and humiliated. Not to mention the guilt and stupidity for what my kids had to witness.<br />
He doesn't acknowledge that this happened. He blamed the blood on the wood floor on our dog, saying that she was "in heat". Knowing him, that's his truth now, not the real circumstances. <br />
Anyway, I appreciate you sharing this story. It gives me insight into my life and how it is from the outside looking in. Which is a really big deal. Thank you very much for that.

OMG!! i truely feel for you. Your a woman for god's sake...why on earth did he have to do that to you!! It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach. You did the right thing by driving away, taking your kids, and maybe if you had called the police it would have made things worse, you just needed to escape. Oh i hear you, the guilt, the excuses you make to your kids for their fathers behaviour. My H was exactly the same, always had "his truth" could always justify or blame anyone but himself! The one thing i will say to you is, now my H is gone i can't believe i lived this life, but at the time of it happening it was "normal" for me, its not till you look back and actually realise how bad it was. Sending you hugs x

You're the best. I know what you are telling me is true. I've got a million reasons in my head as to why we're still here, I don't know how viable any of them really are. I get kind of nervous wondering what it will take to actually get me out of this relationship. I think we've talked about this before, that it's not always bad. In fact, today, this week, it's been great. I don't want to give the impression that the kids and I are in jeopardy everyday, or that it's a living hell. It's probably about once every 4 months, which is still ridiculous. I feel stupid even typing that last sentence. :) But you're right, it's my "normal" too. Even growing up, my mother and all 4 of her husbands were drunks too, probably still are, but I did manage to get away from those relationships. I believe that I will find the strength, I have done it before.
Anyway, I feel close to you and your story and I appreciate your words and your honesty.

I know you do know its the truth, but it's ok for me to sit here now saying all this to you. If id found this site earlier in our marriage, i can honestly say that it would probably not have changed anything. Think of it this way the time has not come for you yet, it will but not just now.:) I found i couldn[t write it down too,I felt a fool.. thinking omg if someone told me this! For me it was all about admiting it to myself and telling someone ( who i didnt know...ie EP) instead of always covering his actions up with excuses. Its difficult, please PM me if ever you need too, :)

I will. :)

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hi everyone, <br />
this was me for 2 years, i was living in shame, it is the worst feeling to be at your house with him and he is calling you names all night, breaking sown doors, your'e afraid he will fall and hurt himsel and that youll be charged for something. i dam a professional, with no kids, i work everyday, pay all my bills, take care of my animals, my dog is diabetic, he is 13, in all your stories you talk of kids, if you have animals , you need to protect them too, my dog is elderly and sick and every time this happened, i knew i was harming him by putting him in this. i broke away for me , and for my animals, it affects them too. my house has a strange calm, it is a ggod calm because of what ive been through . i have been around a toxic person for 2 years and i need to get help to make myself better. i can t pay my bills and dont know how i am going to do it, but i try to remain strong for myself and my animals,i know he was a loser and at least i dont feel the stress of having him being drunk and abusive to me and i know my animals feel less stress too, i am glad i found this website knowing that there are people like me that i can talk to about what happened to me, thanks everybody

my husband is a alcoholic he wont pay any bills, and is very frightening and aggressive and i to have to lock ,myself in the bedroom in case he hurts me,he calls me a horrible bastard,a horrible ****,and a greedy greedy bastard yet he gives me no money,he spends all the money on booze and gambling iam leaving cant stand the abuse anymore

when he pulled out the knife you could have pulled out a gun ( had you kept a gun in your purse ) .

if i was you i would have called the police , make some knife wounds on my self . gotten him in jail . <br />
<br />
you would have done him a favor be sending him to jail , after all there is only so much a man can drink and not die . <br />
<br />
i have gotten really drunk at times , but no matter how drunk i got .. i always knew what was happening around me ( unless i pass out ) . your husband was doing every thing intentionally , his getting calm when the police comes just proves it . he was just exploiting you , because he knew that he would get away with it .<br />
<br />
some people will exploit all that is weak , so its a sin to be week . don't be a sinner , go make life hell for him . (dooo nottt play fair )

I couldn't do that make a false statement...how would that have looked to my daughters? Im an honest person, and im not changing the way i am because of him!.Ahh well you see im anything but weak! and i do believe in "Karma"!! Thank you for your comments i appreciate them :)

DM, you don't start making false statements. One because it's dishonest, and two because if anyone ever found out, no one would believe a word she said in the future. Oh, and three...cut herself...and run the risk of bleeding and infection. Only someone unbalanced and dishonest would do such a thing.

i do believe in karma as well , but .... bad men do what they do , live a long rich life and die , good men suffer all life long . that's a fact

I am glad you did share this much. It helps to know I am not alone. There is so much shame for me with this. I am to smart to be in a marriage like this. I am in the process of trying to figure out if leaving is what needs to be done in my home. I just can't take the emotional and verbal abuse anymore. I've been married 23 yrs, the last 7 at least have been been a nightmare and I barely remember who he use to be and why I even married him

Yes i understand what your saying i felt exactly the same way when i found EP and read stories. The embarassment and shame you feel i can truely relate to..but please remember you are not responsible for his actions you dont make "him" treat you in the way he does. 23 years for me too, let me ask you something do you have hope he will change and do you still love him? These two questions are the answer to your decision if you stay or do you go!! Im so sorry to hear you also are going through a similar situation, and thank you so much for your comment i do appreciate it so much :) x

I do hope he will change but at the same time I feel like it is way to late. He says he wants help but then when he looks says there are all these things wrong with the therapists he is looking at. It's like he is looking for a reason to not let go of his lover, alcohol. I am not sure I am in love with him anymore but with who he use to be. We went out to dinner a few times recently and I sat across from him thinking "gees if I was on a date with this guy I would not go on another". then felt horrible for thinking that. I feel like I am in limbo at the moment with my feelings since they are so raw.

Please dont feel horrible...your being honest with yourself. I know exactly how you are feeling...when i felt like the way you are i still had a long way to go until i lost respect.. love.. hope and it was then i asked myself "why should i continue living this miserable existence" Only myself could change the situation. The time will come when you will do the same...but maybe whilst your feelings are so raw now would not be a good time. I wish you lots of luck and love for your future...xx

This is a sad story, but I want to address what you said about "you are not responsible for his actions..." this is true of course, but...you are responsible for staying there and allowing this danger and abuse to continue not only in your life but those of your daughters. I can only imagine the damage this is doing to them. You need to be out of there ASAP. because your own and your daughters safety and emotional health is indeed your responsibility.

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